Farting My ABCs: Chapter 7
Yesterday, I left the house. Legally.
We needed a working fridge so our food pantry can have milk—so people who are from (for example) immunocompromised households can pop by my pantry for lunch instead of risking exposure at the regular shops. Technically, I’m now an essential service, since I supply food.
My parents had a fridge, but pretty much all of us have back issues so it needed both Chris and I to be there, helping. Which means the kids needed to come too (and thank goodness, because they really need some exercise and they love Nanny and Grandpa’s trampoline).
I’ll write more about the food pantry, I promise you. It’s filling my brain at the moment (yes, in a manic way).
Anyway, here’s the next chapter of FARTING MY ABCs.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aml6R1sGcow
Art of the day: Twenty-Five Memories of Viggo MacDuff by Kate Gordon, which you can buy here. It’s a little older than most middle grade books, since the story is about the aftermath of a romance with the titular Viggo. But I love it because the heroine is realising that her ex isn’t as great as she thought she was when she was in love with him.
Farting My ABCs: Chapter 6
For those avidly following my writing efforts, you’ll be pleased to hear that I rewrote a horrifically badly-coded section last night. But it will need another check, probably in a week or two when my brain has had a chance to recover. So the book wasn’t finished on Easter weekend. But it did get a lot, lot better.
Today’s video was filmed in my steampunk room (who doesn’t have a steampunk room?) and I finally managed to convince TJ to get dressed up… for a few seconds.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6NY3CLzSqQ
I ate dinner over Zoom with my side of the family as the Easter weekend began, and it was just as awful as I expected (video conferencing is so socially awkward and I hate it), but also quite lovely. On Friday we ate hot cross buns that I’d been keeping in the freezer (plus ones made fresh on the day by a friend of ours and delivered to our utter surprise), and did a bit of church by Zoom. On Sunday we hunted for eggs in the backyard, and the kids were thoroughly delighted by the whole thing.
But there’s one tradition that I can’t keep, and it’s a little sad. Easter Tuesday is the day when chocoholics rampage through the half-empty Easter shelves, buying weird and much-discounted leftover Easter eggs. I would have enjoyed that.
Ah well.
I am to be congratulated, because I bought our supply of eggs literally months ago and I only ate a little bit of it before Easter. (The key is to have lots and lots of other chocolate and lollies to stave off the egg-specific cravings.) Obviously it was the two delicious lindt bunnies that I ate, since they were meant to be a special surprise for Chris and I. Sorry Chris. Yours was just as delicious as mine was.
Art of the day: The Larklight trilogy (first book is Larklight) written by Philip Reeve. If you haven’t discovered these, you’re in for a real treat. They are hilarious, and brilliantly illustrated too. It’s a steampunk space opera. Philip Reeve is also the writer of the Mortal Engines series (the one with the Peter Jackson movie that was visually brilliant but otherwise pretty bad), which is super dark… Larklight is NOT dark. At all.
Farting My ABCs: Chapter 5
Oops, I posted this one early. Well, enjoy.
This is my favourite video, because of what TJ does. And Zipper too.
Yesterday was an alarmingly productive day. I did manage to get some writing done, although I think I may have added more errors than were there before. I also made a no-contact obstacle course with chalk and did more food pantry stuff. I tired.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBHzwMZgq4E
Incidentally, I am not a vampire. Like most mums, especially overweight mums, I hesitate to appear in photographs. Which means I make sure to take photos of myself regularly. Here’s one from last summer:
Art of the day: Julian Barr writes the Ashes of Olympus series, all based on ancient myths (so yes there’s plenty of battles and so on; not suitable for every middle schooler!) You can find both books here.
Farting My ABCs: Chapter 4
In which someone is missing, and someone else appears for the first time.
I asked TJ this morning if, when he was a grown up, he’d have a cat, a dog, or neither.
“A cat,” he said, “because it would remind me of Zipper.”
That is a cat who knows where it’s at.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-bZt05BA6w
My local Buy Nothing (it’s like FreeCycle; a facebook group for giving away stuff, and even requesting it) is particularly good, and a community group has formed because of it. Someone on there was asking if our area had a Free Pantry (operating much like a free local library) and I realised that I was very well placed to have one so… as of about twelve hours ago, I’m running a local free pantry! It’s terribly exciting.
My editing on The Floating City is going pretty well too. I’ll have to be careful to stop my pantry-related excitement and creativity taking over my whole mind.
Art of the day: My own middle grade (8+) fantasy novels are pretty great. They’re sorta like Narnia with pirates. The first book is The Monster Apprentice and you can buy it from my store here.
