Blatant mum pride post
So my son will be five in a few months. His preschool gave him a box with a toy sheep, a toy cow, a toy bear, a toy zebra, and a rock. This is the story he wrote.
He is a genius. That is all.
Here is a picture of him trying to help the cat see through a kaleidoscope.
This weekend I shall be selling books at IronFest for the first time, AND running the “Madame Alchemist” escape room.
Next weekend I’ll be in Nimmitabel’s Steampunk @ Altitude festival, also selling books and running “Madam Alchemist”.
I’m hoping to finish edits on “Death at the Rectory” before I leave. I have no idea if this is realistic or not. It all comes down to the final chapter, which I am now going to attack. Wish me luck.
Goulburn Comic Con & Wagga GammaCon
So I’ll be quite busy for the next 8 days as Goulburn Comic Con is literally tomorrow (free entry, Veolia Arena, 10am-5pm) and Wagga Wagga Gamma Con is literally one week later.
I haven’t been to either event before but I’m very excited about both.
Goulburn Comic Con is actually the reason my kids’ fantasy trilogy is accepted for publication. My publisher was there two years ago and came home desperate to have some more Middle Grade (roughly age 10-14) fiction. Guess who happened to have a completed middle grade trilogy sitting on her hard drive?
I literally received the physical copies of Book 2 yesterday, ready for Comic Con. Here it is!
Or, if you prefer to see your books side by side…
Look, I know book covers don’t gotta be pretty to be fantastic, but MINE ARE and I’m glad of it.
My parents lived in Wagga not long ago, and both my sister (of “Octopus and Family” fame) and I will have stalls there. ROAD TRIP BABY.
Right now I have the flu and I am semi-delirious. Tomorrow should be an interesting day!
Captain Marvel vs Wonder Woman
See? I can do blindingly obvious clickbait too!
But I do legitimately want to explore my feelings about these two beautiful films, so here we are.
OBVIOUSLY team Wonder Woman and team Captain Marvel are all just one big ball of love and congratulations. And the fan art of the two superheroines is glorious. Do yourself a favour and let me google that for you.
Now, let’s talk. . .
SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
FLERKEN!
SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
In a romantic comedy, you expect to feel a certain gooshiness as the couple gets together at the end. You can experience that feeling a hundred times and it’s still worth seeing another romantic movie. So there’s PLENTY of room for two films that both make women (and humans in general) feel empowered, particularly since there are roughly a zillion movies that create a similar feeling in men.
Yes, that feeling of mighty feminine power is very similar in the two films. If one got you in the feels, the other one probably will too. I’ll talk about the precise flavour of those wonderful feelings a bit later, because these films are certainly not the same story.
Opening Scene:
WONDER WOMAN has a brilliant opening. The sheer shock of seeing COLOUR in a DC film was a revelation, and a revelation that paved the way for genuine sincerity and love throughout the movie. Kid Diana was instantly engaging and interesting, and showed us plenty about the core of who Diana is, and why (as well as very clearly showing both the world she lives in, and the characters of her mother and aunt—so the painful death and departure of Act 1 actually hurt—which is excellent writing).
And that fight on the beach, when a bunch of women with bows and arrows and spears face men with guns… and win? It’s unique, exciting, important to the overall plot (including the “shield” maneuver that Steve Trevor uses later) and it once again shows that our expectations about this movie are wrong.
The opening scene of CAPTAIN MARVEL is… dull. The character wakes up after a bad dream/memory. “Character wakes up” is probably the single most cliched opening of any story ever. It’s so very, very ordinary. Of course, the dream/memory she has is a crucial (arguably the crucial) moment in her entire mixed-up timeline, so that was definitely worth putting right up the front.
And when Captain Marvel realised her full powers and casts off ALL the gaslighting throughout the entire film, it was probably all the more powerful because of the ordinariness of the opening. I think it was a deliberate choice, designed to make the full film experience more satisfying. But it still made me want to rewrite things.
Title Character:
Interestingly, neither movie actually mentions the main character’s title. After seeing a billion origin stories in the last three weeks or so, we really don’t need to get into how they get their names.
