Artemis Fowl and the Lost Colony
Oddly enough, I haven’t written a review of the first Artemis Fowl book – it’s excellent, believe me. So here’s a review of the second, and there are more Eoin Colfer reviews on the way.
The rest of this review is at Comfy Chair, where I get paid for it.
“The Blue Sword” by Robin McKinley
I first read this book – oh, many years ago now – and it stayed in my head all this time. About a month ago I remembered the author’s name and how much I loved the book, and I ordered a bunch of her stuff from the library, which I’ve been voraciously reading ever since. McKinley is the absolute queen of exposition: no-one does it like she does. The rest of this review is here, where I get paid for it.
Life lessons from “This Means War”
Last weekend CJ and I went and saw “This Means War” (starring the girl from “Legally Blonde” as the Ordinary Girl, the guy from the latest “Star Trek” as the Rich Over-Confident Man Who Treats Women Badly, and the guy from various stuff as the Single Father Who Until Five Seconds Ago Was Trying To Get Back With His Incredibly Hot And Polite But Dismissive Ex.
It’s billed as “Spy versus spy” – two guys fall for the same girl and each tries to win her (they’re both spies, and best friends). It was stupid (obviously) but it was a reasonably well-written rom-com with a strong bromance and some action. Most importantly, CJ and I laughed plenty of times, and went home happy.
Also, it was educational. Here’s some of the lessons we learned (mild spoilers shall occur, but if you can’t figure out every detail of the ending from the above, then you’ve probably never seen a film before).
1. The best way to find the perfect guy online is to have your best friend write a wildly fictionalised and frankly bizarre profile for you on a dating site. (Also to look like Cameron Reese-Witherspoon. That might help.)
2. The best way to get back with your utterly uninterested ex-wife is to get blown up a bit on national TV. This is nothing to do with the fact that you hid your real job from her for your entire married life. It’s because you are now cool. Girls like that.
3. Also, the best way to make your son look at you like you’re a man is to beat up someone else’s dad in front of both children. This is what being a good father really means.
4. If you are completely full of yourself, it’s best to let it all out. The woman will tell you clearly in twelve different ways that you are bothering her and she wants you to go away – but at the same time she is secretly telling her best friend that she adores you. If you treat her badly enough, you don’t need anything in common or any attributes whatsoever. The best part is, if you’re lucky enough to have had a family tragedy as a child, you never need to show any kindness, intelligence, respect, or anything – ever. The girl is yours. Guaranteed. This also gives you a free pass to break into her home, film her having sex with other men (having planted bugs in her home when you broke in), record her conversations both at home and elsewhere, track all her movements electronically, record her best friend having sex, and to completely fictionalise everything about yourself including your job, education level, hobbies, likes and dislikes, etc. Girls like that. She is guaranteed to pick you over a sane, attractive man who treats her well and lets her sometimes choose where to go or what to do. But you must remember to ignore everything she says, including, “This is bad. I shouldn’t do this” and, “Get lost. I hate you. I’m going to call the police.”
5. If you can’t choose between two men, you will inevitably have to have sex with both of them. If you don’t have time (or you don’t feel like inadvertently becoming the next home sex video sensation), that’s okay: just pick the one with the most obvious psychological issues. They’re always the best choice.
6. If things aren’t going well with a girl you’re trying to impress, you must show her how good you are at lying. This will solve everything (twice).
7. Finally, never let a major terrorist threat (either national or personal) get in the way of your date. If a major arms dealer follows you to the house of your Completely Normal Girlfriend, at least you don’t have to set up a major network of recording devices in yet another location. (She may get kidnapped and/or blown up: don’t worry, girls totally dig that. Remember to send the terrorist a fruit basket later.)
“The Farthest Shore” by Ursula LeGuin
I’m sorry to say that this is the weakest book of the trilogy. There is a fourth book that is weaker still, that I’ve chosen not to re-read. The rest of this review is at Comfy Chair, where I get paid for it.
The Avengers movie
If you’re any kind of self-respecting geek, you’ve probably already seen this more than once (or, alternatively, if you’re a lady fond of her eye candy). To the delighted relief of the geekmunity (who have been burned before), this is a great film. For those who know the name of Joss Whedon (writer and director), that was no surprise, but it was nonetheless a delight.
The Avengers are QUITE a disparate group, ranging from non-altered human to demigod in powers, and from billionaire philanthropist to time-refugee soldier by profession. In a not very surprising twist, they don’t get on.
They REALLY don’t get on.
Whedon very cleverly uses the manly bickering to give us action, comedy, and backstory all at once. You really can watch this film without having seen any of the rest, and it actually works – a tremendous achievement. The writers had to balance several films’ worth of backstory and character with a veritable smorgasboard of main character types: they did it. Choosing Iron Man as the main hero was a crucial move, and solved many problems. I liked the villain, too (mostly because he looks human and his issues are very human, so I easily understood his thoughts and his motivation).
