I can see our restaurant from here
When CJ and I had been dating six months, we had outdone all our previous relationships by a lot, and we celebrated by going to the Telstra Tower revolving restaurant, Alto. It’s super expensive, but we really enjoyed it, and decided to go back someday, for some major occasion. “Like when I get published,” I said. “Or when we have a kid,” said CJ.
As you may have heard, we recently had a kid. We also recently had a three-year wedding anniversary. And I realised that, since Louisette is partly on formula, we could have her babysat for more than an hour at a time. And voila! We returned to the restaurant. We spent way too much money (sidebar: entry to the tower is $7.50, which must be paid in cash – so make sure you have enough change if you visit), and I had two cocktails (yep, that’s right – two). It was a perfect night.
One of the great things about the Alto restaurant is that, as you drive up the mountain you catch tantalising glimpses of the tower through the trees – and glimpses of the view below too.
In the restaurant, the view is constantly changing as the restaurant revolves, and it’s all beautiful. Canberra is a special city. Believe it or not, the restaurant is quite central (despite all the trees and water).
The food tends to appear as beautifully presented, rich, tiny servings. That’s my appletini on the right.
If you time it right (which we always do) you can also watch the sun set.
The drink on the left is a masquerade, which CJ drank (cream, butterscotch schnapps, and creme de cacao). On the right is mine, featuring Baileys and vanilla vodka.
MmmmmMMMMmmm.
(There are different schools of thought on breastfeeding and alcohol. The middle ground is, “Yeah, it’s okay to have a bit every so often – but try to drink just after a feed so it has time to get out of your system before you pass it on to the baby.”)
Good morning!
It’s my birthday today – traditionally a day when people of a certain age (my age, that is) wonder what they’re doing with their life. Having a new baby certainly answers that question. After eight months of being too sick to do anything but pass the time, it’s great to be so busy. (And yes, I had a birthday party too – featuring a whole lot of soft cheese and takeaway Indian food.) I still sometimes miss Louisette when she’s in another room. It helps that CJ usually takes her when she’s crying.
Pretty much everything a baby enjoys can become a bad habit. For example, babies naturally fall asleep after a feed (have some warm milk in the evening yourself and you’ll see the effect never really wears off). This is fine until the baby reaches a point where it’s impossible for them to fall asleep any other way. Actually that’s how they’re born – unable to fall asleep any other way. They don’t know how to fall asleep. Which is why most people who advise on this sort of thing say that a baby must have a feed – WAKE – sleep cycle (that lasts about three hours, and repeats over and over). So that’s what we’ve been working on the last few days. It generally goes a bit like this:
Feed: Louisette is woken for her three-hourly meal. After five minutes, she’s too sleepy to feed properly and has to be constantly woken up. (Feeding still hurts, by the way.)
Wake: I take a barely-conscious baby upstairs and sing and talk to her. She slowly wakes up, and for perhaps ten minutes gazes around her with interest. Then she gets sick of the world and cries for up to two hours. Sometimes she’s easy to console or entertain, and sometimes she’s not. I often sleep while CJ tends to her (it’s not particularly easy to sleep under those circumstances, but it’s smarter than not trying).
Sleep: Eventually she falls asleep, and the cycle begins again. She now has the bad habit of only falling asleep when someone is holding her – but at least that means both CJ and I (and babysitters) can put her to sleep. So, progress then.
She’s awake more now that she’s a little older, and having more breast milk than formula (she has about 150 Mls of formula per day, but at present I’m not able to reduce it any more because there clearly still isn’t enough breastmilk). Mercifully, the “wake” part of the routine isn’t necessary at night, so she can and does go straight to sleep after her night feeds. It’s also the time of day when the three-hourly feeds (that’s from the beginning of one feed to the beginning of the next – so usually there’s only a two-hour gap between feeds at best) stretch increasingly far. She regularly sleeps four hours in a stretch after midnight, and she’s twice slept for five hours all in one go (she’s too young to sleep any longer than that – if she didn’t wake up, I’d wake her anyway). So that’s good.
