#90: Write a letter to my future self
Yay! It’s time to begin the saga of daily awesomeness. The concept is simple: I do something awesome every day, and blog about it. For a year. My total list is already well over 200, and I’m sure to think of more awesome things along the way (suggestions VERY welcome).
I’ll still write twittertale-related things each Friday (including the weekly story so far – plus the complete story on whatever day that story finishes – including today if you scroll down).
Today I’m writing a letter to my future self – specifically, a letter to the me I’ll be roughly a year from now.
Here’s roughly what I’ll be doing for the first little while (S indicates it’s from Steff Metal’s blog):
#90: Write a letter to my future self (making a note to ensure I read it in one year).
S#53: Be a tourist in my own city.
S#98: Embrace a culture I know nothing about.
#96: Sew something.
#108 Guerilla Gardening (inspired by http://www.yesandyes.org/).
S#64: SECRET NUMBER ONE (it’s secret because my husband will LOVE it – he is currently forbidden to read the Steff Metal list http://steffmetal.com/101-ways-to-cheer-yourself-up/).
S#13: Bubble bath.
#109: Cook a whole meal of one colour.
I’ll keep telling you more as I go along! But yes. . . there will be sushi, suspenders, midnight snacks, horseriding, more secret items, and a hot air balloon ride.
Here’s a visual diary of many hours of colour-coding (for difficulty level and expense) and sorting into which items need to be done soon, late, in Winter, etc.
Play along at home: Pick something off the list, and do it yourself this week. Then, if you dare, share the results.
————————————————————————
25 March 2010
Dear Future Louise,
There’s just one question I have to ask right away: have you been accepted for publication yet? If you’ve gone yet another year without a major acceptance, I don’t know what to say except that truly sucks, and I’m sorry. Go eat chocolate, stat!
It was hot today, but not too hot. I’m starting to like autumn. In the past it’s always been a season of dread as Winter approaches. But now I understand why people like it. It’s honestly pleasant. And pretty.
How’s married life? You’ll have been married over two years now. I have a theory that the first two years are the years that your happy biology chemicals help you through. After that, you’re REALLY married. What do you think?
How are you mentally? Is your anxiety disorder getting better? Do you still get headaches all the time? Are you still afraid to go to work? Do you still panic on special occasions, and are you still afraid of crowds and/or shopping centres?
What advice would you give me if you could write to me? Would you tell me to avoid this new blog system of daily awesomeness, because it’s just too hard – or because it horribly backfires a month from now – or because it’s too expensive? Or would you tell me it was the best decision I ever made?
Good luck. . .
Louise
Dr Yes: Complete Story
FYI: the program of daily awesomeness begins later today.
The next twittertale, “Bridezilla”, begins April 1.
DR YES
1.
I unclipped Yen’s handcuffs and went down on one knee under the tropical sun of her prison-island home. “My darling, will you marry me?”
*
“’Kay,” she said.
I stood and kissed her tenderly, then ran for the chaplain. When he was ready to go, I decided to freshen up.
* (3 hour gap)
I emerged resplendent to find the priest knocked out, my ornithopter gone, and my fiancé. . . well, she was obviously still doing her hair.
2.
The love of my life, gone! She may still be cross that I killed her power-mad mum. But surely she doesn’t STILL want to destroy the world?
*
Time to be a super-handsome super-spy again. Thank goodness for plastic surgery. Yen was born in Beijing, so I got a flight there at once.
*
I was met at the airport by a strangely attractive nun who took me deep underground before telling me the horrible truth: “Yen’s my cousin.”
3.
In laws! They’re always so tetchy. I let the nun torture me a few hours and then knocked her out with a high-kick to the face. Then I fled.
4.
I searched for Yen in the shopping district. As I tried on an especially snazzy shirt in the back, I heard the nun’s nasal tones.
*
The evil nun was apparently in league with my shopkeeper! A deadly pair! I duct-taped shut the mouths of the other patrons and listened in.
*
“Yen’s in Beijing – and so’s that British superspy,” said the nun.
The shopkeeper said, “We’ll kill them both!”
“Perfect. Hey, nice shirts!”
5.
I bought hundreds of TV and streetside ads warning Yen of her mortal danger – and asking her to pretty please return my ornithopter.
