Felicity Banks

The Virus Diaries: Blurk

April 7, 2020 at 9:24 pm (Cat pics, Fully Sick, general life, Mental illness, Mum Stuff)

My manic phase is officially over.

I’m left with the problem that was predictable all along: How do I cope with this?

I’m not well enough to mind the kids for a full day.

But I have to mind the kids for a full day, every day. For a long time.

So…. ?

The world turns into plus and minus, resource and problem.

I’m angry all the time. Mostly at Chris for being healthy and sane, and having to go to work (in the study) instead of being at my beck and call 24/7 (or more specifically, at the kids’ beck and call).

Last night was bad. I didn’t get to sleep until 5:30am (that is, when the kids were getting up) and I spent a good chunk of the night terrified God would kill me because I had bad (depressed) thoughts, and another chunk rather hoping that this really was the end of the world because there’s just too much pain in the world and everything is awful.

Today wasn’t great either, but I survived it without screaming at anyone or breaking anything, which is pretty much the goal.

Yay.

I’m bored of my end-of-blog categories, so now I’ll just recommend some art (that is, books and TV) each day.

Art of the day: I watched the film Yesterday last night, about a musician who wakes up one day and the world has completely forgotten (among other things) the Beatles. So he remembers the songs and releases them, becoming a massive star. But what about the gorgeous BFF who was always his biggest fan? It’s written by Richard Curtis, full of gentle humour and Beatles music.