Daylight Day 11: School
Ed wore an overcoat and hat to school. Our teachers freaked and put him in detention. I think he bit Mr Joh, the science teacher. Awkward!
Ed and I wandered the mall and saw heaps of decorations. Ed sighed, “Christmas is so deep. It makes me feel all –”
“Sad?”
“How’d you know?”
—————————————
It’s a sad fact that today, students all over Canberra are going back to school. You have my deepest sympathy.
How to tell if your science teacher has turned EMO:
1. He/She sparkles in sunshine.
2. He/She suddenly decides to teach poetry instead of physics this week.
3. He/She has what the Buffyverse calls “neck rupture”.
4. He/She weeps quietly during the lesson.
5. He/She attempts to bite you and drink your blood.
Remember kids, stay alert, not alarmed – and keep your cricket bat within arm’s reach.
Daylight Day 10: Canberra
I saw Dad writing a journal and looking mournful. Uh-oh. Still not EMO myself, despite blood-starved boyfriend and lime green hair.
“Don’t let ANYONE drink your blood,” said the news. “Authorities recommend hitting EMOs with cricket bats. Stay alert, not alarmed.”
———————————————————-
“Daylight” is set in Canberra (Australia’s capital), since that’s where I live.
Canberra has a population of 300,000 (yes, I know) and is conveniently located three hours from Sydney. We’re infamous for cold Winters (including biting winds from the snowy mountains nearby), and get snow about once a decade. On the other hand, one of the great things about Canberra is that we have very few murders here.
Hurrah!
Daylight Day 10: Weddings
“Do you think a wedding could cure EMOs?” I asked.
Pi snorted and said, “Has Ed bitten you at all?”
“No, we just make out.”
Pi looked ill.
—————————————————————————
More wedding advice:
Your first priority is your relationship, and your second priority is your family. Your third is keeping your friendships (even picking your bridal party is a minefield).
1. Your relationship
I recommend scheduling at least one no-wedding-talk day a week, and dating your fiance that day. I also recommend NOT getting into debt. Does the ultimate photo really mean more than having a little less stress in the difficult early days of your marriage? My number-one piece of financial advice is that, unless you have at least $20,000 to spend, DON’T have a reception at all. Just have an afternoon tea at the church. People generally understand if you make sure to be clear about what’s happening well in advance (and DO NOT try on a dress if it is too expensive for you). And if you fiance and your mum both insist on something, your fiance gets to choose.
2. For family, my number one piece of advice is having a long engagement, with about five possible dates which you check with both your inner circle (parents, best friends), AND THEIRS, before sending out invitations. Number two is that, if they’ve given you money, they have a right to make certain demands (as long as the demands don’t exceed what you’ve been given).
Planning a wedding is the most stressful thing I’ve ever done, and it will probably be the most stressful thing you ever do. The industry is designed to manipulate your sensitive emotions to get alarming amounts of money out of you. Having a small, simple wedding shows that your relationship is more important than your ego.
Daylight Day 9: Story so far
2 Oct
EMO used to stand for ‘emotional’ – the teen subgroup that’s only happy to be sad. Now it’s become a disease eerily similar to vampirism.
*
My name’s Bell. I considered being EMO once, but then I saw a pretty butterfly and got over myself. Got bored and decided to save the world.
*
This is the documentary tale of the brave few fighting to find a cure for EMO (or, failing that, a quick and easy way to kill all those vampires dead).
3 Oct
In Civic, Ed kissed me and sighed. “Oh, Bell. Cloudy days are so deep.”
“Oh no!” I cried. “Ed, tell me you haven’t been bitten by an EMO!”
*
He didn’t laugh once at our preview of “Saw VI”. I yanked him into a rare patch of sun – and he sparkled. My boyfriend had turned EMO!
*
Finally he confessed: “My mum bit me.”
“Your MUM!?”
He sighed, “Sad, I know.”
“Do you want to drink my blood now?”
“Er. . . no,” he lied.
4 Oct
On the news: “The EMO subculture has now become a pandemic. EMO teens can be recognised by their depression, dark clothes, and bad poetry.”
*
I walked in the yard just as Mum set some weeds on fire. “Mum,” I said through the smoke, “Ed’s EMO.”
“That’s nice dear.”
*
My name’s pretty bad, but my brother is Pi. He’s ten and wears a labcoat. I told him, “Ed’s EMO.”
“Hm. Can I do experiments on him?”
“NO!”
5 Oct
“Ed, it’s the holidays. Don’t you feel a LITTLE happy?”
“No,” he said. “Bell, would it be okay if I drank you – just a little?”
“NO!”
*
“Exodermal Melanin Occlusion is spreading fast,” the news said. “Symptoms now include sparkling in sunshine, darkening hair, and whining.”
