Marvel-ous Day 4 (Part 2)
***SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING (2017) Netflix
One-sentence summary: A dorky teen with superpowers has to save the day alone when the grown-ups get sick of him.
The opening scene is the affable and competent villain-to-be Adrian Toomes helping tidy up after the battle of New York, only to be fired because one of Stark’s many companies takes over. He steals some alien tech and ultimately becomes Vulture.
This is part of Marvel’s increasing nods to realism (calling it realism would be a major exaggeration, which is as it should be). Several villains (including the baddie from way back in Iron Man 2, and most recently Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver) have now been directly inspired by the mistakes and/or collateral damage caused by our heroes.
The second scene is Peter Parker’s dodgy home video of the leadup to the Captain America: Civil War airport fight. He is so lovable it hurts.
Oh, that moment when Stark leans over to open the door and Peter thinks it’s a hug but it’s not. From that moment, every parent-hearted individual on Earth wants to adopt this precious child.
Another aspect of Marvel’s nods to realism is that they’re trying to be slightly less painfully un-diverse. So other than Peter, Stark, and Happy, most of the important characters are people of colour. I am so, so, so excited for Phase 4.
Zendaya wins over the audience in two lines. Everything she says or does is… I want to say “perfect” but it’s so much more than perfect. I love you, Zendaya.
And an adorable montage of Peter trying (and often failing) to be a hero.
I’m gonna have to stop listing every scene in this…
Oh, but the scene in which Ned discovers Peter’s really Spider-Man! Love it. (Also so delighted to see a properly overweight character… who isn’t gross or greedy or lazy.)
Oh, but Ned is so funny!
Oh, and school safety videos by Captain America!
The scariest scene is not the climax, but the scene in which Peter goes to pick up his date for Prom, and realises that her dad is Vulture. And everything he says and does drips with menace even before he realises during the drive to Prom that Peter is Spider-Man.
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And when Spider-Man is hurt—really hurt—and he’s just a kid in a red tracksuit who’s all alone and scared… that packs a genuine emotional punch.
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And the film ends on a beautiful moment, as Peter gets a new suit and is just trying it on when Aunt May walks past the open door behind him and says, “What the Fu–!”
Post-credits scene 1: The Vulture meets up with another villain in prison, but chooses not to reveal Spider-Man’s secret identity. It’s weird and beautiful that he is, in his way, one of the best fathers in the MCU.
Post-credits scene 2: Another Captain America PSA, this time on the merits (or not) of patience.
THOR: RAGNAROK (2017) Disney +
One-sentence summary: Thor blows up his home planet so his big sister stops playing with it.
Ah, that opening scene immediately tells us that this Thor movie is going to be fun. Thor is chatting to a skeleton in lieu of any other admirers, and then he continues to be damn funny for the rest of the film. Suddenly Thor became interesting again.
And the second scene has Loki, disguised as King Odin, enjoying a play rehashing his most recent “death” (with Matt Damon, Luke Hemsworth, and Sam Neill playing Loki, Thor, and Odin). It is the greatest and best way to deal with the plot point of Loki currently ruling as Odin.
This film is brilliantly funny throughout. (“I have been falling for thirty minutes!”)
Then the brothers face Odin’s demise, and immediately meet their big sister Hela, goddess of death, who is instantly iconic as she breaks another icon and joins the nine realms’ least functional family (okay, maybe second-least, after the Guardians. Or just the Quills. Or the Starks. Or… never mind).
Hela takes over Asgard and chucks the brothers into space. They land, like all rubbish lands, on Sakaar, which happens to be where the Hulk ended up, as well as Scrapper 142 aka Valkyrie.
The Willy Wonka terror tunnel is a lovely piece of theatre, as is everything the Grandmaster says and does (particularly calling Thor “Sparkles”). Ditto Valkyrie.
Korg!
“Another day, another Doug.”
“Piss off, ghost!”
The fight between Thor and the Hulk (I mistyped that as hunk first time around) is wonderful. It’s the best fight between two Avengers, because it has such a rich emotional journey (not to mention cutting back and forth into Loki’s emotional journey as he watches the fight).
And there’s one more pure iconic moment to come, during the battle to escape Asgard.
And it’s so thrilling to see both Loki and Valkyrie fighting for good.
Post-credits scene 1: Loki and Thor chatting about how they’ll be received rather differently on Earth, but Thor is sure everything is going to be fine. Then a shadow falls over them as a much, much bigger ship flies slowly over them.
Post-credits scene 2: The Grandmaster stumbles out of a crashed ship into a pile of rubbish surrounded by a large number of armed and dangerous scavengers. He congratulates them on their revolution, and graciously declares it a tie. It looks like they’ll most likely kill him.
BLACK PANTHER (2018) Disney +
One-sentence summary: King T’Challa kills a baddie and then does what the baddie wanted.
There are two exceptional things about this film: the setting, and the characters. (Also the writing, and the fight scenes, and the costumes, and the… well, you get the idea.)
We meet bald-headed Okoye (head of the Dora Milaje fighting force), love interest Nakia (a spy who is quietly making the world better one mission at a time), Queen Ramonda (described elsewhere as “Angela Bassett playing herself”), and genius teenager Princess Shuri.
Our main villain Killmonger (Eric Stevens/N’Jadaka) is introduced as he lectures the West African artifact expert at a museum and then mentions he’ll be stealing an item. When she objects, he points out that it was stolen from Africa in the first place. He continues to be righteously angry, and fundamentally correct in everything he fights for. Even his methods, although violent, make sense. (Shooting his girlfriend was a pure dick move, though.)
Wakanda itself is incredible. The unique tech, the choice to remain hidden, the different tribes which are all visually and culturally distinct, and the gorgeous scenery.
M’Baku (leader of an isolationist tribe) challenges T’Challa for kingship, and loses. (Fighting on top of a waterfall is definitely not a great way to pick who runs a kingdom, but it is visually stunning.)
Nakia spends some time with T’Challa, and sets forth her argument that Wakanda is strong enough to help the rest of the world, and should do so.
T’Challa, Nakia, and Okoye have a cool fight in South Korea, during which Okoye says, “Guns. So primitive.”
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T’Challa loved his father, and the knowledge that his father executed his uncle and abandoned his very young cousin (aka Killmonger) is devastating, and plays a part in his loss when Killmonger challenges him to fight for the kingship.
When T’Challa is thrown off the waterfall, it is as horrifying as it was inevitable. Suddenly everyone must decide if they are loyal to T’Challa or to the throne. Nakia is loyal to T’Challa; Okoye is loyal to the throne. Nakia quickly hides the royal family and the visiting member of the CIA, saving their lives—and one of the heart-shaped flowers that give the Black Panther its power. Smart girl.
It is not easy to write motivations that can be good on both sides, and cause good characters to fight one another. Motivations scraped by plausibility-wise in Civil War; here they are painfully real. M’Baku is a powerful and noble antagonist too.
Killmonger, like T’Challa before him, is able to speak to his dead father in a scene that shows a great deal of pain and personality.
War rhinos! I want one!
And with them comes a moment in which we know exactly where one woman’s priorities lie:
W’Kabe (Okoye’s husband and another major war leader): “Would you kill me, my love?”
Okoye: “For Wakanda? Without question.”
The battle ends, but the royal cousins are still fighting. T’Challa wins.
Killmonger has been told a Wakandan sunset is the most beautiful thing in the world. He has never seen one. So T’Challa takes him outside where they sit side by side and watch the sun set over the mountains as Killmonger dies.
T’Challa offers him medical attention: the chance to live.
Killmonger: “Bury me in the ocean with my ancestors that jumped from the ships because they knew death was better than bondage.”
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In the final scene, Wakanda is opened up to the (very surprised) world.
Post-credits scene: Bucky (now called the White Wolf) is chilling out in a hut by a stream. Shuri has taken him in hand and it’s clear he’s healing from his past.
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And the next film is Avengers: Infinity War! Yibambe!
Marvel-ous Day 4 (Part 1)
Spoilers. Obviously.
This is where Phase 3 officially begins. It’s eleven movies long rather than six (like Phase 1 and 2).
***CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR (2016) Disney +
One-sentence summary: Running low on baddies, the Avengers fight each other.
It’s always fun to see the Avengers working as a team. It shows their maturity that they sit down and discuss the Sokovia Accords (whether or not to submit to the UN as their boss or to continue being their own special force that answers only to themselves) without yelling or punching each other—for ages.
Oh no. Peggy is dead. Of course Steve is one of her pall-bearers.
We meet King-In-Waiting T’Challa aka the Black Panther. Moments later we see him almost save his father’s life.
The Winter Soldier is framed for blowing up T’Challa’s father. T’Challa swears to kill him.
Bucky goes to Steve, even though he isn’t yet 100% sure who Steve is. However, they fight together against a force of armed men and then against the Black Panther, who no one (including the audience) has seen before. The Falcon joins them. War Machine breaks it up, which is when the Black Panther takes his mask off for the first time.
The Avengers split into two sides:
Captain America, The Winter Soldier, The Falcon, Hawk-Eye, Scarlet Witch, and Ant-Man.
