Daylight Day 6: Twilight Review
I was dying my hair when Ed called. “Want to play EMO baseball with my family?”
“No.”
He cried until I hung up.
My hair turned green. Oops.
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Since this refers to a specific incident in the “Twilight” book, here’s my review (apologies to those who’ve seen it in the other blog). It’s worth noting that I wrote this long before coming up with the idea for “Daylight”. . . but you can see exactly where the vampire/emo inspiration began.
STEPHANIE MEYER
Twilight (I only read the first one)
Excellent writing style, good characterisation of the hero (for sympathy – it irks many readers that she has no flaws whatsoever). Almost no plot (other than romance) for hundreds of pages, which annoyed me (there’s about 100 pages of action at the end). The whole basis of the romance seemed to be physical (rather than anything to do with the personality/lack thereof of either party), which also annoyed me.
MUCH angst. Much talking about angst. Probably would have been better at half the length.
Rating: PG (sexual symbolism) to M/MA later in the series (on-screen sex). Mild violence.
Recommended for: emos. (ooh, the claws come out!)
Approximate quote: “Ooh, you’re ever so pretty. It’s so hot that you want to eat me! I’d rather DIE than be single, wouldn’t you? Oh that’s right, you are dead. . . Let’s have babies!”
Daylight Day 5: Wedding Advice
Still not EMO, despite drenching rain. All the EMOs are thrilled they’re not sparkling today (Ed almost smiled). Bring back the sun!
*
“Cheer up,” said Mum, “I’ve decided to have a wedding.”
“But. . . you’re married.”
“Don’t spoil it. It’s exactly what all those EMOs need.”
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Wedding advice:
Step 1: Elope.
Step 2: Apologise for eloping.
Daylight Day 4: Science
“Ed, it’s the holidays. Don’t you feel a LITTLE happy?”
“No,” he said. “Bell, would it be okay if I drank you – just a little?”
“NO!”
*
“Exodermal Melanin Occlusion is spreading fast,” the news said. “Symptoms now include sparkling in sunshine, darkening hair, and whining.”
*
Ed tried to bite me, and I tripped over another EMO as I dodged him. Bruised my knees. Still not EMO, despite my black hair and long fringe.
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And, for those of you who want to know how it works:
EMO is a Retrovirus (i.e. a DNA-altering virus) which infects the outer layers of the skin. It modifies the cell’s Melanin genes so that the cell produces Silicate Crystals instead of normal Melanin.
This has the following effects:
1. It makes the infected very pale and sparkly (kind of like if they were coated in countless tiny beads of glass)
2. The Silicate crystals produced pass into the bloodstream and build up in the Brain – particularly in the Hypothalamus, Amygdala (Dysfunction of which is associated with Photophobia – aversion to light – and sometimes with compulsive biting behaviour), and the Anterior Cingulate Gyrus (disruption of which results in extreme apathy and emotional blunting).
THANK YOU to my writing group for coming up with “Exodermal Melanin Occlusion”, and especially to Ben Crispin who came up with the above.
Daylight Day 3: Apology
On the news: “The EMO subculture has now become a pandemic. EMO teens can be recognised by their depression, dark clothes, and bad poetry.”
*
I walked in the yard just as Mum set some weeds on fire. “Mum,” I said through the smoke, “Ed’s EMO.”
“That’s nice dear.”
*
My name’s pretty bad, but my brother is Pi. He’s ten and wears a labcoat. I told him, “Ed’s EMO.”
“Hm. Can I do experiments on him?”
“NO!”
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The story is barely three days old and already I’ve discovered that the depressed emo is largely a myth (most emos TODAY just wear unusual clothes and hair).
Obviously (I hope) I don’t want real emos killed – or harmed in any way.
It’s important to note that the EMOs of “Daylight” are actually vampires. Not emos. They’re also not at all a fair representation of real emos from any time or place. Because what’s funny about reality?
I can certainly see why some people find the story highly offensive. That is not the intent of the story, and I am wholeheartedly sorry for causing anger and for using stereotypes. However I have decided to continue with the story because I believe that depression absolutely SHOULD be laughed at. If you look at my alternative blog, https://felicitybloomfield.wordpress.com you’ll see that I spend a lot of my time online mocking myself and my own mental illness (which I’ve now had for five years).
