A Neuro-Diverse Percy Jackson Party
My daughter Lizzie has fallen HARD for Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson books.
Like me, my daughter has Level 2 Autism + ADHD (inattentive type). She has a seriously wonderful friendship group in which almost everyone is neurodiverse (and almost no-one is straight, lol). I have a pretty good sense of some of her friends, and the rest I can’t really remember properly but I can rely on them to be kind. Which is important later.
The Percy Jackson books are about teenage demigods, all of whom have ADHD (which sharpens their battle reflexes) and dyslexia (because their brains are hard-wired to read Ancient Greek). They go on quests and are attacked by monsters a LOT. The books are very famous (plus the movies and the current TV series) so several of Lizzie’s friends already know the general vibe, and some have read the books (either before or after hearing Lizzie talk about them for many happy hours).
Percy Jackson loves blue food, and is a son of Poseidon (so he’s very connected to the sea). Therefore, the first thing I did was order a bunch of blue lollies online, from Lolly Warehouse who (unfortunately?) provides lollies in bulk. I also ordered about six books from Lizzie’s wish list, and when people asked what to get her I had books ready to give them, which was what Lizzie wanted most. She is also getting a Camp Half-Blood T-Shirt (which I was very anxious to acquire as she was given a “Wise Girl” T-shirt for Christmas and she literally hasn’t worn a different shirt since then! I really want to wash it!)
There’s an official Percy Jackson cookbook and it’s incredibly good. We’ve literally made twenty-seven of the recipes, and there are several that we make over and over. The “Blue Velvet Cake” is really nice, so I cooked that (yes I screwed up the icing slightly). As you can tell, that’s a mermaid/pirate set of cake toppers. There are pirates and sirens in the books, so that works great!
I also made Tzatziki using the book’s recipe. It has lots of Greek recipes, for obvious reasons! Plus it can be made the day before.
On the invitation I asked people to dress as Greeks, characters from the book, or monsters—and to wear swimmers underneath. Some of them forgot, which is fine as the characters are all American teenagers so… done! But some of them looked AMAZING. My greatest regret is that I didn’t take photos of them in costume.
Everyone was assigned a character, and was given a piece of paper with some details including their allies etc. I’ve read the first five books (and I’m onto the second series), plus I used the Percy Jackson wiki… and Lizzie’s encyclopaedic knowledge to check details. I definitely fudged things a bit, because we ended up with a total of TWELVE kids coming to the party, which is a lot!
There are some characters that would have been great, but it was slightly spoilery to use them. Most of the characters I used appear in the first book.
Some of the characters have skills and heritages that are not immediately known, so there are very minor character-based SPOILERS from now on.
The main trilogy of friends are:
Lizzie’s favourite character is Annabeth, so that was a no-brainer. This is what we used for her hat that lets her turn invisible (the hat style is NOT book accurate, lol):
One of her friends is especially good with animals, so I decided she was Grover.
One of the friends didn’t know anyone else, so I chose them to be Percy so they had lots of links to people via their character. Percy has incredible sword skills (and one of Lizzie’s friends gave her a blue hairbrush recently in honour of a certain moment in the books, so we had two decorative weapons).
The next natural category is more demigods, plus Tyson since he’s Percy’s half-brother. My son Tim was Tyson, because he’s quite over-powered (fun), and Tim knows the kid playing Percy so I thought Percy’d enjoy having Tim as their brother.
____________
Clarisse is a bully with zero social skills, so I was a little nervous about her. But the person who I’d decided could play Clarisse was absolutely thrilled. It turns out Clarisse is literally their favourite character…. and she (the kid) does boxing! So that was really cool.
The dryads at Camp Half-Blood grow strawberries, so of course we had those!
There are two more demigods who don’t actually join the group at Camp Half-Blood, but Nico in particular is a fan favourite character. Plus, children of Hades is cool!
___________________
I decided to let the two main teachers of Camp Half-Blood be characters too, even though it’s a major thing in the books that gods (like these two) aren’t allowed to go on quests. So there was a certain amount of fudging book rules. Why not?
___________
AND I chose to also write up Kronos, the big bad of the first five-book series. I knew one of the kids was super confident and would enjoy being a villain (including being targeted and “hated” by every other kid at the party).
Even though the characters have wildly different power levels, they all have skills and faults and so I was able to make sure everyone got a ‘hero’ moment in the quest.
They really enjoyed reading their character sheets and working out who was friends with who and what their powers were. One of the kids has only one hand, so they suggested it had been lost in a monster battle. (See THIS is the quality of friends my daughter has!)