Iron Man, Black Widow, War Machine, Vision, Black Panther, and also introducing Spider-Man.
(Hulk and Thor are in space at the moment.)
This is a stealth Avengers film, and I’m not complaining. Also, a lot of scenes of tormented but recovering Bucky is absolutely fine by me.
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So just now our dishwasher did that annoying thing where juuuust when you think it’s finally finished and you can watch the TV in peace, it starts up again. I had a brief Iron Man-esque moment when I said, “I hate you” and it switched off. But it was only for an instant; a completely normal pause in its normal operations. OR WAS IT????
Yeah, it was. I’m not that manic, or that tired, or that disconnected from non-comic reality. Ten and a half movies to go.
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Oh man, the scene when Tony Stark takes Peter Parker (a teenage fan) into his bedroom, locks the door, sits on his bed, and blackmails him into joining his NON-ESSENTIAL fight? So incredibly problematic. That’s pretty much exactly how predators work. And yeah, recruiting a teenager for this is classic Stark irresponsibility but seriously? Yikes.
On the other hand, every second of that sweet child (Spider-Man) on screen is precious. So precious, I kept watching too closely for too long and as a result I burnt my popcorn. I blame Stark for that too.
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And then there’s the airport scene, which is what everyone remembers about this movie (especially Spider-Man making friends with everyone, because he can’t help himself, and Ant-Man turning enormous). And Natasha betrays Stark and lets the others go.
Unfortunately, War Machine gets badly hurt (of course he does almost all his physio and recovery off-screen and gets magic legs, but it’s still unusual for any superhero to suffer consequences lasting more than a scene).
Stark discovers that Bucky really was innocent of this movie’s bombing, and goes to help Captain America and Bucky make sure there aren’t any more Winter Soldiers. There aren’t, but then Stark is shown a video of Bucky (clearly not himself, but certainly his body) killing Stark’s parents. And Steve admits that he knew about it.
So Iron Man rips off Bucky’s metal arm and he and Captain America have their epic one-on-one fight.
Steve: He’s my friend.
Tony: So was I.
….
Tony: You don’t deserve that shield. My father made that shield.
…so Steve leaves it behind.
Then, later, he writes a letter saying that if Stark needs the other half of the Avengers all he has to do is call and they’ll be there.
We all know this storyline is all about the classic game of smashing one’s action figures together. But actually, it’s an excellent movie and even though Stark in particular makes bad choices, it makes sense in the moment. It’s been thoroughly established that Stark has major issues and is often driven by fear. This is the guy that made Ultron, after all. And he and Pepper are broken up, so he doesn’t have her handling him as she does so expertly. In conclusion, I’ll allow it.
You know what? The Captain America trilogy is on a par with the Iron Man trilogy. Which, like so much of this entire saga, is incredibly impressive.
Post-credits scene 1: Bucky gets put on ice, for safety reasons, in Wakanda.
Post-credits scene 2: Peter Parker is explaining his black eye to Aunt May while carefully avoiding mentioning any superheroes whatsoever.
**DOCTOR STRANGE (2016) Disney +
Stone: Time stone. It’s green, and currently called the Eye of Agamemnon (worn as a pretty pretty necklace).
One-sentence summary: Dr Strange learns to use his annoyingness for good.
Opening scene has the baddie of the day kill a librarian (oh no!) and rip pages from a book (nooooo!) and even a super cool chase scene can’t fix it.
The visuals get the second star in this movie. It also links it to Ant-Man in my mind, because Marvel was working hard not to become visually generic. And they succeeded. Unfortunately, they didn’t do so well on the personality front. They already have an arrogant goateed genius on their roster, so a lot of this film does feel incredibly generic in terms of the main character (worse, it lacks the fun of Iron Man and of Stark himself). Both actors have played Sherlock Holmes, even.
And they made Bandersnatch Cabbage-patch use an American accent, which is highly offensive.
And although Tilda Swinton was and always will be brilliant, this is the second time Marvel has used a white actor for an Asian character. Not cool.
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Hey kids, don’t use your phone while driving.
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Oh! I just realised the first case offered to Dr Stark as he’s driving is Rhodey!
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And yes, as a disabled person, I’m aware that the visceral horror of physical imperfection is deeply problematic. But I enjoy the fantasy that physical impairment can be turned into superheroism—Bucky’s prosthetic arm, Dr Strange’s magic, etc.—even though I’m aware that the fantasy itself is problematic. I like the element of truth buried inside it: yes, being disabled does make a person stronger in other ways. (Unfortunately most of that strength has to be spent in pretending to be normal in order to get by socially and financially. Still.)
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And then there’s the iconic moment when The Ancient One pushes Dr Strange’s Astral form out of his physical form…
…followed by an extremely trippy second trip into the astral plane.
Followed by Dr Strange, kneeling and wind-blown, saying, “Teach me.”
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His powerful, opinionated, and affectionate cloak is iconic. I’ve seen a whole lot of glorious cosplay of Dr Strange featuring beautifully-made red cloaks, and I hope to see plenty more.
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The time manipulation of the final scene is beautiful and unique, and the most iconic part is Strange annoying Dormammu into leaving our dimension. Excellent.
Post-credits scene 1: Dr Strange chatting with Thor (while magically refilling his beer as he drinks it) about Loki aka “a worthy addition” to the list of major entities that could threaten this dimension.
Post-credits scene 2: Mordo (payed by Chiwetel Ejiofer) is evil now. I imagine he’ll show up again in another movie (although he doesn’t show up within Phase 3).
***GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOLUME 2 (2017) Disney +
Opening scene is fun, as we see Peter’s parents and know the dad is alien. It’s very gently ominous.
It’s amazing to me how often I have utterly forgotten the actual opening scenes of these movies, but vividly remembered the second. I think it’s a deliberate strategy: draw people in with a solid scene, then bowl them over with a brilliant one. That’s definitely the case here, as the second scene is one of the greatest of all time.
There’s a bit of bickering, re-establishing character, and then a fabulous fight versus a tentacled beast. Fun on its own… but baby Groot (and the way all the other characters are keeping one eye on him during the fight) blasts this scene into the stratosphere.
I had to pause it while writing this, because I couldn’t bear to miss a second. There are a thousand still shots that are joyful, kinetic, hilarious, and just as poster-worthy as this one:
And let’s not forget his own epic fight with a rat-like thing.
Drax is iconic in this scene too.
The soundtrack of Guardians continues to be exquisite, and the combination of 80s pop and technicolour space adventures is a beautiful thing.
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The golden people are deliciously hateable.
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Another Howard the Duck cameo. (He also appears—just—in the final battle in Avengers: Endgame.)
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We see a lot more of Nebula (aka the green meanie), and her journey to redemption begins here.
And this film is where we meet Mantis, the empath.
From here, the Guardians gang is two members bigger.
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I’m resisting the urge to quote virtually every line of this film. It’s so good, you guys.
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Yondu’s character gets a whole lot more complex in this film, and gets three iconic moments in a single film:
-The scene with his arrow killing just everyone, to the tune of “Come a Little Bit Closer”
-“I’m Mary Poppins, y’all!”
-His surprisingly touching death and funeral.
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Ah, sibling relationships. Scenes of Gamora and Nebula attempting to kill one another are always so relatable.
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And in the final wonderfully psychedelic battle, poor Rocket attempts to teach Baby Groot a simple sequence of steps that are necessary to save the universe. And sweet little Groot just can’t remember NOT to push the button that just kills everyone.
And all this adorableness, highly marketable cuteness, and hilarity is also relevant to the theme of family and (particularly in this movie) fatherhood. Quadruple-duty writing for the win.
Post-credits scene 1: The ‘good’ ravager practising controlling Yondu’s arrow, and accidentally hitting Drax in the next room.
Post-credits scene 2: Other ravagers getting back together and deciding to “steal some shit”.
Post-credits scene 3: The gold-skinned high priestess invents “Adam” to destroy the Guardians of the Galaxy. He’s comics-famous, but hasn’t appeared within the MCU yet.
Ooh, and Jeff Goldblum’s character from Thor: Ragnarok appears in the credits too, for those who are paying attention (or who, like me, glance up at just the right moment—after having seen future movies).
Post-credits scene 4: Sullen teenage Groot getting told off by Peter Quill. Beautiful (and preps us for teen Groot next movie).
Post-credits scene 4: David Hasselhoff saying, “We. Are. Groot.”
Post-credits scene 5: Stan Lee’s rambling old man character getting snubbed.
Clearly, the writers had too many cool ideas. I’m not complaining.
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I’m still going strong today, but I’ll release my Phase 3 reviews in groups of three. Since I actually started these last night, I’ll most likely have another three-movie post later today (for the most flexible possible definition of “today” ie before I sleep).
Marvel-ous Day 3
Spoilers, darling.
***GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY (2014) Disney +
One-sentence summary: Star-Lord makes friends, and keeps an orb away from assorted baddies.
Stone: Space (I think) stone. Purple? Encased in an orb, because if someone mortal touches it they die.
