Why your novel won’t get published (PG+)
My notes to this article read “LOL, fairly rude/graphic, and all true”. I’m a huge believer in a dose of realism every so often, so here it is: http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2011/01/10/why-your-novel-wont-get-published/
Here’s a bit:
Brutal honesty time:
That novel of yours isn’t likely to get published. The numbers just aren’t in your favor. Last I did a sweep of the Internet, it was home to 500,000,000 writers. Once you remove the wanna-be dilettantes, you still end up with 1,000,000 left. And they’re all fighting to have their manuscripts published.
And one more picture of Ana in a basket:
How not to begin your book
Here and here are two articles on book openings that are way, WAY overdone. Ooh! And here‘s another.
I’m guilty of a prologue or two, and the very first book of my children’s trilogy opens with the character waking up. But none of my characters ever, ever look in a mirror and describe what they see. Ugh!
And here’s a pretty (perturbed) kitty for this week:
Overdone movie tropes
John Scalzi has his own blog, and also writes a film critic column. This one is so funny I had to link to it. Here’s my favourite of his five tropes:
4. The very special youngster. This is more often the domain of fantasy (hello, Harry Potter!) but it was given a science fictional run-through this year with I Am Number Four, and of course Star Wars trotted out Luke, whiny as he was. These run down a checklist. Orphaned? Of course! Having special powers waiting to be unlocked? Yes, indeed! Found and trained (and protected) by a wise mentor? How could it be otherwise? Hunted by the forces of evil? That goes without saying. When this very special youngster shows up, we know where he’s going. Best to leave him in hiding.
Read the whole article here.
Your kitty pic of the week:
Death of “Traditional” publishing?
A whole lot of people point to success stories like the self-published Amanda Hocking and say, “Hah! Those cold-hearted publisher types are dying, and we laugh at them and stomp on their graves!”
These people are stupid.
I often wish publishers were more cold-hearted. They’d get through submissions way faster if that were the case. But if publishers were less in love with books, they would not be publishers. Small publishers are dying – they always have been, and they always will be. It is an extremely financially shaky business in which MOST BOOKS ARE BOUGHT AND SOLD AT AN OVERALL LOSS TO THE COMPANY. Sometimes, large publishers are unlucky and they die too. Most large publishers survive on the occasional how-did-that-happen-exactly? bestseller. In short, they survive by picking the best books they can, and then crossing their fingers and praying that THIS book is the one that keeps the company afloat for another month.
People think publishers are cold-hearted because over 90% of books are rejected, usually without stated reasons. People are constitutionally incapable of believing that THEIR sweet precious manuscript that took five years to write is, in fact, terrible. (“But my mum LOVED it!”) These people are especially offended that “bad” books are published. Having read unpublished manuscripts, I assure you that publishers set a standard that is largely consistent and has saved the reading public from worse pain than you can imagine. Self-publishing often lowers those standards to, “Do you have a few thousand dollars? Then you’re a published writer, yay!”
Personally, I don’t see rich idiots as a threat to the publishing industry. I know enough to be grateful for the gatekeepers – and secretly or otherwise, so does the entire reading public.
*personal rant over*
I like the Behler blog, and especially this article, which inspired today’s post.
Getting Published in 5 Steps (PG swearing)
At this location one writer describes his journey to publication. The home site is cracked.com, which is MA, and I think this article is PG/M.
How to Become an Author, in 5 Incredibly Difficult Steps
A while back, I wrote a non-fiction book about the apocalypse. Since publishing the book, the question I get asked the most has to be: “What are you doing in my toolshed?” Second place goes to “Is that my wife’s cocktail dress?” The third is- well, let’s skip ahead to questions not relating to a highly illegal fetish revolving around forbidden sheds and stolen evening wear. People usually ask me: “How did you get your book published?” Everybody wants to know how the process works, because they think that if they can just get the steps for this secret dance memorized, it’s all plaid jackets and [naughty bit removed] from that point forward. There are a lot of questions and answers for new authors out there on the Internet, but they always seem to skirt the subject in the name of preserving some sort of artistic mystique. As is the case with all nice things, I would like to ruin that tradition. I’ll talk to you about the publishing process honestly and unflinchingly, even when it makes the whole thing (and by extension, me) look kind of shitty.
Fair warning: This is not going to help you.
I didn’t actually initiate contact with a publisher of any kind. In fact, I didn’t even have a book to pitch when contact was first made. Somebody at the publishing house contacted me, out of the blue. And her email was caught by my spam filter.
Read the rest here.
#1 is extremely interesting, since – well firstly because of his legitimate point that an “advance” is almost certainly “all you’ll ever get” (which is why you NEVER sign a contract based on royalties only – any publisher that can’t afford an advance probably also can’t afford distribution, which means your book won’t get to shops, which means it won’t sell a single copy).
Secondly because the not-that-big figure he names as an advance is between three and ten times more than fiction writers get.
