Digestive Health Report
As some of you know, I spent four weeks eating and exercising as well as I knew how to do. Here’s the rules, and my conclusions:
1. Begin each day with a tall glass of tepid water (with a squeeze of lemon), then fifteen minutes’ exercise – all before breakfast.
Love the water, hate the exercise. I’ll stick with the water and do pre-breakfast exercise. . . sometimes.
2. Continue exercising six days a week, except when I’m sick.
Yeah, it’s clearly a good plan and worth the hassle. I’ll continue.
3. Drink over a litre of water each day, in addition to other liquids.
I suspect it’s keeping me bloated, but I’ll talk to a doctor before I stop.
4. Eat every meal and snack at a table (not the couch), and remain upright for half an hour after every meal. Take small mouthfuls and chew them properly before swallowing.
I definitely need to eat more slowly. But I think sitting on the coach is okay (especially for snacks) as long as I stay still and upright for that half hour (which is really difficult, but worthwhile most of the time).
5. Never go four waking hours without eating something (and eat small meals).
I can do that.
6. Eat five vegetables (at least one green) and two fruits each day (tomatoes, pumpkin and avocado can fall into either group – my resolution, my rules – and chickpeas are a vegetable).
I can keep aiming for that, but I don’t think I’ll make it every day (I will today, though, so that’s cool).
7. Eat 50 grams or less of chocolate/lollies each day (a giant or deep-fried meal counts as 30 grams, and savoury snacks count as 20g). I’ll have nothing unhealthy for at least the first seven days, beginning today.
Definitely worth sticking with, but not gonna happen. 50 grams or less of junk food is a worthy goal that I’ll try to stick to – starting from Tuesday next week 🙂
8. No soft drink and no artificial sweeteners.
I don’t think I eat enough of those for it to have any negative effect. Although I think I’m allergic to preservative 202, so I’ll be careful on that front.
9. I’ll attempt to go without iron tablets – instead I’ll have a vitamin C at breakfast and dinner (dinner is when I tend to eat meat, which is the most absorbable source of iron followed by chicken or fish). I am anaemic, so it’s likely I’ll have to take the tablets, but we’ll see.
This worked brilliantly. Definitely sticking to it.
10. At least one high-fibre food each day, and at least one does-something-cool-for-your-gut food each day.
If I’m eating a lot of fresh fruit and vegies, this will probably happen by itself.
As of this moment, I am psyching up for a gluten-free week, starting. . . soon.
S#85: Random Club
On Steff Metal’s list of 101 ways to cheer yourself up (which you can find if you go to steffmetal.com and click on the link on the right) she wrote:
Open your gig guide, close your eyes, and point. That’s where you’re going tonight. Dress inappropriately, and make the best of it.
Since I am not at all acquainted with Canberra’s music scene (sad but true), I choose one of those free “What’s on in Canberra” magazines for my assigned awesomeness. I ended up with a craft day at the National Museum. One tiny problem: it was a craft day for under sixes.
So I borrowed a 5-year old “beard” from a friend (who was pathetically grateful), and wore a whole lot of purple.
There were about thirty under-sixes and free fairy bread, so it was a pretty unique experience (for me as a non-mum, anyway). My beard liked the giant lego. . .
. . . and the ability to glue things to other things.
To be fair, he was annoyed there was no TV or computer. But no tantrums, so all good.
One of the coolest things about the preschool crowd (other than not needing to change nappies any more) is they are the ultimate absurd comedians. My beard said things like:
“Oh! This is the forest I came to last week. I saw kangaroos and dragons.”
“Last week, I came to this farm. There were horses, and sheep, and pigs. The pigs got killed. They were healthy pigs, very clean. And then I killed them.”
“Look! A rocket!”
“Are there dragons there? Dragons eat people.” [gales of delighted laughter]
“My aunt had a baby. It was in her stomach last week, and then it came out – of her BUM!” [gales of delighted laughter – the baby in question is now walking]
As you can tell, he’s recently discovered the existence of “last week”, and seen “How to Train Your Dragon.”
