#220: Recognised by a Stranger
As I wandered innocently through the Steampunk 21st Party of yesterday’s post, I was accosted by this man:
He addressed me with the infamous phrase, “Hey, aren’t you. . . ?” and proceeded to tell me my full name and, “You write those twittertales, right?”
I’ve never seen him before in my life. He’s never seen me before. Yet he knew me well enough to know what I do, and how excited I’d be.
That’s right, people. I was recognised. . . because of the internet.
My plan for world domination is totally working. Eeeeexceelllent.
And here’s some photos of my cat in a washing basket.
Tomorrow (if all goes well): Bubbles!
No news on the individual jewellery values yet. . . but soon!
And here’s your steampunk moment for the day – a timeline by Tor. Do you have an outfit for Steampunk Earth Day* yet?
http://www.tor.com/blogs/2010/10/the-great-steampunk-timeline#more
*Steampunk Earth Day is THIS Saturday! http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=150654784970718
PS Here’s something Rachelle Gardner posted today. It’s a real response to the book by a real person – which, hopefully, will help you deal with your own experiences of writerly rejection:
The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
“I bought these books to have something nice to read to my grandkids. I had to stop, however, because the books are nothing more than advertisements for “Turkish Delight,” a candy popular in the U.K. The whole point of buying books for my grandkids was to give them a break from advertising, and here (throughout) are ads for this “Turkish Delight”! How much money is this Mr. Lewis getting from the Cadbury’s chocolate company anyway? This man must be laughing to the bank.”
#219: Steampunk 21st Party
I knew it’d be awesome, and it was.
I chose boot visibility over semi-accurate skirt length. My corset’s from Gallery Serpentine in Sydney.
Something else awesome happened at the party, but I’ll blog about that tomorrow.
#218: Rich!
Remember that mysterious box of jewellery I inherited ten years ago, and recently rediscovered?
https://shootingthrough.net/2010/08/23/187-whats-in-the-box-part-1/
https://shootingthrough.net/2010/08/24/186-whats-in-the-box-part-2-the-father-in-law/
Remember, too, my pathetic financial state?
A quote from yours truly a few days ago: “CJ and I have lofty savings goals for this year. We have just (barely) made it to halfway (and it’s October. Late October). We can still make it – but that means anything other than rent, bills, petrol, and food (in that order) is a no-no.”
I think that was just after my cat Ana was hit by a car (she’s fine, but that cost a lot), and our car broke (also now fixed, but our collective purse is not looking good). At present I have no credit on my phone, and I’m rationing my internet and contact lense use (I have glasses, but they give me headaches) in order to put off the next payments for as long as possible. My phone costs $30 to recharge, the internet costs $50 a month, and contact lenses cost $150 for three months’ worth. (Yes, $30 makes a difference.)
So we had the jewellery valued (which cost another $250), hoping to scrape together a few hundred dollars – maybe even up to a thousand, if we did REALLY well on ebay.
It’s worth $11,500.
We checked and double-checked and confirmed the decimal point about half a dozen times before either of us actually believed it.
. . . I may have mentioned maniacal giggling. . .
This is roughly equivalent to my entire annual income.
Oh. Squee. Oh. SQUEEEE!!
We’re rich, I tell you! Rich!
Well, anyway. Here’s some pics you’ve seen before. You can probably tell which pile went to the jeweller’s and which was left at home.
Among the plastic there were sapphires, emeralds, diamonds, jade, and gold – but plenty of mystery, too.
The way that valuers work is that they tell you the total amount, then later send certificates with the details. (I actually can’t even take new photos myself at present, because CJ took it all straight to a friend’s house and locked it in his safe). We should have the details in the next week or two – and proper photos.
15 of the 18 valuable items are represented above (the stone is fake, the jade bracelet is only worth $50, I’m wearing my own wedding ring, and I’d already sold the yellow-gold wedding ring online). The unphotographed valuable items are a silver bracelet, a hideously ugly amber necklace, and an engagement ring (which the first jeweller we went to thought was fake, but I wanted a second opinion just in case). CJ and I have utterly no idea how the $11,500 is spread among the various pieces. We sincerely hope that it’s not one single item worth $11,000, because that would probably be difficult to sell. Especially if it’s that amber necklace. It looks like big chunky plastic orange beads. I look forward to showing you a proper picture of it.