This film was the moment when we realised Marvel could sell us literally anything. Having said that, this is a brilliant movie that deserves every success.
A whole new set of Superheroes is masterfully introduced. There are two opening scenes: a tragic scene of a small, clearly messed up kid, that ends with a space abduction. The next scene has the adult Peter Quill, very much in space, but very much of Earth as he dances his way through his scavenging mission.
By the middle of that scene, the audience is hooked on the selfish, irreverent, fast-talking Star-Lord.
The next to be introduced is Rocket, who is hunting for something worth stealing and is amusing himself by insulting everyone he sees, including a small child. It’s only after establishing his character that we discover he’s a talking racoon. (And much later we see, and genuinely care about, his vulnerability.)
Meanwhile, Groot is drinking from a fountain like an over-excited dog.
Then we meet Gamora, who expertly and effortlessly outwits Star-Lord.
And then everyone is fighting everyone, which is a fabulously complex and slapstick scene.
TJ watched almost the entire movie with me. There are a lot of complicated bad guys in this, you guys.
The next iconic moment is when we see Groot and Racoon fighting together in the prison. (Just before Grax becomes one of the team.)
I… didn’t take any other notes because I was too busy watching, and TJ was too busy watching the film with me. But this film is many people’s favourite of the entire Infinity Saga, and even in such good company it definitely deserves that spot. Also, the soundtrack is fantastic.
The ‘found family’ theme is always a winner, but when you start with a group of thugs, thieves, and murderers it takes some clever writing to balance out their past with their redemption and the slow growth of trust. This film gets it done right.
Post-credits scene 1: Baby Groot sneakily dancing, then freezing whenever Grax looks up.
Post-credits scene 2: The Collector is recovering from the events of the film. Howard the Duck has a cameo, because Marvel hasn’t forgotten that its base is comic book nerds.
*AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON (2015) Disney +
One-sentence summary: Stark makes then breaks a bad robot.
First iconic moment is the shot of all the main six racing into their opening-scene fight. You know the one (this is such a blurry shot and I don’t know why because it feels completely clear in the film itself).
Then there’s the scene where several Avengers attempt to lift Thor’s hammer. When Captain America tries it, there’s a wobble. Because Steve actually is worthy, but he realises it would hurt Thor, so he lets it go.
Natasha refuses to try. You can interpret it two ways: either she’s the only superhero who isn’t driven way too much by testosterone, or she feels fundamentally unworthy because of being an assassin. I say both are true.
So this is a classic movie of the “Good guys screw up and then fix it” variety, which is a pretty dumb trope (even with the Scarlet Witch helping mess with everyone’s head before she turns good). It’s great to see all the Avengers together—ah, how quickly we take that balancing act for granted!—but this movie just doesn’t grab me like the rest do.
We add Quicksilver (who is dead by the end of the film), Scarlet Witch, and Vision to the roster of heroes.
Ooh, the mind stone is the orange one! From now on it’s in Vision’s head.
…Seeing the expanded Avengers all fighting in a broken tower is cool.
In fact, I was so inspired by all the super-coordinated badassery that when I went to put a dirty jug on to soak I held the jug with just one hand while pouring in the hot water so I could use my other hand to pour in the detergent at the same time. What a rush. So many things could have gone wrong. I could have dropped the heavy jug and spilled hot water everywhere. I could have dropped the detergent, spilling detergent everywhere. I could have added too much detergent. Those bottles can be slippery. I could have randomly fallen over, dropping everything.
But I executed the plan flawlessly, you guys.
Post-credits scene: Thanos with his Infinity Gauntlet, saying, “Fine. I’ll do it myself.”
**ANT-MAN (2015) Disney +
Introducing Ant-Man aka Scott Lang. We also see The Wasp aka Hope Pym but she’s not the wasp yet.
There are two wonderful things about this film: Paul Rudd playing the endearingly failure-prone Scott Lang. And the visuals. Suddenly there are major action scenes in a bathtub, or a grassy backyard—and it’s awesome. Oh, and Scott’s daughter Cassie is glorious.
This film has plenty of humour and heart, and one of the most affecting deaths in the entire Infinity Saga: the death of Ant-thony. And the climactic train scene—on a toy train in Cassie’s room—is truly terrifying and truly hilarious at the same time. And unforgettable, especially when Thomas the Tank Engine turns giant and smashes out the window.
Post-credits scene 1: Hank Pym shows his daughter Hope the Wasp suit she’ll soon be wearing. After spending half the movie loudly and correctly pointing out that she should have run the heist instead of Scott Lang, she smiles and says, “It’s about damn time.” (There’s only eight movies to go until she gets half of a title.)
Post-credits scene 2: The Winter Soldier is in somebody’s basement, with his metal arm in a vice. The Falcon and Captain America are discussing an issue they’re having, and the Falcon (who fought Ant-Man in this film, as Ant-Man apologised over and over) says, “I know a guy.”
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Aaaand that’s the end of Phase 2! Phase 3 is twice as long as the other two, but tomorrow is Saturday and the kids are going to Nana and Poppy’s house so I should be able to burn through quite a few.
I’ve also received a data usage warning on my phone for the first time in my life. Shockingly, I wasn’t planning on making a habit of watching cinematic masterpieces on my phone, so that’s fine.
It’s not even midnight yet, so I’ll be posting this blog and then starting on Phase 3. Woo!
Marvel-ous Day 2
Uh… spoilers, by the way. For all of the MCU so far. I’ll try to stick to the film I’m in so if you haven’t seen them all you can skip the relevant entries if you’re that far behind the nerd curve.
***IRON MAN 3 (2013) Disney +
One-sentence summary: Stark makes way too many suits then blows them all up.
Superheroes: Iron Man (Tony Stark), James “Rhodey” Rhodes (War Machine, currently unsuccessfully rebranded as the Iron Patriot).
I barely remembered this movie but it’s actually incredible. Iron Man’s PTSD is severe, causing him to have manic episodes, constantly building better and better suits. And he has his first major panic attack early in the movie, which is very accurately written and acted. He responds to a kid, Erin, asking him to sign her Iron Man picture by scribbling on it and writing, “Erin help me” and then rushing outside and activating his suit to tell him whether he’s having a stroke or a heart attack. A lot of people with panic attacks believe they’re having a heart attack (and go to emergency wards), so this scene is bang on. (Happy has also picked up Stark’s paranoia.) He has several more panic attacks over the course of the film, panting and stressing and being annoyed at himself for having them.
I know what it’s like to be manic (why do you think I stayed up all night last night?) and I am all too familiar with panic attacks. This film has already won three stars for doing such a good portrayal of a brave person suffering through panic attacks, and of what that feels like.
Oh, and there are Christmas trees throughout the film (not to mention a giant bunny), which means this is a Christmas movie. That’s the rules.
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Happy sees two bad guys looking stressed, and questions one about his “junkie girlfriend”. C’mon Marvel, stop using gay jokes. It’s painfully obvious that way, WAY too many of your writers are straight white men.
And minus many more points for not grabbing the chance to use an Asian actor for the Mandarin character.
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Like an idiot, Stark publicly dares the Mandarin to attack him at his house, and publicly gives out the address. The Mandarin obliges, to which I say, “Nooooo! Don’t hurt that beautiful house!”
(Although, Stark throwing the suit onto Pepper is an awesome move, and she handles the suit pretty well too.)
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Stark ends up stranded in a small town, holing up in a kid’s barn/workshop. Stark is so horrid to that (brilliant and cynical) kid, and somehow it’s charming. Also, the man is literally insane. (Speaking as someone who knows what insanity means from the inside; I’m aware that in a few years the classic cry of, “Are you insane!?!” will become offensive but it doesn’t actually bother me.) And the kid shows up again, briefly, in Avengers: Endgame.
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Stark has a cool little fight scene against a mutant (lady) while he’s in handcuffs. Kids, THAT is how you up the stakes in a sequel (not with galaxy-spanning villains, who are too big to be truly interesting).
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And the scene in which Stark is zip-tied to a bed frame and he knows his suit is on the way but it takes much longer than he expects is hilarious and brilliant…. What’s more, in the middle of the scene there’s a standoff with Stark and a low-level minion who raises his hands and says, “Honestly I hate working here. These guys are weird.” And Stark lets him go.
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The reveal of the Mandarin as this wonderfully awful actor is even more fun on the rewatch, because you know it’s coming and can enjoy how utterly disgusted Stark and Rhodey are rather than focusing on the revelation itself.
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Another iconic scene, as Stark saves thirteen people falling from a plane using the “Barrel of Monkeys” system. Genuine chills. And a nice BLAM at the end, complete with rolling head.
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The final battle is excellent. Lots and lots of iron men doing cool stuff, without losing sight of the humans and human faces involved. And then there’s the heartbreaker moment, when Stark promises to catch Pepper, and… he misses. She falls 200 feet into a fire. His worst nightmare has come true, and all his manic preparations aren’t worth a damn.
Then, a bit later, she emerges from the fire, in a sports bra and pants, burning from within. And she takes out the big bad, who (let’s not forget) betrayed her more than Stark anyway.