So, in conclusion – this is NOT a story about real EMOs. I borrowed a little from real life, a lot from “Twilight”, and even more from my own imagination (and the recent swine flu pandemic hysteria). If you are an emo, please take this chance to laugh at what could have been. If you are depressed, please use whatever strength you have to find a way to be a little less depressed.
Some resources for the mentally ill:
Your local doctor can prescribe you medication (depression isn’t something you chose – it’s something wrong with the chemicals in your head. So why not fix it, like every other sickness?)
If you’re a woman in Canberra, you can get free counselling from the Women’s Health Centre. Their number is 6205 1078. They’re EXCELLENT. And if you’re any Australian woman, I bet they can give you a number to call in your area.
Here’s a blog I wrote with some advice:
https://felicitybloomfield.wordpress.com/2009/06/23/advice-for-the-newly-insane/
And here’s a blog about someone else’s very funny misery:
http://hospitalnotes.blogspot.com/
And another funny blog about metalheads – who are also famous for being unhappy (but are actually normal people) – this blog is written BY a metalhead (a very happy, cheerful individual both online and in real life), who is currently travelling Europe (finding as many metal fests and shops as possible):
Daylight Day 2: “Am I an EMO?” quiz
In Civic, Ed kissed me and sighed. “Oh, Bell. Cloudy days are so deep.” “Oh no!” I cried. “Ed, tell me you haven’t been bitten by an EMO!”
*
He didn’t laugh once at our preview of “Saw VI”. I yanked him into a rare patch of sun – and he sparkled. My boyfriend had turned EMO!
*
Finally he confessed: “My mum bit me.”
“Your MUM!?”
He sighed, “Sad, I know.”
“Do you want to drink my blood now?”
“Er. . . no,” he lied.
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“Am I an EMO?” quiz
1. Would you LIKE to be an EMO?
2. Are most of your clothes black?
3. Do you like to share poetry about your feeeeelings?
4. Does your fringe hang longer than your eyebrows?
5. Do you find “Daylight” completely unfunny (along with everything else in creation)?
Bonus questions:
6. Do you have strong urges to drink blood?
7. Have people’s necks and veins suddenly become more attractive to you?
8. Is your hair turning darker without needing to be dyed?
9. Are your teeth unusually sharp, especially when you feel peckish?
10. Do you sparkle in an annoyingly pretty fashion whenever the sun hits you?
Answers: If you answered yes to one or more questions, YOU ARE IN DANGER!
Public Health and Safety Regulators recommend that you DO NOT drain your friends and neighbours of their blood – no matter how tempting it might be.
THIS MEANS YOU!
Daylight Day 1: FAQ
EMO used to stand for ‘emotional’ – the teen subgroup that’s only happy to be sad. Now it’s become a disease eerily similar to vampirism.
My name’s Bell. I considered being EMO once, but then I saw a pretty butterfly and got over myself. Got bored and decided to save the world.
This is the documentary tale of the brave few fighting to find a cure for EMO (or, failing that, a quick and easy way to kill them all).
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1. What is an EMO?
In this story, EMO stands for Exodermal Melanin Occlusion – fundamentally, EMOs are vampires, but more whiny (thank you, Stephanie Meyer).
In real life, emos are a group within Western culture who are universally hated and mocked for their determination to be depressed – and to share their depression with the world by wearing predominantly dark clothes (often with one brilliantly-coloured item, eg red shoes), by mooching about with misery etched on their faces, and by writing the world’s worst poetry.
The fact of the matter is that the whiny, depressed type of emo is now very rare – today’s emos just wear dark clothes and unusual hairstyles. But this story is about the “historical” emos – and, since the “Twilight” book is so true to the historical emo vibe, I decided to make vampirism and emo the same thing.
Here’s the most emo picture I can find in my photo album (send me YOUR emo pics at fellissimo(at)hotmail(dot)com). Note the “deep” expression, the hair hanging in my eyes, the self-conscious pose, and the otherworldly clothing.
Bella and Edward (from “Twilight”) spend most of their time repeating things like, “I’d rather die than live without you” and “If you stay, I don’t need Heaven.” They (and the books as a whole) are brim-full of emo angst untainted by any trace of rationality or getting a life.
