HoLOTR Marathon Part 6

June 18, 2022 at 4:43 pm (Uncategorized)

Hobbit Trilogy: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

LOTR Trilogy Part 1 Part 2

Bonus links: A LOTR marathon I blogged back in 2010. (Focusing on getting through it in one day, rather than actually writing about the films.)

And, Signs you like the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy a little too much. (2012)

And finally, featuring much of the cast, Stephen Colbert’s unique and delightful “The #1 Trilly“.

Every moment of this film is gasp-worthy. That opening scene, even without all the context of the other two (or the other five) films, is incredible: An idyllic scene of two brothers who stumble across the one ring and then attempt to murder one another. One of them succeeds, and we see him degenerate from a hobbit-like creature to the monster that is Gollum.

And then, pipeweed (extended version only).

I won’t list every brilliant scene, because I want to actually watch some.

Ooh, but Saruman accurately hits Gandalf right where it hurts the whole group most: Gandalf does sacrifice those he professes to love.

Grima’s final act of not-entirely-convenient mid-interrogation courage is worthy of a thousand essays on the topics of morality and ethics.

And Pippin, of course, falls for the shiny palantir ball.

Drinking game with Legolas and Gimli. Super dumb, super fun. Merry and Pippin singing and dancing again, ditto.

Super awkward Eowyn crush.

There are loads of really important things I should definitely be doing. But I’ll have an early lunch and then go to bed.

Aragorn and Eowyn are definitely sort of dating. Aragorn, you are nice, but you are a tease. I suppose you think you’ve broken up with Arwen, but in any case it’s too soon to move on.

Oh, poor dumb Pippin and delightfully terrifying Gandalf. Billy Boyd does a good job of being utterly terrified and clearly violated by the Palantir.

And THERE’s Figwit (Frodo Is Great, Who Is That?) Or more accurately, there are the lines he was given after fans become obsessed with him in the first LOTR film (he’s at the Council of Elrond).

Hi Denethor. I dunno how you came to power, but you’ve proved that even non-hereditary rulers can totally suck. Well done you.

Nice moment between Faramir and Pippin.


I didn’t quite make it through disc 1 but I’m awake and have a few minutes before another ZamZam person comes over for yet another delivery of stuff from the launch.

Arg! The friend showed up on time. Still, I have half an hour before I need to fetch the kids.

Time for Frodo to make Sam cry. Frodo, no!

Time for Denethor to send his men to die. Denethor, no!

Gandalf to Faramir: “Do not throw away your life so rashly!”

Faramir: “Where does my allegiance lie if not here?”

And Pippin sings, and breaks all our hearts.

And now we’re at the war camp with King Theodren, Aragorn, and Legolas. Gimli is, presumably, around somewhere. There is SO MUCH movie still to go.

Is this dream of Aragorn’s a premonition… or is it Eowyn getting back together with him by psychic text message?

Even better that either of those options, Daddy Elrond has been sent to play matchmaker. A well deserved opportunity for the vegan elf to eat crow.

Somewhere, unfilmed and unwritten, is a conversation in which Arwen says, “Daddy, you broke us up, and you are going to fix it.”

Aragorn, realising his hot new thing deserves a proper break-up, says, “It is but a shadow of a thought that you love. I cannot give you what you seek…. I wished you joy since first I saw you.”

Excellent break-up speech: Vague enough to let her keep her dignity, kind enough to show she meant something to you, and clear enough that there can be no doubt it’s over.

Little wonder she fell for Aragorn, when every other man she knows treats her like a puppy that just widdled on the floor.

Wait, I forgot to mention the beacons! World’s worst job combined with world’s prettiest office. The sheer unshaking faithfulness of the beacon keepers inspires me so very much.

Okay, five more minutes and I need to get going.

Aragorn and the ghosties. Someone is no longer in any doubt of his role as king.

Hello, comatose Faramir! Still alive!

Aand now it’s 7:30pm and I still haven’t finished the first disc! Although my kids are currently playing with “Sting” which is almost as fun as watching the films (at least until Chris catches them/me and we all get in trouble.

2:00pm the next day. Even with a nap I was too tired to stay awake and watch the rest. Luckily Chris takes the kids to his parents’ house every Saturday arvo. I had breakfast and then went back to bed.

Juuust in time for Gandalf to knock out a hysterical Denethor. I think we’ve all faced people that made the world worse by being awake. *sigh*

I’m glad I don’t have to face orcs or any kind of monster in my regular life. Or battle of any kind. But sometimes I wish life was less morally complex. On the up side, the worst people I know also have redeeming qualities, so that’s something good.

And the disc is done! Finally! At 2:06pm!

Hello, pirate Peter Jackson.