And then, finally, Stark blows up all his spare suits. They couldn’t save him anyway, or protect Pepper, and it’s time to let go of his #1 defense mechanism. Which in his case is rather literal.
And the genius kid gets a fully-equipped lab.
And Stark sorts out the shrapnel still in his chest, and chucks his best arc reactor heart off a cliff where his mansion used to be. Then he ends a movie a second time with the line, “I am Iron Man.” Because he is who he is, even without a suit.
The credits do a nice visual recap of the whole Iron Man trilogy. The indulgence is richly deserved. It is one of the great film trilogies of all time.
Thank goodness for credits, by the way. They’re the closest thing to a break I’m taking 😛
I got up at 10am, so operating on maaaybe four hours’ sleep today. I began watching this on my laptop over breakfast, then on my phone at the doctor (with headphones…not realising that the headphones were 100% not working so I was blasting it to the whole waiting room at full volume for twenty minutes), then on my laptop at home, then on my laptop at the in-law’s house while fetching TJ, then on my phone at a playground on the way home, then on my laptop in my room.
I’m forgetting words. Objects. Things. My vision feels… slippery. I put my shirt on backwards. I’m doing FINE.
But Chris came and told me he needs the car for work tomorrow, which somehow turned into him agreeing to run my errand for me. So I must be pretty sharp.
Post-credits scene: The Stark voiceover that bracketed the movie turns out to be Stark talking to Dr Banner, who has fallen deeply asleep. He tries and fails to explain to Stark that he’s “not that kind of doctor”. It’s a fun scene, and a satisfying end.
**THOR: THE DARK WORLD (2013) Disney +
Superheroes: Thor and Loki (arguably Captain America).
Stones: The Aether, red, which is powerful and which makes Jane Foster (human love interest and scientist) sick, so it must be removed. Plus the dark elves want it in order to destroy the nine worlds.
One-sentence summary: Thor and Jane get back together.
I was almost dreading this one. I couldn’t remember anything about it, and it’s got a reputation for being meh. But this—this, my friends—is the film in which Loki begins his somewhat bumpy redemption arc.
So sure, there’s a lot of blather. But then there’s Loki.
Partway through the film, the arrogant trickster is brought low, not by prison, but by the death of his mother. Thor comes to him for help, and tells him to drop his illusions—which he does.
He is sitting on the plain floor of his cell, with basic clothing, tangled hair, and bare and bloody feet. Wretched.
Moments later he’s iconic again: briefly shifting form to (among other characters) Captain America. It’s a fabulous moment.
And then, after faking his death (again—in a beautifully balanced farewell scene that is exactly 1% over the top so absolutely no one believes it’ll stick) he shapeshifts into King Odin and takes over ruling Asgard.
And the final iconic moment happens mid-battle, as the big bad and Thor fight in and out of portals connecting all the nine worlds—and Thor ends up at a train station and has to get back to the battle by riding the subway.
My 6 year-old (who is very emotionally sensitive) loves superheroes, and so I let him watch bits and pieces here and there. We did some ‘acting practice’ (lots of dramatic dying) and talked about makeup and prosthetics to help ground him in the real world, and when I explained how the battle kept shifting from world to world he understood how silly it was and laughed out loud.
Post-credits scene 1: Lady Sif and friends give the red stone to The Collector for safekeeping, since the Asgardians have another infinity stone on Asgard and they shouldn’t be stored together. Lotsa aliens.
Post-credits scene 2: Jane Foster is waiting for Thor to show up (kinda like he absolutely didn’t during the events of Marvel’s The Avengers)… and he does.
Post-credits scene 3: A giant dinosaur-like creature, still loose in London after the worlds-spanning battle, is chasing crows in an abandoned carpark. Oopsie.
***CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER (2014) Disney +
Superheroes: You guys can probably remember who’s who by now.
One-sentence summary: Shield is mostly evil, but the Winter Soldier gets mostly un-brainwashed, yay!
I’m now off the clock kid-wise so it should be super easy to finish this one. My goal is three movies and a lot of sleep today. I’m so very tired. Luckily this is a great film.
The opening scene is a (“nonromantic” wink wink) meet cute between Steve and Sam Wilson (who will become The Falcon). It’s great. Marvel doesn’t succeed because of their budget, but because they remember to have character moments like this. Wilson is jogging laps around a giant pool (I don’t know the name of it but maybe the Lincoln Memorial Pool?) and Captain America says, “On your left” as he passes—over and over again. From that, the two become friends.
Steve’s list of cultural things to catch up on is a great moment.
The first major iconic moment is when Steve visits his girlfriend, Peggy Carter, in hospital. She’s bedridden and ancient, having lived a very full life that included founding S.H.I.E.L.D. and having a husband and family. And Steve is so sweet and gracious, and glad to still know her, and the contrast between their young and old faces is a beautiful, painful thing.
It’s incredibly cathartic to see the famous and familiar badass, Fury, in a serious fight.
Then comes the famously unsettling revelation that Shield itself is compromised… and the famous scene in which Captain America is trapped in a glass elevator with just so, so many baddies. He knows they’re going to beat him up and they know he know. The elevator stops, and Steve says, “Before we get started, does anyone want to get out?”
No one moves for a long beat. Then Steve beats up everybody.
And we see the Falcon flying, yay!
These two Captain America sidekicks are both so iconic. I love wings. And also long-haired men with a tragic past.
In other news, I’m very bad with faces, so the reveal of the Winter Soldier being a brainwashed Bucky Barnes didn’t come to me for a long, long time. When we first saw it, Chris whispered who it was, and why that mattered. But from then on I was in love with Bucky and with his arc.
I am very much looking forward to the TV show.
So of course it’s iconic when Bucky’s mask comes off and Captain America has a chance to look at him, and sees his friend properly for the first time in seventy years, and says, “Bucky?!”
To which Bucky says, “Who the hell is Bucky?”
Fury’s life hangs in the balance, Shield is mostly evil, Captain America is on the run with his world falling down around him. But of course it’s the revelation that Bucky is, somehow—sort of—alive that hits Steve the hardest.
Everything around him in this movie is custom made to crack Steve’s incredibly moral core. But he doesn’t crack. He doesn’t obey orders any more, but he is still the thoroughly good person he always was. Without all his pain and suffering, he’d probably be quite dull. Instead he’s compelling. And he still believes in the good in others, too. Amazingly, he is an influence on the cynical Fury and Black Widow, rather than them being an influence on him.
And then there’s the climactic helicarrier fight, in which Captain America is trying hard to save Bucky rather than quickly kill him. He puts hundreds of lives on the line because he loves his friend, and he’s incapable of giving up hope.
He saves the day, and then stays on board the doomed helicarrier to try to save his friend. And hope wins.
Post-credits scene 1: Hydra has Loki’s sceptre. And we see “the twins”: Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch.
Post-credits scene 2: The Winter Soldier is in the Captain America exhibit we all saw earlier, reading about himself. He has a beard, so has clearly been a-wandering for a while since he saved Captain America’s life.
Marvel-ous Day 1
Like every half-decent superhero geek, I plan to do a full rewatch of all the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies from Iron Man to Spider-Man: Far From Home aka The Infinity Saga aka Phase 1-3.
I’ll avoid any and all trivia, because there is SO MUCH, and I’ll stick to my personal reaction to the films as they stand. Sadly I wasn’t able to watch them in the correct order the first time around due to often being too sick to watch movies for months at a time (while pregnant twice).
I’ll rate each movie as fine (1 star), good (2), or great (3 stars but in a highly subjective manner—if it’s got a special place in my heart, it gets three stars even if its just for one very special scene or image). There are a lot of 3 star ratings, because there are a lot of great movies in here. Plus themes of ‘good versus evil’ and ‘fighting on even when it hurts’ are very resonant with me, and the idea of having super powers and changing the world for good is basically my ultimate fantasy.
I began watching at 2:55pm on Wednesday, June 24 2020.
NB: I may have the stones info wrong. They’re not all that interesting, to be honest.
Also, you’ll notice a lot of the images I use are very obviously taken off a simple google image search (complete with a minimising ‘x’ etc). That is because I am lazy (and trying to watch the movies as I type), and because it is SO easy to get the exact right image with a basic search eg ‘Iron Man tank top’.
***IRON MAN (2008) Disney +
Main superhero: Tony Stark aka Iron Man.
One-sentence summary: Stark swears off weapons then immediately makes the best one ever.
Two-sentence summary: Billionaire genius Tony Stark realises his company is supplying weapons to the USA’s enemies and decides to stop weapons manufacture. Then he builds the iron man suit, which is more powerful than any other weapon, and he becomes a superhero as a result—which he spontaneously admits at a press conference.
This is an incredibly good movie, from the very first scene which is charming and funny—and then hits you hard.
The scientist character (Yensen) in Afghanistan is so awesome. And he’s alone and doomed but still wears a waistcoat. Respect, Sir.
Stark: “I’m going to be dead in a week anyway.”
Scientist: “Then this is a very important week.”