Farting My ABCs: Chapter 3
This weekend is four days long, which means four days in which Chris is Primary Parent instead of me. Which means I get to focus on writing for four full days in a row (that, and sleeping, and resting). It’s terribly exciting. The end of this round of editing The Floating City is nigh (that is, my latest interactive fiction novel, which is climate change fiction). I’ll post a link for y’all to read it for free when it’s ready for more readers.
And here’s today’s Farting My ABCs Chapter 3 reaction video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=za2IDcBjJuo
Art of the day (I’m still recommending middle grade novels that are well worth reading as an adult): The Narnia series by CS Lewis. If your first language is English, you’ve probably encountered at least The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (incidentally, rather appropriate for Easter). There are seven books in all.
Some people feel cheated at the Christian content of the books (in which case you probably shouldn’t read my middle grade series either). Others feel that the books are racist and/or sexist, or just generally anti-sex (because of a couple of vital paragraphs about Susan in the final book). I think they’re pretty good in terms of female characters, especially considering they’re written by a man in the 50s. But I can’t comment on racism except to say that one of the Calormenes is a vital and brilliant character in The Horse and His Boy, and that Prince Caspian is a Calormene and the heroic title character of his book (and there is another heroic Calormene in the final book). However, the Calormenes are also described as amazing storytellers, but proud and cruel too.
In story order, the first book is The Magician’s Nephew. In my opinion, all seven books are brilliant.
Farting My ABCs: Chapter 2
I have some great news about FARTING MY ABCs… but I can’t tell anyone about it yet.
Anyway, here’s Chapter 2!
In other news, TJ is now up to twenty backyard baskets.
Today Louisette is wearing tiara, two tutus, and her dressing gown.
I’m feeling… okay. Four day weekend!!!!
Art of the day: Another middle grade series by a wonderful Aussie author (wonderful at heart as well as talent; I have met both Sandy Fussell and Pamela Freeman and they’re everything you hope a famous author could be): Princess Betony by Pamela Freeman (who also writes historical fiction as Pamela Hart).
The Virus Diaries: School/Depression How-To Guide
I’m transitioning now to the massive piles of schoolwork that Louisette and TJ’s extremely hard-working teachers have already prepped. This is week 10 of term 1, so it’s a trial week for the online classrooms that will be serious ‘normal’ school next term.
I’m really loving the mathseeds web site (and by “I” I mean “TJ” who LOVES maths and computer games). You can get a 30 day free trial by clicking through that link.
Today TJ did a “watercolour” picture by scribbling on a freezer bag with texta, then wetting a piece of paper and pressing the texta-marked bag against it. (I had to watch 10 minutes of example videos for that, apparently.) He also made a pattern with hair clips, which was actually really impressive.
Louisette did a writing exercise involving observations of our yard, using as many adjectives as possible. It’s hard as a pro writer to encourage excessive adjectives, but of course one must go through the period of using a bazillion adjectives before you can start cutting back sharply to only the very best.
I have been loudly telling other parents, “DON’T do everything the teachers give you! They are desperately trying to give you a lot of schooling as quickly as possible. But you and your kids will be better off if you’re selective.”
It’s very hard to follow my own advice. But it’s still good advice. Primary kids do NOT need more than 30 minutes of “actual” education per week day. (They do generally need more one-on-one time than that, and if you spend the time doing exercise and/or reading with them, great.) I shall attempt to follow my own advice and skip some of the many many activities prepared for us.
At present Louisette is wearing undies, a hoodie towel, wings, a cat mask, and a tiara.
* * *
I’m still quite badly depressed, although less than yesterday which in turn was less than my worst (yay?).
Things that actually help my depression include:
NB: I am generally fond of my kids and husband, but they are complicated and risky blessings. Sometimes they scream at me (the kids, not Chris), or cause physical (due to fibromyalgia, not abuse) or emotional pain. Yes they can make me feel amazing, but when I’m badly depressed it’s wise to limit contact (especially with the kids) if possible. (Obviously it’s not particularly possible at the moment, but retreating to my room and letting Chris do ALL the kid things on the weekend is helpful, especially if/when they exercise outside of the house.)
1. Chocolate. It’s #1 for a reason. Chocolate is often the thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. It is reliable, more or less harmless (other than the fact I’ll most likely die of something related to diabetes, hopefully not COVID-19) and it has a noticeable effect on my brain chemistry. Every depressed person should have some chocolate on hand to try in an emergency. It works faster than panadol and is more useful for this kind of pain.
2. Good TV (again, risky because there’s a lot of very dark good TV. Comedy is typically helpful, although fat/racist/sexist/etc jokes can strike without warning). I recommend Brooklyn 99, Gilmore Girls, and How I Met Your Mother.
