#154: Play the chocolate game
CJ just had a birthday. In the course of conversation, I discovered something truly horrific. He had never played the chocolate game.
There are a lot of chocolate games, I know. I’m referring to the one in which players sit in a circle around a large block of chocolate, rolling a pair of dice. Whenever someone rolls a double, they must don various items of clothing, then neatly slice off a square of chocolate and eat it with a knife and fork. Unless, of course, someone else rolls a double and they must quickly pass on the clothing, chocolate and cutlery.
We made each other put on rubber gloves and a fedora.
There wasn’t nearly so much violence as I remembered, probably because we’re GROWN-UPS now and we can go buy our own darn chocolate any time we want to. I was uncannily lucky with the dice, which was particularly silly since I’m in the process of losing weight. Bah!
We polished off a large block with consummate ease, all the same.
Play along at home: Next time you have a party, play the game. I’m sure you can play it with other substances if that’s more your thing.
Coming very soon (probably Sunday): I have finished reading the Trixie Belden and “The Gay Dolphin Adventure”. You’re gonna love the results.
“VAMPIRE DIARIES” story so far:
3
Woke up totally gross. Had a shower then realised I’m, like, a vampire now. My friend Sammy’s gonna be SO jealous!
*
Spent all day looking for a mirror that works. This sucks! Also I feel super hungry, and I get the feeling celery won’t fix this craving.
4
Killed a guy. He was, like, totally delicious!
5
Killed an old lady. Yuck, now my breath smells of mothballs.
6
Called Sammy. Said I’m totally a vampire.
She giggled, “You mean a vamp, right?”
“No! Well. . . that too.”
*
Sammy brought her new boyfriend over. SERIOUSLY yum. I know it seems rude to eat him, but I’m, like, evil now. He was finger-licking good.
*
Sammy had a totally unfair tantrum over me eating Bill. “I’m going to tell on you!” she said.
I said, “Who to? I’d sure love to eat a cop.”
7
Went outside. Got serious sunburn – like, with charring. I’m so buying spray tans from now on.
*
Sammy left a message on my machine. “My new friend Bunny’s totally going to get you. AND I have a new boyfriend, anyway. So there.”
*
Too embarrassed to go out with my skin looking so bad. Put off eating Sammy’s hot new treat until tomorrow.
8
Misty day. Went to Sammy’s house. The boyfriend was there, and BIG. They fought me off with frypans and a cricket bat. Stupid humans!
*
Hungry. Soooooo hungry. Almost as bad as doing the Atkins diet all over again. Stupid sun is out!
*
Ate Rover. Feel sick to my stomach, but I think that’s indigestion. Bad dog.
9
Short blonde at the door. My stomach rumbled. “Won’t you come in?” She smiled sweetly, and showed me what she had. A pointy stick.
*
I asked, “What’s that for? Making a tiny fence?”
She smiled, “I’m Bunny. I hear you don’t like sunshine.”
“But I do like visitors.”
*
I leapt for her throat. She slapped me aside, laughing. I grabbed for her pointy stick and she drove it into my belly. Ow! I ran.
10
Great. Now I’m stuck in a sewer hiding from someone called Bunny. I’m totally hungry, and my top is RUINED.
*
So hungry for so long, and no weight loss. That’s IT. I’m going to kill Bunny. And Sammy. And her big cricketer boyfriend.
*
I creep to Sammy’s house and Bunny is there. They’re sharpening weapons and laughing. I feel scared. Luckily, Sammy has a dog. Had.
11
I realise now that hiding in Sammy’s treehouse wasn’t a good idea. Sammy and whatsisface are climbing the ladder – and the sun’s out.
*
I kick the boy in the face and he flies backwards. Sammy screams, but no one hears. He doesn’t get up. I drag Sammy inside by the hair.
*
Sammy punches me right where Bunny stabbed me – and it doesn’t hurt a bit. I knock her out against the trunk and drink deeply. She’s spicy.
12
I wake up when my little finger catches fire from a hole in the treehouse roof. Sammy and her boy are glaring at me – alive. And Bunny. Oh.
*
“We drugged you,” says Bunny, “so you’ll tell us who made you a vamp.”
“Hollywood?” I slur.
Bunny rolls her eyes: “VampIRE.”
“Oh! I dunno.”
*
Bunny says, “Male? Female?”
“I didn’t see.”
She paces: “Where were you that night?”
“Um. . . at a club.”