So what do we do with our newfound wealth?
Well, obviously – nothing. I’m not even buying phone credit. Not until we actually sell things – which could take a very long time thanks to the vagaries of ebay. We certainly won’t be getting $11,500. But half of that would do all kinds of wonderful things.
We have a list of priorities, starting with savings (which may end up taking everything – and that’s okay, because it could make a difference between eventually buying a two-bedroom or a three-bedroom house). I basically wrote down on paper the list I already had in my head – savings first (that’s several thousand dollars just to make our initial goal), a big service for the car, paying off our debts (several thousand, again), booking our second honeymoon (which we’ve always planned for January 2011 – we figure it’s our last hurrah as a childless and thus relatively wealthy couple), and paying for the balloon ride of awesomeness I’ve had planned for March (ish) 2011 since I started the Quest of Daily Awesomeness. We slotted in a few instant-gratification items – the hardcover “Behemoth” by Scott Westerfeld; a better internet system for our home (something I promised CJ when he was promoted, but have been putting off); and a nice date (probably ice skating or some other form of exercise).
My head is still spinning, and I’m super proud of how calm and sensible we’re being. I just hope ebay smiles on us – but I’m pretty confident it’ll at least give us a quick grin. I’ll let you know! And I’ll post the financial breakdown plus photos as soon as we have them.
And here’s an especially intriguing steampunk sculpture moment sent in by you-know-who-you-are:
S#22: Ancient Foibles
In her infinite wisdom, Steff Metal recommends reading Aristophanes, starting with the Lysistrata. She described it as laugh-out-loud funny. And she is so right.
Aristophanes is an ancient Greek comic writer, who like many ancient writers, is hilariously rude. Rude enough that I don’t want to quote a specific example here. Suffice to say that the “very beautiful” naked young woman* who appears in a crucial scene (the warring antagonists discuss land allotments by drawing on her, getting rather distracted as they do so) isn’t the rudest part.
The Lysistrata is about a war between Athens and Sparta, and opens with a woman called Lysistrata calling together all the women from both sides of the conflict to say she knows how to stop the war. They’re interested until she outlines her plan: they have to stop sleeping with their husbands until it’s resolved. With some fast talking, Lysistrata convinces them it’s worth it, and they take over the temple (wearing their most diaphanous garments and best make-up – and fully armed) until the men sort out their mess (the temple is where the money is stored). After several days, some of the women attempt to leave, faking everything from urgent work to do, to being in labor (with a helmet shoved under her dress). Lysistrata is not impressed.
It’s an absolute delight to read a story from so long ago where the women have all the best parts, the funniest lines, the most developed characters, and all the plot. Also, it’s hilarious.
The plot is neatly summarised by one of the desperate menfolk as “they put a Keep Out notice over their whatnots.” (That was the politest way they put it in the whole play, believe me. Personally I *don’t* want to see this play live – too much!)
Early on, the women swear an oath not to give in to their men. They’re originally going to sacrifice an animal, but since it’s a vow of peace they decide not to use blood. Instead, they opt for wine:
Myrrine: “. . . and then we can swear over the cup that we won’t – put any water in.”
Lampito: Whew! That’s the kind of oath I like!
Lysistrata: A cup and a wine-jar, somebody!
[They are brought. Both are of enormous size.]
Calonice: My dears, isn’t it a whopper? It cheers you up even to touch it! . . . What lovely red blood! And how well it flows!
Lampito: And how sweet it smells, by Castor!
Myrrhine: [pushing to the front] Let me take the oath first!
Calonice: Not unless you draw the first lot, you don’t!
And so, sloshed and pretty much naked, the women take over the city.
The men attempt to reason with them, which turns rapidly into a fight with hair-pulling and profanities (both by the women). The men rally and say, “It’s shameful to surrender to a girl without a fight” (reminds me of another saying about fighting girls – I like this one better) but the policemen are “quickly brought to the ground, and punched and kicked as they lie there“.
