Houses & Fashion Part Two
The two most prevalent fashions inside new houses these days are:
- Having a connected kitchen and living area (and usually the dining area too). As someone who gets up to fetch snacks during a movie, I love this. The down sides are: Firstly that kitchens are messy and this layout makes that mess very public. Secondly, kitchens are noisy (jugs, dishwashers, mixers, etc). To me it’s worth it.
2. Marble. I don’t hate marble, but there is SO MUCH and in my opinion it should never be on more than one surface in a room. And, more importantly, it should never EVER be used for flooring. It’s too smooth. Black marble is clearly ‘super classy’ in the minds of some designers (or just black generally). It’s certainly super dramatic, which I generally like, but it’ll show dirt way too clearly and (for those who care about that sort of thing) it will 100% date the house to this precise era. Despite this, a shocking number of bathrooms have marble floors AND floor-to-ceiling marble tiles. It’s too much!
This bathroom brilliantly manages to combine all the most extreme trends into one face-slapping monstrosity.
Not only does it look revolting, it’s so reflective that it’s a little like trying to navigate one’s way through a goth mirror ball. It’s genuinely dangerous (especially if you have to take your glasses off to shower, and therefore can’t see very well in the bathroom). But at least when you smack your face into the shiny shiny walls you’ll know it was fashion that killed you.
The trend of floor to ceiling tiles is good, however. It’s practical in a bathroom, and I appreciate it. Ditto the ‘floating’ vanity thing—SO much easier to clean than the vanity with an annoying gap on one or both sides.
Another trend related to the two items above is the trend to have a walk-in pantry. It’s obviously related to the trend (several decades old) of having a walk-in wardrobe, especially in the master bedroom.
When I first started looking at houses, I was dead-set against WIRs. I hate all corner cupboards! Corners are bad! I love a kitchen where people have carefully designed it so there are no corner kitchens (eg by using that corner space for a cupboard facing in the other direction). I am very large and very uncoordinated (to a medical degree) and it hurts for me stand up for more than about twenty seconds. So (a) the slight awkwardness of retrieving something from a corner cupboard can turn to a dangerous ordeal (think I can’t seriously injure myself doing a simple task? Think again), and (b) if I’m in a WIR and someone else wants to access their clothes, I am trapped in a standing position until they move, which means they are directly causing me pain. This is not helpful for family relationships as I feel like I’m getting tortured.
There are some enormous WIRs out there, and I’ve been won over. Some have chairs, which is excellent. Some are so big they have a table in the middle for wanky white guys to display their cuff links and/or watches. Those I hate: it’s a barrier to movement, and if there isn’t a full metre of space between the table and the cupboards then I’m claustrophobic again.
I really like WIRs with a window, open shelves, and full-length hanging space.
WIRs are often used as a buffer zone between the bedroom and the ensuite, which is excellent because ensuites turn real nasty real fast if your loving lady wife is laying bricks loudly exactly 70cm from where you’re trying to sleep. In my view, the perfect main bedroom has a ‘flat’ cupboard with the ensuite behind it, like this:
In practice, Chris and I hang most of our clothes on hooks. We like to be able to glance at them all (and I get tangled up in coat-hangers with remarkable speed). So for us the cupboard would have shelves for part of it, but no doors. Doors get in the way.
(The trend to leave doors off an ensuite, however, is simply wrong. Ew. For hygiene reasons, and for steam-from-the-shower-getting-into-your-carpet-and-clothes reasons.)
I spend a LOT of time in bed, so ideally the master bedroom has a nice view (so I can feel less imprisoned if I’m bed-bound) and total privacy ie the window is into the yard, not the street. And/or maybe tinted? That would be super cool.
In a perfect world, every single bathroom in every single house is wheelchair accessible. But even the most luxurious bathrooms rarely are. So at least the main toilet and bathroom should be—for guests, if nothing else. Because disabled people shouldn’t have to request a detailed floor plan to decide if they can visit their friends’ houses. And because everyone who lives long enough WILL BECOME DISABLED. Having at least one fully accessible bathroom in every home should be international law.
Going back to the topic of walk-in pantries… at first I hated them. More corners, bleaugh! But I have warmed to them, because you can put the noisy devices in them AND your dishwashing sinks and dishwasher… and then suddenly the kitchen’s noisiness AND mess is magically much improved. More importantly, if the walk-in-pantry has a door that looks like the rest of the cupboards, it’s a secret room. Every house should have a secret room!
I once saw a walk-in-pantry that had a door to the laundry room at the other end. I liked that a LOT because it would massively reduce my claustrophobia. Plus I adore circuits in a house. The more circuits the better. A window in the walk-in pantry is very helpful (for my anxiety) too.
A lot of modern kitchens have an island bench, which I love. It’s a barrier to stop people wandering willy-nilly into my space (I get super stressed cooking because there is time pressure plus the claustrophobia thing, plus pain from standing… even though I also love cooking). It also naturally gives me an escape route: if someone comes around one side, I can exit the other way.
Some island benches have the main sink on them, which is bad. It means all the dishes would be on the bench, virtually on display (and making it useless as a working surface). However, having a non-dishes sink there is great. Handy for grabbing a glass of water or washing hands. Assuming one can train one’s family not to put their dishes directly into that sink.