*
Ed tried to bite me, and I tripped over another EMO as I dodged him. Bruised my knees. Still not EMO, despite my black hair and long fringe.
6 Oct
Still not EMO, despite drenching rain. All the EMOs are thrilled they’re not sparkling today (Ed almost smiled). Bring back the sun!
*
“Cheer up,” said Mum, “I’ve decided to have a wedding.”
“But. . . you’re married.”
“Don’t spoil it. It’s exactly what all those EMOs need.”
7 Oct
I was dying my hair when Ed called. “Want to play EMO baseball with my family?”
“No.”
He cried until I hung up.
My hair turned green. Oops.
8 Oct
Pi asked me for Ed’s old hairbrush, so I humoured him and brought it. He said, “Bell, I think there might be a cure for EMOs!”
*
Still not EMO, although Ed keeps trying to bite me. Awkward!
9 Oct
Mum said, “Don’t you just love weddings?”
“Does Dad even know?”
“Hush,” said Mum.
Our shopgirl wept quietly as she pinned Mum’s dress.
———————————————————————-
And a quick please-don’t-flame-me reiteration: EMOs are not emos. EMOs are vampires (with a hint of zombie). Yes I am mocking emos, but keep in mind this is fictional territory. If you don’t like it – sorry. If you honestly think it’s harmful, please let me know and I will consider your argument/s.
Daylight Day 7: Pi
Pi asked me for Ed’s old hairbrush, so I humoured him and brought it. He said, “Bell, I think there might be a cure for EMOs!”
*
Still not EMO, although Ed keeps trying to bite me. Awkward!
——————————————————
Okay, I confess: Pi is my favourite character.
His real name is Peter, but he took the name Pi after discovering (age five) what it meant. Pi the number is roughly 3.1415986535 (I think it repeats – but only after several thousand decimal places). The symbol looks like a wobbly table (I bet there’s a way to type it, but not one that I know). It’s very handy for heaps of circle-related things in maths (for example 2 x pi x the radius will get you the circumfrence of a circle).
Pi himself is short for his age, short-sighted, and has sticky-uppy hair due to the fact that he rarely remembers to brush it. He’s not based on anything from “Twilight”. If he’s based on anything, it’s the mad scientists from the “Girl Genius” comic book series. They’re the type of people that wake up one morning to find a giant chainsaw-wielding robot beside the bed – and have to figure out what they made it for (and how to survive until breakfast).
Except for the superpower-type intellect, Pi is the character I most relate to.
Daylight Day 6: Twilight Review
I was dying my hair when Ed called. “Want to play EMO baseball with my family?”
“No.”
He cried until I hung up.
My hair turned green. Oops.
——————————————————————————————
Since this refers to a specific incident in the “Twilight” book, here’s my review (apologies to those who’ve seen it in the other blog). It’s worth noting that I wrote this long before coming up with the idea for “Daylight”. . . but you can see exactly where the vampire/emo inspiration began.
STEPHANIE MEYER
Twilight (I only read the first one)
Excellent writing style, good characterisation of the hero (for sympathy – it irks many readers that she has no flaws whatsoever). Almost no plot (other than romance) for hundreds of pages, which annoyed me (there’s about 100 pages of action at the end). The whole basis of the romance seemed to be physical (rather than anything to do with the personality/lack thereof of either party), which also annoyed me.
MUCH angst. Much talking about angst. Probably would have been better at half the length.
Rating: PG (sexual symbolism) to M/MA later in the series (on-screen sex). Mild violence.
Recommended for: emos. (ooh, the claws come out!)
Approximate quote: “Ooh, you’re ever so pretty. It’s so hot that you want to eat me! I’d rather DIE than be single, wouldn’t you? Oh that’s right, you are dead. . . Let’s have babies!”
Daylight Day 5: Wedding Advice
Still not EMO, despite drenching rain. All the EMOs are thrilled they’re not sparkling today (Ed almost smiled). Bring back the sun!
*
“Cheer up,” said Mum, “I’ve decided to have a wedding.”
“But. . . you’re married.”
“Don’t spoil it. It’s exactly what all those EMOs need.”
——————————————————–
Wedding advice:
Step 1: Elope.
Step 2: Apologise for eloping.
Daylight Day 4: Science
“Ed, it’s the holidays. Don’t you feel a LITTLE happy?”
“No,” he said. “Bell, would it be okay if I drank you – just a little?”
“NO!”
*
“Exodermal Melanin Occlusion is spreading fast,” the news said. “Symptoms now include sparkling in sunshine, darkening hair, and whining.”
*
Ed tried to bite me, and I tripped over another EMO as I dodged him. Bruised my knees. Still not EMO, despite my black hair and long fringe.