When I experience such good writing, usually of the ‘all hope is gone but we persevere’ variety, it makes me a better, stronger person. And reminds me of what I want to create in the hearts of my readers.
Also, this is a beautiful thing:
It’s amazing to see the beginnings of some of the characters that are such a big part of the MCU for years and years to come. Iron Man, obviously. Pepper Potts (love interest and workmate). Happy (Stark’s security guy). Coulson (S.H.I.E.L.D. guy) Paul Bettany’s voice (Stark’s extremely intelligent computer system, Jervis). James “Rhodey” Rhodes (Stark’s military friend/handler who will get his own iron man suit in a few films’ time). Stan Lee cameos. Oh, and Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury (boss of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers Initiative).
The scene in which Stark has Pepper replace his arc reactor from inside his chest is just incredible. It perfectly showcases his vulnerability (and her vulnerability and competence)… and what an asshole he is at the same time.
*
Stark about Rhodes: “Ask him about that lovely lady he woke up with. What was his name?”
Ouch. Trans humour. Not okay.
*
Speaking of ouch: Pepper Potts attempts to explain consent to her boss as he makes her dance with him while she’s clearly very uncomfortable. Kids, this is an excellent example of a ‘romantic’ trope that is actually deeply messed up and wrong.
*
Stark leaves the beardy baddie for a bunch of refugees, including children, to deal with? What are they supposed to do? Wait for the police to come? No, they’re going to kill him themselves. In front of their kids. You know what? That’s not as fun and awesome as the movie seems to think.
I’m really glad the big bad isn’t Muslim or Middle Eastern, though.
*
I’m 100% okay with comic book physics.
*
My absolute favourite moment in the climactic fight is when Stark flies super high, knowing that Obadiah would never have tried flying that high for sheer fun, like he did in his montage earlier. I also love what they do with size: the baddie’s suit is so much bigger than Stark’s suit, and then there’s Pepper, tiny little Pepper, tottering through piles of broken glass in her heels.
Chris and I (we were dating at the time) walked out of this movie delighted with how simply fun it was. Marvel gets criticised for undercutting so many emotional moments with funny lines, but I for one enjoy a dumb, colourful reality where the good guys are good (although also flawed) and they get to make a real difference. I enjoy that silly escapism more and more all the time.
And that post-credits scene blew our minds (Chris had to explain who Fury was; he is extremely knowledgeable on all things comics and graphic novel). Little did we know what an enormous phenomenon was just beginning.
In other news, I REALLY like Stark’s Malibu sea-cliff house. Can I have it please?
Post-credits scene: Epic reveal that there’s gonna be a whole UNIVERSE (as it were) of superheroes.
*THE INCREDIBLE HULK (2008) Had to rent it off YouTube 😦
Superhero: Dr Bruce Banner aka The Hulk aka The Incredible Hulk
One-sentence summary: Banner is found by the government but eventually manages to go back into hiding.
Longer summary: Not necessary. The ex-girlfriend and the Abomination (another hulk, but spikier) are super important in this film but will never be seen again.
There are SO many tellings and retellings of this story (beginning of course with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde) that it can be a little tricky to get the right version. Knowing the year helps.
By far the most iconic scene in this film is the blood drop falling in a drink factory, and Dr Banner freaking out about it.
This is not a film I was looking forward to re-watching, but it’s got a lot of good stuff going on (putting the entire origin story in the opening credits was very wise, especially in a phase rife with origin stories). The chase scene in which Dr Banner has to keep his pulse down is great (fantastic scenery and good characterisation).
I’m not super sure about the beauty and the beast trope, but I don’t hate it.
Liv Tyler manages to get a cheekbone-highlighting cut in just the same place as she did in The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring.
First use of “Hulk Smash!” (by the Hulk; not as memorable as it will be later).
The final shot of Dr Banner meditating himself into a green-eyed smile is the other iconic moment of the film. I interpret it as meaning that, although he’s not “cured” as such, he is able to control his transformations now.
Overall this movie isn’t bad.
Post-credits scene: Stark chatting to a guy about possibly maybe joining The Avengers. Not actually that exciting, except that we didn’t expect to see Stark.
***IRON MAN 2 (2010) Disney +
Superhero: Tony Stark/Iron Man & introducing Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow. “Rhodey” Rhodes gets to be War Machine for the first time.
One-sentence summary: Stark refuses to let the military use his suit design and says it’ll be fine because bad people definitely won’t be able to make any suits; two different baddies make suits.
Two-sentence summary: Stark is brought into court because his suit is so powerful it should not be owned by one man because there are others building copies; Stark says it’ll be ages before there’s a decent copy and is promptly attacked by two other fully functional iron man suits and countless drone suits. He blows up a bunch of things, including a large model of the world, and is then given a medal. It’s good to be a rich white man.
There’s a nice Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow) intro.
There’s a central cast change for Rhodey/Rhodes (aka War Machine).
Elon Musk cameo. Remember when he was cool?
Iconic moment: Stark’s suitcase suit. The entire race/attack scene is excellent and memorable.
It’s good to see War Machine and Iron Man fighting the big bad together, especially given all that they go through friendship-wise in this film.
*
There was an moment in Iron Man 1 when Tony was drinking something very green and healthy-looking, which seemed a little out of character for such an irresponsible playboy. But in this movie we find out WHY. The amount of planning and connections in the MCU is absolutely incredible eg Coulson says, “I have to go see something out in New Mexico” (that’d be Thor’s hammer). That sense of overall purpose and consistency was extremely lacking in the most recent Star Wars trilogy.
It’s weird to see Black Widow flirting with Stark. Fortunately it doesn’t last long, and was 100% manipulation on her part.
For me the thing that makes this movie special is how Stark’s heart is literally killing him. It’s strange to rewatch it and see that it’s a relatively small plot point. For me, it’s everything.
Post-credits scene: Coulson in New Mexico seeing a giant crater (that is, a teaser for Thor).
***THOR (2011) Disney +
Superhero: Thor aka uh… just Thor (technically Thor Odinsson, but no one will ever call him Mr Odinsson so no need to remember that). And everyone’s favourite hero/villain/repeat: his (adopted) brother Loki. And the hammer, Mjölnir. And oh, hello Hawkeye (aka Clint Barton). I 100% forgot you were in this film but actually you’re pretty cool in it.
Infinity Stone: The Tesseract aka the space stone (blue and shiny, not to be confused with the Casket of Ancient Winters, which was also blue and shiny and in Thor but is irrelevant to everything).
One-sentence summary: The god of thunder becomes less of an asshole.
Seeing a god as a fish out of water is genuinely amusing (people keep being surprised at how good a comedic actor Chris Hemsworth is). The most iconic scene is when Thor fights through a bunch of guys to get to the hammer… and he can’t lift it. The pain of that moment is what makes the film great (for me).
Hawkeye appears as one of Coulson’s S.H.I.E.L.D. people, and has a great opening line, as he is training an arrow on Thor. “You better call it Coulson, because I’m about to start rooting for this guy.”
Post credit scene: Somehow S.H.I.E.L.D. now has the blue shiny soul stone (aka The Tesseract, in its very first appearance), and also Loki is alive (surprise!) and looks like he’s in the process of getting hold of it.
***CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER (2011) Disney +
Superheroes: Captain America, aka Steve Rogers. His best friend Bucky Barnes, later to become the Winter Soldier.
Stones: The Nazis have the Tesseract aka the space stone, which is blue (when Schmit holds it, it appears to kill him but actually sends him into space, to the planet with the soul stone, and changes actors at the same time but since his face is a red skull I didn’t notice the cast change until Chris pointed it out), which Steve takes into the ice with him at the end. Stark Sr finds it while looking (unsuccessfully) for Steve.
One-sentence summary: A good-hearted weakling turns into a good-hearted superhero.
Longer summary: A super nice kid turns magical but doesn’t stop being fundamentally kind and good. He sacrifices his life to save others (and wakes up seventy years later).
I really wasn’t enthusiastic about a hero with such a jingoistic, USA, ra-ra name. But of course now he’s my favourite of all the characters in all these movies, because his character is so pure. That is the heart of his heroism, and the heart of this movie. Bucky is also a thoroughly decent and great-hearted man, which is shown several times over. And of course we meet Peggy Carter (aka Agent Carter), and get the beginning of that tragically-shortened romance.
It’s fun to see Stark’s dad (also a genius playboy and very much involved in SCIENCE) and a Stark expo, including the giant world sculpture that gets set on fire in Iron Man 2.
The opening two scenes are a tad generic. It feels like the MCU is already getting a bit overwhelmed with the masses of its own information, and also that they realised (correctly) that “wimp getting beaten up” wasn’t the greatest opening scene for the film.
The scene of Steve getting injected with the super soldier serum is made iconic by Steve’s shout of, “I can do this!” when they’re about to shut down the (very painful) experiment. And of course by Peggy’s hilarious reaction when he comes out of the tank just so buff.
That scene feeds immediately into a fantastic chase scene that shows even more of Steve’s excellent character as well as helping us the audience and Steve discover his powers. And when a baddie chucks a boy into water and Steve immediately looks to see if he’s all right, the boy says, “Go get him! I can swim.” It’s a great moment.