3. Sunshine. When available. Even a few seconds can help. Sunrises and sunsets are well worth noticing.
4. Exercise. Fibromyalgia makes this a lot riskier (exercise often increases pain) but a little bit usually helps. Like 5 gentle (eg walking, swimming, bike riding) minutes.
5. Getting out of my own head. Reading, worshipping God, working/writing—all potentially useful.
6. Sleep, especially naps or sleeping in.
7. Meditation. There are a lot of different kinds to try. The most important thing is to accept that everyone daydreams/gets distracted during meditation so just accept those random thoughts and don’t feel bad that you have them.
8. Water. Drinking water feels good. If I’m feeling fancy, I add ice and/or a reuseable straw.
9. Friends. Listed last because friends can be tricky too. But mostly friends (especially those that aren’t all that close to you, sometimes) are helpful.
10. Be sick. Wallow. Let things slide. Depression is a sickness, and the right response is to lie in bed for a day or two if that’s what your brain is telling you to do.
I hope that helps as a lot of people are in a similar boat to me, brain-wise, at the moment.
Art of the day: The Samurai Kids series by Sandy Fussell. It’s suitable for middle grade, and is a lovely, gentle, funny series (with illustrations). Some of the characters have suffered severely (one of them accidentally killed another child) but the overall feeling of the books is warm and safe. Most of the characters have some kind of physical disability.
TOMORROW I will begin releasing the 15 videos of myself reading Farting My ABCs to my kids.
The Virus Diaries: Blurk
My manic phase is officially over.
I’m left with the problem that was predictable all along: How do I cope with this?
I’m not well enough to mind the kids for a full day.
But I have to mind the kids for a full day, every day. For a long time.
So…. ?
The world turns into plus and minus, resource and problem.
I’m angry all the time. Mostly at Chris for being healthy and sane, and having to go to work (in the study) instead of being at my beck and call 24/7 (or more specifically, at the kids’ beck and call).
Last night was bad. I didn’t get to sleep until 5:30am (that is, when the kids were getting up) and I spent a good chunk of the night terrified God would kill me because I had bad (depressed) thoughts, and another chunk rather hoping that this really was the end of the world because there’s just too much pain in the world and everything is awful.
Today wasn’t great either, but I survived it without screaming at anyone or breaking anything, which is pretty much the goal.
Yay.
I’m bored of my end-of-blog categories, so now I’ll just recommend some art (that is, books and TV) each day.
Art of the day: I watched the film Yesterday last night, about a musician who wakes up one day and the world has completely forgotten (among other things) the Beatles. So he remembers the songs and releases them, becoming a massive star. But what about the gorgeous BFF who was always his biggest fan? It’s written by Richard Curtis, full of gentle humour and Beatles music.
The Virus Diaries: Am I a covidiot?
Seeing people ignoring government guidelines to go have fun on a beach is infuriating. And I’m sooo jealous. There are a lot of people around the world making terrible, life-threatening choices and there is an intense social and legal backlash.
Socially speaking, I recommend not engaging directly with anyone. If you’re certain someone is breaking the law, please call the police and let them decide and/or deal with it. One of the dangers of being disabled is being a target of righteous yet misdirected rage. Every disabled person who’s not actually paralysed from the waist or higher has had someone yell at them for parking in a disabled spot, sometimes in an incredibly scary and upsetting way. Someone on my fibromyalgia support group went shopping during the special disabled-only hours and was yelled at due to not “looking” disabled (I can virtually guarantee she is overweight too—firstly because she has fibromyalgia, and secondly because people see “fat” and assume “lazy” and “selfish”). She also had her two kids with her because she’s a single parent and they are too young to stay at home.
So. Please don’t yell at someone who you think is breaking the rules. You don’t know their story.
Last night I spent a long time looking at the ACT Health guidelines, trying to figure out if our family of four could stand outside the grandparents’ windows to talk to them. I still don’t know. I know there’s a two-person rule for non-essential outings, and I know to social distance during said meeting… but I don’t know if that means we can visit grandparents in the same city. Did I break the law by taking my two kids to visit my mum’s backyard, or is it okay because they were exercising and I was picking up masks?
What about when I was filming the reading of Farting My ABCs, and I took the kids to a variety of pretty locations nearby that I thought would be isolated (I realised belatedly that we should have stayed off paths so it was easier to stay clear of other people walking or riding bikes)? Definitely not essential, and not technically exercise (although it was a lot of exercise for me because walking 50m is a big deal)… but I thought it was okay at the time. I’d better not do anything like that again.
Are we allowed to drive to odd (isolated) locations (in our own state) to exercise? Ugh, I don’t know.