——————————————————————
And, for those of you who want to know how it works:
EMO is a Retrovirus (i.e. a DNA-altering virus) which infects the outer layers of the skin. It modifies the cell’s Melanin genes so that the cell produces Silicate Crystals instead of normal Melanin.
This has the following effects:
1. It makes the infected very pale and sparkly (kind of like if they were coated in countless tiny beads of glass)
2. The Silicate crystals produced pass into the bloodstream and build up in the Brain – particularly in the Hypothalamus, Amygdala (Dysfunction of which is associated with Photophobia – aversion to light – and sometimes with compulsive biting behaviour), and the Anterior Cingulate Gyrus (disruption of which results in extreme apathy and emotional blunting).
THANK YOU to my writing group for coming up with “Exodermal Melanin Occlusion”, and especially to Ben Crispin who came up with the above.
Daylight Day 3: Apology
On the news: “The EMO subculture has now become a pandemic. EMO teens can be recognised by their depression, dark clothes, and bad poetry.”
*
I walked in the yard just as Mum set some weeds on fire. “Mum,” I said through the smoke, “Ed’s EMO.”
“That’s nice dear.”
*
My name’s pretty bad, but my brother is Pi. He’s ten and wears a labcoat. I told him, “Ed’s EMO.”
“Hm. Can I do experiments on him?”
“NO!”
———————————————————————–
The story is barely three days old and already I’ve discovered that the depressed emo is largely a myth (most emos TODAY just wear unusual clothes and hair).
Obviously (I hope) I don’t want real emos killed – or harmed in any way.
It’s important to note that the EMOs of “Daylight” are actually vampires. Not emos. They’re also not at all a fair representation of real emos from any time or place. Because what’s funny about reality?
I can certainly see why some people find the story highly offensive. That is not the intent of the story, and I am wholeheartedly sorry for causing anger and for using stereotypes. However I have decided to continue with the story because I believe that depression absolutely SHOULD be laughed at. If you look at my alternative blog, https://felicitybloomfield.wordpress.com you’ll see that I spend a lot of my time online mocking myself and my own mental illness (which I’ve now had for five years).
So, in conclusion – this is NOT a story about real EMOs. I borrowed a little from real life, a lot from “Twilight”, and even more from my own imagination (and the recent swine flu pandemic hysteria). If you are an emo, please take this chance to laugh at what could have been. If you are depressed, please use whatever strength you have to find a way to be a little less depressed.
Some resources for the mentally ill:
Your local doctor can prescribe you medication (depression isn’t something you chose – it’s something wrong with the chemicals in your head. So why not fix it, like every other sickness?)
If you’re a woman in Canberra, you can get free counselling from the Women’s Health Centre. Their number is 6205 1078. They’re EXCELLENT. And if you’re any Australian woman, I bet they can give you a number to call in your area.
Here’s a blog I wrote with some advice:
https://felicitybloomfield.wordpress.com/2009/06/23/advice-for-the-newly-insane/
And here’s a blog about someone else’s very funny misery:
http://hospitalnotes.blogspot.com/
And another funny blog about metalheads – who are also famous for being unhappy (but are actually normal people) – this blog is written BY a metalhead (a very happy, cheerful individual both online and in real life), who is currently travelling Europe (finding as many metal fests and shops as possible):
Daylight Day 2: “Am I an EMO?” quiz
In Civic, Ed kissed me and sighed. “Oh, Bell. Cloudy days are so deep.” “Oh no!” I cried. “Ed, tell me you haven’t been bitten by an EMO!”
*
He didn’t laugh once at our preview of “Saw VI”. I yanked him into a rare patch of sun – and he sparkled. My boyfriend had turned EMO!
*
Finally he confessed: “My mum bit me.”
“Your MUM!?”
He sighed, “Sad, I know.”
“Do you want to drink my blood now?”
“Er. . . no,” he lied.
—————————————————————————-
“Am I an EMO?” quiz
1. Would you LIKE to be an EMO?
2. Are most of your clothes black?
3. Do you like to share poetry about your feeeeelings?
4. Does your fringe hang longer than your eyebrows?
5. Do you find “Daylight” completely unfunny (along with everything else in creation)?
Bonus questions:
6. Do you have strong urges to drink blood?
7. Have people’s necks and veins suddenly become more attractive to you?
8. Is your hair turning darker without needing to be dyed?
9. Are your teeth unusually sharp, especially when you feel peckish?
10. Do you sparkle in an annoyingly pretty fashion whenever the sun hits you?
Answers: If you answered yes to one or more questions, YOU ARE IN DANGER!
Public Health and Safety Regulators recommend that you DO NOT drain your friends and neighbours of their blood – no matter how tempting it might be.
THIS MEANS YOU!
Felicity Banks 