Marvel-ous Day 2
Uh… spoilers, by the way. For all of the MCU so far. I’ll try to stick to the film I’m in so if you haven’t seen them all you can skip the relevant entries if you’re that far behind the nerd curve.
***IRON MAN 3 (2013) Disney +
One-sentence summary: Stark makes way too many suits then blows them all up.
Superheroes: Iron Man (Tony Stark), James “Rhodey” Rhodes (War Machine, currently unsuccessfully rebranded as the Iron Patriot).
I barely remembered this movie but it’s actually incredible. Iron Man’s PTSD is severe, causing him to have manic episodes, constantly building better and better suits. And he has his first major panic attack early in the movie, which is very accurately written and acted. He responds to a kid, Erin, asking him to sign her Iron Man picture by scribbling on it and writing, “Erin help me” and then rushing outside and activating his suit to tell him whether he’s having a stroke or a heart attack. A lot of people with panic attacks believe they’re having a heart attack (and go to emergency wards), so this scene is bang on. (Happy has also picked up Stark’s paranoia.) He has several more panic attacks over the course of the film, panting and stressing and being annoyed at himself for having them.
I know what it’s like to be manic (why do you think I stayed up all night last night?) and I am all too familiar with panic attacks. This film has already won three stars for doing such a good portrayal of a brave person suffering through panic attacks, and of what that feels like.
Oh, and there are Christmas trees throughout the film (not to mention a giant bunny), which means this is a Christmas movie. That’s the rules.
*
Happy sees two bad guys looking stressed, and questions one about his “junkie girlfriend”. C’mon Marvel, stop using gay jokes. It’s painfully obvious that way, WAY too many of your writers are straight white men.
And minus many more points for not grabbing the chance to use an Asian actor for the Mandarin character.
*
Like an idiot, Stark publicly dares the Mandarin to attack him at his house, and publicly gives out the address. The Mandarin obliges, to which I say, “Nooooo! Don’t hurt that beautiful house!”
(Although, Stark throwing the suit onto Pepper is an awesome move, and she handles the suit pretty well too.)
*
Stark ends up stranded in a small town, holing up in a kid’s barn/workshop. Stark is so horrid to that (brilliant and cynical) kid, and somehow it’s charming. Also, the man is literally insane. (Speaking as someone who knows what insanity means from the inside; I’m aware that in a few years the classic cry of, “Are you insane!?!” will become offensive but it doesn’t actually bother me.) And the kid shows up again, briefly, in Avengers: Endgame.
*
Stark has a cool little fight scene against a mutant (lady) while he’s in handcuffs. Kids, THAT is how you up the stakes in a sequel (not with galaxy-spanning villains, who are too big to be truly interesting).
*
And the scene in which Stark is zip-tied to a bed frame and he knows his suit is on the way but it takes much longer than he expects is hilarious and brilliant…. What’s more, in the middle of the scene there’s a standoff with Stark and a low-level minion who raises his hands and says, “Honestly I hate working here. These guys are weird.” And Stark lets him go.
*
The reveal of the Mandarin as this wonderfully awful actor is even more fun on the rewatch, because you know it’s coming and can enjoy how utterly disgusted Stark and Rhodey are rather than focusing on the revelation itself.
*
Another iconic scene, as Stark saves thirteen people falling from a plane using the “Barrel of Monkeys” system. Genuine chills. And a nice BLAM at the end, complete with rolling head.
*
The final battle is excellent. Lots and lots of iron men doing cool stuff, without losing sight of the humans and human faces involved. And then there’s the heartbreaker moment, when Stark promises to catch Pepper, and… he misses. She falls 200 feet into a fire. His worst nightmare has come true, and all his manic preparations aren’t worth a damn.
Then, a bit later, she emerges from the fire, in a sports bra and pants, burning from within. And she takes out the big bad, who (let’s not forget) betrayed her more than Stark anyway.
And then, finally, Stark blows up all his spare suits. They couldn’t save him anyway, or protect Pepper, and it’s time to let go of his #1 defense mechanism. Which in his case is rather literal.
And the genius kid gets a fully-equipped lab.
And Stark sorts out the shrapnel still in his chest, and chucks his best arc reactor heart off a cliff where his mansion used to be. Then he ends a movie a second time with the line, “I am Iron Man.” Because he is who he is, even without a suit.
The credits do a nice visual recap of the whole Iron Man trilogy. The indulgence is richly deserved. It is one of the great film trilogies of all time.
Thank goodness for credits, by the way. They’re the closest thing to a break I’m taking đ
I got up at 10am, so operating on maaaybe four hours’ sleep today. I began watching this on my laptop over breakfast, then on my phone at the doctor (with headphones…not realising that the headphones were 100% not working so I was blasting it to the whole waiting room at full volume for twenty minutes), then on my laptop at home, then on my laptop at the in-law’s house while fetching TJ, then on my phone at a playground on the way home, then on my laptop in my room.
I’m forgetting words. Objects. Things. My vision feels… slippery. I put my shirt on backwards. I’m doing FINE.
But Chris came and told me he needs the car for work tomorrow, which somehow turned into him agreeing to run my errand for me. So I must be pretty sharp.
Post-credits scene: The Stark voiceover that bracketed the movie turns out to be Stark talking to Dr Banner, who has fallen deeply asleep. He tries and fails to explain to Stark that he’s “not that kind of doctor”. It’s a fun scene, and a satisfying end.
**THOR: THE DARK WORLD (2013) Disney +
Superheroes: Thor and Loki (arguably Captain America).
Stones: The Aether, red, which is powerful and which makes Jane Foster (human love interest and scientist) sick, so it must be removed. Plus the dark elves want it in order to destroy the nine worlds.
One-sentence summary: Thor and Jane get back together.
I was almost dreading this one. I couldn’t remember anything about it, and it’s got a reputation for being meh. But thisâthis, my friendsâis the film in which Loki begins his somewhat bumpy redemption arc.
So sure, there’s a lot of blather. But then there’s Loki.
Partway through the film, the arrogant trickster is brought low, not by prison, but by the death of his mother. Thor comes to him for help, and tells him to drop his illusionsâwhich he does.
He is sitting on the plain floor of his cell, with basic clothing, tangled hair, and bare and bloody feet. Wretched.
Moments later he’s iconic again: briefly shifting form to (among other characters) Captain America. It’s a fabulous moment.
And then, after faking his death (againâin a beautifully balanced farewell scene that is exactly 1% over the top so absolutely no one believes it’ll stick) he shapeshifts into King Odin and takes over ruling Asgard.
And the final iconic moment happens mid-battle, as the big bad and Thor fight in and out of portals connecting all the nine worldsâand Thor ends up at a train station and has to get back to the battle by riding the subway.
My 6 year-old (who is very emotionally sensitive) loves superheroes, and so I let him watch bits and pieces here and there. We did some ‘acting practice’ (lots of dramatic dying) and talked about makeup and prosthetics to help ground him in the real world, and when I explained how the battle kept shifting from world to world he understood how silly it was and laughed out loud.
Post-credits scene 1: Lady Sif and friends give the red stone to The Collector for safekeeping, since the Asgardians have another infinity stone on Asgard and they shouldn’t be stored together. Lotsa aliens.
Post-credits scene 2: Jane Foster is waiting for Thor to show up (kinda like he absolutely didn’t during the events of Marvel’s The Avengers)… and he does.
Post-credits scene 3: A giant dinosaur-like creature, still loose in London after the worlds-spanning battle, is chasing crows in an abandoned carpark. Oopsie.
***CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER (2014) Disney +
Superheroes: You guys can probably remember who’s who by now.
One-sentence summary: Shield is mostly evil, but the Winter Soldier gets mostly un-brainwashed, yay!