2. What’s a twitter tale?
A twitter tale is a story written especially to be released on twitter. Mine are told in real time (so if the story takes three months for us to get through, it also takes three months for the characters – in this story, they also experience things like Christmas Day at the same time we do). Each tweet is like a tiny chapter. Day 1 is like a prologue.
3. Do you really hate Stephanie Meyer and/or “Twilight”?
No, I actually think she’s a good writer – I just hate her plot and characters.
4. So are you retelling “Twilight”?
No. I tell my own stories. The greatest similarity is between my Ed character and the character of Edward. They’re both whiny, annoying and fundamentally NOT worth going out with. And above all, they’re both EMO.
5. Why are you writing twitter tales?
For fun, and because it’s a way for the general public to get to know me before my books come out (I write adventure fantasy books for young people – strictly non-emo).
6. Where is this story set?
In Canberra, the capital of Australia (same time zone as Sydney).
7. Why are you victimising emos – shouldn’t you be trying to help?
I’m mocking them mostly because they’re an easy target. But, since I’m mentally ill myself, I have some claim to the idea that the best thing for depression is to laugh at it.
6. More info?
My twitter site is http://twitter.com/Louise_Curtis_ (you need to manually add the final underline – or simply click at the top of the twitter feed on the right hand side of this page). It’s a great place for new twitter users to join and automatically follow me. I only use twitter for stories, not for saying what I’m eating or how I feel.
My alter ego, Felicity Bloomfield (who writes predominantly for adults) has a blog at https://felicitybloomfield.wordpress.com. It’s still PG (like this one) but sometimes has links or stories that aren’t (those are clearly labelled). A lot of it’s about the experience of being mentally ill and/or the life of a writer.
New story, new blog theme
Do not adjust your screen. This is still the same blog – but a brand new shiny story begins tomorrow (“Daylight” runs from 2 October until 31 December 2009)!
PS what do you think of my new, emo* picture?
*Emos are sorta post-goth. They dress mainly in dark clothes, but often with brilliant red shoes, and they have dark hair and fringes hanging over their eyes. “Emo” stands for “emotional” but somehow never touches on happiness – just miserable (and loud) depression. You may have seen the “Cheer up emo kid” T-shirt.
Companion to Day Sixty-One: THE END
Captain Sol has a new, more violent crew and a better ship. Ulandin is alive (since Sol can pretend to be stupid when she pleases), and Oldy has wandered off into the sunset (probably walking on water too – the show-off).
A happy* ending!
*Well. . . unless you’re the rest of the world.
Companion to Day Sixty: Final Picture
Sol screamed at me from the bridge. ‘A captain goes down with her ship!’ ‘It’s not your ship, remember?’ She paused. ‘Oh, FINE! Let’s go.’
We dived into cool water and blinked ash from our eyes. The kids lined the shore.
Sol pointed at a better ship, and they went to fetch it.
Sol and I trod water. ‘I didn’t like ruling anyway,’ she said, ‘too much like home. Where’s Oldy?’
‘Gone,’ I said – but I knew he’d return.
Companion to Day Fifty-Nine: Pirate Law
‘Um, sir?’ said Oldy, waking me, ‘should we go on deck now?’ Behind him a flaming wall bent inward then fell to bits, spraying fire.
‘Hi boys,’ said Sol; a glowing outline. ‘Thanks for trying to save my ship, but it’s over. And that lying Hin is gone.’
We dived to safety.
Sol walked aft as the flames grew. ‘She’s going below!’ said Oldy. ‘Not without me,’ I said. I climbed the broken wood to save her.
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From my wonderful “General History of the Robberies and Murders of the Most Notorious Pirates”, here is a short selection of one pirate’s rules aboard ship. (Pirate Roberts, who was known for his relative sobriety.)
I
Every man has a vote in affairs of moment; has equal title to the fresh provisions, or strong liquors.
II
No person to game at cards or dice for money.
III
The lights and candles to be put out at eight o’clock at night.
IV
T keep their piece, pistols and cutlass clean and fit for service.
V
No striking one another on board, but every man’s quarrels to be ended on shore.
VI
The musicians to have rest on the sabbath day, but the other six days and nights, none without special favour.