The signing of the treaty features plenty more wine. Two Athenian men walk out saying:
“”Never known a party like it. The Spartans were the life and soul of it, weren’t they? And we were pretty clever, considering how sozzled we were.”
“Not surprising really. We couldn’t be as stupid as we are when we’re sober.”
One of the surprising things about this play is that it was performed while Athens was still at war with Sparta. That’s awesome. Aristophanes, you lack the sexism and racism of your time, and I love you.
Something else I love is Girl Genius. The creators, Phil and Kaya Foglio, photographed their Hugo Award on a shelf in their house (the little guy with the eye on the right was a big part of the inspiration behind “Gizmo”, although that character walks, and Gizmo rolls):
http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20101014
*who would be played, like everyone else, by a man. The mind boggles as to how.
Tomorrow: The low-down on that startling piece of news I recently received. As I mentioned in the comments yesterday, it’s the kind of news that I think will have an effect on the rest of my life.
Monday: Photos and tales of the Steampunk 21st I’m attending tonight!
S#20: Inexpensive Pampering (and, setting)
First, for those attempting to learn writing, a really interesting article on setting.
http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2010/05/what-makes-great-setting.html
Personally, my advice is to make sure you have an opening chapter that doesn’t require pages of explanation (but does have some fantasy element/s, so people have some idea what they’re getting into). As your plot develops, your setting can do so too. But the first conflict must be simple.
Also, when you name places and people, make them (a) pronouncable (b) different – especially the first letter, and (c) generally, not too long. Otherwise readers will feel confused.
Ditto if you introduce more than about three names in the first chapter (which is where titles like “Ratu Island” or “Captain Sol” come in handy, because the name tells you who or what they are).
And, of course, go nuts on the sensory detail (something that I generally do in the second draft, after the story is fairly solid).
Today’s awesomeness mission was: “Go to one of those hippy shops and buy yourself something weird – a homeopath treatment, or some incense or a dreamcatcher or a reiki massage or whatever.”*
I ventured into “The Body Shop” for one simple reason: The smell. I like just walking past that shop, with its cloud of soap and candles and pretend-fruit perfume.
Instinct drew me unerringly to the free samples of body butter (scented moisturiser). Oh heck yeah. There were about twenty different OPEN pots for me to sample. I sniffed the shea butter, having always wondered what it smells like. (The answer: nothing.) I carefully avoided the chocolate scented one (why taunt myself?) and gleefully settled on “dark cherry”.
Don’t you love adjectives? We don’t paint our houses orange, but we might just paint them “burnt peach”. We don’t wear puce, but we’re tempted by “wild maroon”. We don’t even eat just icing-sugar filled chocolate, we eat “vanilla surprise”.
But I digress.
I discovered after generously lathering my hands with dark cherry that it smelled like cheap red lollies. Oh well. Imagine my disappointment when I then discovered the hemp-smelling body butter and my hands were already so packed with flavour I’d missed my chance to smell like pot.
I wasn’t that disappointed, actually. The hemp didn’t smell nearly as nice as pot does.
And on that note, we end today’s entry.
But wait – there’s more!
Yesterday I received some extremely exciting, highly unexpected news. I will tell you what it is on Sunday, but right now you may as well know that (a) I’m not pregnant (nor trying to be), and (b) it wasn’t anything to do with any of my books.
But it was huge. Giggle-hysterically-for-several-days kind of huge. It has even momentarily taken my mind of chocolate.
And, from http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l2i1u42hR31qby2jko1_400.jpg, something wonderful:
*I confused this post with #12: Healing Stones, which is where this quote is from. Today’s actual mission – the one I did – was “Go to a shop like Lush and spend some time smelling everything. Then buy yourself a little treat.”
#12 is still to come.
#217: Le Smackdown
Girls are taught to be nice.
Screw that.
I have a mixture of private clients (who pay better) and agency clients. Other than getting less per hour, taking on agency clients means that I don’t get paid for the first lesson (the agency does – it gets an $85 registration fee for each term). There’s an up side to agency clients, which is spelled out in a form that clients sign: they must give me 24 hours’ notice of cancellation – or I still get paid.