I’m now off the clock kid-wise so it should be super easy to finish this one. My goal is three movies and a lot of sleep today. I’m so very tired. Luckily this is a great film.
The opening scene is a (“nonromantic” wink wink) meet cute between Steve and Sam Wilson (who will become The Falcon). It’s great. Marvel doesn’t succeed because of their budget, but because they remember to have character moments like this. Wilson is jogging laps around a giant pool (I don’t know the name of it but maybe the Lincoln Memorial Pool?) and Captain America says, “On your left” as he passesâover and over again. From that, the two become friends.
Steve’s list of cultural things to catch up on is a great moment.
The first major iconic moment is when Steve visits his girlfriend, Peggy Carter, in hospital. She’s bedridden and ancient, having lived a very full life that included founding S.H.I.E.L.D. and having a husband and family. And Steve is so sweet and gracious, and glad to still know her, and the contrast between their young and old faces is a beautiful, painful thing.
It’s incredibly cathartic to see the famous and familiar badass, Fury, in a serious fight.
Then comes the famously unsettling revelation that Shield itself is compromised… and the famous scene in which Captain America is trapped in a glass elevator with just so, so many baddies. He knows they’re going to beat him up and they know he know. The elevator stops, and Steve says, “Before we get started, does anyone want to get out?”
No one moves for a long beat. Then Steve beats up everybody.
And we see the Falcon flying, yay!
These two Captain America sidekicks are both so iconic. I love wings. And also long-haired men with a tragic past.
In other news, I’m very bad with faces, so the reveal of the Winter Soldier being a brainwashed Bucky Barnes didn’t come to me for a long, long time. When we first saw it, Chris whispered who it was, and why that mattered. But from then on I was in love with Bucky and with his arc.
I am very much looking forward to the TV show.
So of course it’s iconic when Bucky’s mask comes off and Captain America has a chance to look at him, and sees his friend properly for the first time in seventy years, and says, “Bucky?!”
To which Bucky says, “Who the hell is Bucky?”
Fury’s life hangs in the balance, Shield is mostly evil, Captain America is on the run with his world falling down around him. But of course it’s the revelation that Bucky is, somehowâsort ofâalive that hits Steve the hardest.
Everything around him in this movie is custom made to crack Steve’s incredibly moral core. But he doesn’t crack. He doesn’t obey orders any more, but he is still the thoroughly good person he always was. Without all his pain and suffering, he’d probably be quite dull. Instead he’s compelling. And he still believes in the good in others, too. Amazingly, he is an influence on the cynical Fury and Black Widow, rather than them being an influence on him.
And then there’s the climactic helicarrier fight, in which Captain America is trying hard to save Bucky rather than quickly kill him. He puts hundreds of lives on the line because he loves his friend, and he’s incapable of giving up hope.
He saves the day, and then stays on board the doomed helicarrier to try to save his friend. And hope wins.
Post-credits scene 1: Hydra has Loki’s sceptre. And we see “the twins”: Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch.
Post-credits scene 2: The Winter Soldier is in the Captain America exhibit we all saw earlier, reading about himself. He has a beard, so has clearly been a-wandering for a while since he saved Captain America’s life.
Marvel-ous Day 1
Like every half-decent superhero geek, I plan to do a full rewatch of all the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies from Iron Man to Spider-Man: Far From Home aka The Infinity Saga aka Phase 1-3.
I’ll avoid any and all trivia, because there is SO MUCH, and I’ll stick to my personal reaction to the films as they stand. Sadly I wasn’t able to watch them in the correct order the first time around due to often being too sick to watch movies for months at a time (while pregnant twice).
I’ll rate each movie as fine (1 star), good (2), or great (3 stars but in a highly subjective mannerâif it’s got a special place in my heart, it gets three stars even if its just for one very special scene or image). There are a lot of 3 star ratings, because there are a lot of great movies in here. Plus themes of ‘good versus evil’ and ‘fighting on even when it hurts’ are very resonant with me, and the idea of having super powers and changing the world for good is basically my ultimate fantasy.
I began watching at 2:55pm on Wednesday, June 24 2020.
NB: I may have the stones info wrong. They’re not all that interesting, to be honest.
Also, you’ll notice a lot of the images I use are very obviously taken off a simple google image search (complete with a minimising ‘x’ etc). That is because I am lazy (and trying to watch the movies as I type), and because it is SO easy to get the exact right image with a basic search eg ‘Iron Man tank top’.
***IRON MAN (2008) Disney +
Main superhero: Tony Stark aka Iron Man.
One-sentence summary: Stark swears off weapons then immediately makes the best one ever.
Two-sentence summary: Billionaire genius Tony Stark realises his company is supplying weapons to the USA’s enemies and decides to stop weapons manufacture. Then he builds the iron man suit, which is more powerful than any other weapon, and he becomes a superhero as a resultâwhich he spontaneously admits at a press conference.
This is an incredibly good movie, from the very first scene which is charming and funnyâand then hits you hard.
The scientist character (Yensen) in Afghanistan is so awesome. And he’s alone and doomed but still wears a waistcoat. Respect, Sir.
Stark: “I’m going to be dead in a week anyway.”
Scientist: “Then this is a very important week.”
When I experience such good writing, usually of the ‘all hope is gone but we persevere’ variety, it makes me a better, stronger person. And reminds me of what I want to create in the hearts of my readers.
Also, this is a beautiful thing:
It’s amazing to see the beginnings of some of the characters that are such a big part of the MCU for years and years to come. Iron Man, obviously. Pepper Potts (love interest and workmate). Happy (Stark’s security guy). Coulson (S.H.I.E.L.D. guy) Paul Bettany’s voice (Stark’s extremely intelligent computer system, Jervis). James “Rhodey” Rhodes (Stark’s military friend/handler who will get his own iron man suit in a few films’ time). Stan Lee cameos. Oh, and Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury (boss of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers Initiative).
The scene in which Stark has Pepper replace his arc reactor from inside his chest is just incredible. It perfectly showcases his vulnerability (and her vulnerability and competence)… and what an asshole he is at the same time.
*
Stark about Rhodes: “Ask him about that lovely lady he woke up with. What was his name?”
Ouch. Trans humour. Not okay.
*
Speaking of ouch: Pepper Potts attempts to explain consent to her boss as he makes her dance with him while she’s clearly very uncomfortable. Kids, this is an excellent example of a ‘romantic’ trope that is actually deeply messed up and wrong.
*
Stark leaves the beardy baddie for a bunch of refugees, including children, to deal with? What are they supposed to do? Wait for the police to come? No, they’re going to kill him themselves. In front of their kids. You know what? That’s not as fun and awesome as the movie seems to think.
I’m really glad the big bad isn’t Muslim or Middle Eastern, though.
*
I’m 100% okay with comic book physics.
*
My absolute favourite moment in the climactic fight is when Stark flies super high, knowing that Obadiah would never have tried flying that high for sheer fun, like he did in his montage earlier. I also love what they do with size: the baddie’s suit is so much bigger than Stark’s suit, and then there’s Pepper, tiny little Pepper, tottering through piles of broken glass in her heels.
Chris and I (we were dating at the time) walked out of this movie delighted with how simply fun it was. Marvel gets criticised for undercutting so many emotional moments with funny lines, but I for one enjoy a dumb, colourful reality where the good guys are good (although also flawed) and they get to make a real difference. I enjoy that silly escapism more and more all the time.
And that post-credits scene blew our minds (Chris had to explain who Fury was; he is extremely knowledgeable on all things comics and graphic novel). Little did we know what an enormous phenomenon was just beginning.
In other news, I REALLY like Stark’s Malibu sea-cliff house. Can I have it please?
Post-credits scene: Epic reveal that there’s gonna be a whole UNIVERSE (as it were) of superheroes.