Both have important figures in their life gaslighting them, as well as a group of strong, supportive women. Both actors/characters have spent significant time in physical training and can fight very well without their powers. Both are aware of some of their powers, but become aware (and briefly startled) of much more during their film. Both are far more interested in ending wars than starting them—Wonder Woman’s most iconic weapon is not a sword but a shield. Both are stunningly beautiful. (It has been pointed out elsewhere that, now we seem to have got the hang of female-led superhero movies, can we have some women of colour? Gay women? Trans women? Fat women? Disabled women?)
Diana is ignorant about the real world, and Carol has amnesia. That could be interpreted as lessening their power (gently accustoming viewers to the idea of super-powered women), but it’s also a very handy narrative device for letting the hero and the viewer discover things at the same time, so I’m okay with it in their opening films.
Both women are seen as girls fighting against the limitations placed on them by others. Difficult, determined women. I think it’s significant those both flashbacks focus on the girls before they hit puberty. It’s an unfortunate fact that girls are encouraged to follow their dreams before puberty and then get psychologically beaten up during and after puberty. Teenage girls inspire two reactions: lust and hate. No one wants to hear or indulge the desires or opinions of teenage girls. Statistically, both girls and boys experience a sudden sharp dip in self-esteem around puberty. Boys get it back; girls never recover.
I find myself making them sound like clones of one another, but I swear they’re not. Yes, they have a LOT in common, from a desire to be a hero to a compassion for refugees. But in my opinion there’s a deep and archetypal power to each of them that is precisely what each film needs to give viewers that amazing feeling of empowerment and hope.
Gaslighting (for definition of ‘gaslighting’, see tvtropes here):
Both women are told over and over and over, “No. Don’t do that. You can’t do that. Stop.” There is one crucial difference: Wonder Woman is told these things by two good characters—her mother, and Steve Trevor. Captain Marvel is told these things by people who are trying to trick her.
It is clear in WONDER WOMAN that Diana’s mother is making bad choices where her daughter is concerned; lying to her to try to protect her, and keeping her from training as a strategy to keep her power under wraps. It’s understandable, a plausible weakness, and she gets over it (mostly) when she switches strategy to tell Aunt Antiope to “train her harder than anyone else”. She’s still moderately horrid when Diana wants to leave the island, but (again) it’s plausible in an overprotective mother (so, good writing—when two characters both have noble goals that happen to clash).
But, even on my first viewing, I was annoyed by Steve Trevor. Sure, Diana has no concept of the scope of World War 1 or how war works. But he’s seen the Amazons fight and win on the beach, and he knows some of their magic (eg the lasso of truth) before he and Diana get to London. He shouldn’t be as patronising as he is. Especially AFTER they’ve saved a small town thanks entirely to her. Before that he is annoying, after that he’s a jerk. This is narratively necessary, but it badly impairs the character, which in turn makes me think less of Diana for loving him so much. He’s a decent man, but not THAT great. (Yep, that’s right—sacrificial death ain’t enough to impress me if the guy isn’t as hot as Chris Pine AND smart enough to let Diana call ALL the shots a lot sooner.)
So that’s a significant flaw, in my opinion.
The gaslighting is 100% deliberate throughout Captain Marvel. Given her amnesia, it’s a sound strategy to keep her close and trusting (and makes narrative sense without making her stupid). It also works perfectly thematically and emotionally. When she throws off everything she’s been taught and comes into her full power, it is truly glorious.
Menfolk and Womenfolk and otherfolk:
It’s a little bit of a shame that we see so little of Diana interacting with other women. When Etta Candy is present, it is utterly glorious (and extra points for her using Diana’s sword to stop a baddie escaping from the alleyway, especially after neatly foreshadowing it with her saying that women fight with their principles, but she’s “not opposed to a little fisticuffs, should the occasion arise”). Oh, and Doctor Poison is rather excellent (although I find it a teensy bit patronising that Diana lets her live, when she executed at least one male character). I love all the minor characters in this film (especially Charlie, whose character—singing, angry, and afraid—is devastating and beautiful), and World War 1 is a somewhat masculine affair, but still…
It’s a delight to have several important female characters in CAPTAIN MARVEL, from the Supreme Intelligence to Mar-Vell to the two Rambeaus. It’s not insignificant that (with the exception of the Supreme Intelligence, who isn’t technically female, and the minor villain whatserface played by Gemma Chan) none of the female characters take part in the planet-wide gaslighting of “Vers”.
It’s a simple fact that women are gaslit every day, usually unintentionally, and usually by men.
