Felicity Banks

How am I?

May 11, 2020 at 11:16 pm (Fully Sick, general life, Mental illness, Mum Stuff)

First, some kitten content. Specifically, a rambling video of Zoom (and sometimes Zipper) playing.

And now for something completely different. The rest of this blog entry will be all about how I’m coping. Feel free to not read it.

Some restrictions have been lifted, and schools will be taking kids back from next week. It’s clear that a vaccine for COVID-19 is still a long way away, and that governments are under considerable pressure to pretend things are normal and safe before they actually are. A lot of people have been sharing a graph of the deaths from the Spanish Flu, showing a much bigger second wave (and then a rather large third wave as well). Others are pointing out that the restrictions are getting lifted not because things are safe out there, but because there is currently room for more patients in the ICU.

Also, I have diabetes (and an auto-immune disease or two) so my chance of dying is considerably higher than the norm.

Also, those who recover from COVID-19 are just beginning to discover that it has left them with major long-term health problems. Being familiar with long-term health problems, I really really don’t want more.

So no, I don’t plan to send the kids back to school, even though it’s so terribly hard to have them here. They’ll stay home for at least the rest of this term. Although I do plan to arrange some playdates—carefully. My family had a Mothers’ Day get-together yesterday and we joined them after lunch (on the basis that sharing food is extra hazardous), but didn’t see Chris’s side of the family. We’ll visit them for TJ’s 6th birthday day next month, and this coming weekend he’ll have a “party” with precisely 2 friends (held outside, while at the same time Louisette has 1 of her friends over, and they play together inside).

But. Still no school, and for a long time.

Zoom is, obviously, a fantastic source of fun, amusement, and cuddles. Feeding her three times a day (down from six now) is a bit of a hassle, and cleaning up her constant weeing in my bathroom is… not great. But as far as mental health goes, she’s an enormous plus.

I’m the kind of person who would do really well living alone and isolated for months at a time. But that’s not my situation at all. I have one kid who I barely see (luckily for my ability to care for her), and one who wants to be with me, talking with me, for most of his waking hours. So the funny, clever, energetic TJ is… a lot.

My plan for schooling is to set up and loosely supervise the half hour Zoom classes each kid has, plus a little bit of writing practice for TJ (he practises reading with Chris at night). He’s not missing friends too badly (in fact he refuses to speak to them on Zoom), and he’s so obsessive about computer games (including educational ones) that he’s way ahead on both reading and maths.

For Louisette, I plan to do some reading with her each day, and to keep up with her maths assignments.

I’m reasonably happy with how things are going with TJ, but I’m quite far behind with Louisette (who is the one who needs more schooling).

Having said that, one or two good days with Louisette could catch us up on the maths stuff.

So maybe I’m doing well after all. It doesn’t feel like it. I have an alarm set for 9:30am so I can be dressed ready for TJ’s 10-10:30am class (if I remember, I set up Louisette to do Cosmic Yoga at the same time). Then I typically fall asleep until my alarm goes at 1pm and it’s time to put my bra back on ready for Louisette’s class. But a lot of times lately I fall back asleep either during or after Louisette’s class, and I don’t do anything directly with her. Oh well.

Having written it down, I’m not all that far away from my goals. And sure, I’m not getting much done lately, but that’s life. I have tired/useless periods and I have other times when I do well. All I really have to do is wait until I have a good day and hope it lines up with a good day for Louisette.

And I’m missing doing writing, which is a good sign.

Wish me luck, and health. I also had a phone call today about my Disability Support Pension application, which means I had to focus on all my physical and mental issues. It’s exhausting, because I usually try not to think about stuff directly. And I suspect it will lead to more forms, which is terrifying and difficult. Oh well. One step closer, presumably.