*THE INCREDIBLE HULK (2008) Had to rent it off YouTube đŠ
Superhero: Dr Bruce Banner aka The Hulk aka The Incredible Hulk
One-sentence summary: Banner is found by the government but eventually manages to go back into hiding.
Longer summary: Not necessary. The ex-girlfriend and the Abomination (another hulk, but spikier) are super important in this film but will never be seen again.
There are SO many tellings and retellings of this story (beginning of course with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde) that it can be a little tricky to get the right version. Knowing the year helps.
By far the most iconic scene in this film is the blood drop falling in a drink factory, and Dr Banner freaking out about it.
This is not a film I was looking forward to re-watching, but it’s got a lot of good stuff going on (putting the entire origin story in the opening credits was very wise, especially in a phase rife with origin stories). The chase scene in which Dr Banner has to keep his pulse down is great (fantastic scenery and good characterisation).
I’m not super sure about the beauty and the beast trope, but I don’t hate it.
Liv Tyler manages to get a cheekbone-highlighting cut in just the same place as she did in The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring.
First use of “Hulk Smash!” (by the Hulk; not as memorable as it will be later).
The final shot of Dr Banner meditating himself into a green-eyed smile is the other iconic moment of the film. I interpret it as meaning that, although he’s not “cured” as such, he is able to control his transformations now.
Overall this movie isn’t bad.
Post-credits scene: Stark chatting to a guy about possibly maybe joining The Avengers. Not actually that exciting, except that we didn’t expect to see Stark.
***IRON MAN 2 (2010) Disney +
Superhero: Tony Stark/Iron Man & introducing Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow. “Rhodey” Rhodes gets to be War Machine for the first time.
One-sentence summary: Stark refuses to let the military use his suit design and says it’ll be fine because bad people definitely won’t be able to make any suits; two different baddies make suits.
Two-sentence summary: Stark is brought into court because his suit is so powerful it should not be owned by one man because there are others building copies; Stark says it’ll be ages before there’s a decent copy and is promptly attacked by two other fully functional iron man suits and countless drone suits. He blows up a bunch of things, including a large model of the world, and is then given a medal. It’s good to be a rich white man.
There’s a nice Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow) intro.
There’s a central cast change for Rhodey/Rhodes (aka War Machine).
Elon Musk cameo. Remember when he was cool?
Iconic moment: Stark’s suitcase suit. The entire race/attack scene is excellent and memorable.
It’s good to see War Machine and Iron Man fighting the big bad together, especially given all that they go through friendship-wise in this film.
*
There was an moment in Iron Man 1 when Tony was drinking something very green and healthy-looking, which seemed a little out of character for such an irresponsible playboy. But in this movie we find out WHY. The amount of planning and connections in the MCU is absolutely incredible eg Coulson says, “I have to go see something out in New Mexico” (that’d be Thor’s hammer). That sense of overall purpose and consistency was extremely lacking in the most recent Star Wars trilogy.
It’s weird to see Black Widow flirting with Stark. Fortunately it doesn’t last long, and was 100% manipulation on her part.
For me the thing that makes this movie special is how Stark’s heart is literally killing him. It’s strange to rewatch it and see that it’s a relatively small plot point. For me, it’s everything.
Post-credits scene: Coulson in New Mexico seeing a giant crater (that is, a teaser for Thor).
***THOR (2011) Disney +
Superhero: Thor aka uh… just Thor (technically Thor Odinsson, but no one will ever call him Mr Odinsson so no need to remember that). And everyone’s favourite hero/villain/repeat: his (adopted) brother Loki. And the hammer, Mjölnir. And oh, hello Hawkeye (aka Clint Barton). I 100% forgot you were in this film but actually you’re pretty cool in it.
Infinity Stone: The Tesseract aka the space stone (blue and shiny, not to be confused with the Casket of Ancient Winters, which was also blue and shiny and in Thor but is irrelevant to everything).
One-sentence summary: The god of thunder becomes less of an asshole.
Seeing a god as a fish out of water is genuinely amusing (people keep being surprised at how good a comedic actor Chris Hemsworth is). The most iconic scene is when Thor fights through a bunch of guys to get to the hammer… and he can’t lift it. The pain of that moment is what makes the film great (for me).
Hawkeye appears as one of Coulson’s S.H.I.E.L.D. people, and has a great opening line, as he is training an arrow on Thor. “You better call it Coulson, because I’m about to start rooting for this guy.”
Post credit scene: Somehow S.H.I.E.L.D. now has the blue shiny soul stone (aka The Tesseract, in its very first appearance), and also Loki is alive (surprise!) and looks like he’s in the process of getting hold of it.
***CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER (2011) Disney +
Superheroes: Captain America, aka Steve Rogers. His best friend Bucky Barnes, later to become the Winter Soldier.
Stones: The Nazis have the Tesseract aka the space stone, which is blue (when Schmit holds it, it appears to kill him but actually sends him into space, to the planet with the soul stone, and changes actors at the same time but since his face is a red skull I didn’t notice the cast change until Chris pointed it out), which Steve takes into the ice with him at the end. Stark Sr finds it while looking (unsuccessfully) for Steve.
One-sentence summary: A good-hearted weakling turns into a good-hearted superhero.
Longer summary: A super nice kid turns magical but doesn’t stop being fundamentally kind and good. He sacrifices his life to save others (and wakes up seventy years later).
I really wasn’t enthusiastic about a hero with such a jingoistic, USA, ra-ra name. But of course now he’s my favourite of all the characters in all these movies, because his character is so pure. That is the heart of his heroism, and the heart of this movie. Bucky is also a thoroughly decent and great-hearted man, which is shown several times over. And of course we meet Peggy Carter (aka Agent Carter), and get the beginning of that tragically-shortened romance.
It’s fun to see Stark’s dad (also a genius playboy and very much involved in SCIENCE) and a Stark expo, including the giant world sculpture that gets set on fire in Iron Man 2.
The opening two scenes are a tad generic. It feels like the MCU is already getting a bit overwhelmed with the masses of its own information, and also that they realised (correctly) that “wimp getting beaten up” wasn’t the greatest opening scene for the film.
The scene of Steve getting injected with the super soldier serum is made iconic by Steve’s shout of, “I can do this!” when they’re about to shut down the (very painful) experiment. And of course by Peggy’s hilarious reaction when he comes out of the tank just so buff.
That scene feeds immediately into a fantastic chase scene that shows even more of Steve’s excellent character as well as helping us the audience and Steve discover his powers. And when a baddie chucks a boy into water and Steve immediately looks to see if he’s all right, the boy says, “Go get him! I can swim.” It’s a great moment.
And then there’s the pain he can’t quite hide as he’s made into a publicity stunt when he wants to be fighting… and he’s still kind to everyone he meets, and he can still smile wryly when one of his own very embarrassing propaganda films is showing when he goes to see a movie.
*
Speaking of iconic: when he walks back into a military camp, dirty and tired, with four hundred rescued soldiers… it’s so satisfying.
Losing Bucky is iconic too, because of Steve’s reaction.
The two nazi baddies (Zemo and Schmit I think) reappear multiple times throughout the Infinity Saga, but you don’t need to bother remembering them because as soon as they enter the room you can tell they’re evil, and as soon as they start talking their accent says, “Yep, Nazi”.
I am so glad that the MCU never “developed” Captain America’s character into an asshole, as so often happens with any story that lasts a long time. The knowledge that he’s still so noble and good fifteen movies later makes this movie even better.
It’s 2:30am now, and I’m close to the end of this film. Just one more film to cap off Phase 1, but can I make it? Even at home, switching between my laptop and the TV, my bed and my armchair, the sheer number of hours is now taking a toll. I’m doing some gentle physio exercises to keep from lasting injury.
I’m pretty much a hero, is what I’m saying.