For example, my husband leaves dirty socks on the floor. To me, this is a feminist issue. When it comes to cleaning our house, the buck always stops with me. This is so, so obvious. I pointed out to him the other day that I find it sexist that he leaves his stinky socks for me to pick up. He said it’s not sexist, because he’s not leaving them for me to pick up—he’ll pick them up himself. Later. But I spend 20 of every 24 hours in this house, while he spends less than half of his waking hours here. He also has ADD, which means he notices much less about his environment already, and is far more likely to forget something anyway. So he’s not deliberately leaving his socks on the floor (and his breakfast bowl on the table, and his empty milk containers on the bench, and his cleaned-and-sorted-by-me washing on the bed, and his jackets on the couch, etc) because he is thinking, “Ha-HA! I shall trick my helpless woman into cleaning up after me” but because he’s not thinking at all. Because he has the privilege of not having to think about such things, because they magically get done when he’s not looking (about 80% of the time). After ten years of marriage, how could this blindingly obvious fact have not occurred to him? (Believe me, we have had many conversations about chores. Most of which he has forgotten. Most of which I remember vividly.)
So I’m left angry and sore (yes it literally hurts me to clean up) while he floats along in life thinking he’s the perfect husband, because he’s not thinking at all. (Disclaimer: obviously he’s a pretty good husband all things considered.)
All of which is to say that women are less likely to gaslight other women (although unfortunately it absolutely does happen, eg this article that I can’t bear to read), and CAPTAIN MARVEL reflects that. Without saying a word in the script, it conveys that she’s getting psychological strength from her female friends. And that is something that is deeply satisfying (and healing) for female viewers, and almost entirely absent from WONDER WOMAN.
WONDER WOMAN has Etta Candy (1000 points) and Charlie, who are perfect.
CAPTAIN MARVEL has Goose (1,000,000 points, sorry Etta) and young Nick Fury, who are also perfect. And so are the Rambeaus.
The YEAHHHHHH!!!!! moment:
Both films have a scene that makes every living human in the audience want to jump on their seat and cheer, then go and find a Nazi to punch in the face.
WONDER WOMAN: The moment she chucks off her boring London clothes and runs across no man’s land.
CAPTAIN MARVEL: The fight scene set to “Just a Girl” by No Doubt.
Both scenes are in their own way, perfect. WONDER WOMAN is tinged with sadness on a second viewing, because the town she saves is soon to be murdered. You definitely feel her pain and disillusionment as a result, which makes sense thematically.
CAPTAIN MARVEL: Something about that iconic song—so familiar to me as a 90s teen, although back then I didn’t know enough to feel that righteous anger myself—makes CAPTAIN MARVEL’s power explosion feel 100% REAL. Sure, it’s magic and fiction and there are aliens and blue blood and so on. But with that song right there, CAPTAIN MARVEL cuts into our Trump-poisoned reality with pinpoint accuracy. I never would have thought I’d see a more potent female empowerment scene than in WONDER WOMAN, but CAPTAIN MARVEL did it. For that reason, I will love CAPTAIN MARVEL forever. Plus she’s fighting the very people who gaslit her so bad for so long, which gives it extra zing.
Historical Setting:
(A zillion bonus points to WONDER WOMAN for giving us Themyscira. A bold, beautiful place that now exists forever in the collective imagination.)
It’s been established elsewhere that the World War 1 historical accuracy of WONDER WOMAN is top-notch. Kudos to every single person involved.
From the moment the trailer showed Captain Marvel crash-landing through the roof of a Blockbuster Video store, everyone in the world who is around my age (37, by the way—old enough to have been avidly following the MCU since it began, with our own money) emitted a “squee” of delight (followed by a gasp of horror that a film set in the 90s is now officially a period piece). It was beautifully done throughout (without, I think, banging on about it), and I enjoyed it very much. Also the de-aging on Nick Fury and Agent Coulson was fun and looked great.
The Twists:
Both movies feature betrayal by the big bad. Wonder Woman is betrayed by the man who funds their mission to the Front, and Captain Marvel is betrayed by her mentor (who was only her mentor in order to keep her close).
Neither of these land properly. In Wonder Woman, David Thewlis just doesn’t work as the big bad. Even the betrayal doesn’t feel quite right, because why did he bother funding their mission in the first place? I guess to keep tabs on Diana, but meh.