I once showed him a dead octopus, which he said was, “Yucky for eating.” I can only imagine he’d have a similar response to this pic from Flickr:
Three-Ingredient Thursday: Strawberry and Banana Milkshake
Fine. I admit it. I’m posting Thursday’s post on Wednesday. Today got away from me a bit.
Also, the title might kind of give away the ingredients. Luckily, I forgot to photograph them before blending them, so here’s one photo with the final product + two of the three main ingredients. Another FABULOUS way to get your fruit serves in.
In other news, here’s an extra special cthulhu from
http://www.boingboing.net/2010/07/19/neil-gaimans-cthulkh.html
PG for mention of the usual spam product
This piece of spam amused me:
HELP! I’m currently being held prisoner by the Russian mafia xyzrxyz penis enlargement xyzrxyz and being forced to post spam comments on blogs! If you don’t approve this they will kill me. xyzrxyz penis enlargement xyzrxyz They’re coming back now. Please send help!
S#51: Guilty Pleasure
If there’s anything I excel at, it’s guilty pleasures. You want ’em? I gots ’em. Today was meant to be my final day of total digestive goodness – so much for that. I fell off the rails last Saturday, and haven’t yet managed to get back on (but I *did* make my weight goal, plus established along the way that I’m not lactose intolerant – but I am still sick. Next I’ll try gluten intolerance, then see if it’s IBS).
I bet you’re all thinking, “Oh, here we go. Another blog entry about how Louise went and bought three packs of junk food and ate them all in a sitting.” But no! Today I indulged myself by taking myself out to a charmingly eccentric cafe I know and ordering a toasted turkey foccacia with avocado, camembert and cranberry jam. While reading a Terry Pratchett.
One of the things I like about this cafe (apart from the fact that they generally pop next door to borrow an avocado immediately after taking my order) is the view. I like the mix of alley wall, tin church, and lamp post.
It was all very convivial and even good for my health.
And then I went and bought three packs of junk food.
Here’s a special treat for today’s awesome picture. Yep, it’s Felicia Day. You’re welcome.
#78: New job
This entry is PG for moderately bad swearing (at the end).
One of the best (and worst) things about my day job – private tutoring – is that things are constantly getting shuffled around. I’m about to take on some new students, so I get all the thrills and spills of a new job without losing my old job.
Here in Canberra we divide ourselves into the North Side and the South Side, and my relationship across that divide (with CJ) was considered exotic and strange from the beginning (despite the fact that it takes around thirty minutes to travel that distance). When we married, I said tearful goodbyes to all my Northside family and friends, and moved to CJ’s side of town. I’ve been slooooowly evolving my tutoring schedule ever since, so perhaps in some distant future I won’t have to go through the Glenloch Interchange two to four times every single work day.
To me, the improving schedule is terribly exciting. I even have a few students that I teach from home now (something that wasn’t possible pre-marriage, since I lived in a series of underage-drug-addled/surreal/excitingly overcrowded/peeping-tom-prone share houses – when I wasn’t living in a non-bathroomed garage or a fungus-infested hovel without drinkable water).
Tutoring is where the art of scheduling reaches its most adrenalin-fueled highs. That’s right. I said it.
I have a (highly blue-tacked and thus adjustable) schedule in my room, with different regions in different colours. You’d think colourful stationary was enough – you’d be wrong. The REALLY exciting thing about the tutoring schedule is that my ideal workload is three hours a day, and the key tutoring zone is after school but before dinner – which is to say, 4-7pm. Which means that in order for things to actually work, I need to travel instantaneously. Yes, that’s right! The future is here!
Sorta.
My schedule is pretty tight at the moment, but I reckon I have room for two more students. So the game is on to find them. What will happen next? Will someone from the far end of town tempt me out of my new zone of employ with delicious afternoon tea and an angel-faced student with absolutely no grasp of maths? Will I find another young face for my cats to glare at every Thursday afternoon? Will I find a mature-age student I can actually teach during the day? Will my existing families get so annoyed at yet another schedule adjustment that they fire me?
I’ll let you know!
Coming soon:
Guilty pleasure
Write your own alphabet
Three-Ingredient Thursday: Snack
Visit a freakin’ waterfall!
Midnight Snackage (with my sister and bro-in-law, who are visiting, yay!)