We ate while waiting for the stragglers to arrive (but, as often happens in the neuro-diverse community, two of them simply didn’t show up at all… which was fine. Arguably, the only essential character was Grover).
I gave them a little safety talk, which had three purposes:
- Making sure everyone was okay with having water balloons thrown at them.
- Making sure the newbie had a quiet room to retreat to (which he did, several times). Quiet rooms are so good for Autistic kids!
- Making sure everyone knew the ground rules for when cats were around.
Here’s a painting one of the kids has been working on for Lizzie. How cool is it!?!
The quest had three main stages.
STAGE ONE: GAUNTLET
Camp Half-Blood is a sanctuary for demigods… but it can be VERY dangerous to get there. So we changed into swimmers and went out to our driveway. In small groups, the kids had to run the entire length of the driveway while getting pelted by water balloons (by other kids).
We’re on a battleax block so the driveway is long, but we also have an old mattress so in order to slow down the kids as much as possible, I laid down the mattress and hung shadecloth over it (using bins and outdoor pegs) and told them they had to crawl across the mattress under the shadecloth. It worked great! They were very easy to hit while crawling.
The teachers (Chiron and Dionysus) ‘defended’ the camp (ie they joined my husband and I in throwing balloons at the kids), and Percy and Tyson did too (just because they have water powers). The logic doesn’t quite hold up, but who cares?
Thalia was armed with water guns, and allowed to fight back (except not at Percy as the actual human kid didn’t want to be targeted at all).
Annabeth could wear her invisibility hat, which meant no one could throw anything at her (but she still got wet due to being nearby).
Kronos can manipulative time, so he could choose a moment to shout “STOP” and then I counted five full seconds during which no one could throw anything at him.
Conner is sneaky due to being the son of the god of thieves, so he was in the group with Kronos, which gave him a slight advantage.
As people reached safety, they joined the defenders.
As I suspected, the kids who were hesitant about getting targeted soon wanted to be hit, so our groups went as follows:
- Thalia, Annabeth, Grover (a historical combination if you’ve read enough of the books).
- Clarisse, Nico, Bianca.
- Kronos, Connor.
- Percy and Tyson.
- Chiron and Dionysius.
(I made the kids pick up ten broken balloons each before going inside. We filled most of the balloons the day before the party.)
I’m personally going through a prawn-canapé phase, and of course they’re seafood so that was sufficient excuse for me to make some. Also, my mum has a devilled-egg plate and I wanted to see how canapés go in it (great, except they tend to want to slide around—they’d work better on cucumber slices or basil leaves).
STAGE TWO: GODDESSES GIVE A QUEST AND A CLUE
I appeared to the party in the guise of Artemis, goddess of the hunt (who is a fan of Bianca) and said, “Please help me!
Four of my fiercest hunting cats have been trapped by a terrible enemy!
As a goddess I am not permitted to actively rescue them, but Chiron and Dionysus may act even though they’re gods, because they’re men so they don’t count [Artemis is extremely sexist in the books].
I recommend you seek Athena’s favour. She also loves the hunt, and the crunch of fangs rending flesh and bone. And she’s wise.
Please rescue my sweet deadly kitties! Oh… and when you free them, be careful or they’ll definitely eat you. But I’m sure you’ll figure something out!”
Then the kids decorated cupcakes as an offering to Athena. Dionysus got three cupcakes instead of just one, since he’s the god of food (and wine of course). In practice that meant that when someone felt they’d screwed up their cupcake, Dionysus could save the day by giving them one of their spares.
Athena (ie me, with a white sheet hung over my Artemis dress) accepted their offerings, and said:
I accept your offerings,
And wish to aid the kitties.
I’m not allowed to intervene…
The drakon holds the key!
STAGE THREE: BATTLING THE DRAKON
I ordered a dragon piñata online (from ebay for $30), filled it with individually-wrapped lollies and put in a key I cut out of a piece of cardboard.
In order to simulate difficult terrain, the kids had to stand on a mini trampoline while hitting the piñata. I placed it near a swing which I swung at the kids to represent a ghost army. If the swing touched them, they were wounded.
There were four distinct groups. The first group were armed with pool noodles (NOT an effective weapon, even against cardboard): Kronos (because he doesn’t have a physical form), Grover (not a demigod so no super strength), and Dionysus (a god… but I said he was probably drunk because… well, god of wine).
The second group also used only a pool noodle, but the ghost army didn’t attack them: Nico and Bianca (who as kids of Hades can command ghosts to go away), Annabeth (who can sneak past ghosts in her invisibility hat), and Connor (who is sneaky due to being the son of Hermes, god of thieves).