At the end of this film, when Steve said goodbye to Peggy over the radio as he deliberately crashed his plane, I had tears in my eyes. But that might just be what happens after this many hours of TV.
The final scene is Steve waking up in the modern day. Which has a great, eerie feel to it as people have tried to ease the shock by setting up a fake environment in which no time has passed.
Post-credits scene: Samuel L Jackson recruits Steve. It’s totally meh these days, but at the time it was an exciting sign that they really were going to put all these superheroes together. I can’t tell you how unlikely this all was.
I suppose I’d rather live in the alternate reality which has intelligent/compassionate/honest politicians and mediocre TV, but for now I’ll enjoy what this reality does best: TV and movies to make us feel better about… everything else that’s happening.
MARVEL’S THE AVENGERS (2012) Disney +
Superheroes: Our original six: Iron Man, Black Widow, The Hulk (new actor; the final major cast replacement in this whole saga), Thor, Hawkeye, Captain America.
Stone: The Tesseract aka the Space Stone (blue). And Loki’s sceptre, which holds the mind stone (it’s blue in this film due to being powered by the Tesseract, but it’s usually purple).
One-sentence summary: Loki tries and fails to use a shiny to get more shinies.
Longer summary: Loki reaches peak evil (later ret-cons say the mind stone was making him more evil than he truly wanted to be). Hawkeye spends most of the movie as his zombie puppet. Black Widow is clever and competent. Thor is big and dumb. Iron Man is shiny and dumb. Captain America and Dr Banner do their best to be vaguely useful despite major negative emotions (grief and anger, respectively), and they fundamentally succeed.
Hmm. 2 hours 24 minutes. That’ll take me to almost 6am. That’s… not ideal. But now that I’ve started this re-watch, I know it’ll be my obsession until it’s done. Better push on…
Ugh, baddie rant as an opening scene. Boooring. It’s all about exposition, and we all know it.
But it gets forgiven, because there are over six main characters and they all get a chance to shine. Back in those innocent days, we thought no movie would ever be more impressively over-stuffed with heroes. Lolz.
Black Widow’s torture/interrogation scene is iconic, including this exchange:
Coulson: We need you to come in.
Black Widow: Are you kidding? I’m working!
Also iconic is the way she ‘requests’ help from The Hulk by first luring him out of the city and then lying that it’s “just you and me”. Soft voices, high tension.
*
There’s another iconic scene in Germany, when Loki forces a crowd to kneel and says,
“You were made to kneel.”
An elderly man gets up and says, “Not to men like you.”
Loki: “There are no men like me.”
“There are always men like you.”
That will never fail to thrill me.
The film uses bickering to quickly re-establish the characters of our six main heroes, and it works very well. There’s even some fan service in having heroes fight each other (plenty more of that to come, naturally). The bickering doesn’t just make us laugh and establish character at the same time. It’s also showing the negative effects of the mind stone. So that’s three in one. With a movie this packed, scenes have to do triple duty.
And it’s actually four in one, because it’s foreshadowing when Captain America says Stark “isn’t the one to make the sacrifice play”. Because he is, in this film and in others. For once, Captain America is wrong.
Speaking of fan service, this is the film that launched a million ships. It’s lovely how the science bros immediately connect (Banner and Stark), and the sexual (?) chemistry between Stark and Steve (aka Stony) is sizzling (the ‘hate each other then work well together in an emergency then grow grudging respect and then emotional closeness’ trope is SO COMMON in romance). Of course, in a few films’ time Captain America is also part of the three-way pairing known as “All Caps”: Captain America, Bucky Barnes, and Sam Wilson (aka The Falcon). Close male bonds are always beautiful, and they’re my favourite ships. My all-time favourite is Captain America and Bucky, aka Stucky, mostly because those two are so close and at the same time so sad. And/or All Caps. I really like Stony, too, but Tony and Pepper work really well so I wouldn’t break them up.
It’s 4:36am and this movie is so good that I’m genuinely enthralled even after a-l-l these hours.
Coulson dies (he gets better, but only for the S.H.I.E.L.D. TV series, and lots of flashbacks), and as a result The Avengers get their heads together and start working as a team.
Chitauri aliens are both iconic and world-changing; they are clearly alien, and Earth will never be the same. I love how they move.
The moment when the six Avengers stand together mid battle, is the ultimate iconic moment of this movie, and of Phase 1 of the MCU.
And then there’s three delicious Hulk moments:
When Hulk says, “That’s my secret Cap: I’m always angry”âand changes into the Hulk with perfect control*.
When Captain America assigns everyone jobs, and says, “Hulk. Smash!”
…and when the Hulk grabs Loki and bashes him on the ground like a rag doll. Then walks off saying, “Puny god.”
Post-credits scene 1: We glimpse Thanos for the first time. Very exciting at the time.
Post-credits scene 2: The main six sit together eating Shawarma. It’s a lovely coda.
Boy howdy gee that’s a lot of films. And I’m just getting started. But the truly amazing part is that so many of these films are really, really good.
*This is especially meaningful to me as someone with an anxiety disorder, because I’m always afraid. Every day, for absolutely no rational reason. So when something truly scary happens, I feel fantastic, because for once my fear level matches the actual threat level. As a result, I do really well with scary things (for up to three weeks, then I collapse). Banner appears to be an incredibly calm, affable guy. I also appear calm. It might be the 5:58am talking, but I’m pretty sure that makes me a superhero of some kind.
Gift Guide for Ages 3-6ish
I loooove buying presents for my kids. As in, I’ll cheerfully buy presents in June (like budget experts tell you to), and then continue buying presents for the entire rest of the year (which budget experts do not recommend). Having said that, we don’t do stocking presents in our house, and likely never will. I hate the idea of a pile of low-quality gifts. And I assure you that my kids have plenty of full-blown present-opening frenzies made up entirely of quality gifts (generally around $20 each, although often there’s one gift that is much more expensive).
We also have three Christmases every year: One for my side of the family (usually mid-December, since my Mum runs church services on Christmas Day), one for Chris’ side of the family (usually Christmas Day), and our own private small & special Christmas Eve. We light candles and open 1 or 2 gifts each (usually 1, but of course the kids want to give their gifts to each other and I try not to refuse generous impulses).
You may have heard of the Four-Gift Rule. There’s a few variations, but the idea is that parents can restrict themselves to four gifts. For example:
- Something you want
- Something you need
- Something to wear
- Something to read
Or:
- Something to play with
- Something to wear
- Something to read
- Something to share
I disagree with “something to wear” because clothes are only exciting if you only ever get one new outfit a year. Since there is more than one season in a year, my kids often get new clothes. (You’ll be shocked at the knowledge that I love buying them clothes and I’m certainly not going to only buy them clothes in December. That reminds me… Louisette definitely needs a new pirate outfit…)
But enough prologue. Here’s some awesome loot:
- Water. Always a winner, in virtually any form. I like a water table because then I can choose to believe that the kids won’t need their swimmers (until proven otherwise). We’ve had a water table before (which was also fun for collecting ice in winter) but after a couple of years outside it was so brittle it fell to bits. Which means I got to buy another one! A BETTER one!
This particular model was $40 from Woolies. But pretty much any one will do. The kids will love seeing the enormous box under (…next to…) the tree, too. The orange handles on the side turn wheels that make the water flow around the circle. How cool is that!
2. Books! It ain’t Christmas without books (for myself, Chris, and the kids). There are a million fantastic books for kids, so it’s well worth having a bit of a google, both for the stuff your kid likes, and for lists saying the best booksâthen you can click through for a better look at the ones that appeal. And of course this is a great time to go and support your local bookshop, too!