In Captain Marvel, even those who don’t know Yon-Rogg is evil from the comics know he’s evil as soon as he and Captain Marvel (“Vers” at the time) do a training fight in the opening scene. It is a law universally acknowledged that a mentor and mentee fighting in Act 1 must fight as enemies in Act 3.
Wonder Woman also has the betrayal of her Mum never telling her that SHE is the God-killer, not the sword. And Captain Marvel has the larger betrayal of her entire (she thinks) home world being the villains. (Sidebar: I felt that the switch from “Skrulls are evil” to “Kree are evil and skrulls are good” happens a little too quickly, without sufficient proof. And now I need to go back and wince every time a skrull is punched/killed in Act 1…)
The Villains:
Yes, Yon-Rogg fundamentally worked, especially when he tried—and failed so badly—to gaslight her one last time. (Note to self: When theme and action fit together perfectly, it’s a beautiful thing.) Some of the second-tier villains were underdeveloped. Hopefully there’s a longer cut of the movie somewhere.
I’m glad the Captain Marvel movie didn’t waste the opportunity to have shape-shifting enemies, even if it was only in Act 1. Hurrah for punching sweet old ladies!
Wonder Woman’s Dr Poison would have been a better big bad, I think. She was more interesting than General Ludendorff and scarier than Sir Patrick (if she ignored the general and decided to do her own thing). The idea of Ares as a whisperer/evil muse rather than the controlling force behind World War 1 was sort of cool, but then undercut by the fact that people DID immediately lay down their arms once Ares was killed.
The Third Act:
Wonder Woman wanted to be epic, but we’ve seen so many epic fights (and we were so unimpressed by Sir Patrick) that it was the weakest part of the film.
Saving Captain Marvel’s greatest scene for the third act REALLY worked. The only flaw is the second-tier villains not feeling like real three-dimensional people.
Postscript:
It was really excellent that Captain Marvel didn’t have any romantic interest in anyone. Her (platonic) chemistry with other actors was an absolute delight, and it’s just SO nice to not have a romance subplot just because it’s a female main character. Sure, I like Steve Trevor (with the exceptions outlined above), but I think Captain Marvel gets extra points on this one.
Conclusion:
Now I want to see both films again.
FLERKEN!!
Fishing for a Kitten
My son TJ is four (and three-quarters) and has a lovely relationship with our kitten, Zipper. They don’t always understand one another, or play the same way, but they love each other. Here’s a video:
What is an escape room?
An escape room is a team game that involves exploring a room and solving the puzzles you find there in order to get out.
In practise, that means being put into a room with a team and figuring out how to open and/or unlock various things. In Canberra, it is illegal to actually lock the room so although there is usually a large obvious padlock on the exit door, it is purely decorative (eg put on a second handle while the first handle actually opens the door). You can leave at any time (and come back in, eg after going to the bathroom or getting some air).
Most escape rooms take place in a single physical room, although some start in one room and take you through others as you progress through the various puzzles. Mine are one-room games that can be restricted to a tabletop if necessary, and they are macguffin-based ie you ‘escape’ by finding a specific magical item in one of the boxes, rather than by ‘opening’ a door.
Most escape rooms start you off in very dim light, so one of your first challenges is finding more sources of light. The darkness and lack of torches enhances the stress and forces you to work with your team-mates. Stress, frustration, and cooperation are huge elements in a well-designed escape room.
Another vital element is skill-sharing. A good escape room has a wide range of puzzle types, so different team members’ strengths can come to the fore eg. A puzzle box, a simple maths problem, a clue hidden in an unexpected location. I am terrible at puzzle boxes and not super mobile (so I won’t be crawling under tables if I can help it), but I can do maths.
Puzzle rooms tend to steer away from any maths harder than primary school level, because a lot of people hate maths. I have found that having a simple maths problem towards the end of the game is hilarious as people panic and can’t count good no more.
Each escape room has a fictional scenario to fire the imagination, and a timer counting down (usually the time limit is 1 hour, or 1.5-3 hours for much more complicated rooms).
During the last week both my parents and my siblings attempted my magical steampunk game, MADAM ALCHEMIST, and each session was filmed. If you’d like a better idea of how escape rooms work, I recommend watching the first and second videos. If you just like watching people alternatively swear and cheer, the third video is pretty much just that.
The first video includes an opening spiel by yours truly, and a few minutes of play by my parents.