*
As I returned to my hotel after another day of searching, I found a single long-stemmed black rose on my pillow. She still loved me!
6.
I spotted Yen trying on shoes and gave chase. She was too quick, but I taped my two high-tech matchbox cars to my feet for more speed.
*
Matchbox-car skating requires the perfect balance that only MI6 training can give. Unfortunately it’s been a while and I crashed into Yen.
*
I clicked my sleeping-gas pen in her face and carried her over the threshold into my – our – hotel room until she regained consciousness.
7.
Yen awoke, but didn’t seem to appreciate the scattered rose petals or the scented candles surrounding her. Then she peeled off her mask!
*
I gasped, “Mrs Fu!”
“In the flesh!”
“But. . . I threw you into a volcano. I think your daughter may still be miffed.”
“Mums are made tough.”
8.
After we’d caught up on the latest in international spy goss, Mrs Fu and I tested one another with tea. I gave her just a pinch of arsenic.
*
I tasted my own tea cautiously. Cyanide, yes. But only a token amount. Mrs Fu and I understood one another perfectly: no death – for now.
*
Mrs Fu said she knew exactly where Yen was hiding. We caught a train to the Great Wall. “Um, isn’t the Great Wall rather. . . long?” I said.
9.
We searched all night and day. Suddenly we found ourselves surrounded by Shaolin monks. “He’s with me,” said Mrs Fu.
They said, “We’re not.”
*
I grabbed my trusty blow-up gum but the monks wore titanium robes. No fair! They whipped out pens – strangely familiar pens. Noooo!!!
*
10.
Regained consciousness briefly while having a dream about killer mushrooms. One of the monks hit me on the head, and the mushrooms returned.
11.
I awoke strapped to the Great Wall with my own duct tape. Had intense déjà vu. Mrs Fu was taped beside me, and so was a black rose.
*
“It’s all right Mrs Fu – Yen must be safe if she’s given me a rose.”
“Great. End of story then. I’m afraid Yen no longer needs our help.”
*
I said, “But. . . it can’t be the end. I haven’t done anything heroic yet.”
“Why don’t you heroically help me down, then?” said Mrs Fu.
12.
Mrs Fu and I walked back along the wall while she tried to explain something about my relationship with Yen. I’m sure it wasn’t important.
*
My shoe phone rang. I answered, “Bind. Jimmy Bind.”
“HQ here. We need you to track the fugitive Yen Fu. Naturally she’s been microchipped.”
*
Mrs Fu and I followed the beeps back to a cunningly disguised lair beneath the Great Wall. We hid ourselves outside and waited.
13.
A Shaolin monk came out, and Mrs Fu kicked him in his monk parts. I clicked him with sleeping gas, and we dragged him into the bushes.
*
Another monk! I barrelled out and hurled him to the ground. He punched me in the belly but I bashed his head against his titanium robe.
*
Yen emerged. “Mu-um! You couldn’t just knock?”
“They drugged us,” I said.
Yen shrugged: “Boys will be boys. Won’t you come in?”
14.
Mrs Fu said, “Jimmy here found out something useful.”
Yen’s jaw dropped (I’m not sure why): “What did you find out?”
I told her everything.
*
Yen said, “Hmm. Thanks for that, guys. What do you say we go kill my evil cousin?”
“Sounds good,” said Mrs Fu.
I said, “I’m in.”
15.
The monks were hurt we beat them up. Lucky monks are so forgiving. They helped us build a boat out of duct tape so we could travel quickly.
*
On our way to Beijing, we were hurled ashore by a massive waterfall. I could have sworn the monks didn’t mention it – or my ornithopter.
*
As we walked the last kilometres to Beijing, I picked flowers for Yen and said, “Thanks for the roses.”
“What roses?” she said.
16.
We searched the shopping district for hours without finding the nun or the shopkeeper. The two Fus were disheartened.
*
Success at last! Still no sign of the evil nun, but I found some pants that are simply divine.
17.
We were perfectly innocently walking along when the nun attacked! She tossed Yen away like a doll and blasted Mrs Fu with a shotgun.
*
Yen shouted, “You never mentioned she was a NUN!”
“Oops!” I said, and spat my blow-up gum.