“Right. Tomorrow we’ll go there.”
13
Bunny and Sammy leave my hands tied for our trip downtown to hunt my sire. The club is all flashing lights and skin. Hungry!
*
I spot my sire by smell – and by the fact that he’s flirting with a particularly delicious-looking redhead. Bunny sees where I’m looking.
*
“Mort!” I yell, “watch out!”
His head snaps up. Bunny shoves me aside and I run for it, hoping Mort gets away. He’s seriously hot.
14
I discovered I could find Mort by smell. Cool (and a bit gross.) He was in a really dorky lair with a bunch of others. “Hi again,” I said.
*
“Did I sire you?” said Mort.
I said, “Yep.”
“Was I really drunk?”
“Well – yes. Is your name really Mort?”
“Uh huh. Definitely not Bill.”
*
“I suppose you have questions about all this,” said Bill/Mort.
I said, “Oh! So many. First, what are vampires wearing this season?”
15
These other vampires don’t understand what being a vampire is all about: looking this good forever. And killing, of course (I suppose.)
*
That reminds me, I could do with a snack. If I can’t lose weight, I can’t gain it either. This vampire thing is to die for!
*
Ate a schoolkid on their way home. Feel MUCH better now, thank you. Even if some of the kid got stuck in my teeth. HOW embarrassing!
16
I still gotta kill Sammy and Bunny and whatsisface. It should be easy now they don’t have a dog. Not that Fifi was the guard dog type.
*
Sammy’s neighbour’s at home. I knock at the door and she opens it. “Myf?” I say.
She says, “Oh hello dear. Won’t you come in?”
*
Nom nom.
17
My new hideout is a little floral, but I like it. Sammy and Bunny never separate, but whatsisface comes and goes.
*
The bigger they are, the more blood for me to drink. Right? Right!
Unfortunately, Myf didn’t keep any decent weapons. Just cats.
*
Pretty sure throwing cats at whatsisface won’t kill him. I gotta be smart. Gotta think of a good plan. The kind that doesn’t get me killed.
18
Screw plans. Sick of an all-cat diet, I followed whatsisface until he was out of sight of Sammy’s house. Then I grabbed him from behind.
*
He threw me into a rose bush, but wasn’t smart enough to run away. I bounded out fangs first and got him. He struggled, but passed out.
*
Mort appeared. “If you were trying to turn him undead, you should have fed him some of your blood.”
“Oh. So turning him over won’t work?”
#157: DIY Green your home
The “y” above may be a teensy exaggeration.
Yesterday most of Australia celebrated the Queen’s Birthday (much like New Zealand did one week earlier). Other than a slew of geeky partying options (scroll down for details), this means one thing for couples everywhere: The To-Do List.
Is there anything more wonderful than having a husband home all day with nothing to do but obey your every whim?
*author ducks and covers*
Every Winter and every Summer, I try to do one thing that makes our house cost less in heating or cooling. Probably the most useful thing we did was make wooden frames for all the windows and cover them in clear plastic. It’s a form of double-glazing that can be taken out when you want to open a window, and put back later. Our bills so far have been $250 less than in the first six months of last year!
Yesterday, CJ installed an internal cat door in the laundry. The laundry is one of the coldest places in the house, and is never heated. It’s also where the cats have their food (and litter tray), which means the door needs to stay open all the time. And naturally, the cats push it wide open every time they go in and out, coldifying our whole house. No longer! CJ cracked out the goggles and power tools yesterday with great effect.
Before:
After:
Now we can keep the laundry door closed all Winter, saving on heating bills and environmental destruction – and the cat smells are kept hidden, too. Considering all I did was hold a torch so CJ could see better, the pay-off versus effort is enormous.
Play along at home: Do you have a window with no curtains? A hole under the front door? An office that takes three hours to warm up? Then get curtains, or a door snake, or work on your laptop in a smaller room for a while. Or share your own excellent heat- and environment-saving tips in the comments.
Yo
It’s now been over thirteen months since I sent “Stormhunter” to Publisher B. I wonder sometimes if they’ll ever reply. Oh well. I have other books at Publisher A, E and F anyway.
I’m eating WAY too much, but I am still confident that in a few days I’ll be back on the wagon, and I will reach my goal of 76.5 in the next three and a half weeks. I still exercise six days a week.
Today I’m going to start reading “The Gay Dolphin Adventure” and a Trixie Belden book (same era, as you may have guessed). How wonderful and terrifying.