I HATE island peninsulas, because of course anything that makes me more trapped in the kitchen is bad.
Kitchen floors should probably have tiles (ditto bathrooms). Three-quarters of my immediate family is both uncoordinated and has medical-grade memory issues (eg ADHD). So yes, we will spill water. And yes, no matter how hard we try, we will not always remember to mop it up immediately.
I adore wooden-look floors, AND they’re not as cold as tiles, which is excellent. It’s particularly important as my daughter is not super in touch with her own body so her feet get extremely cold but she usually refuses to wear shoes, slippers, or socks because of sensory issues. She’s so unaware of her own cold feet that she gets chilblains! Not okay! So MAYBE whatever the very very best non-vinyl (because vinyl feels cold) wood-looking floor is would be best for our kitchen/living/hall.
(Most bedrooms have carpet, which is usually good unless you want to use them for someone who has severe mobility issues, as the friction of carpet makes movement a lot harder.)
I’d also like that fake-wood floor surface for my cat rooms, because cats look GORGEOUS on wooden floors… but they also spill water, throw up, etc a lot so it needs to be extremely waterproof and able to be mopped. (Carpet holds a lot of sins, including the incredibly resilient ringworm fungus, so it’s a very bad choice for a cat-fostering or cat-encounter space.)
So! A perfect kitchen has waterproof yet warm floors, an island bench with a sink, and a large walk-in-pantry with a secret back entrance, window, dishwasher, noisy devices, and dishwashing sink (and it had better be a double sink with a draining space because that’s the most practical thing).
A perfect master bedroom has a cupboard in between the room and the ensuite, so the toilet is as far away as possible while still being close. I like a high window that lets in light (and a view of the sky) without anyone being able to see inside. And full privacy but with a great view from the bed. It should also be a reasonable distance from the living room, so other people’s TV watching doesn’t disturb you. That’s true of all the bedrooms, of course, but in my opinion kids’ rooms should be modestly sized (bigger for kids with ADHD or mobility issues) and not toooo nice because that just builds up expectations that may not be met when those kids grow up. Because one of the hardest things for my generation (elder Millennial) onwards is living in a house smaller than the house where we grew up. Being worse off than our parents despite doing the equivalent amount of work is incredibly depressing. Which is not the topic of this blog, thank goodness—too sad.
Moving on.
To me, the perfect bathroom (and kitchen) design has a pale floor, white walls, and feature tiles that should be blue or green or both (water colours for the bathroom; the kitchen should have a different colour palette), with a mixture of ceramic and glass. I love that. And I have almost that in my actual house, which was built in 2012. Sadly, this particular style has gone out of fashion.
When designers aren’t adding fake wood (which I love) or marble, or pure black to things, they are ALL ABOUT DAT BEIGE.
Which is boring. Obviously. Also obviously, they’re trying to create a ‘blank canvas’ so the homeowner can imagine themselves in the house. Which makes sense. And it’s super easy to paint over beige. But still, boring.
I personally adore feature walls, which still appear sometimes in modern houses. I love deep, rich, heady colours that are far too potent for a whole room. They’re also great for photos, of course.
Speaking of bathrooms, our house has ‘lever’ style taps, which are sort of really great because they’re super easy to turn on and off. But I’ve realised they require a different sort of finesse: you need to veeerrrry carefully not put the lever up too high, or it splashes everywhere. So actually they’re a bit dumb.
But the dumbest possible thing in a bathroom is having a glass shower door that opens directly onto the door handle of the bathroom. (To be fair, we have this in our house and we haven’t shattered the shower door yet, even after twelve years, so yay us.)
I love:
*Wall niches.
*Internal ‘window’ holes from one room to another. (I love them even more outside, especially when they frame a view.)
*Arches, both inside and outside.
*Internal garages with two doors leading inside (options are fun and it instantly creates another circuit—and thus less claustrophobia, as getting in and out of the car is awkward and crowded and painful too). A double garage with one giant roller door is great, which I believe I mentioned last entry.
*Fabric walls. This is a rare and weird trend which is silly as the cats would shred them… but the cats would have so much fun climbing the walls, AND it’s great for people who are hard of hearing as fabric dulls sound. Hard to clean, though.
*More sinks. Sometimes it’s a kitchenette, sometimes it’s a sink niche in a wall near the toilet, sometimes it’s a bonus section of kitchen slightly separated from the main kitchen, sometimes it’s a ‘bar’. I love them all. Partly for convenience, but mostly because any space with a sink can become an additional laundry and/or kitchen. It is GREAT to be able to divide a house into a flat that can accommodate an adult child who can’t move out yet but wants independence. Or that can be rented out for extra income. Or that can be used as emergency accommodation (during fires, or for newly-arrived refugees, etc). More sinks means more freedom.
*Round or arched windows. Not particularly practical, but awesome.
*Secret passageways. Strangely, these have not appeared in any of the houses I’ve seen. (Or were they there all along, but SECRET?!?)
*Curved walls. The “Arte” display home by Prof Homes (currently open in Denman Prospect) is really excellent, with curves both outside and inside. Even a vanity has curved edges, and I love it!
