The most important job in the world
Quite a few feminists (ie those who believe women and men are equally important, deserve equal pay, equal work opportunities and equal respect) really hate it when anyone describes motherhood as the most important job in the world. I myself cringe when I meet a mother who has no interest in the world outside of her own home.
Motherhood is something that only became a possibility for me after I met CJ – just a few years ago. Having a purpose in life that actually has an impact (unlike writing unpublished books) has changed everything for me. Suddenly life is mostly good instead of mostly bad, and I am largely satisfied with who I am. In some ways I’m in uber-mum mode, since I will shortly be working full-time as a babysitter while also minding Louisette 24-7. I have love and affection and exasperation to spare, and taking Louisette with me to work gives me a unique angle on “having it all” as a mum – a very literal interpretation of filling both the employee and the “mum” role at the same time.
It is abundantly clear to me that raising Louisette is the most important thing I’ve ever done – and I’m a little bewildered that anyone would think that my life is anything less than an expression of freedom and femininity (and I assure you that, ironically, it is very hard for women to choose to stay at home with their kids these days).
Interestingly, my attitude is (apparently; my sources are indirect) similar to the attitude of African American mothers: motherhood is an act of defiance and hope rather than (as many white Western mothers seem to think) a 1950s-esque trap that women fall into.
I’m so glad to be here.
Sweet delicious addiction
The term “chocaholic” is generally a joke, said with a smile – and I’m the first to say it’s probably the most gentle and puppydog-like of all possible substance addictions. But that doesn’t mean it’s not a real problem for many people. The bad news is that I’m about twenty kilos more than I should be (yikes) – and it’s chocolate more than pregnancy or motherhood that’s mostly to blame. The good news is that I’ve just lost five kilos (without even cutting out chocolate entirely) and the more mentally healthy I am the easier it gets. It really looks like I might have the ability to get over my addiction and just enjoy chocolate in a healthy (sometimes naughty, sometimes perfectly restrained) way. So as I work through my physical and mental addiction, I lie on the couch of the internet and talk out loud about all the reasons I eat excessive chocolate, and what I can do about it. Some of it’s pathetic, painful or personal, because that’s the nature of addiction – any addiction. You don’t gotta read it if you don’t wanna.
* Self-loathing/self-destruction: Some people drink or do drugs or self-harm for similar reasons (deliberately eating to the point of nausea is certainly a form of self-harm). Luckily, this is a mental illness thing, and as I continue to mentally improve I very rarely have even 24 hours during which I hate myself. I can tell when my mood is beyond normal, and I know I just need to wait it out.
*Anger/frustration: This has also improved as my life satisfaction and mental health improves. If I’m angry or frustrated one way to express it is to buy stuff – a takeaway meal (which also means less chores) or new clothes or something. I can also monitor how tired or stressed I am, and I can (and do) tell CJ when things aren’t going well – which results in some quiet alone time for me in the evening while he minds Louisette. (He minds her every evening anyway, but I usually stick around and stay available.)
*Retail therapy: Spending money helps a person feel powerful, which is part of my chocolate issue and very easy to solve – I just buy very expensive healthy snacks (or at least healthier than chocolate) like nudie juice drinks or Kettle sweet potato chips. This is related to the above and the below.
*Chocolate is a well-established placebo: I’ve been using chocolate ritualistically for years as a self-medication to fill in the gap between what I’m capable of doing and what I feel I need to do (eg I’d eat a bunch of chocolate if I had a lot of work to do, and that would make me feel like it was possible and that I wouldn’t have a panic attack or breakdown). I still feel that chocolate makes me better, stronger and happier. There’s a little bit of truth to this – people only have a limited amount of self-control, and if I spend it on eating healthily then something else has to give. Once again, spending a bit of silly money helps.
*Physical dependence: When I cut down on the amount of chocolate I eat I know in advance that I’ll have a headache for three days, and my blood pressure drops sharply – which I know because I start blacking out when I stand up. (When I eat chocolate after a gap of twenty-four hours or more, my hands will shake so that I have difficulty opening the packet.) I’m already past the worst, but I can also combat this by cutting down more gradually, by using dark chocolate for a while, by getting a lot of rest and by taking panadol. Cutting down on chocolate also screws up my digestive system (it seems to be fine now) and I imagine there are other physical issues I’m not aware of. The most important gets a point all to itself. . .