Generally, if a student is sick or whatever, I am able to reschedule them onto a later time or another day, and I let that happen. I have one student who has done this over and over again, and when she did it twice in one day (yesterday, to be precise) I drew a line by only giving her a half hour lesson – ending at the time I’d agreed to end at when she first rescheduled. I also discovered (while chatting with her mum, since the actual student still wasn’t there when I arrived) that the reason she’s been rescheduling me is. . . her boyfriend.
Someone needs a smack.
Her mum seemed confused when paying me, having noticed how short the lesson was. I said it was because she’d rescheduled twice, and fled without elaborating (having already sat through one mother-daughter shouting match that hour). They’re good parents, so I hope they get their daughter on track and don’t try and blame me for being paid. We’ll see. I dread next week.
Last week I started lessons with a new student, Bobette. Since it was the first lesson, I wasn’t paid (although, naturally, the agency was). Today should have been our second lesson – for me, the first paid lesson. Instead, the family just called and cancelled (because the daughter is sick). I attempted to arrange another lesson “so you don’t end up paying”. No joy. They apologised. I said, “Don’t be sorry. One of the good things about working for an agency is I still get paid – when there’s less than 24 hours’ notice. But don’t worry – you can just pay me double next week.” Since it’s now fourth term (which often cuts off all tutoring in about week five, leaving me with about $50/week income until February), I made it clear that they had my sympathies – since they’d be paying for the lesson, as per the form they’d signed. After the conversation, I SMSed to say that if Bobette was feeling better at lesson time, I’d still come and tutor her.
We’ll see.
But the time for being nice has passed, and that’s a fact.
Have you been nice for far too long? Maybe it’s time to stand up for yourself, and see what happens. It’s quite likely I’ll lose one or both of the students, but frankly I know I’m a good tutor and I’ll easily find replacements with better manners.
To put things in perspective, here’s my brother in his “home office”:
Here’s something more cheerful: a clockwork jet pack designed by a Russian scientist in the 1920s.
#216: DIY therapy
On Saturday the 17th of July, after well-documented struggles, I scraped into the healthy weight range at 76.5 kilos (having peaked at a new record of 83.5 kilos on the 6th of April).
Shortly afterward, life happened. Quick summary:
Sydney Sydney Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Sydney Perth
And I weighed in yesterday at a whopping new record of 86.5 kilos.
I’ve learnt a valuable lesson about how travelling does not combine with any other type of work. It’s not surprising information – the only surprise is how powerful the effect is.
So now, with no more travelling this year and with repeated failure at my back, I abandon moderation (which I suck at) and dive into six weeks of pain. No chocolate, no lollies. Lots of exercise.
It’s been very clear for a long time that chocolate fills in the gap between my ability to be semi-functional and the point at which I have to consciously concentrate on not harming myself or others.
But it’s also clear that, given half a chance, I’d be morbidly obese. The kind with bacteria growing in the inaccessible folds of the fat. So with metaphorical blood pouring from various wounds, I re-enter the fray.
There’s no strategy that works other than going through the pain, cutting down as much as possible on anything resembling functionality (eg going to church, seeing friends). I’ve also been watching Bear Gryll’s French foreign legion show (8:30pm on SBS2) and the sheer pointless pain of it is wonderfully inspiring to watch – and, in my own way, to emulate.
So I’ve plastered my desk with inspiration messages. They’re not, for the most part, happy messages – but happiness makes me angry.