I guess not? Because if everyone did it the entire outside world would be far too crowded. So we’re meant to stick “in our neighbourhood” even on permitted exercise breaks.
Resource of the day: For what it’s worth, ACT Health.
Recommended donation of the day: Salvos. I’ve heard some bad things about Salvos refusing to help some people for “Christian” (that is, anti-LGBTIQA+) reasons but I’m afraid I don’t know anything for sure. But they’re a big organisation with pre-existing connections to a lot of poor or struggling people, so that’s useful at the moment.
Personal action of the day: Sort your pantry and put anything you don’t want anymore out on the street with a ‘free’ sign for others to take.
Recommended hoarding item of the day: Good running/walking shoes. (I wrote this entry before deciding to stop recommending things to buy.)
The Virus Diaries: The Kids are Better than All Right
My kids are 5 and 8. It’s TJ’s first year of school; a moment that I have looked forward to with GREAT excitement for many years. He’s done plenty of day care and preschool, but Kindy is different. Apart from anything else, his education is finally in sync with Louisette’s.
But.
It’s kind of nice, to once more be the world expert on my kids. I mean, I was still the expert when they went to school but there was a huge chunk of every weekday I didn’t see or even know about. Because of COVID-19, I am once more the absolute centre of their world. Even when I’m not actively doing anything and/or when Chris is taking charge of everything kid-related, I can hear them and I know what’s going on in their lives every hour of every day.
I saw TJ’s face as his first tooth fell out.
I planted potatoes with Louisette.
I finally read one of my own books to TJ, and he loved it.
I’ve gotten back into reading with Louisette.
I’m almost as good as TJ on MarioKart.
Louisette is getting good at her times tables because of me.
Never forget that the reason your kids misbehave so much is that they know you’ll still love them no matter what they do.
This is the first generation in a long time to spend so much time with their primary caregiver/s after they reached school age. Years from now, the kids—mine and yours—won’t remember COVID-19 the way we do. They will remember wearing their PJs for weeks at a time, and sleeping in every day, and never having to rush to get to school. They’ll remember the time you got sick of education and watched a movie with them instead, and the time you burned popcorn together and stunk out the entire house. They’ll remember countless hours spent becoming a genuinely skilled athlete thanks to your cheap plastic basketball hoop, and jumping every day on the trampoline that they’d forgotten existed. They’ll remember eating wraps for lunch instead of regular bread, and drinking juice instead of milk—we’ll know it was because we couldn’t find the groceries we needed, but they’ll just remember how fun it was—and they’ll forget the day they screamed because there was only half a fish fillet in their dinner instead of a whole one. They’ll remember lying in the sun at lunchtime with you, talking about nothing because for once you had nothing better to do and no one more interesting to talk to. They’ll remember how you coloured in next to them, and the day you whispered that you can never remember your eight times tables either. They’ll remember being with you, day in and day out; being at the centre of your world and knowing they’re surrounded every second by the ones who love them the most. They’ll carry that feeling of love and connection for the rest of their lives.
Kids who experienced 2020 will be kinder than other kids. They’ll know to check on the elderly and the chronically ill, and will consider it a normal part of everyday life. They’ll always smile at strangers, and will never hesitate to help someone in trouble. They will never take hugs for granted. They will always know that they are loved at their worst, no matter what, and at the same time they’ll know that their parents are sometimes scared or tired, and sometimes not even very good at being parents. They will reflect our own exhausted 2020-style love back to us when we’re too old to care for ourselves, and in those future days they’ll be the ones putting up with our eccentric clothing styles and constant whinging for treats.
They’ll know that no amount of money or possessions can stop a person depending on other people to get through the hard times, and they’ll live in a serene faith that when the chips are down, all of humanity can cooperate, and all of humanity actually does a pretty good job of looking after each other. They’ll know that even the most vile and selfish politicians eventually do the right thing because there are enough good and clever people in the world to sway the balance of public opinion towards facts and scientific truth. They’ll be more empathetic and flexible than other generations, and more connected to the global community. They will be the generation that sees the world take united action against Climate Change, because they’ll know from experience that the whole world can achieve amazing things. They will be the best adults this world has ever seen.
Resource of the day: Your kids are surprisingly resourceful. What’s something they’ve always wanted to do but you never had time for?
Recommended donation of the day: Who can you ‘donate’ time to today?
Personal action of the day: Find a different song to wash your hands to. Anything that takes twenty seconds is good, and that’s the length of many popular choruses.
Hoarding item of the day: This is the final day for hoarding, as grocery shops will start restricting customer numbers from tomorrow. Maybe get a haircut, since everyone’s trying to get in one last shop today (before the queues start)?
Felicity Banks 