And then there’s the pain he can’t quite hide as he’s made into a publicity stunt when he wants to be fighting… and he’s still kind to everyone he meets, and he can still smile wryly when one of his own very embarrassing propaganda films is showing when he goes to see a movie.
*
Speaking of iconic: when he walks back into a military camp, dirty and tired, with four hundred rescued soldiers… it’s so satisfying.
Losing Bucky is iconic too, because of Steve’s reaction.
The two nazi baddies (Zemo and Schmit I think) reappear multiple times throughout the Infinity Saga, but you don’t need to bother remembering them because as soon as they enter the room you can tell they’re evil, and as soon as they start talking their accent says, “Yep, Nazi”.
I am so glad that the MCU never “developed” Captain America’s character into an asshole, as so often happens with any story that lasts a long time. The knowledge that he’s still so noble and good fifteen movies later makes this movie even better.
It’s 2:30am now, and I’m close to the end of this film. Just one more film to cap off Phase 1, but can I make it? Even at home, switching between my laptop and the TV, my bed and my armchair, the sheer number of hours is now taking a toll. I’m doing some gentle physio exercises to keep from lasting injury.
I’m pretty much a hero, is what I’m saying.
At the end of this film, when Steve said goodbye to Peggy over the radio as he deliberately crashed his plane, I had tears in my eyes. But that might just be what happens after this many hours of TV.
The final scene is Steve waking up in the modern day. Which has a great, eerie feel to it as people have tried to ease the shock by setting up a fake environment in which no time has passed.
Post-credits scene: Samuel L Jackson recruits Steve. It’s totally meh these days, but at the time it was an exciting sign that they really were going to put all these superheroes together. I can’t tell you how unlikely this all was.
I suppose I’d rather live in the alternate reality which has intelligent/compassionate/honest politicians and mediocre TV, but for now I’ll enjoy what this reality does best: TV and movies to make us feel better about… everything else that’s happening.
MARVEL’S THE AVENGERS (2012) Disney +
Superheroes: Our original six: Iron Man, Black Widow, The Hulk (new actor; the final major cast replacement in this whole saga), Thor, Hawkeye, Captain America.
Stone: The Tesseract aka the Space Stone (blue). And Loki’s sceptre, which holds the mind stone (it’s blue in this film due to being powered by the Tesseract, but it’s usually purple).
One-sentence summary: Loki tries and fails to use a shiny to get more shinies.
Longer summary: Loki reaches peak evil (later ret-cons say the mind stone was making him more evil than he truly wanted to be). Hawkeye spends most of the movie as his zombie puppet. Black Widow is clever and competent. Thor is big and dumb. Iron Man is shiny and dumb. Captain America and Dr Banner do their best to be vaguely useful despite major negative emotions (grief and anger, respectively), and they fundamentally succeed.
Hmm. 2 hours 24 minutes. That’ll take me to almost 6am. That’s… not ideal. But now that I’ve started this re-watch, I know it’ll be my obsession until it’s done. Better push on…
Ugh, baddie rant as an opening scene. Boooring. It’s all about exposition, and we all know it.
But it gets forgiven, because there are over six main characters and they all get a chance to shine. Back in those innocent days, we thought no movie would ever be more impressively over-stuffed with heroes. Lolz.
Black Widow’s torture/interrogation scene is iconic, including this exchange:
Coulson: We need you to come in.
Black Widow: Are you kidding? I’m working!
Also iconic is the way she ‘requests’ help from The Hulk by first luring him out of the city and then lying that it’s “just you and me”. Soft voices, high tension.
*
There’s another iconic scene in Germany, when Loki forces a crowd to kneel and says,
“You were made to kneel.”
An elderly man gets up and says, “Not to men like you.”
Loki: “There are no men like me.”
“There are always men like you.”
That will never fail to thrill me.
The film uses bickering to quickly re-establish the characters of our six main heroes, and it works very well. There’s even some fan service in having heroes fight each other (plenty more of that to come, naturally). The bickering doesn’t just make us laugh and establish character at the same time. It’s also showing the negative effects of the mind stone. So that’s three in one. With a movie this packed, scenes have to do triple duty.
And it’s actually four in one, because it’s foreshadowing when Captain America says Stark “isn’t the one to make the sacrifice play”. Because he is, in this film and in others. For once, Captain America is wrong.
Speaking of fan service, this is the film that launched a million ships. It’s lovely how the science bros immediately connect (Banner and Stark), and the sexual (?) chemistry between Stark and Steve (aka Stony) is sizzling (the ‘hate each other then work well together in an emergency then grow grudging respect and then emotional closeness’ trope is SO COMMON in romance). Of course, in a few films’ time Captain America is also part of the three-way pairing known as “All Caps”: Captain America, Bucky Barnes, and Sam Wilson (aka The Falcon). Close male bonds are always beautiful, and they’re my favourite ships. My all-time favourite is Captain America and Bucky, aka Stucky, mostly because those two are so close and at the same time so sad. And/or All Caps. I really like Stony, too, but Tony and Pepper work really well so I wouldn’t break them up.
It’s 4:36am and this movie is so good that I’m genuinely enthralled even after a-l-l these hours.
Coulson dies (he gets better, but only for the S.H.I.E.L.D. TV series, and lots of flashbacks), and as a result The Avengers get their heads together and start working as a team.
Chitauri aliens are both iconic and world-changing; they are clearly alien, and Earth will never be the same. I love how they move.
The moment when the six Avengers stand together mid battle, is the ultimate iconic moment of this movie, and of Phase 1 of the MCU.
And then there’s three delicious Hulk moments:
When Hulk says, “That’s my secret Cap: I’m always angry”—and changes into the Hulk with perfect control*.
When Captain America assigns everyone jobs, and says, “Hulk. Smash!”
…and when the Hulk grabs Loki and bashes him on the ground like a rag doll. Then walks off saying, “Puny god.”
Post-credits scene 1: We glimpse Thanos for the first time. Very exciting at the time.
Post-credits scene 2: The main six sit together eating Shawarma. It’s a lovely coda.
Boy howdy gee that’s a lot of films. And I’m just getting started. But the truly amazing part is that so many of these films are really, really good.
*This is especially meaningful to me as someone with an anxiety disorder, because I’m always afraid. Every day, for absolutely no rational reason. So when something truly scary happens, I feel fantastic, because for once my fear level matches the actual threat level. As a result, I do really well with scary things (for up to three weeks, then I collapse). Banner appears to be an incredibly calm, affable guy. I also appear calm. It might be the 5:58am talking, but I’m pretty sure that makes me a superhero of some kind.
IF Comp: Arram’s Tomb
Link to all the games is here.
This looks so perfectly D & D. The cover looks amateurish, but it conveys genre and style perfectly. It is 100% consistent with the writing, which is deliberately cliched.
Heh. It took me five minutes to die on my first go.
Ooh, I think I died even faster on my second go.
On my third try, I lasted SLIGHTLY longer.
This is fundamentally an interactive game, which I know sounds like damning it with faint praise but it’s not I swear! It’s not that easy to make a truly interactive game, and James Beck has done it.
I found the thief creeping on the cleric a bit… well, creepy. But it’s clearly part of his character, and it would only have been truly problematic if he managed to “get” the girl. (It’s possible that he does in some versions, but I’ll give the story the benefit of the doubt and assume that IF they get together it’s because of his positive actions, not because he’s manipulated her into it.)
I have a personal hatred of accents, and I think most readers will find the accent annoying. But I won’t penalise for that.
There were a few minor typos and such, but not enough to penalise.
The formatting was annoying. Most IF engines don’t let you indent paragraphs (like in a novel) so people usually leave a line between paragraphs, exactly like in this blog entry. I think the writer should definitely have done that.
I’m gonna say 3.5 stars for this, because it’s not quite MY cup of tea but it is well written (deliberate stereotypes and all). If the judging form doesn’t allow half stars, I’ll raise it to 4 stars there.
IF Comp: Lucerne
The first pic is not showing up. Possibly because I’m using Safari?
Gorgeous cover. Atmospheric and intriguing. Screams “dark fantasy/adventure” which is right on. You can play it by clicking through to the full list of games here.
And, I know I said I’d skip the 15 minute ones. I just… didn’t find many that suited my criteria, and this one sounded like it wasn’t too dark for me.
This took me about 10 minutes to play, which is about right (I read very quickly). It was a decent story, with a character arc that I found interesting.
But.
I don’t think I made a single choice the whole way through.
And, there were quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes (oddly enough, the visual settings and certain grammar mistakes reminded me of “The Island”, which I just reviewed a moment ago… could they be written by the same person?)
I’m going to give this 2 stars as well, because although the story is better written than “The Island” it still has room for improvement, and the number of spelling and grammar mistakes is still quite high. And the lack of interactivity is quite severe.
But it’s another story that is free of sex and violence, which is actually an achievement in itself.