I noticed around this time last year that Louisette has a bent toward engineering, so I bought her books that were specifically geared (heh) to encourage girls to picture themselves in STEM careers (Science, Tech, Engineering, and Maths). Googling “STEM” in combination with “Books” and any other relevant words (age 5, girls, etc) will get you a lot of suggestions.
This particular book emphasises that things don’t work perfectly the first time. It also rhymes.
This is also the book that inspired Louisette’s House-Car-Plane project, which won her an award.
The same authors have two other books. One is ADA TWIST, SCIENTIST and the other is IGGY PECK, ARCHITECT. They’re all in the same school, I believe.
ROSIE REVERE and ADA TWIST also have follow-up “project” books. Louisette is going to looooove hers!
For TJ, his grand obsession is puzzles (more on that later). For his books, I googled and then clicked on this list. Easy! Out of those, I chose:
A sleep time book (parents can fantasise that it makes bedtime easier), a singing book, and a book about kindness. As you may have guessed, TJ loves vehicles. Also dinosaurs and superheroes.
3. Pets
I dream of one day producing a suspiciously mobile box with air-holes in the lid and a puppy inside. One day. Not sure if it’s plausible. We’d need to have real grass in our backyard first, for one thing.
In the meantime, we recently bought some fish. They’re actually a terrible Christmas gift because the set up and cycling takes about a week (if it doesn’t, you’re likely to have mass extinctionâask me how I know), and it’s such a busy time that it’s hard to get good advice from your pet shop when you need it most. But it could work for a birthday, keeping in mind pets are a huge deal (and fish don’t cuddle, so it’s noticeable that Louisette quite likes the fish but TJ doesn’t care much).
Cats are awesome, of course. In my opinion, they’re easier than fish. You need to think about where they’ll poo (kitty litter? Your yard? The neighbour’s organic vegie patch?) and how much you care about native birds (something like 80% of cats kill at least one native bird and don’t tell their owners).
Pets are always super expensive and higher maintenance than expected. Mice and birds tend to stink. A five-year old can potentially do a small amount of pet-related jobs, but will never be reliable. You’re also taking a risk of experiencing death (although that’s technically an advantage, because it helps kids to understand death a bit better when they lose a human they really love).
4. Building kits.
We have loads of duplo and about five sets’ worth of wooden train set (which has a near-infinite number of possible permutations). But I wanted something a bit older for Louisette (and I fear the dreaded Underfoot LegoâLouisette has some lego, but she has to bring it out and put it away in one session at a time). Then I stumbled across this amazing thing:
That’s right. It’s a building toy designed for six-year old girls THAT HAS A MOTOR. It’s made by a company called Roominate. This set has three permutations (helicopter, submarine and plane), and it also fits with their various other sets (which, disappointingly, do not seem to have a motorâalthough you can buy it separately).
I’m buying another set from the same range for Louisette’s birthday, so she can combine sets in unique ways. When I tried it out for myself, the motor was great but the pieces were a little hard to put together. Still, I like the curves and colours.
And it’s under $30. I really like that it has a person (particularly a girl, particularly a non-Caucasian girlâshe is Hawaiian) and a rabbit. Not just because it encourages imaginative play, but because engineers SHOULD be thinking about what their machines are actually FOR. Are they big enough for people? Are they comfortable? Are they safe? Can she see out the window while she’s flying? Etc.
I also bought this Melissa & Doug building set for $40 on ebay:
I look forward to seeing Louisette do weird and wonderful stuff with it. (Following instructions to build a specific shape is also a fantastic skill set that’s well worth developing.)
It’s a little silly to buy two different building sets for one Christmas, but here we are.
5. Speaking of personal obsessions… TJ and puzzles. He does puzzles every day, over and over again. He is very good at puzzles. Although he’s three (and a half), he is well above average when it comes to puzzles.
Given that he’s just discovered (and begun obsessing over) WHERE’S WALLY? this was the obvious choice. It has 35 pieces, which is challenging but possible for TJâand then he can amuse himself finding every single one of the items in the border. It’s $25 here.
That particular website gives free postage for non-bulky orders over $100 (I found them because they sell Roominate stuff). This was not a difficult task (although I have several very kind relatives who I tend to source gifts for, that they pay for and then give to my kidsâI get to “buy” more presents, and my relatives save a bunch of time and brain effort).
This is a simpler puzzle (also a floor puzzle, which is great for younger kids). It’s $27 and out of stock (apparently I bought the last one) here (same online store as the above). The genius thing about this is that TJ will learn his continents and several animals while doing this puzzle (over and over again). There are LOADS of puzzles that educate kids about various things (letters, numbers, maps, animals, even spelling).
This is a 30-piece puzzle that is trickier than it looks. There are holes in the back that TJ will LOVE using to poke out the pieces (also solving a classic issue with new puzzlesâpieces that don’t come out!) Every piece is a slightly different shape so it’s hopefully developing a slightly different part of TJ’s brain. It’s $14 here.
6. Trains. Wooden trains are seriously awesome (except for the crawling around on the ground partâwe’re WAY past tables here). Pretty much all wooden sets will fit together in lots of different ways. Other than a $30 set that popped up at Aldi this year, they are super expensive. This tunnel is cool (the dinosaur on the top is a separate piece, which will be handy for attacking the trains below), but that one thing cost $20 (here), which is pretty standard.
7. Active stuff. Any list of four gifts should include “Something Physical”. Some things are super expensive, like a trampoline or bike. Some not so much. This is very much billed as a Summer toy (it floats) but I thought it was a great toy for cold or rainy days when the kids need to do something silly and active… and inside. Even the rings are inflatable.
It’s $35 here. (I bought it when it was on sale.)
8. Bath letters. Cheap, awesome, and educational. I guarantee Louisette will use these to teach TJ more of his letters. He can already count up to 12 and recognise ten or so numbers and lettersâbecause he worships Louisette, and she loves teaching (which of course also helps her own knowledge). When wet, they stick to tiles. How fun is that!?!
These were $4 on ebay, and I bet they’re a favourite on Christmas morning.
9. Tradition.
We have a special Christmas tradition in my family. Each year, I buy a small conifer to be our live Christmas tree. I take a picture with it and the children, so that as they grow they can compare their size to that harbinger of Christmas Day.
And every year, it dies. Before Christmas even comes.
I’m really not that good with… keeping things alive.
This year I found this. With postage, it was about $40 from ebay, which is quite a lotâbut we can use it every year. There are loads of fun chocolate advent calendars out there, and loads of beautiful reusable ones (often with little drawers to put 24 small gifts in). I don’t want to make over-eating or buying-24-crappy-junk-gifts part of our tradition, so I was excited to find this. Each bauble has a different design, and is magnetised. Then there’s a star for Christmas Day. I think the kids will love it (so long as no one tells them about the chocolate variety), and I’m almost certain I can’t kill it. Although wooden toys DO burn really well…
10. Something that definitely isn’t useful.
At the steampunk fair, flush with the knowledge that my pirate trilogy would soon be published, I saw someone with a half-goggle. Genius! And only a few bucks to get my own steampunk pirate patch on ebay.
So I guess this is more a present for me than for the kids. I can live with that. In my defence, Louisette specifically asked me for goggles after the fair.
11. Tech
A good friend of ours bought Louisette this talking (and programmable) toy dog for her first birthday. Since then we bought the other one for TJ (“from” Louisette). They’re called Scout and Violet.
You can choose your child’s name from a list when you program it, and the dog will say things like, “I love you… Louise” (since “Louisette” is not common enough to be on the list). You can also choose volume, and switch it off at any time by squeezing the “off” foot. One of the paws plays “Bedtime music” which is a very useful feature.
These dogs have been a consistent favourite toy for a long time (although if it wasn’t for her computer Louisette would be over hers, I think).
Which brings us to… computers. For children.