. . . and more
As usual for July, here’s a pretty pretty picture tangentially related to “When Good Libraries Go Bad”. This is from http://www.llbbl.com/data/RPG-motivational/images/
Lactose: Report
. . . nothing.
Naught, nada, no show.
It’s probably still a bit too early to say for sure, but all the evidence seems to indicate that I’m NOT intolerant of lactose. That’s quite a surprise, since I do get sick every time I switch milk brands (the safe one, for me, is Canberra brand full-cream – and no others).
Weird and good!
Next I’ll be testing gluten, which will involve asking my Mum about how to spot it in ingredient lists (is glucose syrup also gluten? Is wheat also gluten? Are there any secret gluten-concealing ingredients I should know about?)
CAN YOU HANDLE THE SUSPENSE?!?!?!?!?!
Lactose Day
The best part about experimenting with possible food allergies is the part when you get to suddenly eat all the stuff you might be intolerant too – right after you’ve missed it for so long.
All last week I stayed off all dairy products – no milk, no sweet delicious butter, no heavenly sour cream or fetta or yoghurt or cream cheese. And no chocolate.
Today I went nuts with the experimental eating.
Breakfast: Cereal and milk, plus 10 grams of chocolate. (And – unusually for me – I not only went to church, but I stayed around talking to people afterwards. I am SO much more functional on chocolate.)
Morning tea: Strawbery and banana milkshake with added sour cream (why not, right?)
Lunch: Baked slices of potato topped with cream cheese and butter-fried zucchini pieces (also known as the Cream Cheese Lunch of Dooooooooom).
Afternoon tea: Far too much chocolate, plus chocolate milk. And a half-shot of Frangelico with milk. (I was writing, and wanted chocolate so very much. It was a GREAT writing session, as usual when I break a diet. Last time I did this I consumed 300 grams of chocolate, and this time I ate 70 grams. Which sort of makes this a good day.)
Dinner: Tuna mornay with extra cheese + a side of beans fried in butter and garlic, and with fetta added at the last moment.
Supper: Chocolate milk.
I posted an article today on http://twittertales.wordpress.com about homosexuality and the Bible. It’s a scary thing to do because I have 2000 fans/followers, and at least some are likely to have a strong negative reaction. I used a pretty shocking opening example, too (offensive shocking, not M-rated shocking). In my head, I’m constantly in deadly danger of getting in trouble (like I’m five years old, I know). It genuinely scares me. But I’m more scared of deserving to get in trouble – I’d rather be unjustly punished than punished for something I actually did – so I think I can handle any hate the article brings out. Plus the sermon in church this morning used the exact same key passage as I did, and made the same central point (not that it was a sermon about homosexuality – that’s too hot a button for most sermons). That was encouraging (while also reminding me of some really dumb stuff I’ve done lately).
This is one of those rare and special occasions where my writing actually means something.
For the Bible tells me so: What the Bible actually says about homosexuality
This is an article I’ve been planning to write for a while, but it was so personally upsetting that I didn’t. I encourage you to pass it on to anyone you like. I ran this article past my parents and friends, and they gave me permission to use them as examples here. It’s technically Daily Awesomeness #159: Get your grump on.
Warning: PG rated for mention of homosexuality, consent, and adultery – plus overt Christianity.
Each Bible verse referenced here (all from the New International Version) is included in order of mention below the gratuitously gorgeous library picture that comes at the end of the article (the photo was taken by Candida Hofer and published in the Thames&Hudson “Beautiful Libraries” book. It has nothing to do with anything I’ve talked about). I’m leaving aside the Old Testament in this article, because Jesus is the fulfilment (and the end) of many rules – something for which bacon-loving Christians are grateful (especially me).
For the Bible tells me so
My mother is an Anglican priest who likes to wear her dog collar with a hot-pink shirt. She’s also, according to the Bible, an adulteress. Oh, and the Bible also says that she shouldn’t be a priest (1 Timothy 2:12).
So what makes her an adulteress? In Matthew 5:32, Jesus said, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.” Oops, that only makes my father an adulterer. My mistake! Sorry Dad! But I’m afraid the last twenty-five years of marriage (and raising my brother and sister and I) were a sin against Heaven. You should stop at once.
