S#9: Laugh
For today’s awesomeness I watched Bill Bailey’s “Cosmic Jam”. Right now the song “Human Slaves in an Insect Nation” is in my head. I love that Bailey used to play piano in a restaurant – hating every minute, and eventually getting fired. I also love that he’s weird and funny and (mostly) clean – and that it’s clear he just loves his life. I can’t remember much but incoherent snippets from the DVD, although I do recall that marijuana featured every few moments.
Oh! And a piece of advice: “Never take powerful hallucinogens and then go to the supermarket.”
Thanks Bill.
From comminfo.rutgers.edu, here’s. . . something:
Oh! And we finally sold one of the pieces of jewellery – enough to definitely stave off crisis for at least a week. Yay!
#230: Tinfoil Hat
Ben (who else?) suggested I do something paranoid for a day. I decided to go with the classic – you know, so the government agents watching me can’t read my thoughts.
Can you read my thoughts in the above photo? If not, then it worked.
I wore this hat while watching “Gilmore Girls”, riding on my exercise bike, and hanging out washing. Then I realised the government agents watching me mustn’t know that I know they’re there. So I thought up the cunning disguise you see below (worn over the tinfoil hat):
Take that, The Man!
I wore it grocery shopping, I’m about to wear it to work, and I’m wearing it right now. (If you can’t read my thoughts, it’s working.)
If you think my thoughts are, “Oh, I look like SUCH an idiot” then – well. . . uh. . . I guess I need more tinfoil.
Speaking of segueways, here’s Helena Bonham Carter looking piratical (from the catwalkqueen blog):
S#10: The Royal Bedchamber
I enlisted the help of J. K. Rowling, Robin Hobb, Terry Pratchett and Eoin Coifer (and also a pair of stilts, some pegs, and a tablecloth) in making a canopy for the bed CJ and I share. My plan was to lie down and read until it fell over, but Ana had other ideas.
First, she explored.
Then she destroyed it (which took under 2 seconds – gotta love my craftsmanship), washed herself thoroughly (mocking my craftsmanship as I took a dozen blurry pictures), and settled down.
She was casting thoughtful glances upwards, so I decided to avoid seeing what happened when all seven Harry Potters arrived on her head – and I pulled the tablecloth down. She played dead at first. . .
. . . gave me her patented aggrieved look. . .
. . . and fell asleep.
Not piratical enough for you? How’s this cat (from coolestfamilyever.com)?
In unrelated news, I showered yesterday and shaved one leg. The surprising part is not that I forgot what I was doing until I was out and dry and featuring one alluringly hairy leg – the surprising part is that I haven’t done it before.
If you’re in Canberra, don’t forget to put your corpsepaint on and join the zombie walk this Saturday! I’ll be blogging about it this Sunday.
#Win a prize
One of the writerly blogs I follow is http://ripping-ozzie-reads.com/ Every so often they have a book giveaway, and I generally enter. I won “Diamond Eyes” by A. A. Bell, which arrived this morning signed from one writer to another by Anita (which already makes me like her).
Later this week/year (depending on how my own writing is going – I’ve decided to beat last year’s NaNo novel into shape for a massive UK competition worth $20,000) I’ll write a review and post it up here.
Yay! New book!
I’ve only just read the first few pages, and was hooked by the page one question, “Why bother blindfolding a blind woman?”
It’s incredibly creepy already, and I can tell it’s just going to get worse.
In general life news, I now weigh 80.2 kilos – which means this diet is going better than any diet I’ve done before (other than the shooting abdominal pains, but oh well) – and have one week left until I’m allowed chocolate. The hardest part will be eating moderate amounts of chocolate, so I can continue to lose weight in December, and achieve the 76.5 kilos I need to be in the healthy weight range.
Remember my fabulous treasure trove of gold and diamonds and so on? Here’s how it’s going:
Cost of valuing/ebay so far: $400
Total value of items sold: $80
*sigh* Who knew being rich would be so expensive? I do have an actual plan underway, and should be able to sell at least a couple of items by the end of the year.
I bet Blackbeard didn’t have so much trouble converting his booty to rum.
This picture was taken from iwatchstuff.com. The smoking beard was something Blackbeard actually did in order to terrify his victims. That, plus his general psychosis, rumours of evil supernatural power, and real guns, and– well, let’s just say it all worked.
#228: Message in a Bottle
Today’s awesomeness was a rollicking adventure featuring real booze and real water.*
I finished off the ginger wine in our cupboard – leaving a few potent-smelling drops for authenticity’s sake. I tested whether it was watertight by sending it to feed the fishes (who enjoyed it very much, thank you).
Then I wrote a note, burned the edges** and soaked it in tea.
The note reads:
I have been marooned by my dastardly companions on this cursed isle, with nothing but sand to eat and nothing but sea to drink. But I have the last laugh!
Gold! It’s mine, all mine! All buried under this very spot.