I thought the entire concept of computers for children was madnessâuntil I saw a four-year old drawing with her finger on an ipad screen. There was no mess, no stains on clothes, no eating crayons, no sharpening pencils, and no dropping fifty-seven textas on the floor and then wandering away. It blew my mind. Since then I’ve seen a bunch of fantastic, innovative games that make the world better. In my opinion, computer skills are vital, and it’s worthwhile to get kids started early. Plus, of course, when you need the kid to be quiet and still in a public place, a computer + earplugs is magic.
I did a bunch of research and then bought Louisette a LeapPad 3. That was back in 2014, so I think there are new models since then (and I imagine that the Leappad 3 will become obsolete at some point).
It comes in either green or purply-pink (and so do the gel frames, as pictured). It costs somewhere between $100 and $200, plus $25ish for the gel frame (which protects it from breaking when it’s dropped).
The good: It’s designed for age 3 and up, so a lot of it is set out with pictures that make navigation easy for non-readers. (Louisette was often frustrated and not too fond of it for the first six months after she got it on her 3rd birthday; TJ took to it immediately when he received his on his own 3rd birthday.)
It has camera and video, which kids LOVE. (Caveat: Images can’t be taken off the computer, so it’s impossible to save or share them.)
It has a white-listed internet (which can be switched off and on via the parental settings), meaning that everything the kids can access (and there’s a lot) has been watched and approved in advance.
It has really excellent, educational games, that are tailored to the main user’s age and skill level. (But they usually cost around $20 each.) We’ve only bought a few games (and a book that “reads” to the kid as they touch the words) in almost three years. Plus, each new game (and switching the internet on) is a fantastic gift on its own.
When you have two LeapPads, the kids can actually message each other (using pre-written messagesâso bullying is impossibleâand a bunch of animated emoticons). It is hilarious to see my two kids with their heads together, screaming in laughter as they say, “I sent you a message!” “I got it!”
It has a lot of branded stuffâDisney and so onâwhich the kids adore.
The bad: It has an inbuilt game that is literally poker (spinning pictures which reward the user when they match, and can then be spent on features)
It also has an entire section that just advertises LeapPad games, and can’t be removed.
It doesn’t connect to other devices in any way (except, of course, LeapPad devicesâit even has games featuring Scout and Violet).
Bonus points
Are you buying a gift for a child who’s not your own? You’d ideally check with the parents if you buy something on this list (I’m NOT aiming this at anyone specific, by the way! Please don’t think my kids dislike anything they’ve ever been given):
*Alive (including plants. Parents are very, very tired and even a plant can be too much to care for. The kid is definitely not going to look after it properly.)
*Larger than your head (or the kid’s head, if yours is unusually large). Kids have a lot of toys, and their parents probably don’t have enough places to put them all.
*Involving work for the parents eg craft or science projects.
*Messy, such as paint or play-dough (yes, play-dough is messy).
*Noisy or annoying (electric toys or certain high-pitched TV shows).
*Junk food. (And check for food intolerances if you’re bringing food that kids are likely to eatâfood intolerances are on the rise, and some are deadly. Parents are not making this up for attention, I assure you. Peanuts in particular can kill, even if the allergic kid never directly touches the food item.)
If you buy soft toys, you’ll get a great reaction on the dayâbut by the age of 3 every child has at least twenty soft toys, and probably more like fifty. However, certain toys will be VERY beloved (especially those linked to a TV character the child already adores). So think carefully and talk to the parents. Kids are amazingly specific about their brands, even for intellectual properties they have never watched (such as Star Wars or Superheroes).
However!
Toys that get used up, such as textas (there are washable ones), coloured paper, colouring books, etc are good for homes that really don’t have much space.
When someone has a set of somethingâduplo, lego, building sets, train setsâyou can buy a new set or part that goes with it. That’s brilliant for both kids and parents.
Pretty much everyone loves books (although probably not enormously long ones, which leads to trouble at bed time).
Kids and parents will both most likely adore you for taking the kids for some kind of outing. Â Zoos, Questacon (if you’re in Canberra), and those trampoline places are all fun for everyone. Or you can simply take them to a playground they haven’t been to before (or even that they have). They will love you forever.
Also fantastic as gifts that don’t take up spaceâremovable wall stickers. (If your friend lives in a rental, definitely query first; they may not be as removable as one hopes.) There are some gorgeous quirky designs here (I met the artist yesterday, so I’m a little excited).
You do NOT need to spend a bundle on kids!
So here’s my Four-Gift Rule:
- Something to read.
- Something creative.
- Something educational.
- Something physical (fitness and/or coordination)
- Something silly.
- Something that interacts with an existing toy (lego is almost always a safe bet; duplo for younger kids).
Okay, that’s six. That’s what relatives are for. Or siblings. Or, if all else fails, an inability to accurately count to four. Or you can combine them in various ways.
It’s also vitally important (and easy) to get kids involved in the fun of giving gifts to others. My kids LOVE discussing, buying, wrapping, and giving presents to all their relatives, especially each other. They also love Christmas Shoeboxes and TEAR’s Really Useful Gift Shop (both of which are specifically Christian, which may or may not work for you), which are a nice tangible way of giving to others and being aware of the rest of the world.
(99% of charities benefit from cash more than physical gifts. Physical gifts are mainly useful for kids to get into the habit of giving, rather than for the charity itself. I really like TEAR’s Really Useful Gift Shop because it IS a cash gift, that the charity interprets in practical ways.)
PS This site did a very comprehensive review of nerf guns. Enjoy!
Books, Food, and the Dangers of Combining the Two
I’ve hurt my back (again) so for the last two days I haven’t been able to do much. I wasn’t even sure I was okay to drive, so yesterday my partner Chris worked from home, and today my father-in-law brought the kids home after school.
Today was a whole lot better than yesterday, pain-wise, and I even did a teensy bit of cautious cleaning (on the level of kicking dirty washing from the hallway into the laundry).
As my father-in-law left, I noticed a book Louisette (5) had brought home from school. One of those kids’ cook books. My heart sank.
Louisette brought it out of her bag (dangit, she remembered she had it) with smiles and requests to read it, and “make everything in it”. I had a look through (approving of the simplicity of the recipes) and said I’d think about maybe making something in it. She wandered off, and I had a look through.
It had ten recipes (not, as the cover proclaims, FIFTY*)
We had too many kiwifruit, which was worrying me (I have many fruit-related anxieties**), so I thought, “Let’s make that kiwifruit smoothie” (but, ya know, in the thermomix and with some frozen raspberries in it too). Kiwifruit is soft enough that I had the kids cutting it upâLouisette cut off the skin (along with two-thirds of each fruit…. well, we DID have too many…) and then TJ cut the remainder into smaller pieces.
This was a grand success, and I rode the high and proclaimed we’d make popcorn too. Louisette has a thing for popcorn and I’d secretly bought some microwavable stuff, so THAT was easy.
I’d already said we could maybe make the tart things for dinner (my own plan was frozen nuggets and chips…. bad back, remember?) since I knew we had a single sheet of ancient puff pastry in the freezer, and I’d also discovered some Chris-made pumpkin soup from a month or so ago, so I thought maybe that’d already count as one of the recipes too. So I took a photo: two happy kids in aprons with smoothie (in a jug to save for Chris), bowls of popcorn, and a freezer container of pumpkin soup.
They’re looking sideways due to watching TV. Mum is boring.
One thing led to another and thoughts happened in my head along the lines of, “Hey, we have to cook dinner anyway!” and “I can re-use trays” and “If I start now, I can…”
So naturally I decided to do all eleven recipes… using healthy versions where available, and using only what was already in the house.
- Smoothie (specifically, kiwi and raspberry, sweetened with maple syrup). Kid involvement: chopping kiwifruit together. Taste: Excellent. Healthiness: Pretty good. Kid response: Delighted. Mum cheat: thermomix.
