I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want

June 13, 2020 at 5:14 am (general life)

The biggest personality difference between Chris and I is that Chris is so calm that if he was any calmer he’d be dead, and I am so stressed that I basically vibrate 24/7. We have a ‘stone and feather’ kind of relationship where he is strong and steady and I might be fragile but I can FLY.

I want things. Not just in a capitalist way, but also in an almost spiritual way. While a lot of people struggle to come up with ideas, or to follow through on ideas, I am very bad at letting go of ideas. And I have plenty. Even if, magically, everything on this list came true, I would definitely find something else to want. It’s my nature.

Sometimes, it’s worth writing down what you want, even if it seems impossible. So that is what’s happening today. Some of these things are more possible than others. Some are obviously self-serving and/or motivated by some kind of deep-seated psychological issue. Oh, and Louisette is mentioned a lot (while TJ isn’t) because TJ is doing great in every area and Louisette is mostly great but there are threats to her happiness on every side (mostly because of her ADD).



I want a jacuzzi and an easy-access lap pool. Both at my house, or as close as possible.

I want a building that looks like a castle. It doesn’t have to be mine; I just want it to exist. In Canberra, because of me. And to be able to go and visit it in some capacity at least once. Maybe for the Conflux Speculative Fiction Festival?

I want a disability-friendly evac centre (or several; one in each major area of Canberra at least).

I want to know refugees are looked after and welcomed, not just into safety (in Australia) but into living communities.

I want to know I’m making a difference.

I want my ‘good ideas’ realised.

I want to be out of debt.

I want to be able to give away money; lots of it. Often. To writers, artists, disabled people, single parents, my own family, people of colour, and refugees (especially Muslims and/or LGBTIQA+ folk).

I want to write. Pretty much every day.

I want to be a good parent.

I want to stop feeling like God is mad at me.

I want LGBTIQA+ people to stop feeling like God is mad at them.

I want LGBTIQA+ people to feel safe and welcome at all church events.

I want my house to be both clean (bathrooms, kitchens, etc) and tidy (toys etc).

I want Louisette to be safe from bullying, and to have close friends at school.

I want the kids to go to a Christian high school (ideally a reformed BCC due to the location, and existing friendships).

I want Climate Change to be acknowledged by politicians and public figures as the most crucial challenge of our time, and for the world to change dramatically in order to deal with it.

I want lots of solar panels on my roof, and double glazed windows, and excellent AC – ie a house that acknowledges and deals with Climate Change (and my specific temperature needs). And I want that for every house in Australia and Indonesia and the US and China and the world.

I want deliberate stupidity and harmful lies to be illegal, and prosecuted, particularly when it comes to Climate Change, COVID-19, racism, asylum seekers, immigrants, and the sick/poor.

I want my cats to do their business outside so I never have to deal with it… but at the same time, to be prevented from hunting native birds or animals.

I want to not push myself so hard I get sicker.

I want a second storey on my house so we can see the mountains.

I want a bigger house, so Louisette has more room for her toys and I have more room for my ideas.

I want to recoup my losses from Murder/Magic in the Mail (ideally by selling all the stock I have, but magically without exhausting myself putting the packs together).

I like running the free pantry but I want more cash for it so we’re not losing money.

I want to help Indonesian refugee families (but I’m also super shy and awkward).

I want Aboriginal Australians to be safe, and to be healed from generational trauma.

I want Muslims to be safe and welcome in Australia.

I want LGBTIQA+ people to be safe, physically and emotionally, in Australia and around the world.

I want women to earn the same amounts as men, and to do the same amount of household work, and to be allowed to be intelligent, and to be respected by medical professionals. Even when they’re fat, or disabled, or mentally ill, or pregnant, or mothers.

I want disability access to be standard for all new houses, and for disabled people to have the housing and support they need.

I want disabled lives to matter as much as non-disabled lives. Ditto fat lives.

I want to stop being phobic of my kids (and of kids in general).

I want to not be so tired, or so anxious.

I want to be cured of sleep apnea. And migraines. And HS. And sweatiness.

I want my house to be a place friends and family want to come to.

I want to be a mother hen, but not to become overwhelmed by others’ troubles.

I want my marriage to be better (it’s already pretty good).

I want to travel (and for my body to be able to handle it), especially to see our Hong Kong family.

I want Hong Kong to be safe from China’s looming chokehold. Tibet, too.

I want Syria to be okay.

I want off-shore detention centres closed down, and all asylum seekers processed quickly and fairly, and refugees welcomed into Australia rather than left to die at sea or in their home country.

I want the Rohingya people to have a home.

I want USA Republicans to stop believing Russian troll farms and other sources of lies (particularly their own leaders).

I want Christians to be known for their love, not their hate and/or stupidity and/or casual evil.

I want to feel special.

I want to use my brain.

I want to feel loved.

I want to be a better writer.

I want to be much less overweight.

I want my eyes to work properly, and see better.

I want Louisette to be able to say full sentences without getting distracted and mentally checking out.

I want new, fully functional iphones for me and Chris and our friend whose phone is broken. [Edit: He has a working phone now.]

I want to enjoy healthy food.

I want to do God’s will.

I want our house to be big enough to comfortably host large-ish gatherings (30-50 people) and/or to host a family or two during disasters.

I want to be well enough to wear fancy clothes.

I want to look good in fancy clothes.

I want someone else to run my escape rooms and make money for them and us. I want to be able to poke my head in sometimes.

I want Chris to be happy. (Which he is, mostly.)

I want Chris to work closer to home (or at home).

Things I want that I already have:


2 great kids

2 cats, including a kitten

A house

Peace in my country

The ability to vote

Nice sunsets

Good friends (for me and Chris and the kids)

Many books to read

Many books to write


Published novels

Writer friends

Non-writer friends

Friends with/without kids

Some pretty clothes

Some comfortable shoes

The ability to shop sometimes, both online and not

Loads of chocolate and lollies and brie

Lots of great TV and a comfy couch

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