*Lofts. I love the feeling of being up high (although my body REALLY can’t handle stairs—and both my kids have hyper-mobility, so stairs are bad for them as well) and I love the funny little nooks you get at the top of stairs, and I love it when a living area has a room above it with an internal balcony. I also love a murder hole. In medieval castles, these holes overhang the entry so defenders can pour boiling oil over invaders. In modern foyers, there is often a double-height section which gives a feeling of grandeur but could also potentially be used to pour boiling oil on unwelcome guests. I love that! Both the grand foyer thing, and the hint of an ancient castle. It warms my fantasy-novel-writing heart. And would be terrible for the next time Canberra is the site of a major smoke event. I really like split-level rooms for that ‘high-up’ feeling as well, but they are so bad for me, because of the stairs—and they are really inefficient space-wise.
The Arte house does the loft thing really well, with a rumpus above the ‘formal’ lounge room. This is the view from on high:
I was finally resigned to refusing all dream houses with stairs when I discovered that Chris also adores stairs. So they’re back on the menu, boys! Of course that means I need a space for a lift, and a spare $100,000 or so to buy it. But cats also adore racing up and down stairs, which is fun.
The other option is to buy a single-level house on a steep block, so you enter the house from ground level but the back of the house is well above the ground (and with, one hopes, wonderful views from the back windows). It should have the front of the house facing south, too, so the back (and lots of big open windows) faces north.
*Chandeliers are cool. I really like the French/art deco ones. A lot of modern ones are tubed fluorescents in unusual shapes. I don’t really like them as the fluoros are too bright and can cause migraines for me. But I appreciate the creativity.
*They’re probably terrible energy-wise, but I love high ceilings, especially slanted, especially with high windows (north-facing, one hopes!) for indirect sunlight and glimpses of sky. I also LOVE skylights that show the sky.
*A lot of houses have an electric ‘fireplace’. I love that. The cats and kids would love it too.
*Quite a few houses have a ‘theatre’ room which I adore as we are an extremely screen-oriented family (sometimes it’s the only way to self-regulate the neurodiverse mind). A theatre room could also be a brilliant business space (cats & movies = perfection) or fundraising space (a movie fundraiser in my home would be quite cool and also extremely easy for me to run).
*Obviously, I love views. I have decided there are four types of views: City lights at night; greenery (eg a lovely enclosed backyard with great plants); hills (near enough to see trees and grass and maybe pretty rocks); water views (either a pool/water feature or an ocean, lake, or river); and mountains (distant grandeur that changes with weather conditions). My heart leaps when I see a pretty hillside, so that’s the most important type of view for me. I like a really nice tree too—lots of beauty for very little maintenance. And I’m obsessed with sunsets, so although west-facing windows are terrible for someone like me who’s super sensitive to heat… I want them. I have a portable spa outside in my real house which I use several times every week. Spas were originally invented for the relief of chronic pain, and they are GREAT. It also forces me to sit still for at least half an hour, without a screen. Just looking at the water makes me feel good, but I always face west (past our DIY cat space and the power lines) and cross my fingers and toes for a great sunset show. This is my happy place.
*I’m always enchanted by a pool, but I live in Canberra so it needs to be (a) heated, and ideally (b) literally inside. I guess the perfect pool has one of those roofs that can open and close, and cafe-style clear plastic blinds that can be down in winter (to keep heat in) and up in summer. And it should be a swim spa, so I could get actual exercise in there, but big enough for the kids to play in with their friends too. This was another idea that I’d decided was simply too silly until it turned out that Chris loves a house with a pool (“If we’re looking for a fantasy house, then it has to have a pool”). And yes, I’d like it to be visible from inside, because looking at water always lifts my spirits. With a fake waterfall over rocks! Bonus points if you can convince moss to grow there.
*And I want a spa bath, because although I still use our outside spa in winter I know it’s a huge energy drain to heat it up (the portable spa takes at least six hours to heat, so sometimes I’ll turn it on first thing in the morning but it still won’t get hot enough to use), and it’s VERY hard to get myself to get out of the spa when it’s super cold. Plus a spa means having to shower afterwards, whereas in a spa bath there’s no chlorine so I could actually just go to bed afterwards.
At the moment, my favourite house is 55 Annabelle View, Coombs. Coombs is a good suburb for us, as it’s close to Chris’s work in Woden. These days he spends at least two hours every work day going to and from work (either by bike—much kudos to him—or bus). It’s also close to his parents, which is a big plus as we see them at least once per week. And it’s still on the Western side of Canberra, so hopefully we wouldn’t lose our entire West Belco community.
It’s close to a high school (good for Tim) and in Primary Enrolment Area for a college that’s right next to Chris’s work. It would be weird for me to live on the South but I’ve done it before (we lived in Farrer when we first married). The Molonglo Valley district is funny because one suburb—Whitlam—is North side and the rest is South. There are bus stops on that street.
Anyway, it’s an enormous house which has a theatre and a pool and the most beautiful views ever. I think that hill is Bold Hill, and there are more to left and right. With bike paths, that we would all definitely use.
The Molonglo River is RIGHT THERE—this photo has the river on the right and the house (white) on the left. I think the gravel road is a fire access road. And there’s a half basketball court, which is awesome too! Tim got into shooting hoops during lockdown back in 2020, but of course our dinky little hoop is far too small for him now.
