Daylight Day 44: Today’s Featured Chocolate
Ed said if I loved him I’d let him bite me. He was too weak to try, but I kicked him in the groin anyway. Suddenly my week got better.
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Right now for breakfast I’m eating the new dark Lindt caramel chocolate. It’s bitter and nauseating and impossible to stop eating. At the moment it’s on special in supermarkets throughout Canberra (and probably Australia), costing $1.79 for 100 grams.
The chocolate is thick and very dark. There’s a layer of whatchamacallit – like in the middle of Cadbury marble chocolate – and a layer of oddly grainy, thick caramel.
Ohhh, my belly.
Madness, thy name is NaNo
NaNo (short for National Novel Writing Month – actually international, but the rest is pretty self-explanatory) is on.
I joined yesterday. Have written 8000 words. Need 1000 more before I leave for work in 55 minutes.
Right now my hero is getting shot at by police (not her fault, D’Arvit!)
WILL SHE SURVIVE?
Kinda hope so, or this novel will be real short. . .
Daylight Day 43: Story so far
2 Oct
EMO used to stand for ‘emotional’ – the teen subgroup that’s only happy to be sad. Now it’s become a disease eerily similar to vampirism.
*
My name’s Bell. I considered being EMO once, but then I saw a pretty butterfly and got over myself. Got bored and decided to save the world.
*
This is the documentary tale of the brave few fighting to find a cure for EMO (or, failing that, a quick and easy way to kill all those vampires dead).
3 Oct
In Civic, Ed kissed me and sighed. “Oh, Bell. Cloudy days are so deep.”
“Oh no!” I cried. “Ed, tell me you haven’t been bitten by an EMO!”
*
He didn’t laugh once at our preview of “Saw VI”. I yanked him into a rare patch of sun – and he sparkled. My boyfriend had turned EMO!
*
Finally he confessed: “My mum bit me.”
“Your MUM!?”
He sighed, “Sad, I know.”
“Do you want to drink my blood now?”
“Er. . . no,” he lied.
4 Oct
On the news: “The EMO subculture has now become a pandemic. EMO teens can be recognised by their depression, dark clothes, and bad poetry.”
*
I walked in the yard just as Mum set some weeds on fire. “Mum,” I said through the smoke, “Ed’s EMO.”
“That’s nice dear.”
*
My name’s pretty bad, but my brother is Pi. He’s ten and wears a labcoat. I told him, “Ed’s EMO.”
“Hm. Can I do experiments on him?”
“NO!”
5 Oct
“Ed, it’s the holidays. Don’t you feel a LITTLE happy?”
“No,” he said. “Bell, would it be okay if I drank you – just a little?”
“NO!”
*
“Exodermal Melanin Occlusion is spreading fast,” the news said. “Symptoms now include sparkling in sunshine, darkening hair, and whining.”
*
Ed tried to bite me, and I tripped over another EMO as I dodged him. Bruised my knees. Still not EMO, despite my black hair and long fringe.
6 Oct
Still not EMO, despite drenching rain. All the EMOs are thrilled they’re not sparkling today (Ed almost smiled). Bring back the sun!
*
“Cheer up,” said Mum, “I’ve decided to have a wedding.”
“But. . . you’re married.”
“Don’t spoil it. It’s exactly what all those EMOs need.”
7 Oct
I was dying my hair when Ed called. “Want to play EMO baseball with my family?”
“No.”
He cried until I hung up.
My hair turned green. Oops.
8 Oct
Pi asked me for Ed’s old hairbrush, so I humoured him and brought it. He said, “Bell, I think there might be a cure for EMOs!”
*
Still not EMO, although Ed keeps trying to bite me. Awkward!
9 Oct
Mum said, “Don’t you just love weddings?”
“Does Dad even know?”
“Hush,” said Mum.
Our shopgirl wept quietly as she pinned Mum’s dress.
10 Oct
“Do you think a wedding could cure EMOs?” I asked.