The second shows a cut-down version of my brother and sister playing the room from beginning to end (complete with my patented sarcastic subtitles). It contains very mild spoilers ie you can still enjoy the game fully after watching (I edited it very carefully), but if you’re an experienced player I recommend playing the room before watching it. Of course, if you don’t live in Canberra/NSW then you might as well watch it.
There is some mild swearing.
The third is a super-short montage of my brother and sister’s play-through (all of which is also part of video #2). There’s almost no context, just the usual escape room experience of intermingled frustration, bickering, cooperation, and joy.
All clear? Good.
You can book through the store link above, or email me at MagicInTheMailStories@gmail.com to arrange a time and place of your choosing.
Escape Room Accessibility
The typical escape room company is located in a hard-to-find corner—somewhere with small windows, ill-suited to shopfronts or homes. There are usually stairs, and almost always darkness.
MADAM ALCHEMIST, my portable magical steampunk escape room, is designed to be suitable for most ages and abilities. It is G-rated and has no physical challenges.
This blog post is a fluid document that will evolve as I find better ways to serve a diverse group of customers. If your own physical or mental challenges are ill-suited to the game let me know (privately, if you like, at MagicInTheMailStories@gmail.com) and I’ll see if I can figure out a way to make the room accessible to you.
Age/Anxiety Guidelines:
MADAM ALCHEMIST isn’t scary, unless a player is particularly disturbed by darkness or stress or vaguely-defined monsters.
This is a photo of a large poster representing a window outside as soulless monsters attack.
I can leave out the poster and/or keep lights on if younger/more imaginative/anxious people are playing the room.
Having said that, escape rooms take around an hour of focused attention and part of the experience is frustration (not to mention problem solving). Most kids under ten will struggle with focus, and find most of the puzzles too difficult.
Kids 10-14 who are able to deal with frustration will be useful team members, but should have adults with them (at least 1:1).
Kids 14+ are often as good or better than adults, but could have a bad experience if they are already low in confidence, especially academically. (There are some simple maths problems that any 14 year old could solve but if they panic and recoil at the sight of numbers then this will just confirm their bias.)
People aged 16 and above will, in my opinion, be just fine, and can act as the adult for kids aged 10-14 (if they’re willing).
My own children are 4 and 7, and helped play-test the game (with lights on, and assisted by their dad). Although they enjoyed the edible clues, the frustration of the game made them behave badly (snatching etc) and they were not rational in their problem-solving attempts (eg they believed they could guess the padlock combinations). But a well-behaved younger child can certainly tag along if their guardians can’t arrange babysitting (and are confident their kids won’t break anything).
Sight/Hearing/Dyslexia:
I’m still working on making the game accessible to those with sight/hearing limitations.
Those who are slightly sight-impaired or dyslexic can have a typed version of written clues (rather than the twisty scrawl of the mad alchemist).
The lights can be left on or off, the props can be laid out on a single large table to make searching simpler, and the number of torches can be increased or decreased. I have a friend who’ll be play-testing the game in March and will help me identify aspects of the game that need adjustment. Not all the clues are visual, so if the team has a range of abilities cooperation is always necessary and will help here.
No clues require good hearing (although communication within the team is essential). I can improve access for hearing-impaired players by simply turning off the sound effects. My father has significant hearing issues that didn’t impair his enjoyment at all since he played with my mother, who is an expert at talking with him.
Mobility:
Anyone who has trouble moving around/standing/crouching can play MADAM ALCHEMIST, depending on the venue.
My personal mobility isn’t great, so I’m pretty good at arranging things for chronic pain conditions. The simplest step is to have all the props and clues placed on a single table, so players can simply sit around and pass objects to one another. Someone without the use of their arms will need an assistant.
Venues:
The gazebo in my yard in Macgregor is accessible by wheelchair. There is some lumpy fake grass but no steps (other than a one-inch foam ‘carpet’ within the gazebo). I usually leave the gate open but sometimes the wind blows it shut (in which case it needs someone to reach up quite high to unlatch it).
Capital Pancakes has a very long flight of stairs and no lift.
Other venues (such as the home of the host) will vary dramatically.
Cat allergy:
My backyard is not an option, as the cat is difficult to contain and is sure to snuggle up to whoever is most allergic. But of course there are plenty of other venues.
Food/scent allergies or intolerance:
There are 3-4 edible/drinkable clues in the game. None contain nuts of any kind.