It’s somewhat boxy-looking, but I could have someone paint cats directly onto it, which would be cool. Assuming Chris let me, lol. It has a massive laundry (a great full-quarantine room) plus a large rumpus room which would be a great room for customers to meet cats, especially as it has a toilet nearby (I empty kitty litter about six times a day sometimes, and it’s very difficult to carry litter leavings through a door when kittens are clamouring for attention/escape) AND an upstairs guest room with ensuite (great for soft quarantine). Plus a large master bedroom with a huge ensuite (big enough for a spa bath MAYBE—the floor plan is wrong; there is no bath there so far) and huge windows looking at that amazing view. And a theatre room with a SINK (ie kitchen… which I’d use for washing cat dishes separately to human dishes… and as part of a separate flat when someone needed it). And it has a library room (the gym, which has no windows because it’s basically underground) with a wooden floor *swoon*. And a pool which I think is a swim spa. And two balconies, one of which has a door into the ensuite and is above the garage (so should be strong enough to hold a spa). And the kitchen has views of the pool, and a giant island bench, plus a pantry with sink and dishwasher. And the master bedroom has a his-and-hers WIR, which is excellent. And the garage is giant, which would be helpful for storing furniture for refugee families before they arrive in Canberra. It also has a really wide foyer with a murder hole and a chandelier which I quite like.
The flaws include a steep driveway, too much marble in the bathrooms, marble on the left-hand balcony (extremely slippery and stupid), and real wooden floors which are probably not moisture-resistant enough to handle my family (I’d put rubber-backed mats down in the kitchen to try to keep it safe). It needs a lift (I’d put one from the garage to Bed 4) and a spa bath. I don’t think the pool is heated (but it is possible to buy pool heaters for an existing pool). I’d also put a lockable door in the hall to the left of the stairs on the ground floor, so if we wanted to host refugees we could keep completely separate (traumatised people from other cultures who don’t speak English tend to be a lot of work and we would definitely accidentally mutually offend each other). The cat spaces have carpet, which isn’t ideal hygiene-wise but obviously that’s not a fatal flaw. The ‘living’ room would make a perfect study for Lizzie—separate from the main room’s noise, but also public enough that we’d be constantly walking past and seeing what she was doing/watching. It has three ovens (good for either a tiny bit of cooking or a lot—I’d love to host big events sometimes) and an ice maker (great because my kids love ice). The family/meals area is super spacious without feeling so big it’s cold.
This floor plan has a shocking number of mistakes. North is to the right, not up (good). There is a large front window in Bed 1 (good), and no bath in the ensuite (good). There is no joinery in the office. There is a sink in the WIP (good). The ‘bar’ in the theatre room only has benches along the walls, not sticking out (which is good). But you get the gist.
One of the cool things is that, because the block is steep, the balcony on the left is on the same level as the pool. I could hop in the pool for a swim, have a spa afterwards, and not get any of the wooden floors wet in the process (or have to navigate wet stairs).
So how much is this mansion of a home (including theatre, pool, epic views, and small-business spaces)? According to online calculations, it’ll sell for about $2.3 million.
Lucky I believe in miracles or that would be super depressing.
IF Comp 2024: Imprimatura
First of all, I’m so glad the blurb immediately explains the title: “Imprimatura (It.): the first layer of paint on a canvas.”
This game is going to produce a picture. Colour me intrigued.
The writing is evocative and beautiful (essential for this story), and the soundtrack and effects are perfect too. It’s very warm and gentle (probably partly because of the choices I made).
Sometimes I got the same painting description twice in a row, which I think is an error. On the other hand, the game explained at the end that even selecting the same paintings in a replay will unlock different memories. So maybe not.
It was fascinating, well-written, and the final result was interesting as well as giving me the option to go back and change things, which I liked. I didn’t like that the emotional choice of the final painting always partly obscured the image, but that’s an artistic choice I think. The layering along the way is incredible.
It’s an extremely replayable game. There are over 100 versions of the final painting and much much more to discover along the way.
I think this might be a perfect game.
After Infinity: The Most Exciting Marvel Stuff To Look Forward To
Amazingly, this beautiful MCU juggernaut hasn’t run out of steam.
5. The Black Widow film
Fans have been clamoring for this film for over ten years, and some of us are tired of the whole idea by now. But if the film is good (which seems likely), all our pent-up excitement will return in full. And all the pain of Black Widow’s ignominious death too *sigh*.
4. The Eternals, Shang-Chi, and more diverse heroes
I know very little about these characters, but Marvel now has an extremely well-established history of taking anyone and anything from past comics and making them great. Arg, the wait sucks!
I don’t just want diversity because I’m a fundamentally decent human being, but because we’ve had a LOT of straight white men telling stories, and even the greatest writers are never going to be AS good at telling different stories than people who have different life experiences. That is, after all, why Phase 3 spat out so many unique and brilliant movies after all these years. It was a hint of the diversity to come.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqLGOTjMe5M
That trailer really didn’t tell us a thing, did it?
You do you, Marvel.
3. More Spider-Man! Yay!
2. More Black Panther! Even more yay!
And hopefully way more Nakia (and everyone else from Wakanda too). I’d love to see Nakia and T’Challa’s romance play out.