*Mood regulation: At times in the seven years of mental illness I just went through, I did actually lose weight. It wasn’t pretty: I was so desperately angry and depressed that I couldn’t socialise much (just endure, hidden away somewhere, until the weight loss was done) and when I was driving somewhere I had to remind myself over and over that driving off the road into a tree wouldn’t solve my problems (“You probably won’t die,” I told myself. “You’ll just end up injured and in hospital and then things will be even worse.”) Now that I’m not insane, I just get a few days every so often where I feel like all life and effort is pointless misery. But ennui is a whole lot better than what I used to go through. Of course I still get very irritable, but one thing mental illness teaches is how to (usually but not always) bite your tongue. I’m also attempting to regulate my mood by eating more turkey (like chocolate, a great source of serotonin) and plenty of grass-fed red meat (which has also been linked to better overall moods – also, I love red meat and it’s a great source of iron).
*Iron: Chocolate (especially milo) has an extremely powerful allure to pregnant and pre-menstrual women, because it’s a quick fix for low iron levels (something which I have on a normal day). And of course everyone knows it’s an energy boost. All I can do to fix that lack is to eat healthy foods, and to let myself eat slightly more chocolate at a certain time of the month (so I don’t crash and binge at the much stronger cravings).
*Habit: Chowing down on chocolate is a well-established habit. I can combat that with simple self-awareness, and with nuts (similar size to individual lollies like M&Ms, so the movement is the same).
*Sugar high: I can use yoghurt or fruit or juice or milk to get a modified sugar high, especially at vulnerable times of day (4pm, and evenings).
*Anticipation: It can be hard to get up in the morning (much less so as a non-mentally-ill person) without something concrete to look forward to in the short term. This is easily solved by always letting myself have two squares of chocolate right after breakfast (this also helps with digestion).
*Palate cleanser: People who diet get a gross-feeling mouth and bad breath. This can be easily solved with tic tacs.
*Tastes good and has a nice texture: Food is meant to be enjoyed, so I can get a similar sense of satisfaction by having really nice meals like Peking Duck or fresh cheese and bacon rolls. That also helps with anticipation and with helping me not feel angry or frustrated with life – because I know I have a delicious dinner waiting for me at the end of the day.
I have a long way to go to be in the healthy weight range (it could easily be a lot longer) but I hope that with practise and self-awareness I can break my unhealthy relationship with chocolate and simply enjoy it. The way I eat chocolate isn’t a good thing to pass on to Louisette, and it’s looking like by the time she’s aware of my eating habits I’ll be able to be a good example.
Gravity
Louisette still thinks the best way to get to the ground from the couch is to crawl off, thus landing face-first. On the up side, she has grasped the idea that it’s good to have some control when she’s shifting from a standing to a sitting position. Sometimes she will simply cry when she wants to sit, but as she grow in confidence, she practises and gets better.
With a certain amount of trepidation, CJ and I decided that since Louisette is climbing anyway, we should teach her to crawl up stairs (our stairs have walls on both sides and are carpeted with no sharp edges, so as far as stairs go they’re an ideal learning environment).
“Water conditioning” is when you teach a very young child to hold their breath underwater by having a specific phrase that you say every bathtime just before pouring water over their face. In time, a baby learns to shut their eyes and hold their breath, and then you can begin teaching them to put their head under the water (without them inhaling too much and going into a pre-drowning state). We’ve been doing this every bathtime and swim time for month, and at first we were pleased that Louisette didn’t mind having water poured over her. Unfortunately her attitude these days seems to be, “Hurrah! A drink!” – an attitude which applies even when she accidentally crawls into deeper water at the pool.
And yes, if you’re wondering, we give her plenty of water to drink during the rest of the day! Ah well.
Beginner’s Guide to Steampunk Lit
Yes, it’s finally here! My idea of what a map of steampunk might look like. Harangue me on my choices and omissions below! Post it wherever you like, with a link back here. Caveat #1: This is only books (I tried to make it only novels, or at least novelists). Caveat #2: I’m only one person. This was a big job, and I chose to oversimplify rather than make it my life’s work. Also, there are some errors. And, as you can tell, I chose to finish the map this year rather than take longer and make it bigger, prettier, and funnier. And yes, I read and write mainly young adult, which is also obvious at a glance. Caveat #3: More is being written all the time. Tell us about your favourite steampunk in the comments! 
My reviews have all been moved to Comfy Chair, where I get paid for them:
“The Sky Village” by Monk & Nigel Ashland
“Clockwork Angel” by Cassandra Clare (1 of 3)
“Girl Genius” graphic novel series by Phil and Kaja Foglio: Incredibly manic hilarity. You can find them online here and get a thrice-weekly fix.
“The Difference Engine” by William Gibson and Bruce Sterling
“Worldshaker” etc by Richard Harland: Brilliant and satirically funny.
“Burton and Swinburne: The Curious Case of the Clockwork Man” by Mark Hodder
“The Affinity Bridge” by George Mann
China Mieville: Sheer imagination from a brilliant and complex mind.