Pi snorted and said, “Has Ed bitten you at all?”
“No, we just make out.”
Pi looked ill.
11 Oct
I saw Dad writing a journal and looking mournful. Uh-oh. Still not EMO myself, despite blood-starved boyfriend and lime green hair.
*
“Don’t let ANYONE drink your blood,” said the news. “Authorities recommend hitting EMOs with cricket bats. Stay alert, not alarmed.”
12 Oct
Ed wore an overcoat and hat to school. Our teachers freaked and put him in detention. I think he bit Mr Joh, the science teacher. Awkward!
*
Ed and I wandered the mall and saw heaps of decorations. Ed sighed, “Christmas is so deep. It makes me feel all –”
“Sad?”
“How’d you know?”
13 Oct
Mr Joh burst into tears while telling us about the reproductive cycle of fruit flies. Ed gave him tissues. This EMO pandemic is so wrong.
14 Oct
Maths class was full of sighs and weeping. (Life hasn’t changed much.) I was put on detention for being insensitive about life’s deep pain.
*
The principal ran detention. He looked thirsty. I shrank in my seat. “Tomorrow,” he told me, “come to my office. Bring your school spirit.”
15 Oct
I brought my school spirit and a cricket bat. The principal grabbed my arm but I whacked him and dived under his desk until the bell rang.
*
Still not EMO, despite listening to principal discuss philosophy for the entire lunch hour. Thank you, cricket bat, thank you.
16 Oct
Ed took me to a graveyard for a date. It was crowded. He licked me on the neck, and I kneed him in the groin. “Don’t you love me?” he wept.
*
Still not EMO, despite kneeing EMO boyfriend in the groin. Actually, that was pretty fun.
17 Oct
I said to Pi, “You know how you wanted to experiment on Ed? Go for it.”
“Thank you thank you!”
It was great to see his childish joy.
18 Oct
Ed called and said, “My Mum wants to know how you got that lovely green in your hair.”
“Well, I –”
“Oh, what’s the point?!” he cried.
*
Pi and I snuck over, gagged Ed, and dragged him home. He sparkled all the way. We locked him in the spare room with a saucer of rat’s blood.
Still not EMO, despite Ed’s slurping of his rat blood. He always was a messy eater. Now he stinks too (he owns only one all-black outfit).
19 Oct
Still not EMO, despite Dad cornering me in the laundry to lecture me on the meaninglessness of his existence. Hope we find a cure.
20 Oct
Caught Pi measuring Ed’s fringe. “When do you start experimenting on him?” I asked.
He said, “Soon. I’m gathering data.”
Still not EMO.
*
Pi said, “Should we ungag Ed? Mum and Dad are fine with him being here.”
“No,” I said, “If we did that, he might start talking again.”
21 Oct
Is being obsessed with Ed’s hair a symptom of EMO? Pi was measured it AGAIN. I wish he’d go into the sunshine so I could see if he sparkles.
22 Oct
“Eureka!” Pi yelled from the EMO room. I ran in. Pi brandished his clipboard. “EMO makes your fringe grow!”
“How is that useful exactly?”
*
Still not EMO, even though my boyfriend has better hair than me. On the up side, Pi stood in sunlight for me – no sparkles. Unlike Dad.
23 Oct
“Oh,” Dad sighed, “weddings always make me cry.”
“No they don’t! You always laugh at the priest wearing a dress. Won’t that be fun?”
“No.”
24 Oct
I felt mean and gave Ed his ipod and speaker. He played “Bleeding Love” for twelve hours. Still not EMO, though after that I do want to cry.
25 Oct
Ed’s Mum rang. I said, “Erm. . . Did you want Ed back?”
She sighed and said, “I don’t deserve him. You keep him.”
“Thanks. Thanks SO much.”
26 Oct
Came home from school to find Pi wrestling Ed. They broke apart and looked at me guiltily. “Ed! No biting!” I said.