- Popcorn. Kid involvement: Listening to popping (what else is there?) Taste: Excellent. Healthiness: Pretty good. Kid response: Delighted. Mum cheat: Microwave popcorn.
- Vegetable Art. Kid involvement: chopping various things. Taste: Vegetables and cheese. Healthiness: Excellent. Kid response: Delighted. They even ate most of what they made. Mum cheat: Using only a few ingredients (carrot, cucumber, cheese, mini crackers, and 2-minute noodles). I made a hill at sunrise; Louisette made a racing car (it looks like a train to me), and TJ proudly proclaimed that he had made “A Mess!” This also kept them entertained quite well while I prepped various other things (bread dough a la thermomix, roast vegetables for soup, stuff for “Pasta and Sauce”).
4. Pasta and Sauce. Louisette begged me not to cook this at all (not a fan of tomatoes) but it was far too late for moderation now. Kid involvement: I forced Louisette to stir the sauce for ten seconds so I could take a picture. Taste: Very tomato-y but actually rather nice. Healthiness: Excellent. Kid response: Begging for the sweet release of death. Mum cheat: I reverse cheated on this one: I actually added zucchini (pulverised with butter and onion in the thermomix) and fresh tomato. With grated mozzarella on top (we keep grated mozzarella in the freezer).
5. Bread. Thermomix bread is pretty easy (and we have dried yeast on hand) so I used the thermomix ‘basic bread’ recipe, made a small loaf out of most of it and let the kids make fun shapes from the rest (which I knew would also cook quickly, being smaller). Top tip: Don’t let kids knead bread. They’re terrible at it, and it always ends up really heavy. But they love it.
6. Soup.
At some stage I remembered we had a pumpkin in the fridge and lost my mind completely. I did a fast-and-dirty roast of pumpkin, carrot, sweet potato, onion, zucchini, and potato and then basically shoved it all in the thermomix. The next pic is Louisette modelling for me….. Louisette doesn’t like soup.
Kid involvement: Posing for photo, under protest. Taste: Pumpkin-y. Pretty good, especially considering I forgot to add stock (I added thermomix-and-butter-fried garlic before the rest, and had sprinkled herbs on the roasting vegies along with sprayed oil). Healthiness: Excellent. Kid response: NOOOO WHYYYYYY/Yum (TJ finished his). Mum cheat: Thermomix rather than saucepan (and I know from experience that you should always roast the vegies rather than cooking them any other way – and cover the pumpkin with foil so it doesn’t burn).
7. Tarts/Flans: I made savoury cheese flans plus two jam tarts (both just pastry with stuff inside).
Kid involvement: Louisette broke eggs into the bowl (twice, since the first time she did she added water “because I wanted to make it more healthy”), and both kids helped use the circular pastry cutter, then added scrap bits of pastry to the top of the tarts. Taste: Exquisite. Seriously. I think using the same containers brought in some delicious features from other dishes that did something wonderful to what should have been an omelette with pretensions. Healthiness: Pretty good. Kid response: All the nope, which luckily meant Chris and I got to eat more. Mum cheat: Frozen (and badly freezer-burned) puff pastry instead of shortcrust. I also added ham and avocado because they’re yummy and healthy.
[darn it, I’ve run out of free wordpress image space.]
[picture of muffin tin with tarts/flans because kids were no longer interested in this weird obsession.]
So for dinner we had tarts/flans, fresh bread, fresh home-made pumpkin soup, and pasta with home-made sauce.
Meanwhile, fairy cakes and upside-down puddings were cooking (precisely the same batter, even in the book) were cooking.
8. Upside-down pudding.
Basic cake mixture, in a muffin tin with tinned pineapple, sultanas, and desiccated coconut placed into the pan first. Served upside down (so the fruit is on the top). Kid involvement: Placing pineapple slices inside. Taste: Soap. I have no idea why. Possibly I didn’t clean the tin real well after the tarts. Possibly my body was trying to tell me something. Healthiness: Could be worse. Kid response: Meh. Mum cheat: Cooking fairy cakes at the same time. Genius. Also I’d long since run out of proper flour so I used cornflour. Taste was no longer a factor. The end was nigh.
[Picture of TJ eating his upside-down pudding. I think he actually ate it all, presumably because he was thrown into confusion at this stage of the eveningâgenerally our kids respond to cupcakes with enthusiasm, then eat the top and abandon the rest.]
9. Fairy Cakes.
Same as above, but with paper patty pans instead of fruit. Then flavoured & coloured icing, with all the toppings I could find (desiccated coconut, white choc chips, sprinkles). Kid involvement: Decoration! Much cheering! Also, choosing colour and flavour of the icing (with heavy hints along the lines of “We have lemon flavouring and peppermint flavouring”). Taste: Mmm… artificial flavouring. Healthiness: Nope. Kid response: Delighted with the decorating process, yet strangely unenthusiastic about their ninth course. So this is their dessert-stomach threshold. Good to know. Mum cheat: Dad supervised the brightly-coloured horror of decoration while I did other things (far too hyper myself to panic over the small fingers and food colouring, which would normally be a huge deal).
[Picture of strangely re-invogorated children smeared with chocolate and icing.]
10. Moon rocks (basically lumpy choc chip cookies, but mine turned utterly flat). Kid involvement: Pouring in choc chips. Taste: Cardboard. Healthiness: Fail. Kid response: Glazed. Mum cheat: I had reached a zen-like level of existence where any ingredient vaguely the same colour was a fine substitute, and measuring anything was too hard.
[picture of pancake-like “rocks” melded together.]
11. Chocolate cake.
Yep, for reals. Big finish. Luckily this was a biscuit base with a pure chocolate top. Hello again, thermomix!
Kid involvement: Licking the bowl (Louisette)/showing no interest whatsoever (poor over-fed TJ). Taste: Chocolate. What’s not to like? Okay fine; I haven’t actually eaten any yet. I’m just about to, honest. Healthiness: Hah, lol. Kid response: Too tired to care. Literally zero interest. Mum cheat: THERMOMIX SMASH. Also, Chris does the dishes.
[picture of cake]
I published this post, then went back and tried the chocolate cake. It was excellent. Butter, biscuits, chocolate, then chocolate on top. Rather rich, but easy and fabulous. I shall try to hide it from the kids tomorrow.
Chris came home from work to find me wild-eyed and bustling, with the children poring over vegetable art and things bubbling, roasting, and mixing all over the kitchen. After a little while, he came to me and said, “Hmm… might you be having a manic episode?”
Why yes, I am!
*While writing this post I tried to come up with fifty “interpretations” of the ten recipes. Some were fairly legit (four different types of smoothie, sure), some were moderately legit (you can make jam tarts by putting jam in the pastry, or cheesy tarts by using this egg-and-cheese mixture), and some were literally a list of “foods that can be eaten from a pot”. I managed to nearly reach thirty recipes by including a list of “other types of tarts that also use pastry” but fifty? Not a chance.
**This is actually true. Weird textures and slight variations in flavour cause me much pain. Don’t get me started on under-ripe/over-ripe fruit.
2011 Top Ten Awesomenesses
6. Beach (for our second honeymoon/pre-emptive babymoon)Â and sandcastle
Getting rescued by firemen was cool too.
2011 was somewhat dominated by pregnancy and pregnancy-related illness, but there were a few other really cool things going on: I wrote and edited a steampunk novel; CJ’s brother got engaged (CJ and Louisette and I will all be visiting Hong Kong and Beijing next year for the wedding – and blogging about it, naturally); and my sister and her family told me they’ll be living in Canberra (for at least a year) from June 2012. We had dramas with disappearing cats, a ceiling collapse, and nearly going to court over a paperwork issue – but it all worked out in the end.