The third group is super strong, so they didn’t have to use a pool noodle—they could use their fists. That group was Tyson, Clarisse, Chiron, and Thalia.
And finally, Percy. Percy has amazing sword skills, so he was allowed to use an actual (replica) sword. Yes, one made of metal.
In the second round, groups one and two could use their fists and group three could use a baseball bat.
The drakon soon died horribly, and its delicious sugary guts were pulled out along with the cardboard key.
We returned inside and I gave them ambrosia aka cake (which heals demigods), starting with the wounded.
I brought out Artemis’s terrifying hunting cats, in a zipped carrier.
I asked the kids if they remembered anything that might be important at this stage… and they DID remember that the cats will eat them.
Luckily, we happened to have a satyr with the ability to speak to animals, so Grover released the cats, making sure they promised not to eat anyone first. (And I made sure all the kids were sitting down and several had dangling toys to draw the kittens to them safely—two of the guests have adopted cats off me in the past; like I said, this group is fundamentally kind and that’s important even with the extremely chill attitude of Ragdoll kittens.)
As a bonus, Poseidon (aka my husband in a Hawaiian shirt) appeared to deliver this conclusion:
Congrats for now your quest is done!
Enjoy the spoils and have your fun.
To praise the heroes you’ve become
Welcome all to my kingdom.
So at that stage, anyone who wanted to could go in our spa.
We all just relaxed after that: admiring the kittens, or eating more food, or going in the spa.
What worked well:
*The characters were fun, and helped with any social awkwardness because they gave people a role to play. Also, it didn’t matter that two people didn’t show up because a lot of their powers were similar. Some kids would definitely want to choose their own characters, which would take time and be quite complex. But I got lucky.
*The water balloon fight worked well despite unusually cool weather and a lot of Autistic sensitivity. The water balloons themselves were surprisingly unpredictable, literally bouncing off people sometimes and other times exploding for no reason. So someone truly sensitive would probably get wet unless they were very far away. They hit pretty hard too, and in the chaos instructions to avoid head shots can’t be followed accurately. One of the kids said, “This is the best party I’ve ever been to!” and I get it. Waterfights can be fun, but waterfights while playing a heroic character? AMAZING. It’s like baby’s first role-playing game.
*Cupcakes were a nice break from the violence although it was crowded around the table.
*Piñatas are very risky if you have kids with hyperactive type ADHD, but this group was careful and trustworthy even though they were hyped up.
*Once the quest was done, I got to chat to some of the kids, which is always incredibly rewarding. I accidentally made one of them cry, but she said it was with happiness. She is one of my favourites so I hope that is true.
*Percy (aka the newbie) told two of the others, “I can tell you’re really cool” which was such a classic Autistic thing to say, and the recipients absolutely loved it.
*The kittens were extremely popular! Not every group of kids could be trusted, especially in a party setting. But these guys were great (and the kittens were able to leave the room if they wanted—but this is an especially social litter, which was why I wrote them into the party in the first place). It helped that these guys are teens rather than young kids, and none of them have hyperactive-type ADHD.
What surprised me or didn’t work so well:
Kronos came outside, spotted the water balloons, and immediately threw several balloons at me! THAT I did not expect! But it was funny… and my phone survived despite getting soaked. So, yay!
Blue food colouring (and especially the blue icing) got everywhere.
I had the party in the morning so it wasn’t too hot, but that made everything a scramble and I really wasn’t ready in time. I should have made the party at least three hours long. In the end it was cool and even a little rainy. But everyone handled it well. Weather is always tricky, and neuro-diverse or disabled kids are more likely to be thrown by it.
Because people had to change clothes multiple times, I had no hope of keeping track of the kids I didn’t already know well. Like many Autistic people I’m terrible with faces!
One of the parents was fascinated by the devilled-egg plate. She’d bought one for a friend without realising that’s what it was. Knowledge acquired!
Autistic parties are awesome because:
Autistic people tend to accept their fellow weirdos.
Autistic people tend to ignore silly rules like “Only be friends with people the same age as you” or “Stick to small talk”. So you get a genuinely interesting mix of people and of conversational topics.
Autistic people tend to have at least one special interest and they go deep on that topic, so you can find out some amazing things if you just let them talk.
Autistic people absolutely glow when an Autistic adult lets them know they’re in a safe place (eg by asking everyone’s pronouns and/or indicating a safe room).
One of the adults (also neurodiverse) was absolutely thrilled when she asked if she could help and I gave her a job. When Autistic people offer to help, they mean it.
Don’t forget to:
Have at least one quiet space and make sure people feel able to use it.