1. The TV shows
Lots more hours of our favourite characters? Uh, yes please. I’m not super excited about WandaVision, but I’m always ready for more Loki, and I’m deliriously excited about The Falcon & The Winter Soldier.
I stan Mackie & Stan.
5 Biggest Writing Challenges for Marvel after the Infinity Saga
5. Will people get sick of superheroes?
It has been mentioned elsewhere that the MCU uses a lot of fancy imagery to try to hide the fact that most battles ultimately still come down to punching. The thing about punching is that it’s fun and cathartic and satisfying to watch (punching Nazis especially so) because it’s so simple. I’ve become aware of the inclination towards violent climaxes in my own writing, because the great thing about fiction is that it’s so much simpler than real life—especially when it’s violent. But I’ve been trying to improve my own writing (by which I mean thinking more about non-violent solutions) and it’s possible that the rest of the world will ask more than escapism from its fiction at some point. Maybe even me, as an audience member. Maybe.
4. So much backstory.
Marvel tends to handle this by having everyone forgive everyone and just move on as if nothing happened. Which is actually really sweet in some ways, and it fundamentally works. Each movie just needs to take a few seconds to establish who is good (in this movie) and who is bad (in this movie), and then it can get into the story.
3. Marvel is too powerful (especially Scarlet Witch and Captain Marvel).
It was extremely noticeable in Endgame that Captain Marvel had to be busy “elsewhere in the universe” or all Earth’s problems would be fixed too quickly. This is going to continue to take some tricky writing.
How would I write a story in which one character could fly through space and destroy rockets in seconds, and another character is a regular human? Well, mostly I would try to avoid the situation altogether, because it’s not easy to balance stuff like that. The main strategy Marvel will likely use is to separate people into teams a lot.
2. Where to go after Thanos?
How can you up the stakes after “half the universe”? And how do you make it not be boring if you keep nearly destroying the universe?
Ugh, I just read on twitter that Marvel may bring Thanos back. I really hope that’s not true. He was a mediocre villain, and he’s had all the screen time he’s worth. Plus they already did bring him back, in Endgame, and it’ll ruin the satisfaction of Endgame if it isn’t the final end of Thanos.
Spider-Man: Homecoming brilliantly pulled us WAY back to just one baddie (and a highly local one at that). More of that, please. Because when it’s our local bodega getting trashed, that means a lot more than an entire galaxy blown up somewhere else.
But of course the biggest writing challenge going forward is . . .
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1. So. Many. Characters.
It was amazing when they managed to balance six heroes and one main villain way back in Marvel’s Avengers. Let’s consider the fates and futures of all those from the poster above (coloured side first):
Iron Man – dead
Captain America – retired and old; possible cameos
Black Widow – dead but has a movie coming out (set in her past)
Thor – hanging out with the Guardians of the Galaxy; part of their group now I reckon
Professor Hulk – withered arm; possible cameos
Hawkeye – fine but maybe in prison/retired; possible cameos
Captain Marvel – too powerful so they’ll be keeping her mainly in space having her own adventures
Ant-Man – fine; probably getting a third movie and generally being in tentpole movies
Nebula – reformed; probably joining the Guardians of the Galaxy crowd
Okoye – fine; will be in any Black Panther or Wakanda movie
War Machine – fine except for magically-fine (or are they?) legs; possible cameos
Pepper/Rescue – Gwyneth Paltrow is sick of acting so I don’t reckon we’ll see her (or Morgan) again
Rocket – part of Guardians of the Galaxy
King Valkyrie – I hope we’ll see her get a lesbian romance but she may fade out of the main storylines due to Thor being off world
Wong – sidekick to Dr Strange; in danger of death due to being a sidekick of colour
Happy – likely to appear in Spider-Man movies
Now for the black and white side:
King T’Challa – at least two more Black Panther movies; a central character going forwards
Star-Lord – Main character of Guardians of the Galaxy crowd; may have a romance with past Gamora; another movie coming
Gamora- dead, but now there’s past Gamora. As a love interest, she’ll stick around near Star-Lord and probably not die since she did that already
Dr Strange – two more movies so I guess he’s a central character going forwards
Spider-Man- another movie’s coming and he’s wildly popular; he’ll be a central character going forwards; possibly part of a younger generation of heroes. It’ll get tricky in 5-10 years when he’s not a kid any more
Scarlet Witch – shunted out of the main action since she’s too powerful; see her on TV
Vision – dead but past version will be on TV with Scarlet Witch
Fury – still around but mostly as a mentor figure
Loki- dead but past Loki has a TV show
Princess Shuri – attached to anything Black Panther/Wakanda
Groot- with the Guardians
Wasp – with the Ant-Man movies; in danger of death due to being a female sidekick
Falcon/Captain America- he’s Captain America now and I hope we see a lot of him. Definitely in TV
Bucky/ex-Winter Soldier- on TV with Captain America #2 and likely to stay on the small screen
Mantis -Guardians
Drax – Guardians
That’s all the main heroes, so going forward we have:
TV crowd: Scarlet Witch & Vision; Loki; Falcon & Winter Soldier
I reckon they’ll try to keep the TV heroes away from major roles in the movies from now on. Ditto original-and-tired/wounded/old heroes Hawkeye, Captain America, and Hulk.