My gum missed the nun and incinerated a hotel.
*
Twenty more nuns appeared and Yen backflipped away. I threw one of my cars at the first nun’s head and she dropped, but I was overwhelmed.
18.
It was nice to be back in the ol’ torture chamber. Yen’s cousin smirked, “Did you like my roses?”
I gasped, “That was YOU!?!”
Mrs Fu sighed.
*
I speak thirty-two languages, but Yen spoke one I didn’t know: “Ixnay on the osesray! Immyjay’s inemay!”
What could she possibly have said?
*
Yen never had a yen for me! She only became my fiancé to get off the isle of her imprisonment. What a fool I am! But I still love her.
19.
The nun tortured me alone, and suddenly switched to Barry White and more black roses. I recognise the signs of Jimmy fever when I see them!
*
I said, “You’re a very pretty. . . nun. . . but I’m engaged.”
She put me in the electric chair. We certainly had a spark, but I loved Yen.
20.
The nun challenged Yen to fisticuffs over me. She landed a fabulous right hook, but Yen high-kicked her in the face. We escaped!
*
I sighed, “Now I REALLY want to marry you.”
“Yes!” said Yen.
I gasped and said, “Are you free tomorrow?”
She smiled, “Yes.”
21.
When I saw Yen in her red wedding dress walking toward me, with her dark eyes sparkling, I swallowed my blow-up gum. Then the nuns attacked!
*
Twelve evil nuns somersaulted over the reserved seats to pummel my darling. I ran to fight but there were so many! Then the monks joined in!
*
Two nuns grappled a monk as Yen twisted to yank an enemy’s starched headdress, throwing her to the ground. “This is MY day!” Yen shrieked.
22.
Yen yawned and stretched: “Time to rejoin the fight?”
“Whatever you like, my dear.”
We had breakfast and went back to the church.
*
The nuns and monks were down to three on three – including Yen’s cousin. I went straight for her, and punched her right in the kisser.
*
The fight dispersed quickly. Yen and I shot her mad cousin (four times each), then blew her up. Just to be sure.
23.
Yen and I rested while we discussed possible honeymoon destinations. She borrowed my shoe and called her Mum for a long talk.
*
“Mum took the nun pieces and tossed them in a volcano.”
“How reassuring. Is Mrs Fu OK?”
“Tired. Says she wants to retire somewhere sunny.”
24.
I had a brilliant idea, and snuck over to Mrs Fu’s house.
“You’re nabbed!” I said.
She said, “Never!” and kicked me so hard I saw stars.
*
Luckily Mrs Fu’s kick also set off my sleeping-gas pen – and I woke up first. I tied her up and left her with a note at a friend’s lair.
25.
Yen expertly flew my – our – ornithopter back to the tropical island where I proposed. Mrs Fu was waiting for us in her own luxury cell.
*
Yen said, “Oh, sweetheart, you shouldn’t have!”
Mrs Fu said, “No really. You SHOULDN’T have. Although. . . it IS sunny.”
THE END
Where the Wild Things Are
I love the book. Very much.
The movie was brilliantly acted by the child lead – he actually outshone the adults (human or otherwise) and was perfect in every frame. It was also visually beautiful, and the suits for the wild things were amazing and unique.
I hated this movie with a fiery passion. In fact, I went all gooshy when my husband turned to me and said, “Let’s never ever watch that again.”
I know people who love the movie, and it’s certainly not like anything else ever made. But I wouldn’t show it to children. “Some scary scenes” just doesn’t describe it.
Apart from having almost no plot at all, this movie is incredibly disturbing. The basic plot is that a child is unhappy and goes on an imaginative journey, then decides that reality is okay after all.
Leaving aside the depressing reality of how legitimately lonely the child is (remember high school?), the imaginative adventure consists entirely of meeting with large creatures that all represent parts of the child’s very, VERY fractured psyche. One is simply ignored – all the time. Another is an emotionally manipulative mum-like figure who may leave at any time but can’t articulate why. Another gets its arm ripped off. Yet another is deeply depressed. Several mouth adult phrases about being considerate to others, which are incredibly creepy in that context. The one most like the child constantly erupts in inexplicable and destructive fits of rage.
The child attempts to make a functional family, and eventually realises that all they really want is someone new to eat.