Should I live, it is by this note, my plea for help cast upon these vile waters. Should I die, it warms my cold pirate heart to know I’ll die rich.
I put the note inside the bottle, and set off.
After accidentally ending up at Lake Ginninderra (having decided to go to Lake Burley Griffin, but cunningly taking a wrong turn), I hurled the bottle into the water and watched it float away.
A person in a nearby building came out and stared at me. I smiled politely and left in as suave a manner as I could, all but whistling to indicate
(a) Me? Littering? Certainly not!
(b) Me? Crazy? Hah! As if! Purple sprocket!
*probably. Scientists haven’t definitively stated what it is that fills Lake Ginninderra.
**and my fingers. And some of the words, if I’m perfectly honest. For extra authenticity, of course.
#227: The Lying Down Game
Ben suggested this (can’t you tell?)
http://www.lyingdowngame.net/
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/lying-down-game
And here’s a picture from way back in August last year, when the first twittertale came out, and was illustrated by Mel Pearce. Captain Sol plays the lying down game too.
http://shootingthrough.net/2009/09/29/worse-things-happen-at-sea-whole-story/
I have another Benism planned for tomorrow, which I’ve begun preparing. My fingers are burnt in several places, so you know it’ll be good.
#71: Learn to spell “unneccessary”
unnecessary
Phew! That was tough, man.
You can tell I had quite a brainstorming session when I began the Daily Awesomeness scheme. This has always bothered me. And now I know the truth: Two ‘n’s, one ‘c’, two ‘s’s.
A reader just submitted a giant and inventive list of awesomenesses. Here’s a few samples of what I’ll be getting into:
Write an unusual Wikipedia article (not trolling, rather a very
legitimate article on some highly obscure specialty of yours)
Take out a Job Ad in Saturday’s paper advertising for something
unusual (Have you seen that one ‘Wanted: someone to travel back in
time and help me hunt dinosaurs. I cannot guarantee your safety, I
have only done this once before’…? something like that.)
Then publish this along with the more unusual/sarcastic responses.
(Possible Ad: ‘Local Start-up seeks Vampire Hunter. Will train, some
decapitation experience preferred but not required’)
Put a note in a Bottle and drop it into Lake Ginninderra
Create a Time Capsule to enlighten future archeologists on the topics
that historians are unlikely to mention in depth (e.g. Reality tv,
Bieber fever, public toilet ettiquette)
Recreate famous Hoax Photos (i.e. ‘the Surgeon’s photograph’ of the
Loch Ness Monster, the Bigfoot photo, that ‘I want to believe’ UFO
photograph) in sarcastic ways (i.e. put googley eyes on the Burley
Griffin Monster, have the local Yowie be wearing a visible Ipod, have
the UFO be a Cookie, etc.)
Make a piece of modern art.
—
And here’s some pictures of the Young Endeavour – my #1 favourite place to research piracy (and yes, I did).
#226: The perfect avocado (and, hooning)
Avocados are a temperamental and capricious fruit.*
Today I opened one, and it was perfect. That happens rarely, my friends, if ever.
In other news, moments ago I found myself pulling up at traffic lights with music on (always) and all my windows down (it was hot). Next to me I heard the unmistakable guffawing of a Group Of Youths – specifically, Young Men. Their car was brimful of testosterone and a bass beat some would describe as “pumpin”. I turned my own music off (theirs was better) and carefully pretended that I hadn’t noticed them. When the lights went green, I raced away with a squeal of brakes and quickly outpaced them!** It was terribly exciting. Thanks to a pair of overlarge sunglasses, to the car door hiding my iconic ankle-length skirt, and to a recent change of hairstyle, there’s no possible way for outsiders to recognise my deviant self.***
The fuzz will never find me, and the Youths will never catch me.
And. . . here’s more Johnny Depp.****
*or are they a vegetable?
**having failed to notice they, unlike me, were turning right.
***except by looking at my car.
****who is not quite as manly as I am right now.
S#15: Fly a Kite
So easy! So magic! Up, up and away!
Also, there were mushrooms. That’s always good.
And ninjas.
Okay, I admit I didn’t see any ninjas, but
(a) That doesn’t mean they weren’t there.
(b) It seems only fair to represent ninjas after all the pirates lately.
#225: Spring Clean
Admit it. You did not see this one coming. I’ve read about spring cleaning in books, and I understood the general concept, but today for the first time I did it for myself. Our house had a teensy black mould problem, not helped by the unusually wet few months we’ve just had. Today I opened all the windows and doors, sprayed exit mould until my head spun around and even repotted two of my plants. I know – craaaaazzzy. Ana freaked out and ran up and down the stairs in a wild-eyed panic (which was helpful for air circulation, I’m sure). I also washed all our clothes and towels.
Hopefully CJ and I will be able to fly our borrowed kite this evening. It’s looking good.
Speaking of wild adventure, your pirate pic of the day (from gamerevolution.com):
Ana could totally take him.
Felicity Banks 