Check in with potential sensory issues. Ask questions like: Are you okay with having water balloons thrown at you? Are you sensitive to noise, and if so what can we do about yelling? Should I turn off the ambient music? Should I turn down the lights? Are there any smells (coffee, bananas, air fresheners) that bother you? Will you be okay with X number of other kids in one space? Would it help to be outside or would it be better to be inside? What are your safe snack and/or treat foods?
A lot of Autistic people are extra uncoordinated and/or have hyper-mobility (joints can be dislocated easily) so things like water on the floor are more hazardous than for neurotypical kids.
Just knowing someone is trying their best to be accommodating can mean the world, and make people feel much safer (which also makes them more flexible).
If someone doesn’t know many people or is shy, figure out a way to put them in a pair (eg “John and Bob, can you two please cut up these strawberries for me?” or “Peta and Jane, you both love dogs. Why don’t you show photos to each other?”) It’s much easier to interact with one person than a group, and it gives a shy person an anchor. Giving a job to a shy and/or Autistic kid can help them a lot because a job is a nice clear role for them to play.
Make sure someone with inattentive-type ADHD hears and understands safety instructions.
Make sure someone with hyperactive-style ADHD is able to fidget and/or move around.
Are these the kittens for you?
Edit: All four kittens are now spoken for and will go to their forever homes mid-January 2026.
My adoption guide is here but let’s talk about this specific litter of extremely similar-looking Ragdoll babies.
The kittens above are Zera/Zeraora (the only boy), Shinx, Lux/Luxray, and Litten. They’re all named after cat Pokemon, in consultation with an expert (aka my son).
Zera is the fluffiest I think, and was the first to really love humans. He is extremely chill even by the standards of this litter. He showed a slight interest in electrical cords and I bought chewy toys for him to see if it would help. It seems to have worked as we definitely don’t have a major cord-chewing issue. When travelling, he will loudly complain about the lack of cuddles for a few minutes before settling. I have a cat carrier that is exactly like a baby carrier, and he handles it extremely well (so does Lux).
Shinx is my personal favourite, and the most obsessed with being near me at all times. She might be the smartest as every so often she’ll come up with a problematic behaviour (like sneakily eating my breakfast when I put the bowl on the shelf next to me) but seems to learn very quickly what isn’t allowed. She is smaller than the others, and has the wildest eyes.
Lux has the best cat manners. She doesn’t like posing for photos (a lot of cats see the camera as an aggressive stare-off) and when the others want to suck on some fur she’s almost always the sucking victim. She and Litten are slightly more independent (by the standards of this litter). When travelling, she will loudly complain about the lack of cuddles for a few minutes before settling.
Litten is the first-born and was the loudest for the first couple of months. She was also the smallest, but she isn’t any more. She might be the most playful (or Shinx). She has the scowliest face.
As a litter they are very much what one would expect from a pack of Ragdolls.
Yes, they follow their favourite human from room to room. (If you like company in the toilet, these are the kittens for you.) They will run circles between your legs and literally under your feet as you attempt to find a place to step.
Yes, their long fur does cause toileting issues sometimes. They’re not super gifted toilet-wise eg they need litter trays at both ends of the house—although they have never had an issue with holding on while travelling, even for about five hours at a time. They are fairly finicky about clean litter trays so you need to either have a lot of trays or empty them multiple times during the day (or both). Their stomachs can handle cheap food (Whiskas kitten food at the moment) but take a long time to adjust to new food (especially Lux, and to a lesser extent Shinx).
Yes, they can be picked up by literally anyone and they will simply accept it is happening. They can all be cradled like a baby, and Zera, Shinx, and Lux will sometimes purr in enjoyment of being hugged in that way. They also gaze lovingly at their human, which a lot of cats won’t do. They all love chest and belly pats.
They are not particularly vocal… except when food is being served, at which point they will all scream hysterically until the food is placed in front of them.
They are slightly more playful than the average kitten (which is a lot, lol) but with enough play sessions during the day they will sleep through the night. I recommend adopting two for this reason and others. If you only adopt one, you need to spend about two hours per day playing with them (in at least two separate sessions). If you adopt two, then two or three twenty-minute play sessions per day will be enough. They will get less playful once they’re a year old or if you don’t play with them enough.
They DO object (loudly) to being closed into a separate room when they know their humans are awake (the exception is Zera, who seems perfectly content wherever he is).
Zera and Shinx love sleeping on their human’s bed.
Their biggest issue as a litter is that they love sucking on each others’ fur. Zera is the worst offender, followed by Shinx. Lux is the favourite victim. I say “victim” as sibling sucking can become a serious medical issue. On the up side, they suck tummies rather than genitals (good). But I’m working on training them out of it, or at least reducing the frequency. I’m having some success, but there’s a long way to go.