Christmas on the interwebs
Christmas and New Year’s Day are two of the slowest and dullest days on the internet each year, so I’ve prepared three special blog entries just for you.
Christmas Eve: Something special from the watery depths (tentacles most definitely included).
Christmas Day: Top ten awesomenesses of 2011 (it turns out my year wasn’t nearly as dull as I remember).
New Year’s Day: Sarcastic Christmas letter.
You’re welcome, internet! You deserve love after giving us this:
Top Ten FREE Awesomenesses
It’s finally here! The ultimate awesomenesses for my poverty-striken peeps. I’ve marked with an asterisk those I think are worth clicking on (either for stylish writing or for pictures). And without further ado. . .
10. Feed ducks
8. Join the Library and Read Scott Westerfeld’s Leviathan trilogy*
7. Lord of the Rings Movie Marathon*
6. Sculpture Garden or The National Carillon or whatever’s free in your area*
5. Kidnap your date (or a friend)
4. Light a Fire
3. Steal Flowers*
2. Bubbles!*
This is it. . . the youtube clip that’ll soon reach 13,000 views. I can only conclude that the internet was expecting something else.
I have a special treat for next Monday. You’ll never guess what it is, but here’s some random clues all the same:
1. It involves a visitor from China (who is not Chinese).
2. Americans should find it especially entertaining/horrifying/insulting, depending on their personality (but it’s not at all mean in any way).
3. It is, allegedly, educational.
4. It is very, very funny.
Top Ten Awesome Pics
Here they are, the pictures that in my opinion are the most peculiar/troublesome/unique/spectacular from the year of Daily Awesomeness. A few also appear in the other top ten lists. I’ve marked with an asterisk those that are attached to well-written or interesting blog articles, and pointed out for your benefit when the awesomeness in question has several excellent pictures for your enjoyment.
10. Skyfire 2011
8. Macabre expression of love*
7. Sarcastic Christmas Letter (this photo is from the Great Wall)*
6. Wedding photos (plenty more beautiful/funny pictures)
4. World map of food (all of which are listed in the article)
3. Hot air balloon ride (more beautiful pictures in the article, naturally)
2. Bubbles! (lots of beautiful pictures if you click through)
1. Octopus in an unexpected place (so many awesome pictures it was hard to pick this one – if you like it, click through for the rest)
Special thanks to my mum for the use of her bird bath.
Next week: The top ten FREE awesomenesses, including a surprising number of my personal favourites (and featuring the youtube video I made that now has over 12,000 hits).
Top Ten Awesomenesses
I’ve now sorted ALL 365 awesomenesses into three top tens – the top ten that cost money, the top ten that are free, and the top ten pictures from the year.
Here’s the first list, leading up to my personal favourite.
10. Home Made Lemonade – with SCIENCE!
Cost: Perhaps $10 for lemons, sugar, and the secret ingredient.
Deliciousness: Yes.
Feeling: A mix of home-cooking pride, childhood nostalgia, and mad science.
Danger: Er. . . not getting scurvy?
Cost: $20-$50
Deliciousness: Yes.
Feeling: All the luxury of a restaurant – but you can do it in your pajamas. Win.
Danger: Minimal.
Cost: Perhaps a dollar or two more than the meal would already cost.
Deliciousness: Medium.
Feeling: You get the benefit of messing with the head of whoever you live with, plus the surreal joy of a meal that Just Looks Wrong.
Danger: Minimal. Increased slightly if you don’t tell your housemates what you’re doing in advance.
7. Cake and Chopsticks (the more participants the merrier)
Cost: Maybe $20.
Deliciousness: Sure.
Feeling: Chaos – as you gleefully play with your food AND make a huge mess. Also, chopstick battles.
Danger: Splinters.
Cost: $20-$50
Deliciousness: Absolutely.
Feeling: The best parts of being an adult combined. You can buy AS MUCH AS YOU WANT and then you can eat AS MUCH AS YOU WANT. And then you can feel AS SICK AS YOU WANT and YOUR MOTHER WILL NEVER KNOW.
Danger: Nausea, diabetes, heart disease. Mother showing up unexpectedly and looking askanse at you.
5. Go to the Beach and Eat Fish and Chips There.
Cost: $20 + travel (and possibly accommodation)
Deliciousness: Mmm. . . salty laaaarrrrrdddd. . .
Feeling: All the sunshine and freedom and beauty of the best holiday you’ve ever been on – because here in the antipodes, “holiday” is a synonym for “go to the beach”.
Danger: Sharks, jellyfish, coral. Lard.
4. Diet Coke and Mentos Rocket.
Cost: $10
Deliciousness: No! No, you moron, stop trying to drink that!
Feeling: ROCKET! Aieeeee!
Danger: Bruising, blindness, death. Disappointment (the rocket thing was a fluke – the wild spraying, however, is entirely reliable).
3. Adopt a PetÂ
Cost: $50-$300 (goldfish versus the colourful ones) – lots more for fluffy animals.
Deliciousnes: How could you say such a thing? What kind of a monster are you?
Feeling: This is the other good side to being an adult – the feeling that you have somehow evolved to be able to take care of others as well as yourself. Also, pets are entertaining and good-looking. I hear some are also affectionate.
Danger: Death (the pet, not you – but it’s devastating).
Cost: About $250 per person.
Deliciousness: Do not eat the balloon.
Feeling: Exactly like flying should feel. Also, gorgeous views. Sheer serenity. I definitely recommend ballooning in your own town rather than elsewhere.
Danger: Crashing into the sea or elsewhere – but that possibility is extremely low.
1. Horseriding.
Cost: $50 per person.
Deliciousness: Not permitted unless you are caught up in medieval battle, then have to make an epic journey of some kind. And you’re all out of serfs.
Feeling: Like very uncomfortable flying, but also a wonderful sense of attempting communication with a highly intelligent creature – and of course learning the skills of two hundred years ago.
Danger: Falling.
And here’s a repeat of the top awesomenesses music video – because I can. (Some of these are represented here, and some elsewhere.)
S#12: Healing Stones
My mission today was to go to “one of those hippy shops” and buy “something weird.” I bought a pack of “Mystic East” Frangipani incense sticks that apparently “improves the concentration of the mind for meditation and prayer”.
I decided, by way of experiment, to see if burning fangipani incense helped me remember more details from the history book I’m currently reading. Unfortunately, although I can’t say it didn’t improve my concentration, it did give me a headache so quickly that I didn’t have time to crack open the book. Result: Inconclusive, but definitely non-helpful.
I moved the burning sticks on their improvised stand into the laundry – home of cat food, CJ’s bike, and cat litter – to see if it could dissipate the peculiar smell that has lingered in that room since the octopus incident.
I can’t tell for certain if the smell is gone or not, but when I went inside to test the air (and check I hadn’t just burned down our rental home), I got a surprise: Ana was hanging out happily on the floor. Neither cat has EVER just lolled about in the laundry before – it’s their toilet, after all.
So it seems I’m mildly allergic to incense, but my cat really likes it.
Weird.
There are very few items left on the steffmetal.com list of awesomeness. Here’s what I’ve promised to do before the end of next month:
#79: Karaoke (and yep, I’m gonna sing – even if it kills me and every other person in the room – and video it)
#86: Starry Night (at an observatory)
#94: Pay off debt (it’s gonna be a tight squeeze, but I hope we can pay back my parents in the next four weeks).
#89: Dinner and a movie (all by myself – that’s the condition)
#32: Break from technology (four days down, three to go)
#8: Ich bin ein stern (glow in the dark stars)
#28: To the theatre (we plan to see the one-man Lord of the Rings! Awesome!)
and the most expensive exciting. . .
#76: Up in the air (hot air balloon ride!)
On THIS sunday, I’ll be writing about the epic international feast.
Felicity Banks 