Today the three of us went and acquired passport photos – no mean feat for a three-week old (who must have her eyes open and mouth closed for the photo, and be looking at the camera! Plus no arms or legs in the photo, and no mum or dad holding her head in place). I managed to time it just right for that ten minutes of adorable alertness just after a feed and before the crying. Babies – especially babies who will be well-travelled before they’re half a year old – need a LOT of forms. Registration of the birth, medicare forms, tax forms, baby bonus form, passport, visa, etc.
Some of you may have heard of “Project 365” which just means “take a photo of yourself every day for one year”. I’m doing that for Louisette, and will be posting my favourites from the first month right here at this time next week (when Louisette will be exactly a month old). Some days are pretty average, and other days are brilliant – but you’ll see all that for yourself next week.
My new favourite bookshop
Many Canberrans were heartbroken this year when Borders closed. But late last year I entered the magical realm of the Beyond Q bookshop. CJ and I descended the stairs into a giant basement, greeted before we entered by some live jazz and the smell of coffee. There was a sign in the front entrance asking if anyone had seen the parrot that usually resides inside the shop.
Various antiques were scattered here and there among the shelves – rumour has it the shelves would stretch over a kilometre if placed end to end.
I was quite lost, and perfectly content. And then I found the young adult section and – oh, *swoon*. So many of my friends were there, waiting to be bought.
It was a good day.
Where is your favourite bookshop, and why do you love it so?
Letter to my 16-year old self
I recently read a book called “Dear Me” in which various personalities wrote a letter to their 16-year old self. Figured I may as well do the same. Here is the result.
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Dear Louise,
Let’s start with the good news: in the future, you are happily married. You also benefit a lot from your self-control regarding sex before marriage (the ‘stay as far away as possible’ theory is a good one – your husband is even more grateful than you are), as well as alcohol etc. On the other hand, you would be a more balanced person if you were a little less concerned about resisting peer pressure and a lot more concerned with enjoying life – and even fitting in with the crowd. Shave your legs; wear jeans; spend more time on your appearance; listen to secular music until you figure out what you like; show off your legs and waist (both are great, and the boys around you will not die of lust).
Most people are driven by pleasure. You are not. You are driven by meaning. Unfortunately, changing the world takes more than hard work – it takes a certain amount of luck as well, which you don’t have. Make pleasure a higher priority – whatever you enjoy, do more. Stop trying to protect your mum and sister, and protect or save everyone you meet. Make friends with people because they are interesting and mentally healthy and enjoyable company (even if they seem too good for you) not because they’re insecure or you think you can help them in some way.
You’re correct in your knowledge that writing will never make a career. But since it’s fun, keep doing it. Incidentally, it will save you a LOT of pain if you keep these two things in mind: for children and YA books, the protagonist is a few years older than the target age group, and they stay that way for the whole book (ie no epic YA, and no growing out of YA into an adult eg with marriage and babies – it’s just not relevent for a fifteen-year old reader). Children’s books are about 30,000 words (depending on the target audience, of course), and YA is usually 60,000 to 80,000 words. Don’t stray too far from that (a 50,000 word first draft works well for you).
Despite what church culture tells you, God is not your best friend or your boyfriend. He’s more like a boss – a truly excellent boss, who would literally die for you, but one who leaves you to bumble along and figure things out yourself to a surprising extent.
That being said, there are two things God said to you that you should have listened to more. First, you need to keep saying, “I MIGHT become a missionary to Indonesia” rather than, “I will become a missionary to Indonesia” (but you’re absolutely right about that six-month trip you take when you’re 18 – nothing else in life will ever be as hard, and the experience is well worth it). Second, you need to take advantage of your youth while you have it. Travel, spend money on stupid things, drink cocktails, and stay up all night. Learn to live in the present.
Speaking of church culture, you need to accept that people don’t take the Bible as literally as they think they do – and that’s a good thing. Ask yourself why everyone is so pleased with your parents’ marriage (when divorce and remarriage is so clearly and emphatically condemned by Jesus himself), but so angered by gay marriage (which gets a couple of passing mentions in Paul’s letters). God is love, and it actually is that simple. I know how much courage it takes to stand up, seemingly against the entire world, and say, “Homosexuality is wrong.” Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), that courage is based on ignorance of God’s kindness.