Jesus says a similar thing in Matthew 19:9, and the exact same thing in Luke 16:18.
I’m really glad my Mum remarried. All my life Christian people have taken me aside to tell me how much they admire my parents’ relationship, and I agree. So what’s the deal, when the Bible says so clearly my Mum and Dad should not be married?
The deal is simple: love trumps all. Jesus himself conveniently gave us a summary of every single bitty rule in the whole darn Bible (it’s also mentioned in Luke 10:27 and Mark 12:29-31). Here’s Matthew 22:36-40.
36“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37Jesus replied: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
It’s pretty obvious that the love between my Mum and Dad is something holy and good. It’s real love – the kind that lasts beyond the flush of attraction, and beyond hundreds of moments when one or both of them wanted to give up. There are thousands of similar stories of godly remarried men and women around the world. As a result, divorce is widely accepted in the church today – so much so that my parents are praised rather than shunned for their relationship.
So we agree, right? Two people loving each other is what Jesus wants.
And then there’s my friend Bobby. Bobby is someone who I admire for his goodness and his Christian faith. Bobby is not attracted to women – just men. And Bobby wants to marry someday. He wants to marry a godly man.
Of course the Bible has plenty to say about that too. The New Testament describes “homosexual offenders” as “wicked” (1 Corinthians 6:9-10), “unnatural. . . indecent” (Romans 1:26-27), and some scholars say that the “perverts” described in 1 Timothy 1:8-11 as “ungodly and sinful” are also homosexuals. These are the only three New Testament references, and they’re a little less clear than the references to divorce (as well as coming from Paul rather than Jesus) – but they’re clear enough.
Some argue that the homosexuality referred to in these passages is a more specific word relating to a relationship between very different ages, or talking about an unwilling partner (there’s an internet reference for that at the bottom of this page, but I don’t recommend it for children). Since I don’t speak Ancient Greek, I don’t know.
I am an ordinary heterosexual Christian who’s read the Bible a few times, and followed Jesus for twenty years. I love God, I love my parents, and I love my gay friends. I have seen “adulterous” couples like my parents shine with God’s love, and I’ve seen the same selfless love in gay couples.
I know it takes courage for a Christian to stand up for their beliefs against a corrupt world. But courage isn’t the right quality to express when it comes to homosexual human beings. Love is. Let God speak to the conscience of gay people in whatever way He thinks best – he’s capable of that, don’t you think? Since there’s theological doubt, shouldn’t we leave it up to Him? Non-Christians are right in saying homosexuality is none of our business. Our business is to love. Sometimes we think telling someone what they’re doing wrong is the loving thing to do, but it just doesn’t work that way (except in special circumstances, for example a parent disciplining a small child).
Jesus was infamous for hanging around tax collectors, women of ill repute, and sinners (Matthew 9:10-12, Matthew 11:19, Mark 2:15-17, Luke 5:30, Luke 7:34, Luke 15:1). The Bible doesn’t record him telling them their lifestyle is wrong, except when he says to a woman, “Go now and leave your life of sin” (after both saving her life and making it clear that everyone sins). He also told one man to stop sinning – after he’d healed him (John 5:5-15). But when he saw Zacchaeus (a tax collector, ie thief) what actually happened was this: “When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” ” (Luke 19:5, NIV)
All these “sinners” were people Jesus actually knew before he said anything about sin – except Zacchaeus, who is a more typical example of Jesus’ behaviour. So it would appear that Jesus’ reaction to a sinner is to invite himself over to their place for dinner – and then to stick around. Sometimes he mentioned sin, but usually he didn’t. Jesus is the only person who ever had the right to judge us – and he chose to have dinner instead.
He seemed to like the company of sinners, which offended a lot of people. You’ll notice there are WAY more references about Jesus eating with sinners than there are verses condemning sinners of any kind. Since that society was much like ours in many ways, you can be sure at least some of Jesus’ friends were gay. So if you’re the kind of person who asks, “What Would Jesus Do?” about gay people, the answer is apparently, “Crash on their couch indefinitely, and help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge.”