The ingredient list varies by availability and location, so if a player has a serious allergy other than nuts, please let me know so that I can ensure they don’t come into contact with anything that could harm them.
If players have a range of food intolerances/allergies, I can cater to you specifically or adjust the edible clues into written clues as needed.
People with epilepsy/migraines:
The possibility of flashing lights can be eliminated by keeping ‘normal’ lights on rather than depending on torches.
Madam Alchemist
This weekend is CanCon, and I have a stall there, with the tabletop version of my escape room (now called “Madam Alchemist” since it takes place in a mad scientist’s secret laboratory). I ran five play-tests during the day yesterday, and all of them went off without a hitch.
I also had people approaching me asking about party and conference packages. I seem to have discovered a market. *blink blink*
I’m already developing a second room, scifi/horror/comedy called “The Amazing Shrinking House” (adjective may vary) so I can run two different games at the same time… and sell a “Party Package” that lets party guests swap rooms so they can do two in one night.
Sometimes I wish I could buy my own products!
This is the CanCon setup; the stall in its entirety. Also corset and tutu 🙂
It was nice to see fairly equal proportions of men and women, and this notice in the ladies’ bathroom:
Plus plenty of teens, some (usually slightly bored) kids, a range of age and fitness levels, and several gay couples and singles. CanCon is a happy place.
Shooting Through: the escape room that comes to you
It’s happening.
I’ve playtested the escape room three times so far, spotting serious mistakes on my part every time and fixing them for the next time.
Today is the beginning of the Invasion Day long weekend, so I’ll be at CanCon—Canberra’s annual board gaming conference.
The perfect place to test it way, way more!
This weekend I’ll be running free tabletop versions of the game… and signing people up to play it for real.
Here are some gorgeous pics, all taken by Louisette!
Zipper investigates.
Zipper cheats her way out.
Naturally, Louisette focused on the lollies (literally).
Everything in the above picture was laying around the house, waiting for this moment.
Tentative price list:
$25 per person, with the following minimums:
$100 minimum if it’s in my back yard (running approximately 8-9:30PM including introductions).
(NB This will be moved inside if the weather is too hot/cold/rainy, which is rather cramped by climate controlled. It should be noted that my cat will almost certainly come and say hello, and that I supply bug repellant.)
$200 minimum elsewhere in Canberra (or by appointment when I’m at a nearby conference/fair/festival).
(I require a room that can be darkened, free of trip hazards, with a table and chairs—in a house that is fairly accessible by moving trolley.)
I’ll almost certainly increase the price when I’m more confident.
How to book/ask questions:
At the moment, email fellissimo@hotmail.com and/or magicinthemailstories@gmail.com to talk dates and times. Most Saturdays are good for me coming to you, and 8pm is usually good at my place any night except Wednesdays (but definitely including Saturdays).
How long does it take:
Theoretically 1 hour, but usually closer to 2. Allow 2.5 hours if you can, and advise me if anyone in your team has specific time restrictions.
Physical restrictions:
It’s great for wheelchair users (because you can play sitting at a table—although your team members will need to cooperate to pass things close enough for you to examine).
I think most physical or mental restrictions can be balanced by having a range of ability in the group (in much the same way that there’s bound to be ONE person who can add a string of numbers without screwing them up… right?)
There are no physical challenges.
Is it scary?
You will be operating under a threat of (fictional…) monsters, competing against a clock, in near darkness. So the level of scariness depends on your imagination. But it’s definitely rated G, and safe for kids of virtually any age BUT escape rooms are intrinsically frustrating and some items are fragile or sharp. Use your discretion. Kids 10+ should be genuinely useful in places; kids 4+ should be okay IF they’re very well behaved and calm.
Escape Room
I have designed a portable escape room (with a tabletop version that I shall be running at CanCon this weekend). There will be more info soon, but here are some pics in the meantime!
It’s set in the same steampunk fantasy world as all my steampunk, but takes place at the same time (with none of the same characters) as “Choices: And The Sun Went Out”.
In case you can’t tell, I’m very excited. I don’t expect this to be a big moneymaker (apart from anything else, it requires a staff member—most likely me—to be present, which means I need to leave the house, ugh!) but it’s awfully fun right now.
I’ve run one test so far (with Chris, Lousiette, and TJ—yep, it’s child friendly), and have more already lined up ready to go.