Guardians crowd: Star-Lord, past Gamora, Nebula, Groot, Rocket, Drax, Mantis, and now Thor (probably temporarily since we’ve already seen so much of him).
Other major heroes: King T’Challa (+ Okoye, Shuri, and hopefully Nakia), Ant-Man (+ the Wasp, and possibly Cassie), Spider-Man (+ Happy), Dr Strange (+ Wong), Captain Marvel (+ hopefully Monica Rambeau and/or Lieutenant Trouble who’s grown up by now).
That’s “only” six, so long as we count groups as one person. Keeping them balanced will be super easy—barely an inconvenience.
Plus of course there are heroes we haven’t met yet—most notably, The Eternals, Shang-Chi, and a rebooted Blade (plus a bunch of Spider-Man stuff).
I have ONE list left to write: the list of what I’m most looking forward to from Marvel in the near future.
5 Best Romances in the MCU: Infinity Saga
I am, sadly, not going to rank all the beautiful gay ships that have blossomed during the MCU’s run thus far. As far as I’m concerned, they’re all perfect and there must surely be enough timelines for all of them.
So let’s talk about official romances that have been established in canon thus far.
5. Pepper and Stark
By far the longest and steadiest (which isn’t saying much) of our romances thus far, this is the golden couple of the Infinity Saga. It’s last on the top five because Stark is terrible and unhealthy in so many ways. It’s in the top five because Pepper is extremely familiar with all his faults and she usually manages to set healthy boundaries. There’s no doubt that Pepper is the reason Stark is as sane as he is, and ultimately able to settle into being a pretty decent husband and father in Endgame. (Note: It is never a woman’s job to fix a man. This is a super dangerous trope that abusers love.)
4. Okoye and M’Baku
These two are settled in their relationship, but still call each other ‘My Love’ with such affection. It’s beautiful. And they love each other, even when their core beliefs conflict. It’s highly notable that they seem to have moved past their strong disagreement (you remember the battle, with the war rhinos?) in Black Panther, and are still together in Endgame.
3. T’Challa and Nakia
They’re broken up in Black Panther, but are still extremely close. I find that beautiful, especially when it becomes clear that their disagreement on Wakandan foreign policy is the cause of their break-up (rather than something petty). I hope they are able to get together now that King T’Challa has decided to open up Wakanda to the world—and I also hope Nakia is never reduced to a mere queen. She deserves her own plot lines. I would 100% watch a movie trilogy that was all about her.
2. Captain America and Peggy
It’s fair enough that they both moved on, but it’s also lovely that they ended up together and lived a good long life as husband and wife. I have lots of questions about what they each did during all those years (World War 2? Hydra? etc) but sometimes logic doesn’t matter.
Honorable Mentions:
*Thor and Jane, since Thor’s respect for Jane makes him a better person. (Jane is already perfect, and it’s great to see that she has her own life apart from his—and she’s handy in a climactic battle too.) I look forward to seeing Jane become Thor.
*Hawkeye and his wife, because they’re obviously doing a fine job raising three kids together, and because keeping his family secret is a very wise move on Hawkeye’s part (and telling Black Widow about his family makes sense too—she’s his best friend, plus it’s nice for hot single co-workers to know you’re not available so no sexual tension builds up).
*Scott Lang and Hope. I think this is mostly based on them working together under high stress rather than anything they actually have in common, but I’ll allow it.
*Peter and Gamora. Peter is a man-child and Gamora is a semi-reformed psychopath, so there’s a rocky road ahead (behind?) but both of them seem to be improved by the relationship.
*Black Widow and Banner. This is quite sweet except for the part where Black Widow describes herself as a “monster” just because she’s unable to have kids. That’s the part where any decent human says, “Er, that’s not monstrous. Thank you for being up front, now let’s talk about whether we actually even want kids, and how we feel about adoption or surrogacy…”
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1. Peter Parker and MJ
They are young and awkward and adorkable, but there’s more to them that just being two young hot people. They’re both in the science club, but they also actually know each other properly. Peter knows that MJ’s favourite flower is the Black Dahlia (“because of the murders”) and knows she deserves to be asked out in the most romantic manner possible. She knows he’s Spider-Man.
They’re smart, and good, and brave, and lovely, and their concern for each others’ safety is genuine and deep.
Top 5 Scenes in the MCU: Infinity Saga
5. Captain Marvel beats up everybody.
It’s so cathartic, not just after all the gaslighting Danvers has been through in her own movie, but after all the years we waited to have a female hero with her own film.
4. Hulk vs Thor in Ragnarok
I’ll be honest: a lot of fight scenes are pretty boring. Not this one. There are so many emotional beats to this scene that it tells a full story. Thor is delighted to see Hulk; Thor tries and fails to get Hulk to recognise him; Thor fights; Thor attempts to calm Hulk to get Dr Banner to reappear; more fighting, etc
Meanwhile we also have Loki and the Grandmaster watching the show, and there is another story playing out as Loki sees the Hulk (remembering him very clearly from his rag doll moment in Marvel’s The Avengers), and has to act like he’s having fun in front of the Grandmaster while at the same time watching his brother get beaten up (or not?)
3. Baby Groot dancing while the Guardians attack a big tentacle monster (and keep an eye on him at the same time).
This is joyful, character-filled, and hilarious. It’s a stunning opening to a sequel.