Being single gets easier, not harder, as you get older. Even when things get much worse (which they will, and I’m sorry), you will be happier the older you get.
From Louise (age 30)
PS Make sure you go to the Pirate Ball in September 2006, dressed as Jack Sparrow (you’ll know who that is at the time) with Chris Northey (ditto). It changes everything.
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Explanation of letter: To some extent, I felt I had to be careful not to give away too much (you’ve seen the time travel movies; you know why). Other than marriage and a gorgeous baby (each of which changes everything), I feel like my life is a pretty awful prospect for anyone to envision as their future, so it took a while for me to think of what to say.
Ultimately this letter aims to alleviate my own future/past pain – the guilt of giving up Indonesia and wondering if my life has any meaning (or if God is out to get me), the pain of mental illness (perhaps if I’d lived a more chilled out life I’d have turned out okay), and the lack of major novel publication – which would have happened years ago if I’d known then what I know now about basic YA dos and don’ts. But the pirate ball was where I met CJ, so THAT needs to still happen.
And here’s a pretty picture, just because:
The Steampunk Scholar
The Steampunk Scholar is a brilliant in-depth resource on all things steampunk fiction. He’s doing a PhD, so the “scholar” part is not just for the alliteration.
This is his post on the best of 2011, and this is the best part (I’ve unlinked things, so you’ll have to click through to the post to know what he’s referring to):
- Steampunk! – Candlewick anthology edited by Kelly Link and Gavin J. Grant – check out my review at Tor.comto see why.
- Heartless by Gail Carriger – I’ll be writing a series of posts leading up to the release of Timeless, the final book in the Parasol Protectorate series. In the meantime, I’ll simply say that anyone who has naysayed Carriger’s inclusion in the steampunk fold due to a lack of technofantasy should be reviewing their crow recipes. This is the best book of the series since Soulless, and was a delight to read.
- Curious Case of the Clockwork Man by Mark Hodder – read my reviewto find out why Hodder is one of the strongest voices in second wave steampunk fiction.
- Goliath by Scott Westerfeld – check out my retrospective on the Leviathan trilogyfor why this was such a satisfying ending to one of the best steampunk series, and why it shouldn’t be dismissed simply for being YA.
- Empire of Ruins by Arthur Slade – another YA novel you shouldn’t be avoiding, and the reasons why.
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I am a huge fan of Gail Carringer, Scott Westerfeld, and anyone who can see YA as a genre worthy of adult reading. As soon as I’ve posted this, I’ll be ordering every other book on this list from my local library. If they’re there, I’ll read and review them for you.
All about agents (PG swearing)
I had to link to this article, because one of the blogs I follow was recommended by another blog I follow. Chuck Wendig is a naughty, naughty man and his language and metaphors can be M/MA at times. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. The man has a wicked way with words.
Here’s some snippets from a doubly-great article:
Agents have seen it all. They are the first line of defense in the war against Bad Books and Shitty Storytelling. It’s a wonder that some of them don’t just snap and try to take out half of New York City with a dirty bomb made of radioactive stink-fist query letters and cat turd manuscripts.
. . .
It’s easy to imagine agents as iron-hearted gatekeepers guarding the gates of Publishing Eden with their swords of fire: marketing angels serving the God of the Almighty Dollar. Most of the agents I know and have met are readers first. They do this because they love this, not because it pays them in private jets and jacuzzis filled with 40-year-Macallan Scotch. They like to read. They love books. Which is awesome.
And here’s your weekly cat pic:
Heaven’s Net is Wide: Lian Hearn’s Otori series #1 of 4.5
This book is the prequel to Lian Hearn’s brilliant and beautiful Otori trilogy (there is also a fourth book, but although it’s still beautifully written I think it ruins the series). Fantasy has an (undeserved) reputation for being pulpy trash, full of adjectives and clichés. This series is top-notch literary fantasy.
The rest of this review is at Comfy Chair, where I get paid for it.
Reunite with a food friend
PS: Oops, I posted tomorrow’s entry today. Welcome to the future.