Christmas: Stress
NB: The Mary Sue pop culture site wrote a far better article on Christmas stress. Go read it here.
I live in fear of Christmas from about October onwards. (I also start buying presents for my kids at that stage, which I like doing—so there’s that.)
It’s particularly tricky for those who are at the “moved out of home but don’t have a family of their own” life stage (which can be incredibly lonely) or those who have recently lost a close family member to death or divorce.
And of course for those who suffer from depression, social anxiety, or other chronic illnesses. The pressure to be happy and joyful can be horrifying, and it climaxes on Christmas Day. It feels like the whole word is saying, “You must be happy and healthy at this time and place!”
There are four major sources of stress around the holiday season:
Finances
There are two ways to make finances better at Christmas. Either you spread things out over the whole year (buy one present a month, for example; buy travel tickets in February and then pay off a little each month) or you reduce the cost of Christmas.
Sometimes, the only option is to be honest: If you can’t afford travel, tell people that you can’t. If you really want to travel, it may be possible to receive travel costs as a gift—send an open group email to the whole family and say, “Instead of gifts, can everyone put in $20 so I can come to the beach without breaking the bank?”
Gift-wise, especially with kids, remember that YOU are setting the standard of what is normal. If the kids get a single gift from you each year, then that’s what they’ll accept as normal (with the occasional comment of, “All my friends get ten presents for Christmas” which you’ll have to resist along with every other “All my friends…” comment that the kids send your way the rest of the year).
EXPECTATIONS are crucial, and honesty, though awkward (and I guarantee some people will just think you’re cheap—screw ’em) can save a lot of pain.
I knew someone who would pick a fight every December and then not show up at Christmas. That’s… certainly a strategy. I would really rather this person just talked to us.
I know someone else who gave spectacularly expensive-looking but wildly thoughtless gifts. Every time they saw something on a massive sale they bought several. And that’s what everyone got for Christmas. They once got really weird about having gifts with half our family at one event and half somewhere else—because of course they’d bought the same thing for everything. Again, that’s a. . . strategy. That one could have worked great if there was any correlation between the gifts and the recipients. Like, if someone hates reading, don’t give them a book? Save it for someone else.
Family
Family is complicated. Some people love getting the full set together in one room (I’m one of them). Other people would rather not see a single member of their family ever again.
If your family is truly abusive, you don’t owe them anything. Get out fully if that’s truly what’s best for you.
If your family is annoying, or just one or two are awful but the rest are great, see if you can work out a way to take the bad with the good (or, if you’re especially cunning, find a path where you get more good and less bad).
If your family is mostly good, be honest about your abilities to give/host/travel/etc. Traditions don’t have value if they’re hurting you. For me, it’s often easier to host than go somewhere else.
Travel
It’s really, really hard. Things will also go wrong. Travelling at Christmas is harder than at any other time because (a) So many people are doing it, and (b) You gotta pack gifts (both giving and receiving).
If you know you’re not physically, mentally, or emotionally up to it. . . you have a choice.
If you can handle travel, work out what you need to make it suck less. For me, an ample supply of chocolate, water, and snacks makes a huge difference. Air conditioning is crucial, and so is ‘down time’.
Take your painkiller of choice, and if you’re inclined to get travel sickness of any kind then take supplies for that too.
Pure Busyness
Don’t be an idiot and promise a 3-part Christmas blog.
Manage expectations, both those others put on you and the ones you put on yourself.
Learn to say “No” and/or “Not this year”.
Basically, expectations (including traditions) can be helpful (“I know I’m meant to bring a plate every year”) or harmful (“I know I’m meant to bring a whole roast turkey even though I’m driving interstate to get there in time aieeeee”). In the end, although manners are important, you are the boss of you. Take charge, and make Christmas fun for you—whether that means staying home and watching “Die Hard” with no pants on, or travelling in convoy with your 32 cousins to great-grandma’s retirement home and eating nothing but funyuns for two days.
Kids home from school
That’s a whole ‘nother story. I haven’t worked out a good strategy for being “on” for ten hours a day for 6 weeks, so feel free to share your strategies in the comments.
The moral of today’s blog: Kids, animals, travel emergencies, and health are unpredictable. Plan for that.
But most of all, plan for who you are and what you can realistically do.
Good luck.
Felicity Banks 