2. Captain America and The Winter Soldier fight on a crashing helicarrier as Steve tries to get through to Bucky.
This is a fight that matters on an emotional level, while also challenging Captain America physically because it’s not easy to have a fight in which you’re trying not to hurt the other guy (much).
1. The Dusting.
Marvel spent so long making sure we knew that the heroes would always win and everything would be okay, and then they broke everything and everyone.
Honorable mentions:
*The airport scene in Civil War.
*Peter Parker’s home video of the airport scene (Spider-Man: Homecoming).
*The battle for New York in Marvel’s Avengers —bonus points for the fact that it has consequences eg Vulture, Loki’s failure, Earth knowing about aliens now. And it makes a fantastic backdrop for time travel scenes in Avengers: Endgame.
*Star-Lord dancing, stealing the orb, and then announcing his hero name… to confusion (Guardians of the Galaxy).
*Stark vs Captain America (and technically Bucky) in Civil War.
*War rhinos, and the confrontation between Okoye and M’Baku that ends the battle in Black Panther.
*Stark and Nebula dying in space. Nebula softening emotionally, and Stark talking to Pepper via his helmet recording (Endgame).
*Endgame final battle.
*Grief for Stark after his death (several scenes, but they work together perfectly) in Endgame.
*Steve Trevor finally dancing with Peggy (Endgame).
What’s your favourite scene?
The MCU: Infinity Saga’s 5 Most Problematic Moments
You may have picked up on the fact that I’m a fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. But although it’s mostly great, some of it is seriously problematic.
5. The Missing
There is an increasingly-glaring lack of women, people of colour, and (most of all) gay people in the MCU so far. Even characters that are in a gay relationship in the comics (such as Ayo and Okoye) are straight in the movies. There have been many, many promises made about future diversity, and we have Captain Marvel and the cast of Black Panther now, which is a good start. Killing off both Gamora and Black Widow is…. not ideal.
4. Haweye killing people of colour
Hawkeye goes full vigilante after his family is snapped into dust by Thanos. He massacres several gangs, and it just so happens that both of the ones that are mentioned/seen in Avengers: Endgame are people of colour… perhaps because if he’d killed white people, or US citizens, there might have to be some kind of consequences. Hmm.
3. Fat Thor jokes
I don’t need to write a second time about how trauma can cause massive weight gain. Nor do I need to point out that mocking weight gain is not okay.
2. Replacing Asian characters with white people
Marvel has done this at least twice, swapping out The Mandarin and The Ancient One for white folks. Ugh. They actually went out of their way to be less diverse than the comics, which is awful.
Dishonorable Mentions:
*”You’re insane!” It’s a phrase often used in fiction, which is going to fall out of favour as it becomes offensive to speak so lightly of mental illness.
*Scarlet Witch and Vision dating. The age gap between the two actors is ew, and is one of the reasons I’m not desperate to see their TV show (having said that, I’ll still give it a shot and see if they change my mind).
*Did Captain America kiss his own niece that one time? Weird.
*Thanos ‘loves’ Gamora, which is why killing her gets him the soul stone. Yeah, that’s definitely not love.
*Black Widow dies instead of Hawkeye. Is it because he’s a man? Because he’s married? Because he has kids? It’s certainly not because he’s killed less people than her.
*Problematic romances. Both Stark and Star-Lord pressure their respective romantic options in icky ways.
But most of all. . .
1. That anti-trans joke in Iron Man.
Yeah, I know it was a long time ago and it’s a throwaway line. But that’s the thing. Comedy should punch up, not down, and no one is further down than trans women (especially trans women of colour), who are literally getting murdered because awful people think that their deaths won’t matter.
Their deaths matter, and so do their lives.
Jokes at the expense of trans people are not, have never been, and never will be okay. This is a matter of life and death.
Do better, Marvel.
5 Best Side Characters in the MCU: Infinity Saga
5. Valkyrie
She is the best, and she’s King of the Asgardians now, and she’s bisexual (which will hopefully be made clear in future movies). I love the way she relates to both Hulk and Thor, and I hope we see much, much more of her in future.
4. Luis
Oh, the monologues! They are so beautiful, and seeing the other actors lip-sync (and more) to his descriptions is glorious. But there’s only one Luis.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-r3mhlIJi0
3. Goose
FLERKEN!
I know my cats would like to have a mass of horrifying tentacles that could burst forth and destroy anything in their path. Presumably, if they were real flerken, I’d have two less children by now. And we would never hear the neighbour’s dogs again.
2. Groot and Baby/Teen Groot (yes they’re different characters, but give me a pass on this one).
The kindness and character somehow expressed through literally wooden facial expressions and so few actual words is absolutely incredible. It’s ironic that the best-written characters sometimes have the least lines. And of course Teen Groot is immediately recognisable as “real” in so many ways.
Honorable mentions:
Coulson, for appearing to be an utterly bland bureaucrat, and being so much more.
Darcy, Jane Foster’s intern in the first two Thor movies. She doesn’t do much, but everything she says is hilarious.
Cassie for being utterly herself (loving that scary rabbit toy her dad Scott Lang gets her), and for being so smart she covers for her dad’s absence (when he’s under house arrest and an ant is wearing his ankle monitor) with alarmingly perfect fluency.