The only people Jesus immediately condemned were the religious authorities – the ones who took it upon themselves to tell everyone else how to please God (sound familiar?) The whole chapter of Matthew 23 is a massive rant against the so-called “righteous”. Here’s verse 13: “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to.”
I hope I never slam the open door of Heaven in anyone’s face. Jesus died for us so that door could stay open.
So, to sum up – the Bible tells us not to allow women in authority, not to allow remarriage, and not to allow homosexuality. But love trumps all.
Women priests can love their congregations – which pleases God. Divorced women can love a godlier man the second time around – which pleases God. And gay couples can embody the love of Christ – which pleases God.
Jesus died because none of us are capable of living by the rules. So throw your own rule book away before you hurt someone, and ask God to give you a more loving heart (and gay friends who can cook).
I recommend you start by
(a) Regardless of your stance on homosexuality, never tell anyone they’re a sinner – because everyone is.
(b) Never treat a minority group as less valid than everyone else. (Which means that it’s time to let gay people legally marry – they each have a conscience of their own to decide whether gay relationships are okay or not.)
(c) Ask yourself why homosexuality seems so wrong to you, but you’re more likely to be okay with de facto relationships and/or remarriage. (If you’re 100% against all three types of relationships, you’re at least consistent.) I’ve had to face the fact that for me, it was because homosexuality was weird to me – much like people with a different skin colour. Time to move on and realise there’s no real difference – and time our laws reflected that. (Astonishingly, Aboriginal people in Australia didn’t get the vote until the late 60s. Before then, it was considered right and proper to prevent them voting. Can you believe it? Sometimes, our deepest-held beliefs really are wrong.)
And if you’re gay and reading this, I’m sorry for everything I and other Christians have done to make your life harder. You should know that Jesus loves you.
Specifically you.
This verse is yours as much as it is mine:
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Article written by Louise Curtis at https://shootingthrough.net/2010/07/18/for-the-bible-tells-me-so-what-the-bible-actually-says-about-homosexuality/
You may use this article elsewhere, but do not cut or edit it without consulting me. Please include this note with the article.
1 Timothy 2:12
I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.
Matthew 19:9
“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Luke 16:18
“Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Luke 10:27
He answered: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all yoursoul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ ; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”
Mark 12:29-31
29“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.”
1 Corinthians 6:9-10
Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Romans 1:26-27
26Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.
1 Timothy 1:8-11
8We know that the law is good if one uses it properly. 9We also know that law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious; for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, 10for adulterers and perverts, for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine 11that conforms to the glorious gospel of the blessed God, which he entrusted to me.
[Hi! Are you reading all the Bible verses? Cool! My favourite is the story of the woman of ill repute nearly getting stoned to death.]
Matthew 9:10-12
10While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and “sinners” came and ate with him and his disciples.11When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”
12On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
Matthew 11:19
19The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and “sinners.” ‘ But wisdom is proved right by her actions.”
[I don’t really understand the “wisdom” bit of this verse. Kind of ironic, really.]
Mark 2:15-17
15While Jesus was having dinner at Levi’s house, many tax collectors and “sinners” were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. 16When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the “sinners” and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: “Why does he eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”
17On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
Luke 5:30
But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who belonged to their sect complained to his disciples, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”
Luke 7:34
The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and “sinners.” ‘
[They make him sound fun, don’t they? No wonder sinners hung out with him.]
Luke 15:1
Now the tax collectors and “sinners” were all gathering around to hear him.
John 8:1-11 [This is the one I mentioned before – my favourite one]
1But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
11“No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
[Jesus is such a smart alec sometimes.]
John 5:5-15
5One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. 6When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”
7“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”
8Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” 9At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.
The day on which this took place was a Sabbath, 10and so the Jews said to the man who had been healed, “It is the Sabbath; the law forbids you to carry your mat.”
11But he replied, “The man who made me well said to me, ‘Pick up your mat and walk.’ ”
12So they asked him, “Who is this fellow who told you to pick it up and walk?”
13The man who was healed had no idea who it was, for Jesus had slipped away into the crowd that was there.
14Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.” 15The man went away and told the Jews that it was Jesus who had made him well.
Luke 19:5
5When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.”
[Dear gay people and/or sinners: Feel free to invite me over and give me food. I like food.]