They are all strongly bonded to each other. Because of the sibling sucking, Zera and Lux probably shouldn’t be adopted together.
They are fantastic with other cats—utterly unafraid, but still respectful. I suspect they’d do extremely well with a dog, especially a puppy (assuming the puppy can play without hurting them).
Regarding young children, I would advise caution. These kittens are SO trusting that they get underfoot to a ridiculous extent (especially near dinner time, or any time someone is preparing human food). A young child could easily step on them and hurt or kill them, which would be incredibly traumatising.
They’re also good but not great with scratching and biting. For better or worse, I have encouraged them to play with my fingers but to do it with claws sheathed and with mouthing rather than biting. They’re pretty good at it… but I still have loads of tiny bleeding scratches all over me (many of them because they jump on my lap or whatever and use a tiny bit of their claws to help with balance). Zera is the best I think, mainly because he interacts with humans the most.
They’re fairly good with getting brushed but it’s difficult to trim their butts (which is something that I strongly recommend their owners do regularly) because they don’t like getting forced to hold still.
They all (but especially Zera) like to chew on tissues for some reason. I THINK they’re over it now but you never know.
They will get darker as they get older, probably ending up with their faces and lower legs almost completely dark, and most of their backs dark brown with the rest of their fur a rich cream.
Here are all the videos I’ve put together with the kittens so far. The videos aren’t embedding properly at the moment so I’ll add the links in full too.
The day of their birth (there is some blood on their fur at first but it’s not graphic). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cYb0ENMjiQ&t=20s
Syringe feeding them when they were less than a week old: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10D3cbGr_Bk&t=2s
A long video of the kittens around eight weeks old, falling asleep (or not) together: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xygw-k_IJPY&t=3s
Around ten weeks old, discovering their first Christmas tree. That’s Shinx climbing it (blue collar). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKekerP_fI0
This is Litten with an unrelated cat. All the kittens love grooming each other and being groomed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bppeNrGbRVA
And, kitten fight club from a couple of days ago. It starts with Lux (black collar) and Zera, then Litten (purple collar) joins in. Usually Shinx would be there too; she must have been fast asleep somewhere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWQPfjXDthU
What kind of wealthy are you?
There are a lot of different kinds of wealth, and in an effort to gain some perspective for myself, I am diving in.
MONEY
This is the obvious one, uh, obviously.
It is also relative to your environment. If I decided not to pay my mortgage for a month and instead sent it to Indonesia, it could pay for at least ten times as many mortgage payments. Amazing! But I still can’t do that, because I also need a place to live. This is something I’ve struggled with all my life but in 2019 I had a few epiphanies about how my suffering doesn’t actually benefit others so it’s okay for me to want my most self-actualising possible house (with room enough to foster cats, run a small business or charity, and have medically useful things like wide spaces—so I can use a wheelchair around the house if I need to—plus various water therapies, and nice views to lift the spirits when I’m bedbound). Sadly, wanting something doesn’t make it appear.
I think today I’ll define money wealth as how much spending power you have after your needs are met (in the context of your environment). So, food and shelter and medical needs and insurance and bills, plus social costs eg when your friend invites you out to dinner you don’t have to pretend you’re busy because you can’t afford it. Plus tossing a few dollars into whatever the latest school/church/etc fundraiser is, because contributing to your community is important too.
The other day I saw a comment pointing out that non-necessary items like toys and (most) fancy foods have become cheaper…. but essentials have become more expensive. So politicians’ advice is to stop eating avocado toast or cafe coffee in order to buy a house. But it simply doesn’t add up. Even if you have a wildly expensive $10 coffee every single day of the year, cutting it out completely for a year will barely make a dent in a house deposit. That was an “Aha!” moment for me because I DO buy stupid stuff and feel bad about it. But actually most of my financial choices are quite rational. So thank you, internet.
Twenty years ago, John Scalzi (the sci-fi writer) blogged about Being Poor.
LANGUAGE
I speak English extremely fluently, and Indonesian rather well. English in particular makes me linguistically wealthy. I can travel almost anywhere in the world with ease, and almost all entertainment is available in English. All the rich nations welcome me, and some nations will pay a LOT for my skills.
When I talk to Indonesians in Australia, they’re delighted to meet me.
When I talk to Indonesians in Indonesia, they treat me like a full-on genius superhero. That’s something most people never get to experience, and it’s grand for the self-esteem.