Oh no. Frodo and Gollum are still on that awful black cliff, about to meet Shelob. This is so stressful!

Last night I ate a freshly-roasted chicken salad with avocado, grated carrot, pine nuts, sesame seeds, and fried onion.

The chicken came from the food pantry, as did the pine nuts, sesame seeds, and fried onions. It was delicious, although it doesn’t look like much.

I wish I could hallucinate Cate Blanchett whenever I fell over.


And they say Tolkien didn’t write complex female characters. Hi, Shelob!

Thank you Pippin, for screaming, “He’s not dead!” over and over…. just like everyone else who watches Denethor deciding to burn Faramir’s “body”.

Thank you Denethor, for the line, “Go now and die in what way seems best to you.”

Thank you Eowyn, for the line, “Courage, Merry. Courage for our friends.”

Bye-bye, Denethor. A appropriate death for a flaming asshole. Now all of you is flaming.

Oh no, another army? What is this, The Hobbit?!

They do a really good good of highlighting small moments and big: confusion and one-on-one moments, and the times when the battle-tide turns, and turns again.

Legolas versus an ollyphaunt (I still don’t know how to spell that) is a most excellent moment.

Goodbye, King Theoden. I don’t know what poor decisions you made to end up possessed by Saruman, and not every decision you made was right even when you were yourself, but you deserve to feel pride in your actions at the end.

I like the romance that blooms between Eowyn and Faramir in the Halls of Healing. The two people with the most tragic backstories, united. All the best relationships, platonic or otherwise, have an element of healing to them.

The scars around Frodo’s neck, and on his very young chest, are heartbreaking.

Faramir: “I do not believe this darkness will endure.”

An extraordinary claim (by a man who has recently lost his entire family, and who has been in indirect contact with the ring), and a beautiful one.

Meanwhile Sam, who brought a box of herbs through the black lands in case they happened upon a chicken, now knows that he and Frodo will not be coming back. Even his optimism fails, eventually.

The Mouth of Sauron character is perfectly done (from memory, he’s only in the extended version). *shudder*

Aragorn finally wears the livery of Gondor…. and his first act is to lead his people and others on a suicide mission.

Sam: “I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you.”

Aragorn: “For Frodo.”

Oh no! Gollum attack!

And we’re finally inside the volcano…. and Frodo fails to give up the ring.

And Gollum attacks again, and finally gets his precious back, and dies happy.

Bye bye, ring.

Bye bye, flaming eyeball.

Bye bye, despair.

And Frodo is himself again, even as lava surrounds him. #WorthIt

And Sam, the ultimate friend, says, “Yes Frodo, that’s very nice that you remember the taste of food again now” rather than making a fuss about the burning death they’ve both about to have.

And the screen fades to black in a fake-out ending that foreshadows the many endings yet to come.

Eagles, and Rivendell, and Frodo is okay! More or less!

Gandalf is okay! (Not surprising to us, but surprising to Frodo.)

Merry and Pippin are okay!

Gimli is okay (other than his severe allergy to his own prosthetic face)!

Legolas is okay!

Legolas’s hair is okay!

Aragorn is okay!

Sam is okay!

Aragorn is king!

Aragorn’s finally washed his hair!

Faramir and Eowyn are definitely together, and okay!

Eomer is okay! (And also his sister shall be queen of the Rohan, which might teach him a much-needed lesson about not being a patronising dick.)

Elrond is finally okay with Aragorn and Arwen officially getting it on!

Aragorn and Arwen officially get it on!

Frodo writes a book!

The Shire is okay!

The local pub is okay!

A large local pumpkin is okay!

The local ale is okay!

Rosie Cotton is a-okay!

Frodo’s psyche is not entirely okay!

Dementia Bilbo is “quite ready for another adventure”!

Galadriel’s delighted smile as she leaves is an absolute treat.

Gandalf is okay… with crying, fortunately. Because there’s a lot of it.

Bye bye Frodo—with another perfect smile, and the tiniest of manly nods.

The other hobbits are not okay.

Sam and Rosie’s kids are okay!

My blood sugar is okay!

I mean, that’s not actually part of the movie but it’s been two hours since I started lunch so it was time to test it.

My cats are also okay, you’ll be pleased to hear. Zipper prefers to glower from above and Zoom prefers to hide under things.

Cats are, of course, essential to all the best movie marathons.

And the full HoLOTR marathon of 2022 is done.

Yes, that’s our official Sting replica.

How do I feel?

I’m very surprised it took me a whole seven days. I underestimated my exhaustion and overestimated my supposed free time. But I still feel I’ve achieved something, which is all the more valuable for a disabled person. And the amount of work that went into these films always inspires me—along with the obvious inspiration of courage, hope, love, and faith despite incredible darkness and impossible odds.

There is always hope.

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