Here’s what they say:
don’t think
life and wealth begins November 30
pain is lard leaving the body
this is better than chronic health problems
this is better than diabetes
obese people smell bad
I weighed 65 only recently – and while mentally ill and hugely stressed
fat me = fat kids
it is harder for me, but I am stronger than statistics
60% of adult Australians are overweight
I have TV, books, cats, free massages, writing, flowers, food
food tastes better
By 2050, half of UK kids aged 6-10 will be obese
By 30 November, I will be better than average
this is worth fighting for
this saves around $50 every week – that’s $300
November: green jeans [ie I’ll be able to wear pants again]
I still have a great waist
do or die
good news: spring. beetroot. diet coke. corn thins and avocado.
hunger is normal
In other news, I googled “steampunk motivation” and found this, on geneticabnormality.com:
#214: Spontaneous Soccer & Steampunk Tips
I was at a lunch with CJ’s family when this happened:
A bunch of us adults – all the girls in heels – stood in a rough circle and kicked around a number of balls while a two-year-old screamed delightedly and ran around in the middle. His grandfather and a great-aunt played too.
It was marvellous fun, and I felt my heart beating in an old, familiar way.
Grass. A ball. My feet.
Yes. It was soccer, jumping and cavorting in the back of my mind.
Regular readers will be shocked to hear that I used to play soccer obsessively (in school, not in any official team – but within that semi-competitive zone I was well respected). On a couple of occasions since, I’ve played spontaneous soccer in a road or on a field. Due to uncoordination plus an enthusiasm bordering on the kamikaze, I generally play barefoot against boys in shoes – and generally end up bleeding (they end up bruised, so it seems fair).
Our little circle turned into a soccer game, and I took off my jacket and boots and felt the old love of the game come flooding back. I had to restrain myself rather a lot, but I still got to head the ball, and almost score a goal despite three defenders in my way.
Right now I’m scheming to get together with a few semi-coordinated friends and play for more than those few tantalising minutes. Could this be a new and effective chocolate substitute?
I’ll let you know.
In the meantime, here’s a link to Richard Harland’s steampunk writing tips. http://ripping-ozzie-reads.com/2010/04/30/tips-for-writing-steampunk/ and the clockwork angel picture that goes with it.
#215: Ritual
In the Western World, we lack rituals. We have a few for marriage, death, birthdays, and graduation – but not much to celebrate new life, or adulthood. The Catholic Church does ritual so much better than Protestants.
Today CJ’s cousin and his wife celebrated their baby son’s life by having him baptised.
This ritual had it all: Candles. Fire. Water. God. A priest in robes. An altar. And the grace-note of children and babies squawking or giggling at peculiar moments.
I liked the priest. He smiled when the babies interrupted him, he was uncomfortable but polite at having so many people ask him for posed photos with their children afterwards, and it was clear by the way some of the children ran up and hugged him (robes and all) that he was a familiar and safe place for them to feel special. I also know that he warmed the baptismal water so the babies weren’t uncomfortable.
Also, it was good to know that if the vampires attacked, we had a solid supply of holy water, and the necessaries to make lots more.
What a weight off my mind.
Here’s something a little steampunk for your Monday morning:
Coming soon: Bubbles! Diet Coke and mentos! Steampunk 21st party! Steampunk Earth Day! Spontaneous soccer! Other stuff!
Writing tips for when the book is written
Today’s awesomeness is getting given a GIANT CANISTER OF LOLLIES AND CHOCOLATE at the end of my final lesson with a student who just finished Year Twelve.
It was high quality, too – jelly belly jelly beans, liquer chocolates and other wonderfulness. All the wrapped chocolates had their labels on them, which shows extraordinary thoughtfulness of the part of my student and her mum. (In case you’re wondering, features included “Tuscan dream”, “peanut brittle”, “raspberry cream”, “Hazelnut and honey”, and many more.) Truly, epic awesomeness was had. (In unrelated news, my stomach hurts.)
Here’s three extremely relevent articles for when your book is all done and all edited. The second is funny, and every writer should read it. (That, and the equally funny entirety of http://slushpilehell.tumblr.com/.)
http://cba-ramblings.blogspot.com/2010/09/11-questions-for-crafting-pitch.html
http://cba-ramblings.blogspot.com/2010/09/10-ways-to-annoy-literary-agent.html
http://cba-ramblings.blogspot.com/2010/09/why-oh-why-did-i-get-rejected.html
And, in a seamlink join between today’s writing links and October’s steampunk theme, here’s a great list of common steampunk motifs.
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1249132-SteamPunk-A-List-of-Themes
Felicity Banks 