APPEARANCE
I have long hair and I’m white. Those can be very useful, and being white in particular can save my life (studies show that women of colour are the most likely to die from medical gaslighting and neglect). The long hair signals femininity and can be surprisingly useful. I once saw two drunks fighting and broke through the circle of spectators to stop them—which worked immediately, and I literally heard someone say, “There’s a lady present!” Of course presenting as female can also cause huge barriers to my safety, to the respect (or usually lack of it) shown to me and my brain, etc.
I am very lucky to be a cis female, rather than someone who has to fight to have their gender recognised. Ditto sexuality. When it comes to gender and sexuality, I am on ‘easy’ mode. (I’m bi, and that did technically get me fired once, but I was about to leave that job anyway due to my health.)
Being fat is awful, especially when it can alter the medical care I receive. But honestly it has its uses too. I almost never get cold, and almost no woman in the world is threatened by me chatting to their man. Every so often I get a fun fake-flirty interaction out of being fat and middle-aged, which is something I never ever did when I was young and thin. In most apocalyptic scenarios I would die very quickly, but I would at least provide a lot of food (assuming cannibalism has come back into fashion).
RELIGION
Again, easy mode. I’m Christian and other than now feeling the need to explain “I follow Jesus and kindness” rather than simply describing myself as Christian, life is super easy for me faith-wise. I have a huge array of choices for same-faith friendship and fellowship, and when there is religion-based violence in Australia you can almost guarantee that no Christians were harmed or will be harmed as a result (even when the perpetrator is Christian). Of course that only applies to the Western World! There are definitely places where Christians face horrific persecution right now. But in Australia, my religion’s holiest days are all public holidays during which I can celebrate in whatever way I choose (short of streaking through Parliament House). Most of my family is Christian too, which makes life and faith much easier.
I am quite rich in the experience of my faith as well. I’m quite mystical as far as Christians go, and most of the time I find God’s presence perfectly obvious. Fundamentally, I am aware that there is a loving God who is always with me (and doesn’t smite me when I scream at Him, either, which is handy). That’s pretty amazing.
LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION
I live in a safe (and wealthy) country, in a safe city, in a safe house where I won’t get thrown out or have to deal with rental inspections. My kids go to reasonably safe schools and it is safe for me (or them) to walk around during the day. The housing standard is high, with legal rules like, “A landlord must make it possible to heat the house to at least 18 degrees Celsius in Winter”. And various energy and construction standards, plus social expectations that a two-kid family lives in a 3-bedroom home (or larger). I even own my own home (technically a townhouse), which is AMAZING as a Millennial.
Being poor in Australia is very different to being poor in Indonesia. It’s true that I’ve gone hungry in the past, but that was mainly because I was determined to be independent from a fairly young age. When I finally went crawling back home, my parents were able to make space for me and even gave me some weekly money so I could buy my own meals and pretend I was still independent until I was able to work again. If I ever go hungry again, it’s far more likely to be because of Autistic food aversion than having nothing in the cupboard. Although I certainly live paycheck to paycheck, and things do get dire sometimes.
One in ten Canberra households live in poverty. My family’s total income is about 70% of the median income for a family of equivalent size. Which used to be survivable, but with my medical costs + the cost of living it’s looking grim. However I’m pretty skilled at living on less than the average person, and our friends tend to socialise at each others’ houses, not any place we have to pay to enter.
TIME
In one very specific way I’m lucky: my schedule is almost always clear. So I can pick up my kids from school when they’re sick; can answer a phone call at 2:00am; can make doctor appointments willy-nilly; and so on.
But due to my fibromyalgia I only get about four functional hours per day on average.
I work one day per week, looking after a kid (who I happen to adore). I get paid to drive there and back (not the whole way as it’s quite far, but a full hour of paid driving per shift) and driving her to and from the place we usually go (another hour of driving) so for my five hour shift the child is either strapped into a car seat or entirely absent for two of those five hours. That helps a lot, but I also need to be VERY careful not to schedule much of anything on that day, or on the day before or the day after. So technically I get paid for five hours, but it takes me three days. (Driving is a relatively easy activity now that my sleep apnea is rarely at dangerous levels, so I can drive more easily than I can babysit. Other things, like cleaning, are a very difficult activity in which a couple of minutes can wipe me out for days.) Although the kid is a toddler, she’s not the type to run away and she’s used to me being in a wheelchair 90% of the time, so she’s surprisingly easy in terms of physical activity. The wheelchair is extremely helpful as it means I’m not standing around a lot. 80% of wheelchair users are able to walk but need the wheelchair due to balance, pain, or fatigue issues.
