Felicity Banks

The 5 Best Chrises

July 10, 2020 at 10:17 pm (Reviews, TV/movie review, With a list)

There are so many white, handsome, famous Chrises right now. So let’s rank them!

5. Chris Sullivan

You might not have known his name. Or if you knew his name (from This is Us) you didn’t recognise him under three and a half hours of makeup. But this is Chris Sullivan aka the mighty Taserface (Guardians of the Galaxy 2).

4. Chris Pratt

Chris Pratt rapidly changed from a schlub in The Office to a superhero (even if Drax describes him as a “dude” rather than a “man” like Hemsworth’s Thor). He is, after all, an actor. I don’t have a strong impression of the actor’s personality except that he loves laughing both at himself and at others. He manages to balance that humour with action scenes, and with Star-Lord’s emotional complexity and growth.

3. Chris Hemsworth

Yeah, but Hemsworth is funny and has the biggest muscles and he’s Australian.

2. Chris Evans

Chris Evans, though. He has the best arc of all the Chrises (so far… Thor and Star-Lord are still going), and the best heart, and he’s clean-shaven (usually) which I prefer in my eye candy. The actor has great range, but also uses his fame to speak out about those who are less privileged than he is. He’s a real-life hero. What could beat that?

Honorable mention: Chris Pine. He’s in Star Trek and Wonder Woman which makes it feel like he’s in Marvel even though he’s not. Pine is the most intellectual Chris, with a love of books and of unusual words used well. But he’s not in the MCU, and he once said he’s not that big a fan of superhero movies, so screw him.

Also, his eyebrows are stupid. There, I said it.

1. Mine

Well, obviously.

I’m a sucker for a (mostly) clean-shaven Chris with gorgeous green eyes, a love of all things nerdy, a quick wit, and a hero’s heart.

So that’s the most correct and final list of all the greatest Chrises of our time. No need to sound off in the comments; I know I’m right.