And here’s a consoling picture of a cat on a hot tin roof:
Dialogue
Want to write good dialogue? This article at Ripping Ozzie Reads has links to so much information you can go back to it every week for a year.
Dynamic Dialogue
Last week Rita asked about ‘beats’ in dialogue. This was a term I had only seen used in plays or scripts when the author leaves a ‘beat’ before the character answers to create suspense.
It appears the term ‘beat’ has been applied by writers as a form of tag, only this tag drives the story forward with action or reveal character reaction.
A dialogue tag can be:
‘How dare you!’ she said.
It can also be:
She slammed the mug down on the table. ‘How dare you!’
In this case the action is the tag because it identifies the speaker and tells us how the character is feeling. And this is what people are calling ‘beats’. It is what I was told was an ‘action tag’ when I first started writing.
For a fuller explanation. . .
Read the rest here.
And here’s your official cat pic of the week:
Ten Reasons to Rewrite that Scene
By The Intern.
The article is here.
Top Ten Reasons You Should Rewrite That Scene
10. The scene is not really a scene.
Your scene is not a scene if nothing has changed by the end of it.
Your scene is not a scene if there was no internal or external conflict, no matter how subtle.
Your scene is not a scene if you were too timid to let anything dangerous happen.
Your scene is not a scene if you were too cautious to let anything unexpected happen.
Your scene is not a scene if the reader is banging her head against the wall saying “What was the point of that stupid scene?”
Basically, your scene is not a scene.
9. The scene doesn’t achieve anything new.
Does your scene introduce important new plot information? How about new emotional information? Are the characters’ relationships developing? Or is this scene just rehashing material you’ve already covered in other scenes? You might have a case of scenis redundanitus (see here for INTERN’s post on that subject). If your scene doesn’t bring anything new to the table, what’s it doing in your story?
8. The scene isn’t “worse” enough.
Read more here.
And here’s my older cat’s response to the prodigal’s return:
“Send sleep, vodka, and bacon. . .” (PG)
Chuck Wendig did another brilliant post on his new baby, and I couldn’t resist reposting it below (remember, his blog is often MA). The original is here.
*PSSSHHcracklehisss*
“– you hear me? The stuff’s everywhere — black tar — came pouring out of diapers — could lay shingles with this stuff OH GOD HERE COMES MORE OF IT –”
*kkkkpsshhhhfsssss*
“– haven’t slept in days — seeing things — cherubs with wings, but not like out of a greeting card but like out of the damn Bible — so many eyes — fiery swords — chubby cheeks –”
*weeooooFSSHHHHcrackle*
“– think they’re cute but they’re deadly –”
“– energy levels low, rations dwindling –”
“– everywhere you go it’s always there watching waiting peeing –”
“– alert, alert, this thing’s got witch nails, it killed Samson, merciful Jesus it killed Samson! –”
“– we thought we controlled it, but no, no, it controls us! –”
” — such hubris, we thought we understood the parameters –”
*KKKKFSSSHHHHHBSSHHHH*
“– OH SWEET SID AND MARTY KROFFT IT’S CRYING AGAIN WHICH MEANS ITS HUNGRY — “
” — send sleep — vodka — baaaacon –”
CARRIER LOST
TheLittlestPenmonkeyBeseechesYou
The baby is well.
He’s covered in the acne of an 8th grade math nerd.
He’s still trying to tear off his own face with his komodo claws.
He still looks like we enrolled him in Baby Fight Club.
He sometimes smiles. He likes dancing to the Beastie Boys. His poop has transitioned from the foul black hell-slurry to something that looked like swamp mud to something that looks like deli mustard.
He’s good. And we’re pretty good, too.
Ten Things Teen Writers Should Know
John Scalzi (NYT bestselling author) writes a good blog, with occasional writing advice.
This is one of my favourites articles (you’ll have to click through to see the picture of young John Scalzi.
Hm. It keeps crashing my computer when I try to cut and paste a section. Here’s the address again anyways:
http://whatever.scalzi.com/2006/04/27/10-things-teenage-writers-should-know-about-writing/
And here, as always, is a cat pic from the files:
Is your writing good?
Literary agent and all-around nice lady Rachelle Gardner blogged an article today that asked the question, “How can you tell if your writing is any good?”
Here is the link to that article.
How do you learn to write?
I think the answer is that you have to learn any which way you can. You piece it together. You take the lessons where you can find them. This could mean:
→ You read books on writing, and books in the genre in which you write.
→ You’re a member of writers’ organizations and online forums.
→ You take workshops offered whenever and wherever you can find them.
→ You take creative writing classes, such as at a local community college (although I’ve heard these can be a waste of time).
→ You have a critique group (this may or may not help, depending on the qualifications of your critique partners, as well as your own personality).
→ You submit your project to agents and editors, hoping for scraps of feedback.
Read the rest here.
Or just gaze at this kitten (yes, that’s a sword under her paw).
Felicity Banks 