Dr Yes: Spy Gadget
“Dr Yes” has been running almost a week, so it’s high time for some high-tech gadgetry. Below is just one of a multitude of different cameras found at www.minispycamera.org/spy_camera.htm
Hm…pictures aren’t working. You’ll just have to click on the link and see for yourselves.
DR YES: story so far
1.
I unclipped Yen’s handcuffs and went down on one knee under the tropical sun of her prison-island home. “My darling, will you marry me?”
*
“’Kay,” she said.
I stood and kissed her tenderly, then ran for the chaplain. When he was ready to go, I decided to freshen up.
* (3 hour gap)
I emerged resplendent to find the priest knocked out, my ornithopter gone, and my fiancé. . . well, she was obviously still doing her hair.
2.
The love of my life, gone! She may still be cross that I killed her power-mad mum. But surely she doesn’t STILL want to destroy the world?
*
Time to be a super-handsome super-spy again. Thank goodness for plastic surgery. Yen was born in Beijing, so I got a flight there at once.
*
I was met at the airport by a strangely attractive nun who took me deep underground before telling me the horrible truth: “Yen’s my cousin.”
3.
In laws! They’re always so tetchy. I let the nun torture me a few hours and then knocked her out with a high-kick to the face. Then I fled.
4.
I searched for Yen in the shopping district. As I tried on an especially snazzy shirt in the back, I heard the nun’s nasal tones.
*
The evil nun was apparently in league with my shopkeeper! A deadly pair! I duct-taped shut the mouths of the other patrons and listened in.
*
“Yen’s in Beijing – and so’s that British superspy,” said the nun.
The shopkeeper said, “We’ll kill them both!”
“Perfect. Hey, nice shirts!”
5.
I bought hundreds of TV and streetside ads warning Yen of her mortal danger – and asking her to pretty please return my ornithopter.
*
As I returned to my hotel after another day of searching, I found a single long-stemmed black rose on my pillow. She still loved me!
Dr Yes: Metalhead Steampunk Party
Okay, okay. I’m going ON about steampunk. But with good reason.
Here’s a steampunk dragon:
http://kerembeyit.deviantart.com/art/Steampunk-Dragon-130083473
And HERE is my friend’s metalhead steampunk party:
http://steffmetal.com/steampunk-birthday-party-great-bogan-train-robbery/
DR YES: Ninja Kitten
In the first draft of the first Jimmy Bind adventure, the Shaolin monks were ninjas. That was changed for the rather important reason that ninjas are Japanese (and confusing the Chinese and Japanese is especially bad due to some unpleasant bits of history).
On the other hand, ninja is more fun to say. So here’s my photographic proof that I’m sharing my home with an EVIL NINJA CAT:
1. She strikes from above.
2. She strikes from below.
3. She strikes from unexpected places.
4. She lurks in the dark.
4. She is a stone cold killer.
6. Only pure evil can look that good.
QED.
DR YES: Men in trenchcoats
This is not a spy story. But it is actually true from beginning to end, and it happened – you’ll love this – in 1800s Britain. Enjoy!
My grandmother’s parents died when she was fourteen, so she raised her two younger brothers on her own. When she was a young woman, she was walking home on her own when she realised she was being followed.
The gentleman wore a top hat and a long dark trenchcoat. The night was misty and (remember this is the 1800s) dark.
My grandmother sped up – so did he. She slowed down, and he didn’t turn away. As she crossed a bridge, he caught up to her, and threw off the trenchcoat to terrify the young woman with all his naked glory.
She looked at him without flinching and said, “Is that all?”
Because nothing is scary once you’ve raised teenage boys.
DR YES: Welcome, my pretties. . .
Welcome to a new tale, and a new blog theme.
This blog will have a lot of cool spy gadgets on it.
Jimmy Bind and Yen have appeared before, in January 2010. Here’s their previous story in its full and chronological form:
Jimmy Bind still has an inexhaustible supply of gaffa (aka duct tape, for you USAers out there), plus all the gadgets he had first time around – a shoe phone, two cast iron matchbox cars (with grapples and cameras built in), a sleeping-gas pen and blow-up gum.
Yen is the Chinese super-spy he apprehended last story.
Anyone feel the lack of a specific gadget or spy trope? Let me know in the comments, and I’ll see what I can do.
Cloud Wars: En Giardia!
WARNING: gross medical stuff to follow. . . don’t read this while eating.
Regular readers will be aware that I went to China and Indonesia early this year, and became sick in Indonesia (I’ve been to Indo-land seven times, and become ill every time).
I am still sick almost two months later, so I went to a doctor. Despite the care I took (never drinking Indonesian water, or ice, or salad, and brushing my teeth with bottled water), this is probably what my intestines currently look like:
Specifically, that’s a likely representation of the mucus of my small intestine.
Those cute little guys are called Giardia Trophozites, and they spend their days “actively swimming” and making me feel sick (though probably not as sick as you feel right now, if you’ve got a decent imagination).
The most likely way I inadvertently invited these guys to an intestinal pool party is by accidentally (or intentionally, but I’m pretty sure I’d remember that) ingesting a small amount of “human or animal faeces”. Yep, I accidentally ate some poo.
The medication I’m taking is called “Flagyl” which sounds suspiciously like “flagellate”. The perfectly rational explanation is that it’s named after the four little tentacle-thingies that each of my new little friends has trailing from their backsides.
Hey! Let’s take a closer look!
So, in conclusion, here are some recommended slogans for Indonesian tourism:
Indonesia: Impossible to forget!
Indonesia: An experience that stays deep inside you!
Indonesia: Bring it home with you!
Indonesia: A great opportunity to travel, meet new people, and ingest their faeces!
Cloud Wars: Future Scooter
Still in the “mad science” vein, here’s something that really exists (but only just):
It’s an electric-powered scooter. And it still does have two wheels – they’re just side by side, instead of that stuffy old “one in front of the other” thing.
It’s toally simple to drive – once you get it balanced. Reassured, everyone?
It’s battery powered and can reach about 60 kilometres an hour. And that’s just the prototype.
Cloud Wars: More Mad Science
Here are some scifi images to haunt your dreams (as per usual, I’m not responsible for the content on these web sites, but didn’t immediately notice anything amiss):
http://www.paranormalknowledge.com/articles/tag/science-fiction
http://www.darkfaery-subculture.com/sci-fi/a-look-at-science-fiction-books/
http://www.terpconnect.umd.edu/~ehamm/Elementary%20Genres.html
http://www.armchairgeneral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=63820