Childhood is a frightening, lonely, unstable, angry time. This movie reminded me of that. I hope that someday I’ll be able to forget.
In other news, I wrote a post today on http://twittertales.wordpress.com about how to have a totally free wedding. And my program of daily awesomeness begins over there at twittertales tomorrow (after I post the complete story of “Dr Yes”, since it also ends tomorrow).
Dr Yes: How to have a free wedding
This post is tangentially related to both “Dr Yes” and the upcoming “Bridezilla” tale (which will happen in April).
How to have a free wedding:
The important thing to note is that weddings are expensive because of one thing: expectations. Yours, your fiance’s, your Mum’s, his/her Mum’s, the two Dads, your other relatives, and your friends – in roughly that order. The most important thing is to not ruin any of those crucial relationships. Keep that in mind every day, and be careful to both ask and observe what people expect from your wedding (most people don’t realise what they expect until it’s not there). Make sure you give people plenty of notice of the date – which may have to change (long engagements are also good for scrounging – the more time you have, the more likely you are to find/be given something really excellent), especially if they need to travel.
A “perfect wedding” is a myth. It is most certainly NOT the most important day of your life. Spend your time and money on your marriage, not your wedding.
The dress: Get it from a relative, or someone else’s cupboard. Do not lose or gain weight after you’ve found one that fits. (Cheap option: scour op shops. Mine was $200 from Vinnies.) Be careful of the dress because adjusting, ironing and dry cleaning are all expensive. If it doesn’t come with a veil, make a wreath of live flowers/leaves on the day.
The venue and MC: If you go to a church, you can almost certainly use both church and preacher for free. Otherwise, use a JP (justice of the peace). There are a LOT around. I had friends decorate my church with a huge amount of real ivy (it was a big job, though – thanks boys!) and had friends bring their own swords (seriously) for the ushering (and a grand entrance).
Paperwork: Don’t change your name. It’s difficult and costs around $100 (because you need to buy a form to prove you’re married).
Reception: Have guests bring a plate for afternoon tea. I love the communal feel of this method – and it’ll save you literally thousands. If you must have a reception, be aware that it’ll almost certainly be your biggest expense. Search for creative options – do you know a chef? Can reception be very small, or just dessert? Do you know someone with access to lots of cheap wine? Can you have a lunch reception – perhaps outside/a giant picnic?
Cake: Have a special friend make your cake as their present – or make it yourself the day before. (Be careful – people freak out when they’re involved at all, so give them a lot of reassurance.)
Engagement ring and wedding rings: You really need to have inherited jewellery for this, or to be ironic (eg plastic rings – that’s hard to pull off though). Otherwise, scour op shops for cheap rings – no-one will know your tin ring isn’t white gold. Keep in mind that “diamonds are forever” is an advertising slogan invented by diamond sellers. Stay strong as the industry pressures you to spend spend spend.
Flowers: Pick them – this is a great job for friends that are close but not bridesmaids. (Or a poor friend/s who wants to give you something special.)
Hair and makeup: Bridesmaids can help one another.
Outfits: Have a theme rather than buying new dresses (or make your bridal party buy their own). Eg. everyone wears red. Scour all the bridesmaid’s cupboards for outfits that will work together (good for a massive girlyfest). The groomsmen will all have black trousers and shoes, so that’s a good start. In my wedding, all the girls and I went barefoot. Shoes are evil. Remember that. (We also all had white sandals, so we wore those after the ceremony.)
Bridal meltdown: A wedding is probably the most stressful thing in the world – especially when you’re poor. Give yourself a break – your favourite food, days off, dates with your fiance (who’ll probably also need a break) without talking about the wedding, etc. Have a gift registry (if you’re poor it’s WONDERFUL) and put at least three non-useful items on it.
Honeymoon: See if you can housesit somewhere – ask around (even if it’s in your own town – just don’t tell anyone you’re so close, or it’ll be hard to resist the real world). Or borrow camping equipment and camp out. The most important thing is to have a break and to relax with your partner, so as long as you’re not at work it’s all good. Some people will give you money, and it’s very legitimate to spend that for your honeymoon. If you’re brilliant, you’ll housesit for a day or two before the wedding, so you have food and normal clothes from day 1.