“Who me?” he said.
*
Dobbed on Pi, but Mum wasn’t concerned. “Healthy exercise is just what EMOs need. What do you think about a red colour scheme?”
“Mu-um!”
27 Oct
Found Ed pinned helplessly under Pi’s ten-year old foot. “This gets easier by the day!” said Pi.
I said, “We already KNEW EMOs were weak.”
Still not EMO, despite my boyfriend getting regularly beaten up by my nerdy little brother. Dad said red is a very emotional colour. Great.
28 Oct
Mr Joh said life is a meaningless series of unconnected events, so there’s no point studying. Finally this pandemic has an up side!
29 Oct
Pi enjoyed demonstrating his ability to restrain Ed with a single finger.
Mum and Dad’s wedding is set for thirty November.
Still not EMO.
30 October
Mum said, “Be my bridesmaid.”
“Sure – but won’t it be hard to keep your guests from biting one another – enclosed spaces, and all that?”
31 Oct
Finally a weekend! No more sightings of Mr Joh and the principal sharing a tissue box. No more in-class essays on HOW I FEEL. Just Ed. D’oh!
1 November
“Can you believe it’s my wedding month already?” trilled Mum.
Dad and I exchanged a glance of woe. I caught myself and checked for sparkles.
*
Still not EMO. How can my hair be so green without falling out? Maybe I’ve become an anti-EMO. If only I could believe that.
2 Nov
Someone with a hand-drawn Red Cross badge came looking for donations today. I’m pretty sure they don’t usually collect blood door-to-door.
3 Nov
The art teacher made us draw self-portraits. Most of the class mixed their paint with real tears. Went home and bashed head against wall.
4 Nov
The newsreader said, “Our alert has been raised to red – a deep, emotional red. You may as well get bitten. What does it matter anyway?”
5 Nov
All TV cancelled in favour of OC re-runs. Pi and I sat watching Ed cry for two hours. His fringe grew visibly. Still not EMO (pretty sure).
6 Nov
Spent our date night feeding Ed different types of animal blood. He likes dog best. I chose not to ask where Pi got it from. Dad likes cat.
7 Nov
Ed played “Bleeding Love” until I smashed his ipod speaker. He said I was unsupportive and tried to bite me. I’ve got to stay alert!
8 Nov
Decided to confirm Pi’s previous experiment, and challenged Ed to fisticuffs. Beat him easily every time. Science is fun.
9 Nov
I asked the school counsellor for advice on helping friends with EMO-related depression.
“It’s not depression,” she said, “It’s TRUTH.”
10 Nov
For English, Miss Winter read “Wuthering Heights”. It was impossible to understand, because she was sobbing so hard.
Still not EMO.
11 Nov
Our French teacher lectured us today on the deep sadness of all European nations. Luckily, she did most of it in French.
Still not EMO.
12 Nov
In History, Mr Theo told us the World Wars were largely pointless. And so was the Industrial Revolution. And everything else.
Still not EMO.
13 Nov
The principal interrupted maths to bite most of the front row. When the sun shone in the window, the sparkles were blinding.
Still not EMO.
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PS my nanoing is going well, thank you. I’m at about 24 hours and 7000 words.
Daylight Day 42: NaNoWriMo
In History, Mr Theo told us the World Wars were largely pointless. And so was the Industrial Revolution. And everything else. Still not EMO.
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So I had a dream last night, and decided to base a novel on it. I also decided to write the novel this month (that is, in the remaining 19 days).
It’s November, which means it’s NaNoWriMo season. NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month (which is highly international, but sounds better than InaNoWriMo). Basically, you write a novel (or the first 50,000 words) in a month.
It’s madness. I love it. QED.
Don’t wish me luck, wish me perseverance.
Daylight Day 41: Send me your stories
Our French teacher lectured us today on the deep sadness of all European nations. Luckily, she did most of it in French. Still not EMO.