IF Comp: Valand/The Island
How long it actually took me to play: 15 minutes (the author estimated half an hour but I’m a very fast reader)
The opening of this story was really intriguing: The main character (a child—their gender is never specified) comes to consciousness having washed up on a beach, where they immediately meet a magical creature (who is unhelpful enough to keep the story interesting).
From there, however, there was a lot of dialogue with not much description and not much inner dialogue. It felt quite cursory (very much like my own first drafts, in fact) and wasn’t super involving. A lot of the time no choice at all was offered, and even when there were two or more choices I got the feeling that it barely made any difference (perhaps a line or two; perhaps looking at one part of a room instead of another) or when it did make a difference it wasn’t skill-based (eg finding a crucial object within two tries where there were three equally arbitrary options).
There were a LOT of spelling and grammar issues throughout, so much so that I wonder if the writer speaks English as a second language, or is dyslexic, or very young. My money is on, “Very talented, but very young” in which case the harsh standard of reviews for IF Comp may be discouraging (there are a few shocked and wounded writers every year) BUT if the writer is 16 or less they are definitely someone to watch in future. I feel like even one beta reader would have dramatically improved this story. It’s also possible that the writer is simply a newbie writer (newbie here meaning less than 1000 hours spent writing creatively and learning the basics like grammar). I also feel like there were no beta readers at all, which shows a lack of understanding of the (very generous and helpful) IF Community.
It was really good to see some diversity in the story, which felt natural and showed that the writer has the ability to write interesting stories.
I’m giving it 2 stars, which I feel terrible about, but there are two flaws. First, the writing is fine but not brilliant, and lacks truly interesting choices. Second, the spelling/grammar is quite bad. So if a perfect story gets only 4 stars, this one has to be penalised twice.
(The above is a screenshot, go here for the full list of IF Comp entries, including this one.)
(Great cover, by the way. I would add half a star except covers aren’t officially part of the judging criteria.)
It’s awesome to find a G-rated story that kids could play safely.
IF Comp
I looked forward to entering IF Comp all of this year, as my reward for finishing an unexpectedly difficult story (due at the end of August). I’d done a bit of research and written the opening. The first week of September I did barely anything. I was utterly exhausted—and besides, I had two months to write this thing. It was gonna be fine.
Then I realised I had the date wrong. The IF Comp deadline is the end of September, not October. And I wrote like a wild thing, often writing 5000 words a day. Then, with 48 hours to go, I went to the web site to do an upload test and… I couldn’t. Because the deadline had passed.
I’d got it wrong twice. It was due 28 September, not 30 September.
The good news is… it doesn’t really matter. It’s going to be a Hosted Game eventually anyway, which will get me more money than the IF Comp anyway. I’m going to take the extra time to write another couple of chapters and of course much more editing. It’s a great game, I think. Here’s the cover:
It’s a prequel to “Choices That Matter: And Their Souls Were Eaten”, which means it’s a prequel to alllll my steampunk tales. It starts in late-1700s France (a rather exciting time) and the player character is a mad scientist who gets off death row by volunteering to be the first person to fly in a hot air balloon. If you want to help edit it (and read it for free), go ahead and email fellissimo@hotmail.com.
But the point of this entry isn’t that. It’s the IF Comp, which I can now judge freely (although I can’t rank anything I beta tested).
So here’s my method for selection: I scrolled past the first ten or so entries, on the basis that most people would start from the top (and a strong minority would start from the bottom), so I should start from the middle (this was unnecessary because the comp automatically shuffles entries for you anyway). I went right past everything parser-based (parser makes me cry, possibly because of the same brain damage that made me get the due date wrong twice). I also skipped anything dealing with suicide, death, or horror. Or experimental (again, brain damage – I’m already confused, and don’t want more confusion on top of that), poetry (which is more or less experimental, isn’t it?). Also anything that’s too close to my real life (making money, raising children), because that’s way too stressful. And I skipped most of the super-short ones on the basis that they should get plenty of readers.
I’m gonna try and do five today. Five is the minimum amount for a judge to do, so if I can do five today then I have room to not do any more (assuming the rest of life overwhelms me, as it usually does).
So here is my opening impression of the comp, based on skimming through less than half of the entries:
People definitely put a lot less time into a lot of these than I did into “Flight”. Some don’t have cover images at all, and a lot of others look terrible. (I confess, I have a weakness for beautiful imagery, which isn’t necessarily a prerequisite for a good cover. Still.) I gather a lot of people joined the competition for the same fundamental reason I did—for fun. But I was aiming for a top ten finish, which meant writing a game that was between 1.5 and 2 hours (the rule is “judge on the first two hours of game play” but games with more content tend to do better), and highly polished.
I’m going to try to be a harsh critic, just so I can differentiate good games from brilliant. So if a game is fundamentally perfect, I’ll give it a 4. If I think it might win outright because it’s so incredibly amazing, I’ll give it a 5. Anything else gets less.
Wish me luck. I’m diving in…
Edited to add: So, games are scored out of 10, not 5. I adjusted my official scores accordingly.
Captain Marvel vs Wonder Woman
See? I can do blindingly obvious clickbait too!
But I do legitimately want to explore my feelings about these two beautiful films, so here we are.
OBVIOUSLY team Wonder Woman and team Captain Marvel are all just one big ball of love and congratulations. And the fan art of the two superheroines is glorious. Do yourself a favour and let me google that for you.
Now, let’s talk. . .
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FLERKEN!
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In a romantic comedy, you expect to feel a certain gooshiness as the couple gets together at the end. You can experience that feeling a hundred times and it’s still worth seeing another romantic movie. So there’s PLENTY of room for two films that both make women (and humans in general) feel empowered, particularly since there are roughly a zillion movies that create a similar feeling in men.
Yes, that feeling of mighty feminine power is very similar in the two films. If one got you in the feels, the other one probably will too. I’ll talk about the precise flavour of those wonderful feelings a bit later, because these films are certainly not the same story.
Opening Scene:
WONDER WOMAN has a brilliant opening. The sheer shock of seeing COLOUR in a DC film was a revelation, and a revelation that paved the way for genuine sincerity and love throughout the movie. Kid Diana was instantly engaging and interesting, and showed us plenty about the core of who Diana is, and why (as well as very clearly showing both the world she lives in, and the characters of her mother and aunt—so the painful death and departure of Act 1 actually hurt—which is excellent writing).
And that fight on the beach, when a bunch of women with bows and arrows and spears face men with guns… and win? It’s unique, exciting, important to the overall plot (including the “shield” maneuver that Steve Trevor uses later) and it once again shows that our expectations about this movie are wrong.
The opening scene of CAPTAIN MARVEL is… dull. The character wakes up after a bad dream/memory. “Character wakes up” is probably the single most cliched opening of any story ever. It’s so very, very ordinary. Of course, the dream/memory she has is a crucial (arguably the crucial) moment in her entire mixed-up timeline, so that was definitely worth putting right up the front.
And when Captain Marvel realised her full powers and casts off ALL the gaslighting throughout the entire film, it was probably all the more powerful because of the ordinariness of the opening. I think it was a deliberate choice, designed to make the full film experience more satisfying. But it still made me want to rewrite things.
Title Character:
Interestingly, neither movie actually mentions the main character’s title. After seeing a billion origin stories in the last three weeks or so, we really don’t need to get into how they get their names.
Both have important figures in their life gaslighting them, as well as a group of strong, supportive women. Both actors/characters have spent significant time in physical training and can fight very well without their powers. Both are aware of some of their powers, but become aware (and briefly startled) of much more during their film. Both are far more interested in ending wars than starting them—Wonder Woman’s most iconic weapon is not a sword but a shield. Both are stunningly beautiful. (It has been pointed out elsewhere that, now we seem to have got the hang of female-led superhero movies, can we have some women of colour? Gay women? Trans women? Fat women? Disabled women?)
Diana is ignorant about the real world, and Carol has amnesia. That could be interpreted as lessening their power (gently accustoming viewers to the idea of super-powered women), but it’s also a very handy narrative device for letting the hero and the viewer discover things at the same time, so I’m okay with it in their opening films.
Both women are seen as girls fighting against the limitations placed on them by others. Difficult, determined women. I think it’s significant those both flashbacks focus on the girls before they hit puberty. It’s an unfortunate fact that girls are encouraged to follow their dreams before puberty and then get psychologically beaten up during and after puberty. Teenage girls inspire two reactions: lust and hate. No one wants to hear or indulge the desires or opinions of teenage girls. Statistically, both girls and boys experience a sudden sharp dip in self-esteem around puberty. Boys get it back; girls never recover.
I find myself making them sound like clones of one another, but I swear they’re not. Yes, they have a LOT in common, from a desire to be a hero to a compassion for refugees. But in my opinion there’s a deep and archetypal power to each of them that is precisely what each film needs to give viewers that amazing feeling of empowerment and hope.
Gaslighting (for definition of ‘gaslighting’, see tvtropes here):
Both women are told over and over and over, “No. Don’t do that. You can’t do that. Stop.” There is one crucial difference: Wonder Woman is told these things by two good characters—her mother, and Steve Trevor. Captain Marvel is told these things by people who are trying to trick her.