Are you a writer? You could enter this free competition and help raise money for The Lupus Alliance.
http://whatever.scalzi.com/2010/05/30/fanfic-contest/
This is the third time I’ve posted that picture on a blog. I also have it as my desktop. I’m in the process of editing my story, and everyone on my “Felicitations” list will read the result at the beginning of July (I send the list a free flash story each month – if you want in, email me on fellissimo[at]hotmail[dot]com).
S#72: Play Board Games
As a continued celebration of my five thousand writing hours, I gathered several friends to play “Up and Down the River”,
Take Two,
and the world’s best board game, Settlers of Catan.
You can actually see the cogs of my mind whirring in the above picture. Settlers takes up just enough of my mind to stop me thinking about other things, which is very very useful for people with anxiety or depression. If I don’t play it for a while, I get cravings. I will refuse to play most other board games (one side-effect of being born into a family who own literally hundreds of games). It’s not just me, either – Settlers has been voted the world’s best board game several times.
Incidentally, do you hate scrabble? I do. “Take Two” uses scrabble tiles plus any flat surface. Everyone takes seven pieces at random and builds their own crossword. Whoever uses up all their letters first calls out “Take Two” and everyone takes two more tiles. Then everyone frantically rearranges their crosswords until the cry of “take two” rings out again. You keep going until you run out of pieces, and if you care about such things you can add up your scores (letters that are used twice get counted twice). My family plays that you can use “q” with or without a “u”.
It was a fabulous afternoon/evening. Special thanks to Ben for bringing his thinkgeek remote control helicopter (although the word “control” isn’t entirely accurate). As its spinning blades of death attacked each of us in turn (generally beginning with whatever poor sod was holding the remote), I laughed so hard I cried.
Observe the expression of manly joy on CJ’s face:
Coming soon:
S#68: Silly Slippers
S#82: Old School (featuring a book called “The Gay Dolphin Adventure” – what could possibly go wrong?)
Three-Ingredient Thursday: Lunch.
Visit my godparents (yep, I have them)
Go to a wedding.
And a surprise or two.
#156: Celebrate a Milestone (with Yum Cha)
Ni hao!
In his tips for writers, Ian Irvine says, “Remember the 10,000-hour rule. That’s roughly how much work and practice it takes to become accomplished in any field, whether it be sporting, creative or professional.”
According to my calculations, I am now halfway there, so I devoted this whole weekend to “Felon’s Five Thousand” (Felon is my new nickname). Writers, artists and sportspeople all have hideously unreliable incomes, so we need to find ways to celebrate progress that don’t come from outside ourselves. And we also need to take videos of our cats (see below). (No reason.)
Yesterday, CJ and I went to Yum Cha at Ginseng in the Hellenic Club in Woden (yes, here in Canberra we name our suburbs after gods and prime ministers. No reason). Yum cha is also called “Dim Sum” but I think the word “yum” sends an accurate message.
I did actually blog about yum cha not long ago, but the post wandered through the aether for several days before it appeared, so I decided to redo it (oh, woe is me) before I realised the post was not actually lost after all. https://shootingthrough.net/2010/04/21/yum-cha/
For a total of $56, CJ and I ate:
Fried won tons (each had a single shrimp wrapped in a won ton sheet tied in a knot)
Radish cakes (I took a bite and almost retched, but CJ liked them)
Steamed pork buns (sheer deliciousness – there’s something about pork that gets on great with yum cha-style bread rolls. Both wonderfully sweet.)
Spring rolls (which featured kamikaze vegetables attempting to escape at every mouthful)
Fried lobster dumplings (with shrimp too – like the best battered fish ever, but with lobster inside)
Chicken buns (the chicken inside was tender and delicious, the bread was exquisite as always – thick and light all at once – and the bready icing was fantastically crumbly and unique)
Later on we took another photo. You can see: some fried shrimp dumplings; one last, doomed, chicken bun; one steamed combination dumpling (I like to call them “mystery” dumplings, despite the fact you can see inside); and a plate of fried spicy chicken wings. *sigh of bloated bliss*
The down side of yum cha is you often can’t easily tell how much you’ve spent until the end. But when you want a SERIOUS feast, there’s nothing better.
It’s usually offered two or three days a week at lunch time.
*resists urge to link two blog sections using a reference to cat meat*
And here, as promised, is the video of ultimate cuteness (the sound you hear is CJ working on the marshmallow cannon from last Sunday). If you like it, tell a friend.
