Shameless Advertising
One of the concepts new writers struggle with is self-promotion. I don’t. (*gasp of shock from the crowd*)
Here are some of the blogs I’ve snuck this blog address into (most belong to writers, and are well worth visiting):
WARNING: Blogs are the property of their writers and might not be G-rated.
http://ripping-ozzie-reads.blogspot.com/
http://terrytaylor.posterous.com
http://onzeproductions.com/Site/Home.html
www.susancrosswrites.blogspot.com
http://antiquityoaks.blogspot.com
http://jaijoshiz.blogspot.com/
http://writingwonder.wordpress.com/
jentropy.com
If you love me, follow me on twitter.com (and if you love me a lot, make your friends follow me).
Prequel
Here’s a present to while away the long minutes (over 15,000 to go) until the TwitterTale begins. This story features the main character (though unfortunately Salty’s name changed to “Sol” after publication), and is effectively a prequel.
It is NOT NOT NOT okay for children. Contains child and other abuse.
Title: TAR
http://drolleriepress.com/news-and-commentary/needles-bones-2/
I have written the first seven days of the tale – they took about an hour each, and range between 1 and 3 posts each day.
Flashmob Launch
Always wanted to be part of a flashmob? Or join a pirate crew?
To help “launch” my twitter novel on Saturday 1 August, dress in your most piratical gear and relax calmly in/around Tilleys Devine Cafe (Lyneham shops, Canberra, Australia) or browse in/near the excellent secondhand bookshop next door. Attempt to arrive/don pirate gear at 2pm (park at the nearby schools if necessary), and vanish or change into an ordinary citizen at 2:30pm.
Bonus points for speaking as a pirate.
Yes, there will be candy and free flash (under 1000 words) stories. I and my minions will be randomly handing them out to any pirates we see/hear.
Extra candy for children. Because pirates care.
Flashmob Launch
Always wanted to be part of a flashmob? Or a pirate crew?
To help “launch” the twitter novel on Saturday 1 August, dress in your most piratical gear and relax calmly in/around Tilleys Devine Cafe (Lyneham shops, Canberra, Australia) or browse in/near the excellent secondhand bookshop next door.
Arrive/don pirate gear at 2pm (park at the nearby schools if necessary), and vanish or change into an ordinary citizen at 2:30pm.
Bonus points for speaking as a pirate.
Yes, there will be candy and free flash (under 1000 words) stories. I and my minions will be randomly handing them out to any pirates we see/hear.
Extra candy for children. Because pirates care.
One Canberran who is prepped and ready to go.
TwitterTales
I’ll be writing a brand new “novel” – this one about 2000 words (2 months) – just for twitter. Twitter is a unique phenomenon, and no author has become known through twitter – yet. It’ll feature Salty (now called ‘Sol’) and her much-abused first mate. The blog for it is here:
twittertales.wordpress.com
JOIN ME
Yo ho ho!
Hello and welcome (you scurvy landlubber with the face of a rotting dog). It’s almost two weeks until the tale begins, so here’s a few things to think about in preparation: ADD. Pirates. Tropical sunsets and a blind first mate. Do parrots tweet?
If you want to join, write a comment and I’ll automatically get your email and go from there.
Two hours in the life
In the last two hours I have:
Had a nightmare about food.
Walked into a door (though not as badly as the night before last).
Injured myself on a coathanger (I’m now bleeding in three places).
Got annoyed at my weight and ate a caramello, pancakes, and soft drink for breakfast (a cunning strategy, if I say so myself).
Taken half our main bank account’s balance to pay a single bill (due today).
Lost a precious $20 of work this afternoon (grocery money) due to my brand new boss’s disorganisation (this is my first shift).
Got annoyed at my husband three times (but when I kicked him I swear it was affectionate).
Used about ten tissues (insert “lamborgreenie” joke here).
Gotten stomach cramps from the diet soft drink.
Failed to receive the fart book critique that the critiquer said she’d email me yesterday.
Observed that the cut on my finger (from opening a plastic pot of cream two weeks ago – how foolish of me to not wear gauntlets at the time) is still not healed.
All in all, not a bad day*
*Looks like sarcasm, but it actually isn’t. When a lot of things go wrong at once I generally get amused rather than annoyed. Now I’m gonna go finish the soft drink.
Angry!
According to my certificate (which makes me certified insane) I have anxiety and depression. I almost always disagree with the depression part – I think I have rational reasons to be unhappy a lot of the time (namely, my anxiety – and things not going swimmingly on the novel-writing front).
When things are worse than usual, my reaction is not to curl up and vanish into an emotionless existence. It’s anger. I MUCH prefer anger. It’s an active emotion, and therefore often a helpful one. Unfortunately this means I’m angry pretty much all the time – at my SO, at anyone driving on my road when I’m in my car, at my students (some of whom are as young as eight).
My basic strategy is to recognise I’m really angry at myself. (Of course, there are certain limitations to constant self-loathing. . .) I deal with THAT by expressing my anger – with chocolate. It’s a (relatively) benevolent form of self-harm, and it gets me through most days.
So right now, on limited chocolate intake, I’m a nasty person to be around.
Rarr
Weighty Matters
Maltesers weight about 2.3 grams on average.
Natural confectionary dinosaurs are about 6.5 grams, or 3.3 grams by the terms of my plan.
Creme brulee squares weigh about 5.8 grams each, while the equivalent portion of caramello square is just over 6 grams.
Jelly belly jelly beans weigh under 1.1 grams, which gives them a Felicity-weight of half a gram.
But who’s counting?
Fifty grams
I have a problem. I often eat chocolate and lollies until I’m on the verge of throwing up – and then I keep going, consciously maintaining a state of nausea for hours. I’ll often eat about 250 grams of chocolate plus another 200 grams of lollies in a single day.
In a shocking twist, I’m gaining weight.
On the up side, I exercise three or four times a week – most commonly swimming a kilometre – so that helps. And the SO and I just acquired an exercise bike, which means I can exercise without facing humanity at all (a very valuable thing).
On the down side, if I don’t eat chocolate, I tend to lose the will to live – unfortunately, I do mean that literally (although it has been getting better lately – now it takes me a few days to get to that point).
Since I married in January, I’ve tried several times to get myself back under control – I tend to lose two kilos, then gain three immediately afterwards.
So, new plan: fifty grams of chocolate a day (or 100 of lollies) for fifty days. Starting today.
The thing that’s good is that I can still binge (in fact I HAVE to) – I just need to “save up” my grams day by day before (or after) I spend them. I’m also allowed to eat anything at meals – pancakes, fish and chips, whatever. And I can eat healthy snacks – nuts, corn thins, diet soft drinks (mmm…colouring) as much as I like. And alcohol (including sugary stuff) doesn’t count as long as it’s AFTER all my driving for the day is done, and it’s under one drink an hour.
At present I weigh 74.8kilos, which is JUST within the healthy weight range for my towering heights. My personal weight range (without actually dieting or even cutting out chocolate from what I eat) is 65-70 kilos. So it should be quite easy to get back in the 60s within fifty days. Which hopefully would bolster my sense of fitness, and thus lessen the need to binge – plus fifty days is long enough to change lifestyle habits.
We’ll see.
Felicity Banks 