1. Korg
Taika Waititi is a genius, not just as a director but as an actor. It is right and good that Korg was there in the over-stuffed cast of Avengers: Endgame. It is impossible to choose Korg’s best lines, but I do love “Piss, off, ghost!” as he kicks the wall where Loki’s non-corporeal form was just standing. It’s sweet and lovely and just so… Korg.
“Hello, my name’s Korg. I’m made of rocks as you can see, but don’t let that intimidate you.”
The 5 Best Chrises
There are so many white, handsome, famous Chrises right now. So let’s rank them!
5. Chris Sullivan
You might not have known his name. Or if you knew his name (from This is Us) you didn’t recognise him under three and a half hours of makeup. But this is Chris Sullivan aka the mighty Taserface (Guardians of the Galaxy 2).
4. Chris Pratt
Chris Pratt rapidly changed from a schlub in The Office to a superhero (even if Drax describes him as a “dude” rather than a “man” like Hemsworth’s Thor). He is, after all, an actor. I don’t have a strong impression of the actor’s personality except that he loves laughing both at himself and at others. He manages to balance that humour with action scenes, and with Star-Lord’s emotional complexity and growth.
3. Chris Hemsworth
Yeah, but Hemsworth is funny and has the biggest muscles and he’s Australian.
2. Chris Evans
Chris Evans, though. He has the best arc of all the Chrises (so far… Thor and Star-Lord are still going), and the best heart, and he’s clean-shaven (usually) which I prefer in my eye candy. The actor has great range, but also uses his fame to speak out about those who are less privileged than he is. He’s a real-life hero. What could beat that?
Honorable mention: Chris Pine. He’s in Star Trek and Wonder Woman which makes it feel like he’s in Marvel even though he’s not. Pine is the most intellectual Chris, with a love of books and of unusual words used well. But he’s not in the MCU, and he once said he’s not that big a fan of superhero movies, so screw him.
Also, his eyebrows are stupid. There, I said it.
1. Mine
Well, obviously.
I’m a sucker for a (mostly) clean-shaven Chris with gorgeous green eyes, a love of all things nerdy, a quick wit, and a hero’s heart.
So that’s the most correct and final list of all the greatest Chrises of our time. No need to sound off in the comments; I know I’m right.
The 5 Worst Father Figures in the MCU: Infinity Saga
So many choices, amirite?
So let’s start with the man who got a pass on the villain list despite making Ultron.
5. Tony Stark
Look, Tony. I know your own dad wasn’t super emotionally competent, but it is not okay to enlist a child into your civil war, okay? Particularly without his guardian’s knowledge or consent.
And coming on to said guardian while you’re there? Unhelpful at best.
No matter how cool the scene ends up being.
4. Yondu
In Guardians of the Galaxy 2, Yondu is ret-conned to a certain extent. He didn’t keep Quill because he was handy child labour; he kept him to save him from his killer father.
Having said that, Quill was still abducted from his home planet and was constantly threatened with being eaten. Yondu died to save him, and that’s worth a lot—but parenthood takes a fair bit more than one grand heroic moment. Quill has a lot of reasons to be screwed up, and Yondu is definitely one of them.
3. Odin
The all-father seems like a great dad, wise and compassionate and all kinds of great stuff. He sends Thor on a quest that makes him a better person, and he adopts a baby belonging to his traditional enemies, raising him as his own. His quest for Thor nearly gets the god of thunder killed, and he should have told Loki he was adopted… but it’s not until Thor: Ragnarok that we find out about Hela and about Asgard’s blood-soaked past.
Parenthood: It’s not one of those things where you can change your mind about your parenting style and lock the first kid in an underground dungeon so you can start over.
It is an elegant tragedy that Odin’s most lovely, fatherly speech towards Thor is actually Loki pretending to be Odin.
2. Ego
Impregnating various races in order to gain a child who can help you take over the universe is not a good reason to become a dad. Killing countless offspring who disappoint you—and the occasional mother that you’re tempted to stick with—is also not good parenthood.
Just… just no.
Honorable mentions, for those who are mostly good but also kind of awful:
Rocket cares deeply for Baby Groot, and it’s adorable, but in an ideal world children don’t get raised by psychopaths. Just saying.
King T’Chaka raises two wonderful children, and is fundamentally a good man—but he has something in common with all the worst billionaires of our time. He chooses not to care about the rest of the world. I understand the urge to protect one’s own people at the expense of others, but if you truly want to be a decent father, that means being a decent human being as well.
Hank Pym, for being cranky as and for taking way too long to let Hope have a suit. She’s so, so much more competent than Scott.
Scott Lang, for going to prison and then continuing to steal stuff and risk his freedom. He loves Cassie, but he makes a lot of dumb, awful decisions that put her in harm’s way and that stop him being able to actually act like the good dad he wants to be.
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And finally, Thanos
Not because he wants to kill half the universe (although that’s certainly a solid entry in the ‘nope’ column) but because of the way he gaslights, abuses, and manipulates his adopted daughters.
Those girls are deeply messed up, and that was entirely intentional on his part. He wanted them desperate for his approval, and constantly fighting one another in an attempt to please him that would never be satisfied.
It is delightful to see them both break free of him.
Felicity Banks 