Husbands that help

April 23, 2012 at 7:48 am (Daily Awesomeness)

It’s strange that when a mother talks about a good husband, she says things like, “He helps a lot.” I say it myself all the time. It’s strange for two reasons:

First, it is strange that somehow everything to do with raising a child falls on the mother’s shoulders, and the father just “helps” when he could be bothered. And he somehow deserves enormous credit for everything he does – whereas the much larger amount that SHE does is simply her job.

Second, it is strange that a father’s love and attention for his own child is not considered as a grand thing in its own right – it’s merely an addendum on the mother’s love and attention – as if she is the real parent, and he is not.

It is a beautiful thing that, with the exception of feeding, Louisette is mostly CJ’s responsibility during evenings and weekends. In those times, CJ is the “real” parent and I am the helper – if I volunteer to change a nappy or to run downstairs to replace the dummy in Louisette’s mouth, CJ thanks me without irony. Because in those times, it’s his job – not mine. I noticed this phenomenon the other day, and I’m so glad.

In the mornings, he gives me the gift of ten minutes – enough time to cram in breakfast and brush my teeth if I haven’t had the chance – which makes a huge difference too.

Best of all, he actually spends time with Louisette without my supervision.


  1. W said,

    CJ – Fatherhood is very becoming on you, even if you mightn’t think so.

    • Louise Curtis said,

      W: It certainly is.

  2. CJ said,

    I’m actually enjoying it more than I expected. My baby is surprisingly more interesting than anyone else’s.

    • Louise Curtis said,

      CJ: Yep, I feel sorry for all the other parents out there with dull and annoying drool machines. We just got lucky and got the best one.

  3. stace8383 said,

    I think it’s a comparative thing. There are a LOT of husbands/dads out there who simply don’t do all this stuff. I’ve lost count of the women I’ve spoken to who complain of their husbands not doing anything with the kids, not even the fun stuff and especially not the dirty stuff. So the expectation becomes that men are pretty useless with kids, and a non-useless man becomes a pleasant surprise!

    • Louise Curtis said,

      Stace: “Non-useless becomes a pleasant surprise”. Indeed.

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