Cars: Borrow it/them. The owner may like to drive. (Be considerate – I have a friend whose car is constantly getting borrowed. If in any doubt, tell them it’s their present to you.) I borrowed a BMW 🙂
Hens and Bucks nights: house parties, camping, bonfires, slumber parties, etc – they’re all free. Whatever YOU like to do will be done. So enjoy! This is your chance to force people to play monopoly, to dress as ducks, or to play with barbies – take advantage!
Invitations: Make them (this takes a long time though!) If you’re lucky, you know someone with beautiful writing style (perhaps use them just for relatives and close friends, or make it their present to you, or something).
Photos: With digital cameras and a willing friend/s, this is so easy (then you email photos to people as thank-you gifts – easy!) If you have friends take hundreds of photos, you’re guaranteed to get some great shots (and you can throw away the rest).
Music: Burn mix CDs and use whatever sound system comes with the venue/home.
Thank yous: Use photos and personal messages.
And that’s it! A free wedding. But I recommend you pick one thing to spend money on, because spending money is. . . well, it’s the most strongly-held wedding tradition in the world. And “tradition” is another word for “expectation”.
Cunning Plans
I’ve now had a headache for two weeks, and intestinal parasites since January. Oh, and insanity for six years. The world isn’t looking good.
I’m about to launch into a wild adventure on my other blog (since its current form – as handmaid to the twitter stories, with ever-decreasing relevance, is starting to bore me), by doing SOMETHING interesting every day (except Fridays, when it’ll still have the “current story so far” plus anything actually relevant to that tale).
Some of the list includes:
-Playing a play-dough role-playing game (make your own monster, then fight everyone else).
-Making a sandcastle.
-Eating a whole meal of one colour.
-Going to Catholic Mass
-Various top secret activities to be slowly revealed.
And EVERYTHING – absolutely EVERYTHING – from this list:
http://steffmetal.com/101-ways-to-cheer-yourself-up/
(which my partner isn’t allowed to read yet).
If you can think of something life-affirming (and/or odd) for me to do, put it in the comments and I’ll almost certainly do it. Especially if I can work out a way to do it for free.
This all officially starts THIS FRIDAY. Massive mood swings, here I come!
Dr Yes: Making Every Day Awesome
This blog is going to go through some changes in the next few months.
First, I’ll be launching a “proper” author page, with interactive stuff and links to stories and so on (that’ll take a while).
Second, I read such a brilliant post here: http://steffmetal.com/101-ways-to-cheer-yourself-up/ that I’ve decided to do every single thing on the list (with the possible exception of a hot air balloon ride) and blog about it. I’ll fill it out with a list of my own (which I already have), with other online lists of similar bent (most of which are sappy, so I’ll leave out anything that annoys me), and with suggestions from you at home. I’ll still sometimes link to amazing things online, or write other interesting blog posts, but that’ll be the main focus of the blog for at least. . . probably 6-12 months. It’ll probably start in May, since there are a lot of cool links for the next twitter tale (April’s tale is about a jilted bride who becomes a con artist).
Have a fun and foolish suggestion you’d like to make me do?
Write it in the comments, and I’ll probably embrace it.
Writing
It’s the 22nd today, which means it’s been exactly seven months since I sent “Farting my ABCs” to the publisher I wrote it for. It’s for a specific series which I wrote for (rather unsuccessfully) once before. The first book I wrote for this series was rejected after three months (too fantastical, I think – it later became “The Monster Apprentice”, and a great deal longer). On another occasion, this publisher took eight months to reply to just the first three chapters of a normal book. But usually they take six months for each phase.
I originally predicted they’d take seven months for “Farting my ABCs”.
The other book I’m waiting for has taken just under eleven months so far – very much a new record (different publisher). But at least I know for certain it’s progressed.
My NaNo novel (which I wrote in two weeks) is beginning to shape up under my fingers. I really like the prologue and first chapter, and I think they’re of publishable quality (which in practical terms means they’re ready to be read by people other than me). So THIS draft is the “quasi-publishable” draft, which is very exciting. After this I’ll have at least two people read it all the way through and give comments, then I’ll find a professional editor to do the same thing. And THEN I’ll make the final edits and send it out into the world. Probably about four months from now, assuming people reply promptly. Then there’ll be another six to twelve month wait until the first reply comes in.
