“Worst one I’ve ever played”: Reviewing the Reviewers
This is an article I wrote a while ago, 2015 or 2016 I think, when my FIRST interactive novel was freshly published. I’ve written a LOT of stories set in my magical steampunk universe, and the full list including reading order is here.
It finally happened: my first interactive (that is, Choose Your Own Adventure-ish) Australian steampunk novel is wandering unsupervised in the great big world, gathering reviews near and far (and scaring its mother half to death).
My very first review was the comment “Worst one I’ve ever played”, accompanied by one star. I was genuinely amused by such a start to proceedings.
Then the very clever and well-respected Emily Short published a review on her blog, and said, “All in all, then, this is both the biggest and the best of the Felicity Banks games I’ve tried so far; the worldbuilding is more extensive and the plot better structured.”
She also said the beginning was nicely paced while the end was rushed… which is funny since another reviewer said the beginning was boring but don’t worry because it gets better once you get into it.
People say, “Don’t read your reviews” but with material like this, how could I resist?
The reviewers above well and truly set the tone for what was to come. Another reviewer described the book as “Offal” and wrote, “The weird world it is set in succeeds at making no sense and remain unappealing at the same time.” That person was so passionate they reviewed it in two different places. Another said, “The setting wasn’t well explained and I couldn’t make sense of it, and the story was incredibly short, and when I mean short, I mean god awful. I was done in 15 minutes, and I didn’t even figure out what was going on, and no skill was required.” They concluded with the advice: “Skip this one at all costs.”
Other people said, “Cool universe and concept”, “Original and well written”, “I love a good well-thought-out setting, and I could tell that the world was thoroughly planned”, “I was hungry for more steampunk/clockwork creatures, and I wasn’t disappointed. (Actually, thinking about it now, this game has the same kind of story that I was hoping for…).”
I’ve been a little wary of promoting the game in certain places, since it has some violence, and some (*gasp*) sexual diversity. I knew the setting of a steampunk Australia was special, but I would never have guessed it could be considered controversial. All I need now is to be banned, and I’ll know I’ve got it made.
I’ve been working non-stop to get the rumbling engine of promotion moving, and I now have a weird feeling that I’ve managed to start something I can’t stop. That’s the entire point of the exercise, but that doesn’t mean it’s not scary to see the train suddenly belch fire and clatter off beyond my control.
Good luck, little e-baby. I know your friends are out there.
My interactive steampunk novel, Attack of the Clockwork Army is set in Australia. You can choose to be male or female, gay or straight, an innocent or a liar. You can even choose to fight for the British, or not to fight at all.
The book is available as a Choose Your Own Adventure-style app for your device on Amazon, Apple, Android, and Chrome. You can also buy it directly from the publisher (an easy way to buy and read it on your computer).
The app stores list it as “free, with in-app purchases”. What this actually means is that the beginning is free, and then you pay $5 (once!) to read the rest.
https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/attack-of-the-clockwork-army/id1042824941?mt=8
https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/attack-of-the-clockwork-a/oojmcpcnhdedgiegdocaedonlgfhlpgj
Eight is less than Thirteen
Last entry, just over two months ago, I wrote about how I ended up with thirteen cats in my care:
*My two “actual” cats, Zipper and Zoom.
*Two cats I often cat-sit for a friend.
*The four Nature Kittens: Thunder, Midnight, Cloud, and Dawn (now aged twenty-three weeks).
*The Snack Pack of five, so they didn’t get put down: Popcorn, Caramel, Sprinkle, Violet Crumble, and Curly Wurly. They’re thirteen weeks old now and thriving.
I have found homes for Thunder, Midnight, and Cloud, so out of the Nature Kittens litter only Dawn is left. She is a beauty with a great personality, who purrs SO MUCH.
I have also found homes for Popcorn and Sprinkle, so the Snack Pack is now just Curly Wurly, Violet Crumble (his BFF), and Caramel.
Only four foster kittens! Totally manageable!
Except I’m cat-sitting again, so there are six temporary cats in addition to my own cats.
I have learned that there is indeed an upper limit to the number of kittens I want to have in my care at one time (I think four is good). However, I’ve also been through a LOT these two months and I never failed to give them food, water, clean litter, and lots of attention.
*The Snack Pack got cat flu. Two of them nearly died and they all had to stay in quarantine a lot longer than expected.
*I lost thousands of dollars in wages due to feline and human illnesses and injuries.
*Cloud suddenly declined, losing about a third of her body weight in two weeks. The vet said she was probably going to die.