It is clear in WONDER WOMAN that Diana’s mother is making bad choices where her daughter is concerned; lying to her to try to protect her, and keeping her from training as a strategy to keep her power under wraps. It’s understandable, a plausible weakness, and she gets over it (mostly) when she switches strategy to tell Aunt Antiope to “train her harder than anyone else”. She’s still moderately horrid when Diana wants to leave the island, but (again) it’s plausible in an overprotective mother (so, good writing—when two characters both have noble goals that happen to clash).
But, even on my first viewing, I was annoyed by Steve Trevor. Sure, Diana has no concept of the scope of World War 1 or how war works. But he’s seen the Amazons fight and win on the beach, and he knows some of their magic (eg the lasso of truth) before he and Diana get to London. He shouldn’t be as patronising as he is. Especially AFTER they’ve saved a small town thanks entirely to her. Before that he is annoying, after that he’s a jerk. This is narratively necessary, but it badly impairs the character, which in turn makes me think less of Diana for loving him so much. He’s a decent man, but not THAT great. (Yep, that’s right—sacrificial death ain’t enough to impress me if the guy isn’t as hot as Chris Pine AND smart enough to let Diana call ALL the shots a lot sooner.)
So that’s a significant flaw, in my opinion.
The gaslighting is 100% deliberate throughout Captain Marvel. Given her amnesia, it’s a sound strategy to keep her close and trusting (and makes narrative sense without making her stupid). It also works perfectly thematically and emotionally. When she throws off everything she’s been taught and comes into her full power, it is truly glorious.
Menfolk and Womenfolk and otherfolk:
It’s a little bit of a shame that we see so little of Diana interacting with other women. When Etta Candy is present, it is utterly glorious (and extra points for her using Diana’s sword to stop a baddie escaping from the alleyway, especially after neatly foreshadowing it with her saying that women fight with their principles, but she’s “not opposed to a little fisticuffs, should the occasion arise”). Oh, and Doctor Poison is rather excellent (although I find it a teensy bit patronising that Diana lets her live, when she executed at least one male character). I love all the minor characters in this film (especially Charlie, whose character—singing, angry, and afraid—is devastating and beautiful), and World War 1 is a somewhat masculine affair, but still…
It’s a delight to have several important female characters in CAPTAIN MARVEL, from the Supreme Intelligence to Mar-Vell to the two Rambeaus. It’s not insignificant that (with the exception of the Supreme Intelligence, who isn’t technically female, and the minor villain whatserface played by Gemma Chan) none of the female characters take part in the planet-wide gaslighting of “Vers”.
It’s a simple fact that women are gaslit every day, usually unintentionally, and usually by men.
For example, my husband leaves dirty socks on the floor. To me, this is a feminist issue. When it comes to cleaning our house, the buck always stops with me. This is so, so obvious. I pointed out to him the other day that I find it sexist that he leaves his stinky socks for me to pick up. He said it’s not sexist, because he’s not leaving them for me to pick up—he’ll pick them up himself. Later. But I spend 20 of every 24 hours in this house, while he spends less than half of his waking hours here. He also has ADD, which means he notices much less about his environment already, and is far more likely to forget something anyway. So he’s not deliberately leaving his socks on the floor (and his breakfast bowl on the table, and his empty milk containers on the bench, and his cleaned-and-sorted-by-me washing on the bed, and his jackets on the couch, etc) because he is thinking, “Ha-HA! I shall trick my helpless woman into cleaning up after me” but because he’s not thinking at all. Because he has the privilege of not having to think about such things, because they magically get done when he’s not looking (about 80% of the time). After ten years of marriage, how could this blindingly obvious fact have not occurred to him? (Believe me, we have had many conversations about chores. Most of which he has forgotten. Most of which I remember vividly.)
So I’m left angry and sore (yes it literally hurts me to clean up) while he floats along in life thinking he’s the perfect husband, because he’s not thinking at all. (Disclaimer: obviously he’s a pretty good husband all things considered.)
All of which is to say that women are less likely to gaslight other women (although unfortunately it absolutely does happen, eg this article that I can’t bear to read), and CAPTAIN MARVEL reflects that. Without saying a word in the script, it conveys that she’s getting psychological strength from her female friends. And that is something that is deeply satisfying (and healing) for female viewers, and almost entirely absent from WONDER WOMAN.
WONDER WOMAN has Etta Candy (1000 points) and Charlie, who are perfect.
CAPTAIN MARVEL has Goose (1,000,000 points, sorry Etta) and young Nick Fury, who are also perfect. And so are the Rambeaus.
The YEAHHHHHH!!!!! moment:
Both films have a scene that makes every living human in the audience want to jump on their seat and cheer, then go and find a Nazi to punch in the face.
WONDER WOMAN: The moment she chucks off her boring London clothes and runs across no man’s land.
CAPTAIN MARVEL: The fight scene set to “Just a Girl” by No Doubt.
Both scenes are in their own way, perfect. WONDER WOMAN is tinged with sadness on a second viewing, because the town she saves is soon to be murdered. You definitely feel her pain and disillusionment as a result, which makes sense thematically.
CAPTAIN MARVEL: Something about that iconic song—so familiar to me as a 90s teen, although back then I didn’t know enough to feel that righteous anger myself—makes CAPTAIN MARVEL’s power explosion feel 100% REAL. Sure, it’s magic and fiction and there are aliens and blue blood and so on. But with that song right there, CAPTAIN MARVEL cuts into our Trump-poisoned reality with pinpoint accuracy. I never would have thought I’d see a more potent female empowerment scene than in WONDER WOMAN, but CAPTAIN MARVEL did it. For that reason, I will love CAPTAIN MARVEL forever. Plus she’s fighting the very people who gaslit her so bad for so long, which gives it extra zing.
Historical Setting:
(A zillion bonus points to WONDER WOMAN for giving us Themyscira. A bold, beautiful place that now exists forever in the collective imagination.)
It’s been established elsewhere that the World War 1 historical accuracy of WONDER WOMAN is top-notch. Kudos to every single person involved.
From the moment the trailer showed Captain Marvel crash-landing through the roof of a Blockbuster Video store, everyone in the world who is around my age (37, by the way—old enough to have been avidly following the MCU since it began, with our own money) emitted a “squee” of delight (followed by a gasp of horror that a film set in the 90s is now officially a period piece). It was beautifully done throughout (without, I think, banging on about it), and I enjoyed it very much. Also the de-aging on Nick Fury and Agent Coulson was fun and looked great.
The Twists:
Both movies feature betrayal by the big bad. Wonder Woman is betrayed by the man who funds their mission to the Front, and Captain Marvel is betrayed by her mentor (who was only her mentor in order to keep her close).
Neither of these land properly. In Wonder Woman, David Thewlis just doesn’t work as the big bad. Even the betrayal doesn’t feel quite right, because why did he bother funding their mission in the first place? I guess to keep tabs on Diana, but meh.
In Captain Marvel, even those who don’t know Yon-Rogg is evil from the comics know he’s evil as soon as he and Captain Marvel (“Vers” at the time) do a training fight in the opening scene. It is a law universally acknowledged that a mentor and mentee fighting in Act 1 must fight as enemies in Act 3.
Wonder Woman also has the betrayal of her Mum never telling her that SHE is the God-killer, not the sword. And Captain Marvel has the larger betrayal of her entire (she thinks) home world being the villains. (Sidebar: I felt that the switch from “Skrulls are evil” to “Kree are evil and skrulls are good” happens a little too quickly, without sufficient proof. And now I need to go back and wince every time a skrull is punched/killed in Act 1…)
The Villains:
Yes, Yon-Rogg fundamentally worked, especially when he tried—and failed so badly—to gaslight her one last time. (Note to self: When theme and action fit together perfectly, it’s a beautiful thing.) Some of the second-tier villains were underdeveloped. Hopefully there’s a longer cut of the movie somewhere.
I’m glad the Captain Marvel movie didn’t waste the opportunity to have shape-shifting enemies, even if it was only in Act 1. Hurrah for punching sweet old ladies!
Wonder Woman’s Dr Poison would have been a better big bad, I think. She was more interesting than General Ludendorff and scarier than Sir Patrick (if she ignored the general and decided to do her own thing). The idea of Ares as a whisperer/evil muse rather than the controlling force behind World War 1 was sort of cool, but then undercut by the fact that people DID immediately lay down their arms once Ares was killed.
The Third Act:
Wonder Woman wanted to be epic, but we’ve seen so many epic fights (and we were so unimpressed by Sir Patrick) that it was the weakest part of the film.
Saving Captain Marvel’s greatest scene for the third act REALLY worked. The only flaw is the second-tier villains not feeling like real three-dimensional people.
Postscript:
It was really excellent that Captain Marvel didn’t have any romantic interest in anyone. Her (platonic) chemistry with other actors was an absolute delight, and it’s just SO nice to not have a romance subplot just because it’s a female main character. Sure, I like Steve Trevor (with the exceptions outlined above), but I think Captain Marvel gets extra points on this one.
Conclusion:
Now I want to see both films again.
FLERKEN!!
Felicity Banks 