“The Nomad of Time” by Michael Moorcock
“Dreadnought” by Cherie Priest (not the first book in the series)
“Blaze of Glory” etc by Michael Pryor: Funny and action-filled. I’ve read the whole six-book series, so clearly I liked it – but I often found the hero annoying.
“The Northern Lights/The Golden Compass” by Philip Pullman (1 of 3)
“The Subtle Knife” by Philip Pullman (2 of 3)
“The Amber Spyglass” by Philip Pullman (3 of 3)
“Ruby in the Smoke” by Philip Pullman (1 of 4 Sally Lockhart books)
“Larklight” by Philip Reeve (1 of 3, though they can stand alone quite well)
“Starcross” by Philip Reeve (2 of 3)
“Mothstorm” by Philip Reeve (3 of 3)
“Mortal Engines” by Philip Reeve: Very very dark (in marked contrast to his kids’ books). Also brilliant. And violent. The prequels aren’t as good.
“Ichabod hart and the Lighthouse Mystery” by James Roy
“The Invention of Hugo Cabret” by Brian Selznick: Yep, the book on which the movie “Hugo” was based. Pretty clocks and pretty pictures.
“Warship at the Bottom of the Sea” by Oshikawa Shunro: I haven’t read it, but apparently it’s fun and has pirates.
“The Hunchback Assignments” by Arthur Slade
Jeff Vandermeer: I only read one story (the first in “City of Saints and Madmen”) because, although it was wonderfully involving and the sensory detail was exquisite, it was far too violent and dark for me to read any more. I also thought the twist at the end was stupid.
“20,000 Leagues Under the Sea” by Jules Verne: Good, but too much technobabble for my liking.
“The Time Machine” by H. G. Wells: Still readable and interesting (or, if you prefer, horrifying) today.
“Leviathan” and “Behemoth” by Scott Westerfeld (1 and 2 of 3)
“Goliath” by Scott Westerfeld (3 of 3)
“The Machine Maid” by Diana Wynne-Jones: A true steampunk short story (which I wasn’t able to get my hands on).
Edited to add: My own novels are Aussie-written with an Australian setting; crossover fantasy novels. The first is HEART OF BRASS. It’s on Amazon etc and various Aussie bookshops. You can get the ISBN off that link to request it from your local bookshop with ease. Or you can order it directly from that link (it will be printed for you in Melbourne, the US or the UK, so most of you won’t have to pay ludicrous amounts of postage).
When pride and fear collide
Guess who’s climbing now?
….and falling off headfirst every darn time.
Yep, at a time when most babies her age are thinking, “Gee I sure wish there was some way to get to that toy that’s over a metre away” Louisette is not just crawling, but walking across a room (with her hands held). In fact she’s not just walking across a room with her hands held, she’s cruising – walking along and around furniture while holding on to it (no parental intervention necessary!). And, as I may have mentioned, she can now climb stuff. Her idea, not mine.
To be fair to all those other (patently inferior) babies out there, Louisette also excels in a Frodo-esque lack of self-preservation instincts. One of my best friends has a two-year old that has only just started walking independently. . . because that is a child that understood gravity and the potential for pain almost completely WITHOUT the usual lengthy experimentation/spinal injury period. Louisette is. . . at the other end of the scale. It’s the dangerous end, but it’s also the awesome end, and I wouldn’t have it any other way*.
She continues to love adventure and excitement, which is a good thing because I just got ANOTHER job! Between my two jobs (plus a little tutoring) I’ll be working full-time (and earning considerably more than I’ve ever earned before) from the end of October – probably for about a year. This will make a big difference when we buy a house next year**.
Louisette is presently for absolutely all of my work hours. And so the adventure continues.
*until my second child. They can learn to crawl when they’re four.
**fingers crossed. . .
Our weekend
On Saturday we took Louisette swimming at a public pool – and she loved it.
On Sunday we took her to the flower festival called Floriade via the castle playground in Commonwealth Park with various family and friends. I always love taking photos of Louisette and any of her cousins.
As a parent, any time I leave the house I win 🙂
Eight months old – and all’s well
This was the month Louisette had her skin tag removed (hence a couple of plaintive hospital photos), and the month it became impossible to hold her still in a standing position – she immediately starts walking (usually giggling maniacally as she does so).
Other months can be seen via here.
Generations back and forward
Louisette is eight months old this Saturday, which has a special meaning for me: her father has now stuck around longer than mine did (my mum remarried when I was two, and THAT worked out great). It is a peculiar gift my biodad gave me – I already have the sure knowledge that my daughter’s life first year of life is better than mine was. Isn’t a better life what all of us want to give our children? For all my failings present and future as a person and as a mum, I got marriage right the first time. CJ is the biz.
And now for some gratuitous cuteness: pics of Louisette with her month-old cousin (gotta love a suspicious baby, right?), plus a couple more photos just for luck.
Felicity Banks 