Three-Ingredient Thursday: Pea and Pork Soup
Time for lunch!
I confess, I don’t know the difference between ham, bacon and pork. Can anyone enlighten me?
In the meantime, I made Pea and Pork Soup. I needed to use up some green lentils, so that was all my three ingredients!
As you can see from the above picture (just before I roasted the pork), I went nuts on my freebie ingredients – fat, salt and pepper. I figured I’d need all the flavour I could get (next time, I reckon I’ll fry some onions instead of the lentils. Or use potatoes, so protein, vegie and starch are all covered. But I’ll actually probably use both – and herbs. And store-bought stock. But I digress).
After roasting the pork chops (which had bones, which I gather is important) and letting them cool, I chopped off chunks of meat for later and boiled the bones and fat with more salt and pepper. When it was as pulverised as possible, I took out the solids and added the rest to the soup – which was, quite simply, boiled peas and lentils. Then I blended the green mix & stock mix together, and put it all back in the saucepan with the pork chunks. When it was all hot again, I ate it.
I should confess I panicked (green food and I don’t get on, as a rule) and baked some potatoes. I also added cream to the soup later, but I couldn’t taste any difference.
It cost $7 (three pork chops) + $3 (2 packs dried peas) + $2 (lentils) = $12 altogether, and it serves six. The great thing about simple meals is that they tend to cost less (plus it’s less ingredients to remember at the grocery shop).
If you want to know how to make a truly expert 3-ingredient soup (for under $2 a serve), go here:
http://peaslovecarrots.blogspot.com/2009/11/10-days-10-recipes-3-ingredients-day_15.html
Did I solve the soup dilemma – the human feeling that if you haven’t chewed something, you haven’t eaten?
Conclusion: I think so. The pork chunks were good and solid. Generally speaking, this tasted surprisingly good (particularly considering I don’t like peas). Three cheers for the freebie flavours of salt, pepper and butter. But ultimately I think my attempt at making stock did actually work.
Next week: Lunch again – but this time, it’ll be Steff Metal style. I’ve already tasted the deliciousness, and it was incredible.
#46: Writing Binge
Yesterday I spent over ten hours writing. Wonderful!
I finished the current twittertale, wrote one-third of the next one (which is currently called “When Good Libraries Go Bad”), and wrote an entire story for that kitten/pegasus/unicorn/Wil Wheaton/John Scalzi/clown sweater painting – oh, you want to see it again? Okay.
A writing binge is a lot easier for single people to do, since it’s tempting to talk to one’s spouse or kids if they exist. Resist the urge to join humanity! Don’t speak more than a grunt in response to any outside stimulus.
The best part about writing ten hours (other than hopefully getting some writing jobs done and/or dusted) is the feeling at the end of the day.
I once (if I remember correctly) wrote 20,000 words in one day. It was the first day of the three-day novel contest, and I reached my aim of 50,000 words altogether. Bizarrely, the book actually worked (it’s my realist novel), too.
Every phase of life has its advantages. This one goes firmly in the “being single” category, along with freedom to travel and to spend all your money on pay day (even if that may mean no food for thirteen days).
To do a fabulous binge, you need to begin over breakfast, cancel all but one thing in your day (one thing keeps the pressure on before you do it, and refreshes you when you do it, even if it’s vacuuming), and have food and snacks on hand (and throw all non-writing self-control out the window to write at any cost). Anything you have to do – clean your teeth or brush your hair – is a reward for an hour’s work.
Play along at home: What phase of life are you in – kid, teenager, independent and single, married no kids, married with kids, empty nest parent, or retired? What can you do now that you couldn’t before, and won’t be able to do again?
Tomorrow: “Felon’s Five Thousand” party, including yum cha. (The five thousand refers to my estimate of how many hours I’ve spent writing. It adds up to five hundred writing binges, if that was how I always wrote.)
#48: Breakfast in Bed
A few days ago I bought English breakfast muffins (much like hole-less bagels if you’re wondering).
This morning, after instructing CJ to stay in bed when he woke up, I grilled three muffins and spread them with real butter and honey, golden syrup, jam, and crunchy peanut butter.
I took them downstairs and we ate them. In bed (hence the title).
It was a brilliant way to start the day, and I highly recommend you play along at home.