They all recovered fully, even Cloud (who was tested for a bunch of stuff including feline AIDS… and she’s okay! She’s basically just a massive diva!)
*I got covid for the first time (yes I AM immunocompromised, thanks for asking!) and of course my whole family got it too. But we seem to have all fully recovered, which is great!
*Someone in my local area found five dumped kittens that were CLEARLY the offspring of someone’s house cat that they were too irresponsible to desex. I broke my thirteen-cats record when I took them in overnight. For one night, I had fourteen cats in my care! And of course I tried to think of some plausible way to take them in too, but I couldn’t—which is definitely for the best. So that was just the one night.
This is one of them:
I will soon be cat-sitting my friend’s pair of cats again (which of course I love to do), so I’m at eight cats altogether currently, which would be fine except…
*Twelve days ago I bent over to scoop out a litter tray and I felt my back go SPROING!!
It does that sometimes, and I wasn’t immediately terrified, even when it became clear I couldn’t stand up straight. I call it a “back injury” but it’s really a fibromyalgia flare-up. One of the fun things fibromyalgia does is just suddenly attack and take your disability level from your personal version of normal to “oh fuck”.
And so began the worst fibromyalgia flare-up of my life.
I’ve had fibromyalgia for ten long, often miserable years, but this…. the last twelve days have been worse than any illness or injury I’ve ever had. I’m definitely on the mend, with most days better than the day before, but I’m still barely able to walk or stand, and when I do I have about five seconds of being okay-ish and then the pain just gets greater and greater until I either lie down or start screaming. There has been a lot of screaming in pain lately. For a while, turning over or shifting position in bed was a kind of torture (but necessary, of course).
I can sit for a lot longer now, but after maybe ten minutes things get ugly (spasms, etc).
In the early days of this flare-up, there were several hours when I was lying down but the pain was still so bad it was like being in labor. The worst part by far is knowing that if this has happened once, it is likely to happen again. That terrifies me so much.
On the up side, my arms are fine. At first I wasn’t able to walk up the hallway to the Cat Encounter area, so my daughter would bring the kittens to me in bed. I’m now at the point where I can give them their food, scoop some of their litter (Chris does the rest), and walk back and forth from the Cat Encounter area (which has a couch for me to lie down on) at least twice a day.
It’s bleak, though. And my future is bleaker still. This flare-up is the kind of injury which makes a person change her life. But I’m not sure what I’ll change it to. I’ve already lost so much to this stupid disease and I have very little left to give. However, I have discovered an agency called OneLink that may be able to help me access some government services. I’m clinging onto that like a lifeline, because I need hope right now.
I’m also VERY EAGER to have slightly fewer litter trays to empty.
So.
I am eager to find homes for the last four foster kittens. Please share this post with your friends in the Canberra region!
They naturally fall into the very close bonded pair of Curly Wurly and Violet Crumble (both desexed boys, chipped, and double vaxxed); and the newly-friendly duo of Dawn and Caramel (both girls who are chipped and double vaxxed but Caramel isn’t desexed yet, mainly because I simply didn’t have enough money).
But they all get on well so any pair is possible. Or you can adopt just one (but you haven’t known true bliss until you own a pair of kittens that love each other—plus, without a furry friend they get very bored because all cats must be kept on your property in the ACT).
The adoption fees are equal to one vaccination + microchip + desexing, so for boys it’s $305 each (I go to Goulburn to make it cheaper) and for girls it’s $460.
Curly Wurly is playful and friendly, usually waiting by the door so he gets the first snuggles when a human comes in; Violet Crumble loves to gaze adoringly at people, carry toys from place to place, and rest his paws on things.
They are SO CUTE when they wrestle together! I have bought them collars so people can tell them apart.
Dawn (900164002269084) is a female tortoiseshell who purrs like a supercar and demands focused pats when I wake up in the morning. She loves climbing, boxes, and destroying things. Do not leave your toilet paper unsupervised! She is desexed and has been vaccinated twice. She is open to friendships with dogs and older cats. She loves belly rubs but/and is likely to wrap her paws and teeth lovingly around your hand. She gets on well with Caramel and doesn’t like to be alone.
Caramel (900164002269081) is a major snuggler although she is naturally nervous. When she is free to roam she comes and “checks in” on me every so often, purring furiously. She has the biggest eyes I’ve ever seen. She has a strong killer instinct and needs a lot of play time, ideally with another kitten.
Both Dawn and Caramel are experts at spotting me reading and inserting themselves between the book and my eyes in order to get guaranteed pats.
I am a teensy bit jealous of whoever gets to own them.
Felicity Banks 