This is a handy post about the reality of doing ANYTHING while disabled in a similar way to me:
FAMILY
I get on with most of my family, although there are some I only see once per year. I do enjoy that one get-together per year. I am also married with two kids, which is pretty much perfection. It is an especially unusual perfection for a disabled woman, as around 60% of men will eventually divorce their wife if she has a chronic medical issue.
(Why YES straight white men can be pathetic. I’m sorry but it happens. It’s not an innate male flaw, but a side effect of privilege.)
HEALTH
I’m not dying, which is about the best thing I can say about this junk heap of a body. In fact, people with terminal cancer literally have a better quality of life than those with fibromyalgia (not my claim but it resonants hard). NOT that I want to have cancer! The fear of death is something that I don’t have to deal with at all, and that is a very good thing. I do have operations sometimes, but I don’t have chemo or radiotherapy, which is GREAT.
However, my life does suck monkey balls and that’s just a fact. I’m never not in pain. I can’t spend a whole day without vocalising from the pain at least once, and usually ten or twenty times a day, eg getting up from a chair or picking something up from the floor—stuff like that hurts quite a bit, and standing up for more than about two seconds is awful. My standard pain level is a four, which for a healthy person would be reason enough to see a doctor. There was a time in 2024 when I was bedbound for weeks on end, could not move without yelling in pain, and even when lying still it was as painful as being in active labor. The worst part is knowing that it’s virtually guaranteed to happen again because that’s the deal with fibromyalgia.
Recently, my jaw has become consistently painful (by which I mean 24/7). I saw a specialist who advised me to get a splint in order to slow down the increase in pain ($2000+) and to see a specialised physiotherapist ($250ish per session). I couldn’t realistically do either of those things. It hurts quite a bit to sing, and I know that it will hurt more and more. I’m pretty angry about all of that, but here we are. I was never a good singer, but I love to sing. Loved to sing.
Interestingly, I realised this year that even if I was physically healthy, I would still be unable to do almost all kinds of regular work due to my Autism (Level 2). I’m still processing what that means. For me, it means that about 80% of the time (95% of the time if I’m out of my house or if there are visitors or mess or an important appliance is broken) I feel like I’m wearing a full-length skintight body suit that has been lined with the scratchy side of velcro. Every movement makes it worse, and I can never get used to it. At the same time as the scratchy suit, my face is for some reason something that makes a significant minority of people furiously angry no matter what I say or do. (The face thing is about communication, eg the way I was accused of animal cruelty due to opening a tiny cat cafe; an idea that was inspired mainly by my desire to share the beauty of kittens with others. In fact it was kittens that inspired this post as I think having kittens is a very special sort of wealth, and it is my responsibility to share that wealth as much as I can.)
MEANING/PURPOSE
This is extremely important to me, and family of course helps with this a LOT. When Lizzie was born, I was mentally healthy for almost the first time in my adult life. I was flooded with happy chemicals and loving the fact that my life rotated utterly around her. Sadly, that early ‘baby high’ doesn’t last forever. But the rational parts are still there: Even though I don’t usually feel like a great parent, I know I do some things well, and that I am entirely irreplaceable. All the ickiest cliches are true: Being a mum is the most important thing I’ve ever done.
But. I also have my writing, and the knowledge that people actually like it and will pay for it (I earn about two cents per hour, which is terrible but frankly more than most writers). That’s also something that only I can do.
But… I want more. The world is on fire and I want to help! But as time passes I am slowly learning that my worth doesn’t depend on contributing to society. And, that saving the world is not my personal responsibility. These are extremely helpful and necessary lessons for me to learn, and I’m not done learning them yet.
I also want to do meaningful things just because, if I can. And usually my health says “Nope”. Plus of course my finances. I literally have a list of about twenty people or organisations that I want to give money to, but I can’t. That is frustrating.
My paid job is highly meaningful, because I am looking after a child. That is great and is part of why I’m able to do it at all.
And one of the key reasons I love fostering kittens is that I’m often literally saving them from being euthanised PLUS saving endangered native animals from their murderous natures. Plus, oxytocin again. Although unless I get serious funds these adorable babies will be my last litter (which is devastating, and I have been feeling extremely sorry for myself… which is the other source of inspiration for this post). However, I have applied for a grant and I’m optimistic.
FUN & HOLIDAYS
Yes, kittens are fun. I can also read and listen to music. Kids are fun too, and Chris (husband) is a fine conversationalist, among other enjoyable skills.
I love love love water, which is another classic Autism thing. I especially love the beach. In 2025 my family went to the beach FOUR TIMES because my Mum was working in Bermagui.
It. Was. Amazing.