Weight loss: Success! This morning I weighed 77.9 kilos (my aim was 78). That was HARD. I plan to weigh 76.5 by 9 July (four weeks from now).
Fish: I’m still working out how to do this fish thing. My tank water has been yellow for some time, so I’m changing the water more frequently, adding more water to the tank (one cause is overcrowding – my fault) and I removed one of the plants (another cause of yellow water is rotting plant matter – probably the main cause). I think it made Gandalf sick, though, so I’ll be buying him medicine today.
And here’s “THE VAMPIRE DIARIES” so far:
3
Woke up totally gross. Had a shower then realised I’m, like, a vampire now. My friend Sammy’s gonna be SO jealous!
*
Spent all day looking for a mirror that works. This sucks! Also I feel super hungry, and I get the feeling celery won’t fix this craving.
4
Killed a guy. He was, like, totally delicious!
5
Killed an old lady. Yuck, now my breath smells of mothballs.
6
Called Sammy. Said I’m totally a vampire.
She giggled, “You mean a vamp, right?”
“No! Well. . . that too.”
*
Sammy brought her new boyfriend over. SERIOUSLY yum. I know it seems rude to eat him, but I’m, like, evil now. He was finger-licking good.
*
Sammy had a totally unfair tantrum over me eating Bill. “I’m going to tell on you!” she said.
I said, “Who to? I’d sure love to eat a cop.”
7
Went outside. Got serious sunburn – like, with charring. I’m so buying spray tans from now on.
*
Sammy left a message on my machine. “My new friend Bunny’s totally going to get you. AND I have a new boyfriend, anyway. So there.”
*
Too embarrassed to go out with my skin looking so bad. Put off eating Sammy’s hot new treat until tomorrow.
8
Misty day. Went to Sammy’s house. The boyfriend was there, and BIG. They fought me off with frypans and a cricket bat. Stupid humans!
*
Hungry. Soooooo hungry. Almost as bad as doing the Atkins diet all over again. Stupid sun is out!
*
Ate Rover. Feel sick to my stomach, but I think that’s indigestion. Bad dog.
9
Short blonde at the door. My stomach rumbled. “Won’t you come in?” She smiled sweetly, and showed me what she had. A pointy stick.
*
I asked, “What’s that for? Making a tiny fence?”
She smiled, “I’m Bunny. I hear you don’t like sunshine.”
“But I do like visitors.”
*
I leapt for her throat. She slapped me aside, laughing. I grabbed for her pointy stick and she drove it into my belly. Ow! I ran.
10
Great. Now I’m stuck in a sewer hiding from someone called Bunny. I’m totally hungry, and my top is RUINED.
*
So hungry for so long, and no weight loss. That’s IT. I’m going to kill Bunny. And Sammy. And her big cricketer boyfriend.
*
I creep to Sammy’s house and Bunny is there. They’re sharpening weapons and laughing. I feel scared. Luckily, Sammy has a dog. Had.
11
I realise now that hiding in Sammy’s treehouse wasn’t a good idea. Sammy and whatsisface are climbing the ladder – and the sun’s out.
*
I kick the boy in the face and he flies backwards. Sammy screams, but no one hears. He doesn’t get up. I drag Sammy inside by the hair.
*
Sammy punches me right where Bunny stabbed me – and it doesn’t hurt a bit. I knock her out against the trunk and drink deeply. She’s spicy.
And. . . *scene*
I made it! I’m under 78 kilos (77.9 to be precise). I’ve lost over five kilos altogether, so that’s proof that I can still lose weight (despite being married, which makes life easier and weight loss harder). Dieting has a huge effect on my ability to function, though – particularly on my writing and my socialising. But I’ve discovered that it doesn’t particularly effect my tutoring ability, which means I can eat healthily every Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday without causing problems.
I have utterly lost it today – I’ve been awake about an hour and eaten a ridiculous amount of chocolate already – but oh well. In the next four weeks, I plan to get down to 76.5, which will be genuinely in the healthy weight range. There shall be some fluctuation in the meantime.
CJ is a public servant, which means all kinds of wonderful things – steady pay, excellent sick leave (he’s actually allowed to come home and look after me if I’m sick), automatic life insurance, flex time (if you work longer than the required seven and a half hours, you can then take days off *squee*), and so on. Today he’s applying for a better position in the same department, and it’s tremendously exciting for both of us. It’s a job that’s better suited to who he is, AND better paid. Wish us luck. We’ll find out if he gets the job in a month or so.