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Would you like your story published on the twittertales blog?
Here’s how:
1. Write a story under 500 words (rated G or PG) by the end of this year.
2. Email it to fellissimo[at]hotmail[dot]com with the subject line “Submission: [title of your story]”.
3. Please cut and paste stories in the body of the email.
4. You won’t be paid, but if I like it I’ll post it here. You’re paid in exposure, so feel free to add a bio and/or link at the bottom of your tale.
5. I’m particularly partial to humour, stories set in Canberra, or stories (gently) mocking “Twilight”.
Urg
Before I start – I’ll be running a short story competition through http://twittertales.wordpress.com (no pay, 500 words or less, PG-rated humour preferred) until the end of the year – “winners” get published on the twittertales blog.
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Frequent viewers will be aware I’m a teensy bit absent-minded.
I’ve been married almost ten months now, but I’m still surprised sometimes. Last night I was very nearly asleep when the warm body at my back moved.
My immediate reaction was, “Arg! The cat’s friggin HUGE!”
Daylight Day 40: Tower Treasure Hunt
For English, Miss Winter read “Wuthering Heights”. It was impossible to understand, because she was sobbing so hard. Still not EMO.
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Where in the world* is this picture taken from?
*Canberra
Daylight Day 39: I don’t drink. . . wine.
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Today we bring to you another fab Twilight-related product: blood.
It’s from an American company, found here: http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/drinks/c6c9
Warning: if you buy anything from ThinkGeek, buy a lot. It always costs around $40 postage to Australia.
For those of you too lazy to click on the link, here’s a few more details:
Blood Caffeinated Energy Potion is the same color and consistency of real blood. It has many of the same nutrients of the rubicund liquid we love to consume (iron, protein, electrolytes, and caffeine) and has a delectable fruit punch flavor. Blood Caffeinated Energy Potion is great for the undead who need a little pick me up, without wanting to give away their “condition”. And it comes in resealable, transfusion-style pouches to remind us of the real substance we all lust for (and for fun). Blood Caffeinated Energy Potion – drinking blood isn’t just for the undead anymore!
The horror! The horror!
A quote I stumbled across from someone on twitter:
No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other. Jascha Heifetz
Last night I had a nightmare that someone I knew wrote a really really awful bestseller. I could almost stomach that, but then they wrote three more in a week, and each one was a bestseller.
AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGG!
*pause to return to reality*
I long ago realised I’d skipped the “successful adulthood” phase and gone directly to bitterness and jealousy.
Anyway. . .
Yesterday I wisely decided to stay home from a cousin-in-law’s 18th birthday party in Sydney. I felt awful about it – I really like his whole family – but it was definitely the right choice. (Family events scare me. 18-year olds scare me. Leaving my house for more than 5 hours scares me. Etc)
The fabulous thing about cancelling large events (once the self-loathing passes) is that suddenly a whole day stretches out before you, full of potential. I cleaned the cat’s litter tray (a stellar achievement), did various other minor chores, and did nine and a half hours of writing. Most of that time was spent changing one of my books from third person to first person. It’s a wonderful feeling to have finished that (including the knowledge that it now needs HEAPS of editing that it didn’t need before. I like editing from a new angle – and first person is definitely the right form for this book).
I’m pleased with the status of my novels at the moment: I have one book extremely late from a publisher I have a good relationship with; another completely different book specifically designed for another publisher (who has it right now); and a third which I’ve decided is better suited to small publishers (which hopefully means it’ll be much easier to get published. . . we’ll see), which I’ll be posting off tomorrow.
Daylight Day 38: When Shopping Sucks
Decided to confirm Pi’s previous experiment, and challenged Ed to fisticuffs. Beat him easily every time. Science is fun.
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This particular entry (from a blog I love) makes one realise that EMOs aren’t the worst thing in the world.
http://hospitalnotes.blogspot.com/2009/11/sour-experience.html
Felicity Banks 