Tragically, she doesn’t work there any more. Oh well; it was good while it lasted.
I have another fantasy of buying a house in Bermagui. My family would have at least two beach holidays per year, including sometimes having my whole extended family there (yes, all the people in the photo above, and probably more); I’d rent it out most of the time; and run paid retreats for artists and writers there too. Nice fantasy, huh?
We also managed to take the family to Indonesia in 2024, which was a dream that pre-dated my kids actually existing. That was a mix of meaningfulness (I felt it was really important for them to see another country that wasn’t part of the West) and work (our excuse to go was my winning a grant from the Interactive Fiction Technology Foundation to teach interactive fiction to Indonesian writers), and of course fun. We all love water, so I planned all our activities around pools and/or the beach.
We also visited the Great Barrier Reef, in 2022 I think, using my minuscule superannuation fund (after using most of it to pay off our worst debt). That was incredibly special too, and of course meaningful because it’s a wonder of the world; intrinsically Australian; and in considerable danger from Climate Change. And it was really good for the kids to get out of their comfort zone in a way that they were reasonably enthusiastic about. Eg. When they went to use the shower they discovered it didn’t have a hose attachment and they literally cried. But they got over it, and adapted.
(In Indonesia, one of our hotels had very unpredictable toasters, so now my kids are extremely casual about scraping off the burnt bits and eating the toast. The traffic there also gives serious perspective on any other traffic. And the kids now have a tiny bit of a sense of the other path my own life could have taken, since for a long time I planned to move to Indonesia as an aid worker.)
We have relatives in London and we owe them a visit SO BAD. They actually paid for Chris to visit this year, which was simply brilliant. I’m not really well enough for such a long journey, so I have lovely fantasies about travelling first-class and/or stopping at several points on the way (Indonesia again maybe, Hong Kong and/or Singapore, India, Egypt, somewhere in Europe). It seems absolutely impossible, but we’ll see what happens in the future.
My family has had loads of visits to the coast (especially recently); an amazing interstate holiday to one of the most spectacular places in the world; and a brilliant international holiday. In terms of travel experience, we are very wealthy. I have no idea how the future will go. It seems impossible that we could ever justify another holiday, but life is frequently surprising. And, we live in Australia, a wealthy country, and surprising amounts do sometimes land in our lap (eg like many other very small businesses I received lockdown payments, which meant we were finally able to fix our AC).
I really love eating at restaurants. I love food as art, whether it’s me cooking it or someone else. Sadly, eating out is not justifiable at the moment except for extremely special occasions. I will probably be able to have a nice dinner to celebrate my wedding anniversary later this month, and my mum just told me she’s taking me out to dinner for my birthday in February. For Lizzie’s birthday, she has asked for a MacDonald’s dinner, which she will get. I’m not a super consistent parent, so I make a huge deal of birthdays (she is also getting pancakes for breakfast and a Percy Jackson themed party).
RESPECT
This is a tricky one. I know some people still believe awful things about me thanks to people lying on the internet (and my Autism). I know some people believe I’m faking being disabled (in fact I still often imply or outright lie that I’m relaxed or lazy in order to smooth social situations eg “What are you going to do this weekend?” “Read books and nap!” —which is technically true and technically delightful, but actually sometimes it would be nice to do something interesting outside of the house). Some people look at my fat body and immediately assume I’m lazy and/or stupid, when of course it’s a side effect of illness + self-medication + medications (rather tragically, insulin makes me gain weight but of course I can’t stop taking it).
But most of the people whose opinions actually matter to me still believe I’m a reasonably intelligent, reasonably responsible, reasonably decent human being.
FREEDOM
I’m free to do so many things that I don’t even think about it. I can get divorced if I want, I can buy stupid things (and then deal with the consequences). I can travel places (health and finances pending). I can move around my city freely, wearing almost anything I like. My country is not at war or on any kind of rationing.
LEGACY
I have two great kids, AND I have my writing—that’s pretty sweet. And even though my reputation is terrible in some places, I’ve never done anything truly bad or shameful. And I’ve done some really cool things here and there, too. I have plenty of regrets, but in the context of my forty-three years I’m doing pretty well.
CONCLUSION
I am rich in location, housing, family (both immediate and extended), language(s), gender, sexuality, life experiences, flexibility of time, leisure time/activities, freedom of movement/choices, and personal and familial legacy. I am poor in terms of cashflow (compared to other Australians) and health.
Because of my privilege, I forget about the many ways I’m wealthy. But actually I’m doing pretty damn well.
What kind of wealthy are you?
What kinds of wealth did I forget to write about?
Felicity Banks 