Matthew 23
1Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: 2“The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. 3So you must obey them and do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. 4They tie up heavy loads and put them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.
5“Everything they do is done for men to see: They make their phylacteries wide and the tassels on their garments long; 6they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; 7they love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have men call them ‘Rabbi.’
8“But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have only one Master and you are all brothers. 9And do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. 10Nor are you to be called ‘teacher,’ for you have one Teacher, the Christ. 11The greatest among you will be your servant. 12For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.
13“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to.
15“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are. [Jesus is scary.]
16“Woe to you, blind guides! You say, ‘If anyone swears by the temple, it means nothing; but if anyone swears by the gold of the temple, he is bound by his oath.’ 17You blind fools! Which is greater: the gold, or the temple that makes the gold sacred? 18You also say, ‘If anyone swears by the altar, it means nothing; but if anyone swears by the gift on it, he is bound by his oath.’ 19You blind men! Which is greater: the gift, or the altar that makes the gift sacred?20Therefore, he who swears by the altar swears by it and by everything on it. 21And he who swears by the temple swears by it and by the one who dwells in it. 22And he who swears by heaven swears by God’s throne and by the one who sits on it.
23“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. [Did you know cummin eases flatulence?] But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former.24You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel. [Yuck.]
25“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.26Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.
27“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean. 28In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.
29“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You build tombs for the prophets and decorate the graves of the righteous. 30And you say, ‘If we had lived in the days of our forefathers, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.’ 31So you testify against yourselves that you are the descendants of those who murdered the prophets. 32Fill up, then, the measure of the sin of your forefathers!
33“You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell? [So Jesus, what you’re saying is. . . you’re not a fan.] 34Therefore I am sending you prophets and wise men and teachers. Some of them you will kill and crucify; others you will flog in your synagogues and pursue from town to town. 35And so upon you will come all the righteous blood that has been shed on earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah son of Berekiah, whom you murdered between the temple and the altar. 36I tell you the truth, all this will come upon this generation.
37“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing. 38Look, your house is left to you desolate.39For I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.'”
[Which may or may not take a while.]
One example of the argument that “homosexuality” in the New Testament refers to sex that involved a difference of either age or consent (a well-known argument with many other sources that I didn’t bother finding): http://www.lionking.org/~kovu/bible/section09.htmlhttp://www.lionking.org/~kovu/bible/section09.html
[Did you read the whole thing? Time for a lie-down.]
S#5: Poetry
I just made this poem my desktop. For obvious reasons. Either my grandma or my friend Tabby introduced me to this one.
I had a hippopotamus
I had a Hippopotamus, I kept him in a shed
And fed him upon vitamins and vegetable bread
I made him my companion on many cheery walks
And had his portrait done by a celebrity in chalk
His charming eccentricities were known on every side
The creatures’ popularity was wonderfully wide
He frolocked with the Rector in a dozen friendly tussles
Who could not but remark on his hippopotamuscles
If he should be affected by depression or the dumps
By hippopotameasles or the hippopotamumps
I never knew a particle of peace ’till it was plain
He was hippopotamasticating properly again
I had a Hippopotamus, I loved him as a friend
But beautiful relationships are bound to have an end
Time takes alas! our joys from us and rids us of our blisses
My hippopotamus turned out to be a hippopotamisses
My house keeper regarded him with jaundice in her eye
She did not want a colony of hippotami
She borrowed a machine gun from from her soldier nephew, Percy
And showed my hippopotamus no hippopotamercy
My house now lacks that glamour that the charming creature gave
The garage where I kept him is now as silent as the grave
No longer he displays among the motor tyres and spanners
His hippopomastery of hippopotamanners
No longer now he gambles in the orchards in the spring
No longer do I lead him through the village on a string
No longer in the morning does the neighbourhood rejoice
To his hippopotamusically-meditated voice
I had a hippopotamus but nothing upon earth
Is constant in its happines or lasting in its mirth
No joy that life can give me can be strong enough to smother
My sorrow for that might-have-been-a-hippopota-mother
Patrick Barrington
Both of today’s pics are from Flickr. And here’s the White House cthulhu eyeing off his next target.