There are literally dozens of brilliant moments – extremely funny lines (some that I missed due to laughing at previous lines), good solid action sequences with enough originality and character to keep even me interested, and a few moments of blazing heroism (my personal favourite was a moment at Loki’s first public appearance – and it wasn’t by one of the Avengers).
Thematically it wasn’t all that strong – the main theme is developed through all the manly bickering, and it warms the heart to see the Avengers briefly get over themselves in order to save the planet (….we hope…..), but it’s not something that really hits the heart. There’s another, minor theme in the way the villain is convinced that what the human race really wants is to be ruled. Again, it doesn’t pack an emotional or thoughtful punch – but let’s be honest: this is a comic book movie, designed for awesome action sequences and, hopefully, a lot of laughs. It delivers both in bucketloads.
I already want to see it again.
“Hulk. . . smash!”
The Tombs of Atuan
This is the story of Tenar, who is said to be a priestess reborn. As a result, she is taken from her family at a young age and brought up in a temple complex, taught to be the mistress and guardian of the Undertomb and Labyrinth. No-one else is allowed in all the dark places, on pain of death. The rest of this review is at Comfy Chair, where I get paid for it.
Free sample (when, at the age of six, Tenar has taken up her role as the reincarnated priestess):
The child said nothing. Manan turned around and went away. The glimmer died from the high cell walls. The little girl, who had no name any more but Arha, the Eaten One, lay on her back looking steadily at the dark.
Rating: G, and recommended for any age that likes reading.
A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula LeGuin
I’ll be reviewing Ursula LeGuin’s whole Earthsea trilogy* over the next few weeks. This is the first book.
When I was eighteen, I invented a wonderful world based on the Indonesian archipelago. It contained literally thousands of islands, and hundreds of diverse cultures. When I first read the Earthsea books several years later, I discovered that not only had my archipelago idea already been done, it had been done by a masterful writer who was already a classic. Fie upon you, LeGuin! You preemptively stole my idea and had the gall to do it better than me.
So: the world is excellent, and the writing is beautiful. The rest of this review is at Comfy Chair, where I get paid for it.
“Who Goes Here?” by Bob Shaw
This book makes me laugh. Also giggle, chuckle, and guffaw.
The rest of this review is at Comfy Chair, where I get paid for it.
A Confusion of Princes
I’m a huge fan of Garth Nix’s Old Kingdom trilogy. It may well be the best young adult fantasy trilogy ever written. So, as I pondered what to graciously accept as a mothers’ day gift (another book per year is totally worth the effort of giving birth), his latest book quickly won over the competition. The rest of this review is at Comfy Chair, where I get paid for it.
The Hunger Games: Book and Movie
You’ve probably heard SOMETHING about this book (if only that it’s been turned into a movie). I first heard about this book years ago, on a writing blog, when someone was using it as an example of good writing. So I always meant to read it. Then someone described the movie as “How Twilight should have been” – not in plot terms (Twilight is predominantly romance, and The Hunger Games is predominantly a story about war/reality TV) but in taking an introverted heroine with a distinctive voice and turning her into a film heroine.
The book review is at Comfy Chair, where I get paid for it.
The movie:
It was fascinating watching the movie, which has done a good job of sticking close to the book – but even scenes that are line-by-line identical feel quite different when the viewpoint isn’t from inside Katniss’ (understandably suspicious) head. Most of the sympathy for Katniss comes from the horrors of the world she lives in, rather than a closeness to her thoughts – which works VERY well. I really enjoyed watching the worldbuilding play out. It was actually more horrifying than the book (without changing any facts) – the very visual contrast of rich and poor, the pain on people’s faces, etc.
I still don’t particularly like the premise of a deadly reality show. It’s been done on Doctor Who and presumably other places. And surely everyone in the world already knows that reality shows are sick and wrong (I saw a few minutes of “Dancing with the stars” a couple of hours after seeing the movie, and it was truly terrifying). I also don’t like my stories as tragic as this one – but I know that’s a matter of taste.
The movie chose not to use voiceover, and I’m glad. They did open the movie with a little bit of intro simply written on the screen, and they used commentators on the Hunger Games TV show to explain in a rather obvious fashion what was going on in Katniss’ head. But most of the internal information was incorporated seamlessly into the script.
Book and movie share the same problems: Katniss is a rather defensive character, which is narratively weaker than the alternative (but it can’t be easily fixed, because then you’d have a heroine gleefully setting out to kill other children). One of the weakest scenes in both the book and the movie is her TV interview (much like a beauty pageant contestant), in which Katniss finds the strength within herself to finally. . . be just like all the other girls. She’s so scared before the interview, and readers/viewers expect a breakthrough that means a bit more than the ability to smile and twirl (although smiling and twirling is actually crucial to her survival, that sense of desperation doesn’t come across).
I really did like this movie. It’s smart, and involving, and thoughtful, and dark. Despite the darkness not being my cup of tea, I do want to see it again.
Felicity Banks 