Writing is dumb. Don’t do it.
Dr Yes: This is Not Steampunk Art
. . . apparently. I certainly thought it was steampunk, but the link says it’s not. It’s still beautiful, and there’s more here: http://coilhouse.net/2010/03/ron-pippins-biomechanical-menagerie/
Dr Yes: Spy Suits for Women
Nuff said.
For a funny discussion on what spies inevitably wear, go to tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SpyCatSuit
. . . but be advised that
(a) TV tropes is highly addictive.
(b) Not every section is suitable for young or tasteful minds.
SkyFire
SkyFire is a word familiar to every Canberran.
Every March, the radio station FM 104.7 hosts a massive free fireworks event that can be viewed from all around our main central lake (acting like a huge natural amphitheatre). Cars fill roundabouts, traffic islands, and every scrap of dirt for kilometres in every direction. The shores of the lake sparkle with glow-sticks in blue, pink, yellow and orange. People gather throughout the day, and picnic in one giant mass as the sun sets.
Fireworks start at 8pm, and traffic is deadlocked for an hour before and afterwards.
Skyfire is a scary thing for a mental such as myself – even going to church is scary (because there are “lots” of people – perhaps one or two hundred). I spent a large chunk of yesterday with a stress-headache, lying in bed wishing I could calm down enough to read the excellent book sitting beside me. I thought about giving it a miss this year – but I think that every year.
We left around 6:30, surprised and pleased that a friend visiting town was able to come with us (that helped me considerably – she is someone I consider “safe” along with perhaps ten others on earth). We’d already stocked up on a ridiculous pile of lollies (Maltesers, Mars pods, natural confectionary party mix, and Lindt intense orange – plus our friend brought Starburst fruits and red frogs), which is always good for calming me down, especially when the thing that’s scaring me is that I’m meant to be happy.
The sunset last night was beautiful – one of those ones that fills the sky. There’s been a lot of smoke around Canberra lately because of backburning (burning fire-prone areas so if a fire happens it dies out for lack of fuel), but that just made the sky prettier.
We settled down on a grassy slope at the lake end of Anzac Parade, looking across to the many 104.7 barges, and Parliament House (and more crowds) on the other side. This is a particularly good area for families, with a festival atmosphere, some extremely sought-after public toilets, shops selling greasy deliciousness, and very few drunkards (they tend to gather near the exclusive VIP area, making the most of free performances – Vanessa Amorosi performed this year).
The family in front of us was playing cricket, and the family behind us was attempting to join glow-sticks together to make hula hoops. Both overlapped onto us frequently, but that only added to the feeling of being part of one giant picnic.
It’s both extremely expensive (for the organisers) and free (for everyone else, except the VIPs) and it’s just a brilliant and expertly-designed event.
The concept behind the event is that the fireworks are programmed to be in sync with a soundtrack designed during the previous year (including lots of recent hits, very heavily leaning toward the happy and party-like). We didn’t need to bring a radio, because very powerful speakers were set up everywhere.
The first song was “Feeling Good” and the fireworks built slowly to crescendo at the chorus.
Later on they had a “Lady Gaga” medly (fairly short, since they left out all the rude bits) and they used shaped fireworks that exploded in cubes (no reason but freakish to see), sunnies (for the lady herself), and faces for “Poker Face”. When she was singing, “Let’s Dance” they used fireworks that move in random directions after the initial explosion – like dancing fireflies.
On another song (the “End of the World” I think) it has a line about, “Look up and see the stars exploding” and they used all yellow and white fireworks for that bit. Later it had fireworks that fell in hundreds of tiny comets – all with their own flaming tail.
It’s a freakin’ brilliant night, and I love three things:
1. Poor people (including poor families) get a seriously good night out.
2. Everything is done well (it’s planned for over a year).
3. Once, in the distant past, someone sat in a room and had an idea. . . and SkyFire was born from that small moment.
Driving away took a while, but everyone was very understanding (stopping for pedestrians and ignoring normal road rules to let cars in who would otherwise have been stuck for hours). We did see two accidents on the way home, but no-one was hurt.
Felicity Banks 