Regular readers will know I’m a fan of home-made lemonade – and that I have a stolen mint plant. I wasn’t able to eat either during pregnancy, but I certainly can now! Plus it’s totally a serve of fruit. Hey, I don’t wanna get scurvy.
Coming next week: Awesomenesses that aren’t to do with food or baby!
Well, maybe. Tune in and find out.
Baby Talk
Wow, it’s been almost 48 hours since there’s been a fresh picture of Louisette. Better remedy that, stat!
Breastfeeding is continuing to improve, and I have the pulsating breasts to prove it (and now you know what having milk come in feels like). The midwife advised me to cut down on formula and “see what happens” (ie signs of hunger, signs of dehydration – that is, less wet nappies – and so on). Since her birth I’ve been keeping extremely careful records of when she feeds (and how long), all her nappies (and what. . . er, type of nappy), and when she’s particularly tired or genuinely awake (and if it’s grumpy or happy wakefulness). She has about seven feeds a day, and it used to be a breastfeed followed by a bottle. More and more of her feeds are breast only now (it is VERY clear when she is still hungry), and there is a clear pattern of one less bottle each day (smaller bottles, too). At this rate, she will be on breastmilk alone within three days! She was weighed on Monday and had gained 200 grams, which clearly indicated she is flourishing, not starving.
Eeeexcellent. . .
On the other hand, she had eleven feeds yesterday – so, not so good. Being used to a bottle, she often doesn’t have the concentration to do a full feed.
My note-taking has really come into its own over the past few days. I can actually see a fairly clear routine developing naturally among the 3/4-hourly feeds.
Louisette wakes up around 8 or 9 at night and is generally a bit grumpy for anywhere between half an hour and four hours (at which point I’m at my grumpiest, so I sleep while CJ looks after her – or if she’s asleep, we watch some TV). She has a couple of big feeds around midnight, then sleeps for a solid 4 or 5 hours (I base my life around those 4 or 5 hours, as you can imagine). She sleeps pretty well most of the morning (ditto, between feeds), then wakes up for a similar period of time in the afternoon, feeding three or four times in quick succession (I’m pretty awake and cheerful then, so I look after her a little). Then she sleeps deeply until about 6 or 7 (while I blog, shower, and maybe even run an errand – with or without her).
Ignoring the fact that she rarely opens her eyes, this routine roughly translates to a morning nap, an afternoon nap, and a single night-time feed. Of course it’s not as clear-cut as that description makes it sound.
She’s also developing her crying skills – the closest thing she currently has to a language. When she’s hungry, her cry is higher in pitch, like a squeak (accompanied by opening and closing her mouth like a fish, throwing her head from side to side, snorting, and kissing noises – it’s impossible to mistake her intentions). When she wants a nappy change, the rhythm of her cry is much quicker – four beats to a bar instead of two. Her bored/existentially depressed cry is the classic “Waagh! Waagh! Waagh!” that you expect from babies. And when she’s distressed it gets ragged.
She’s getting more facial expressions, and reacting in more complex ways to the world. She shows surprise, dislike, curiousity, and concern. I’m still very fond of her fart face and the oddly philosophical look she gets when trying to feed.
She is already able to turn on her side (by the power of sheer squirminess). At any moment the balance will tip and she’ll end up on her stomach, deeply startled.
One of the things I feel strongly about is that children – especially babies – shouldn’t be overstimulated. In babies it just frightens them. (I’m sure Louisette benefited from our careful rationing of visitors during the first two weeks.) I also think the most interesting thing in the world to a new baby (other than feeding time) is the faces of his/her parents. So when Louisette was awake, CJ and I spent plenty of time looking at her, and talking or singing. But yesterday I realised she was over us and needed more. So I grabbed “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” off our shelf and began to read. She LOVED it. I must have read it a dozen times. (And so it begins. . .)
I’m now able to drive quite comfortably, but it’s not wise for me to stand up for long, or walk very far, or exercise at all. It’s also not smart for me to lift anything heavier than Louisette – when I do, I feel muscles pulling ominously in my belly. But as long as I don’t do anythng stupid (like breastfeed eleven times in a day), I feel good.
Felicity Banks 