Felicity Banks

What Will Change

September 2, 2009 at 12:20 am (Writing Ranting)

. . . when I’m published. (Nope, haven’t heard from Harper Collins yet.)

Novel publication definitely counts as a major life change.

If you imagine working full-time for a charity that has absolutely no-one willing to accept their soup/clothes/etc, then that gives you some idea of what it’s like to be a beginning writer. (Particularly if you were hired with the clause that you would PROBABLY, EVENTUALLY be paid half minimum wage on a semi-regular basis.)

Like all life changes, there will be new stresses – what if no-one buys the book? What if everyone who does hates it? What if THIS book is great but all the others are rubbish? How can I concentrate now everything’s changed?

I LOVE new stresses. The joy of moving furniture. . . into a NEW HOUSE. The insomnia of learning to sleep. . . WITH SOMEONE BESIDE ME. The pressure of writing. . . WITH AN AUDIENCE.

But you can certainly expect some whining. It’ll just be HAPPY whining.

Over a period of several months, I will grow to accept a new meaning, purpose, and sense of self-esteem in life. I’m aware dignity and self-esteem are meant to be intrinsic, but the fact is that when our work is valued, our psyche responds (and vice versa). So I predict a general improvement in emotional well-being, and probably an increase in self-control (eg eating habits) as a result.

My marriage has been a process of shifting my focus from some hazy (but bright) future into a clear (and shining) present. I suspect publication will be like that too.

Best of all, since I’ll actually be paid for my work (a little), I will personally downgrade my mental illness to “eccentricity”. Because everyone’s a LITTLE mental, and it’s just a matter of how bad it is. Once you get paid for your weirdness (or, in my case, the inability to do work other than writing), the bug becomes a feature.

So I’ll be differently nervous, generally happier, and sane.

I guess that IS a bit different.